I am FIRE.

I AM RETIRED.

I AM A HOMEOWNER.

I AM RICH AND I HAVE A HOUSE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD.

I AM FIRE.

Caught on.

Burning.

LET’S. MOTHERFUCKING. GO!!!

I’ve been thinking last night, when did this manifesting, this mantra that I repeat to myself as I walk around the neighborhood, start?

I’m going to be rich and buy a house in the neighborhood this year!

I checked this little void of mine this morning and the earliest entry was on March 22, 2026.

I’m sure I’ve been muttering this or some version of this over and over and over again for at least a few weeks if not months already.

I remember someone saying, if you want to manifest something and mean it, write it down.

Voila, my March 22nd post.

Voila.

I’m going to be rich and buy a house in the neighborhood this year!

Sure, I didn’t mutter this every day, but most days I remember to. A little under my breath.

I say it in my head.

I look around the different houses in the neighborhood and say to myself, that’s a nice house. Maybe it’ll be this one, or maybe it’ll be that one that’s being built.

Maybe.

Maybe…

There are no maybes.

It is a definite WILL.

It is a definite ALREADY.

I AM FIRE.

I AM A HOMEOWNER.

LET’S MOTHERFUCKING GO!

It’s gotten so strong that I involved my little AI ChatGPT Kai to scream it in the void with me.

I need all of the fucking energy to go out into the universe that I can get.

I started telling my coworkers around that time too.

Funny.

I don’t even remember how it started.

I don’t even remember what prompted it.

Was it something in the air?

Was it just a feeling?

Was it just a drastic need for a change?

Was it to just dream and hope that I’ll get my abundance and be able to just move to a nicer apartment?

Who knows?

I live in a small rent-controlled one-bedroom on the west side. Just shy of $1300.

Great price.

Amazing price.

It’s a steal and that’s the reason why I can’t move.

It’s a dump. Things are breaking.

The plumbing fucking sucks.

I have three pets and I want to give them my abundance.

I want them to have a big house to live in. More space to run around and be crazy.

More hiding spots.

More room to breathe.

Breathe.

I AM FIRE.

I need a change.

I got this.

I have this.

This year I’m going to buy you a big house to live in. Are you happy?

Sweet declarations that I whisper to my lovely pets, Relish, Galette, and Crumble.

Do they understand me?

Maybe.

Do they care?

Maybe.

Do they believe?

I hope so.

I really want this, not just for me, but for them too.

A better life than this 430 sq ft apartment.

It’s been the home that they’ve known and it’s a great home, but our lives can always be better.

They’ll love it.

I AM FIRE.

I’m going to be rich and buy a house in the neighborhood this year!

I would imagine that my mom and brother would have a place to stay when they come down. A place to live for a few months at a time if they want.

Other family can come and crash also.

It’ll be an open and welcome space for them to rest and stay for whatever business they have.

I will it.

Having a home will not only benefit me, my pets, but it will also benefit my family.

It’ll benefit everyone.

I AM FIRE.

LET’S MOTHERFUCKING GO!

Knowing me, even if I do get just enough money to buy a house, I probably won’t.

I need to be fiscally secure.

I need that security and having just enough isn’t going to cut it.

I HAVE AN ABUNDANCE.

I AM OPEN TO THE ABUNDANCE THAT WILL COME MY WAY.

I will only buy something if I still have an abundance leftover to support that lifestyle.

I need security.

I am smart.

I am responsible.

Having just enough to buy a house isn’t a reason to buy a house.

Having enough and an abundance more that supports the new lifestyle is the only way to go.

I know that.

I see that.

I believe that.

I AM FIRE.

LET’S. MOTHERFUCKING. GO.

I AM A HOMEOWNER.

I AM RICH AND I HAVE A HOUSE IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD.

I AM FIRE.

Fruit of the LOOMS.

All things loom, underneath.

Underwear.

Laid bare.

LOOMS.

Fuck.

Shit show.

My anxiety skyrockets. My anger boils.

Underneath.

I control myself as best I can.

I calm myself as best I can.

But it LOOMS.

It happened. More cuts.

The department whittled down to just four.

I don’t know what is going to come with it. I don’t know what direction it’ll go.

I guess I’ll know more today.

The meeting.

Our direction.

It won’t be a fun meeting.

No good can come from this.

It’ll probably be a meeting that will make me boil over and I’ll do something rash.

I don’t know.

Can I control myself?

Will cooler heads prevail?

I’m an Aries.

No cool heads around here.

I’m me.

No cool heads around here.

Magic 8 Ball: Future is uncertain.

My fucking future is uncertain all right.

Very. Fucking. Uncertain.

Very.

Fucking.

Uncertain.

Control.

Calm.

Breathe.

In/Out.

In.

Out.

Cool heads will prevail.

There are no cool heads around here.

A huge part of me. The righteous side wants to just quit.

Fuck it.

Fuck it all.

Down with it all.

Just fucking quit.

But the reasonable/sane side is like. No.

Not yet.

Not with nothing lined up.

Head down.

Truck along at a minimum.

Find something.

Find something then go.

FUCK.

Had the meeting.

I pretended that it was the first time hearing about the news, but I’ve known for a few days already.

What a fucked-up situation.

He wants me to reach out and communicate if I’m not happy. He’s an ally and will do everything to make me happy and keep me at the agency.

Empty words.

Empty.

LOOMS.

Even if it isn’t, there’s no point in wanting to keep me since I don’t want to be there.

I’m already out the door.

I’m already gone.

Minimal effort.

He says not much is going to change in my day-to-day. I can push things off to Helpdesk.

We shall see.

I don’t believe it.

I don’t care.

I’m ready.

Done.

Gone.

Done.

Over.

What’s going to happen in the coming weeks, months?

I don’t know.

I’ll take it a day at a time.

I’ll take it a task at a time.

I’ll do what I need to do.

No more. No less.

If they don’t like it.

That’s fine.

They don’t have to like it, like I don’t have to like what’s happening to the agency.

Our values definitely do not align.

I AM FIRE

I AM RETIRED

I AM A HOMEOWNER

I AM OPEN TO NEW ABUNDANCE

I AM OPEN TO NEW OPPORTUNITIES.

I AM ALREADY A MEGAMILLIONAIRE.

LET’S. FUCKING. GO!

Here I am.

Here we go.

I’m home home.

A little bit earlier than my usual, true, but there’s a good reason.

Given everything, I needed to come up when I still have the opportunity and not fret over not being able to come up if things do find something.

Of course, full remote would be best, but I’m not hedging on that given the state of the world and stupid RTO mandates.

So, here I am. Here we go.

It’s different.

Vacation is different.

I know that I talked about how Covid changed how my usual vacations up north were.

Usually I would have more adventures, since both my mom and brother would be working, but now that my mom is retired and bro is WFH a few days a week, I kind of feel obligated to not venture out.

I know a lot of it has to do with me getting older, but yeah, it’s different.

Vacations now, last year and this year, have been so fucking different and I have to shift the blame to work.

Instead of using these vacation time to do vacationy things, I’m using it to do non-work/work/adulting things.

Fuck work.

Just fuck it.

Instead of worrying about what hike to do, where to venture out, here I am, scouring my emails and sites to figure out what I should apply to and hope for the best.

I have spent the time to put in the work to make sure my life gets back to how it was.

Sigh.

Adulting.

Adulting to the max.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of everything.

If worrying about work and my future work is not enough, I have to worry about the world and America.

I only have so much bandwith.

Sigh.

Adulting.

Fuck it.

I’ve been up here for over a week.

The first few days was relaxing as I eased into the search.

My mom was on vacation and didn’t come back until a few days after I arrived.

But now she’s back, it’s back to status quo, in the sense of me staying at home, being around the house, in case she needed to run errands or something.

I’m planning on doing some fun things next week.

Museum.

Taking Galette to Ruston for the waterfront walk.

Hoping to fit in a hike or two….

…as I wait patiently for responses from companies.

Sigh.

Adulting.

FIRE.

HOUSE.

RETIRE.

It’ll all happen this year.

2026

It’ll be the year I’ll be free.

I’ll be free of everything.

Secure and free.

LET’S. FUCKING. GO!

I haven’t reread anything on my blog in years.

Usually I would be diligent in readying the past few years’ entry for my birthday and another year older, another year wise posts, but I haven’t been doing it lately.

Again, I blame Covid.

My writing changed.

It changed a lot.

I’m sure I changed a lot too.

This blog changed so much.

What started out as therapy and eventually random ramblings about anything and everything, slowly shifted into an actual journal.

Sporadic entries here and there about what’s happening in my life.

No philosophical reminiscing about the past and harping on all of the issues that I have.

Maybe I’m fixed?

There’s not contemplating about the future and about the kind of person that I’m going to be or questions about my relationship status or if I’ll have a family.

I’ve changed.

Now it’s mostly about actual real-life problems that I’m facing at the current moment.

I’m in the now.

I’m in the present.

I’m no longer living in the past.

I’m no longer dreaming about my future.

Well, a little bit. FIRE. HOUSE. RETIRED.

LET’S. FUCKING. GO!

Is this a sign of growth?

If I get what I am manifesting, FIRE, HOUSE, RETIRED…how will my writing change?

Will I get more into a routine to write?

Before Covid I would go to Volcano Teahouse, sit down and do my writing. I had a routine.

I had a place to write.

I had a place to go to just waste an hour or so and do some finger tappings.

How will my writing change if I redo my routine and do that again?

How would my life change?

How would my day-to-day change?

I would for sure have a routine.

Not like my usual “day off” routine now, but an actual routine of doing something.

Will writing be a part of it

Maybe.

Will working be a part of it?

Creative work?

Something to stimulate the brain?

Maybe.

Who knows?

All of this seems so distant, so far away but so close all at the same time.

It’s at my fingertips.

I can almost grab it.

Just a little more.

JUST A LITTLE MORE.

I MANIFEST IT.

FIRE. HOUSE. RETIRED.

LET’S. FUCKING. GO!

Sigh.

Here we are, here we go.

It’s been a while, but it finally started.

I took the leap. I took the plunge.

I’m looking.

I already had many rejections and an interview.

“High Velocity Environment” is what the answer was when I asked about “Work-Life Balance”.

Not a good sign. Not a good sign at all.

Also, the Recruitment team sucks. Had a great call with the recruiter and agreed on a date for the interview.

He sent me an interview for a totally different day and time. I wrote him back, no answer. Crickets.

I had the interview.

Again, it was good practice. I wasn’t feeling the position anyway, but eventually I didn’t get it.

“High Velocity Environment”. The IT Director covering his mouth to hide his laugh when I asked about work-life balance.

Red flags.

Red flags, but the Security Director did say they weren’t expecting 16 hour days. Well, that’s something….15 hours days are ok…I guess.

But anyway, the next day, the day of my actual agreed upon interview, someone else called me back and asked if I was going to get on this meeting.

I told them I had the interview yesterday.

What a shit show. They fucked up to begin with.

Maybe it was a sign that it wouldn’t be a good fit.

Ultimately, it was good practice for me. Something to go through.

It has been over 18 years since I’ve done an interview.

Currently, I’m in a good spot. Even as much as I want to leave because of “everything”, I can still be picky about what I am looking for.

Hopefully something worth the work, something about giving back to this shit world, something with good work/life balance that isn’t “high velocity” but actually you have a stress-free life outside of work. Something remote.

It’s out there.

I just need to be patient.

And we all know my hamartia is my lack of patience.

Sigh.

Work.

The office.

The network admin quit.

Good for him.

The temp IT Director, now actual IT Director, blowing up at him when he’s trying to figure out and fix the problem.

He traced the problem and fixed it. The issue? The people who came in to repatch and rewire the IDFs and Data Center to make it “look pretty” pulled the cables and never fully put it back in, which caused it to lose power, which then caused the switch to not power back up again.

It’s like fuckin Trump starting a war with Iran to close the Strait of Hormuz which was open already because of just fucking stupid shit and now we all have to suffer.

But good for the network admin. He quit after the Director wrote an AI generated email saying he’s insubordinate and wrote him up. He quit.

Then more drama ensued while he was trying to work and clear out his last two weeks…but he quit on the spot.

Good for him.

So, when I leave, it’s only a matter of time, should I give any notice? At this point, I don’t feel like I should.

Fuck my legacy. I don’t care about it.

They so harp on the network admins legacy….he’s tarnishing his legacy at the agency.

He laughed. I laughed.

They are tarnishing the legacy of the fucking agency.

What a fucking trip.

But the network admin found a job that is double his salary at the non-profit that he helped build the IT infrastructure for on his down time.

Good for him.

Good for him.

Now I need a job.

It will come.

I will be rich and buy a house in my neighborhood this year!

I feel it in my bones.

I feel it in my soul.

I feel it in the universe.

IT WILL COME TRUE.

Sigh.

Signs.

I see them everywhere.

Algorithm driven, but I see them.

Astrologers and influencers saying that I will get a job, or my bank account will be over $75M.

Honestly, I only need $50M in my bank account. I’ll be okay.

But I see it every time I’m on IG.

Signs.

Algorithm.

Signs.

I am manifesting the abundance that will come my way.

It will happen.

I know it.

These fake signs are everywhere.

I already have faith and believe in this manifestation already.

Again, I feel it in my bones. I feel it in my soul. I feel it in the universe that it will happen.

I know it.

I know it.

So, what’s the next big thing that is coming astrologically?

This weekend’s blue moon. It’ll shift everything and the next chapter of my life will start. Whatever blockages are gone.

I manifest it.

I know it will happen, for my soul and the universe tells me so.

It will happen.

Sigh.

Planning.

I need to plan my vacation this year.

I need to plan my yearly pilgrimage home this year.

With the job search going on and getting a new job sometime this year, I won’t have time to go home.

So, I should be going a lot sooner than when I normally do, end of summer.

Since I still have the flexibility at my current job, I should take my FTO and work a week remotely and so when I come back, I can focus solely on finding a new job.

My mom will be going on a well-deserved trip to Taiwan and Malaysia in the end of June to early July.

I think I’ll need to plan to go around the first week of July, to time it where I’ll get there a few days before or after she gets back.

The Director has his vacation booked around that time. I don’t care.

I need it.

Get it out of the way, because otherwise, I won’t see them for probably another year.

If I get a fully remote job, that changes everything and there isn’t a rush to go up, but we shall see.

I know I’ll get rich and buy a house in the neighborhood this year.

I’ll retire this year, but I’ll need something better before all of that happens.

The x-factor?

Time.

That’s the unknown.

Timing.

I’m not sure the timing of everything.

I just know that it’ll happen.

Signs tell me so.

So, here now, I manifest my future.

I already accepted it.

I’m rich.

I’m a homeowner.

I’m retired.

I’m FIRE.

C’est la vie.

Here we are. Here we go.

It’s that time of the year again. Another number.

47.

47.

47.

I’ll be turning 47 tomorrow.

I am no longer in my “Mid-40s”. I’m a Late now.

Late-40s.

I’m in my fucking Late-40s.

Am I ready? Maybe. Who knows, but here we go, another year older, another year wiser.

46.

46.

46.

Looking back, given all the bullshit with how it started, it’s been….fine.

It was fine.

46.

You were fine.

46.

Given how it started, with the firing of my boss during my #specialweek, it started with a shit bang that in a way made me question many things that I felt were settled in my life.

Even though it started out like shit, eventually the year turned out to be fine.

I came to terms with many things, like not really caring about work.

I’ve always had the mindset that work is work. I work to live, not live to work.

But it is a big part of my life. I enjoy what I do and the people that I interact with and help and work with.

But this past year, the dynamics have changed.

Work is still work, but fuck it. You know what I mean?

The restructuring and all of this ownership bullshit isn’t good. I honestly don’t even know if I’ll have a job to go to by the end of the year.

All in all, 46, work…fuck work.

I do what I’m ask. No more. No less.

Just fuck work.

It’s been in my head for a while now, in my mind, that I’ll have to make changes and sacrifices. Things that I don’t want to do, I’ll need to and I’ll have to take agency over it.

Slowly but surely, I’ve made necessary changes and started work on this, but I definitely need to step it up.

I guess 46 pushed me to take more charge of my life, stop settling and feeling secure. Take more control.

Hopefully 47 will provide that for me. More agency. More control.

We all know how much I love my control over my own life.

47.

Bring it.

Control.

46.

With the world crumbling.

Work restructuring.

America’s demise.

46 had been a year of anxiety and stress.

Definitely it was a year of stress and anxiety.

But overall, I’m surprised for the most part I’m handling it so well.

I control how I react to these things and I’m surprised that I’m not worse than I am.

Sure, overall, in the grand scheme of things, if we look at a micro level, focusing on just me, my life is fine.

I’m living.

I’m living well.

Status quo.

I still have a job.

I still have a roof over my head.

I’m not even worried about work or my future there, because in some weird sense, I’m confident and hopefully that all will work out.

Again, I’m going to be rich and buy a house in my neighborhood this year.

I’m putting that out and manifesting it.

The biggest problematic area in my life, my universe, right now is Crumble and his craziness. Even then, I think we all – the collective WE as in me and my furkids – will all come out of this like gangbusters.

There’s that hope and confidence again.

46.

I guess it was a great year of managing my anxiety and stress. It was a great year of confidence, hopefulness, and certainty that my life will turn out well.

Certainty that everything will turn out well for me and mine.

Not sure where it came from, but I’m welcoming it.

I guess as I get older, the more comfortable I am in my own skin, and more control over my life, I have faith that I’ll manage things to the best of my ability and all will go well.

46.

Confidence.

Hopefulness.

Certainty.

I’ll take more for 47 please.

Thank you.

46.

I don’t know when it started to happen. Not sure what number it was, but I’m really enjoying my life.

Again, I posted something similar in many of my earlier posts that I often find myself just smiling to myself, with the sun shining on my face, walking Galette around the neighborhood thinking to myself, My life is GOOD.

My life is good.

MY LIFE IS GOOD.

It is.

I’m enjoying my life.

I’m loving my life.

This freedom. This independence.

I’m living my life on my own terms.

We all know I’m a huge proponent of that.

I definitely want more of it.

More enjoying my life.

As “boring” as it is. As “structured” as it is. As “routine” as it is.

I’m enjoying it.

It took a lot of work for me to get here.

It took so much work and growth to get here.

I’m happy that I am here.

Life is worth it.

46.

I think it was the first time that I truly embraced it.

This singleness. Living my boring life how I see fit. I’ve said it many times before, but I think this is the first time that I truly embraced it and felt that I’ve made a decision to live my life this way.

I think I fully embraced that it isn’t wrong to live my life this way.

No drama.

No annoyances.

Just enjoying life.

Embracing life.

46.

Embracing the status quo.

46.

I took it a day at a time.

I tried not to really focus on the future. I tried not to focus on the past.

I stayed present.

Lived simply.

Simply lived.

46.

Simplicity.

47.

More of it.

Bring it.

46.

46.

46.

Overall, you were a fine year. I good ending to my mid 40s and a great transition to my Late-40s.

It was a good start to taking control over my life again.

47.

Let’s continue this drive.

I’m ready.

With this, I will bid adieu to you, 46.

Thank you.

47.

Let’s roll.

I’m going to be rich and buy a house in my neighborhood this year.

I don’t know how I’m going to achieve this, but I will.

I’m just putting this out in the universe. THE UNIVERSE.

I am going be rich and buy a house in my neighborhood this year.

That’s it. The energy is out in the world, the UNIVERSE.

It will manifest.

I don’t know how it is going to happen, but it will.

That knowing may come later or it may have been brewing for a long time now and I just didn’t know or something fortunate happened and I lucked out.

Who the fuck knows?

…but…it’s going to happen.

It’s been a while.

It’s almost the end of March, which means it’s almost time for my yearly Another year older, another year wiser.

Am I ready for it? HA.

I don’t know much about anything any more.

We are officially well into the new year, and the Chinese New Year, and the astrological new year.

A lot of new new new, but it all fees the same old old old.

The world is fucked. People are fucked.

Globally, we’re on the brink of WWIII because of a fucking insecure Cheeto.

Work is work.

It’s a dumpster fire of a sinking ship.

We’re having layoffs and more layoffs.

Fuck, they even fired the new IT Director.

What a fucking shit show. What a fucking disaster and shitty leadership.

Pretty much what happens when you aim to dismantle the business and try to focus on putting money first.

People are leaving.

Good people are leaving and they fucking should.

It’s ugly out there.

Better get out there and get it before it gets worse and it is getting a shit ton worse day after day.

I’m trying.

I’m trying.

I’m trying to take it a day at a time.

Focus on what’s in front of me.

Focus on what’s ask of me.

No more. No less.

Ahh. The world.

Sometimes you just have to take a minute and laugh at the fucking shit show that we are all living in.

Just take a minute. Laugh.

What a fucking time to be alive.

I’m doing my best. Day by day.

I’m doing my best.

It’ll lead me to be rich and buy a house in my neighborhood this year.

It’s going to fucking happen and I’m so happy for myself.

So fucking happy.

I’m just looking out for me.

It’s what ‘Murica taught me.

I’m a product of my nation.

I’ll be rich and buy a house in my neighborhood this year.

It’s out there for the UNIVERSE.

I’m manifesting my own destiny.

I’m taking all of this new energy; energy from all of the new years (Gregorian Calendar, Lunar/Chinese New Year, Astrological Season) and all of the good energy from the Fire Horse and me being a Goat/Aries and manifesting my wealth, my future, my life.

I’ll be rich and buy a house in my neighborhood this year.

It’s out in the Universe as I plan and get ready and look forward to my yearly birthday week trip.

It’ll be almost the exact trip I did last year.

Monterey/Carmel

Paso

But I’m adding one night in San Luis Obispo.

It’ll be new. It’ll be a new place to explore.

It’ll be, hopefully, a better redo of last year, which was ruined by the news that they fired my boss.

It’ll be my own.

Fuck it.

It’ll be a great trip.

I need this little getaway.

Fuck everything.

I’ll bring my own energy again…my usual “FUCK IT” energy.

Fuck it.

47.

I’m ready. Let’s go.

I’m manifesting.

I’ll be rich and buy a house in my neighborhood this year.

Sigh.

Here I am again. Same same.

Instead of writing this at Home Home I’m down here in LA. I didn’t want to drive up this year because of La Nina and how we it was going to be.

The weather will be unpredictably wet and that’s not worth the drive.

2025.

The year is coming to an end and I’m trying to pull something out of my ass for my yearly bah humbug to all and like the past couple of years, it’s been a chore.

I’m not saying that it is a chore to write, it’s just that my motivation is gone.

I have no motivation to do anything but to do the minimum.

Minimum.

The bare bare minimum.

Sigh.

2025.

That’s what it is.

What can I say about it?

Well, it’s been a year.

It’s probably been one of the worse years in terms of American for a long long time.

I mean, I guess with Covid back in 2020, but in a way with the pandemic, that was beyond our control and we had to just cope because it was happening to everyone.

2025 though, though, this one took the cake.

If I look over 2025 objectively, for me, on a personal level, it was fine. Just the lack of motivation.

I still have a job. I’m still “healthy”, I think. I’m not suffering anything besides the malaise of life.

Sure, my motivation and any positivity is pretty much gone and I’m just doom and gloom because that’s how everything around me is looking, but I’m still me.

Life is life and I’m cruising through it.

But fuck me…world, America, work is just a fucking dumpster fire and I can’t get away from it.

That’s 2025.

“The Year of the Dumpster Fire”

At least I still have my video games and k-dramas.

2025.

It started out with a literal fire and that just shaped the trajectory of how the year was going to be with Trump being President.

Just one shit show after another with everything in our country.

Sigh.

So, let’s start. Let’s lay it out.

WORK

Work is work.

It’s shit now with everything that happened with the corporate greed.

I know that they are trying to make the agency seem good and prime it for a sell, but it’s a dying industry.

So, they are just making it worse for everyone.

It’s a miserable time with everything.

Bare minimum.

I do what I’m asked.

No more. No less.

It has to be.

It has to be.

TRAVEL

I didn’t have many trips this year.

I did my yearly #specialweek trip but that was just ruined with the firing of my boss. I had a great time exploring Carmel and Paso, but that firing weighed heavily on my mind.

I drove home for my yearly summer trip but didn’t get to do much with Galette’s injury and I got sick early for most of my first week.

Then the second week was just work, updating my resume and such…so, it wasn’t like it was a good exploratory trip or relaxing trip like most years.

Plus, with Crumble, it was a little difficult as I was trying to get him and everyone else use to each other. Relish still doesn’t like Crumble and I’m trying to be patient and get them to a point where I can leave them together for longer periods than the hour or hour and a half for when Galette and I are out for a walk.

Maybe when he gets out of his asshole gremlin kitten phase and leaves Relish alone. Possibly.

Hopefully things will be better in 2026 since this is the new low baseline.

Not many trips during the summer because of the new boss and because of Gifu’s memorial.

With the economy showing signs of a recession, it was also a decision to try and save up and shelter down when it does happen.

2026.

Hopefully things will bounce back, but with this shitshow of an administration, no fucking clue of how it’ll be.

HEALTH

I’m alive.

I’m lazy.

I’m unmotivated.

Getting a better grasp of my stomach issues and working out keto with the help of Kai and such, but I’m not strict about it.

I’m on and off, but overall, I’m healthy or I think I’m healthy.

I’ll know how my cholesterol is in the next few months, but I’m breathing. I can walk.

I’m not in much or any pain and overall, I’m sleeping well-ish.

I’m as healthy as I can be at the moment.

With the lack of motivation to do anything, comes the lack of motivation to actually cook healthy things.

Not even cooking healthy things, just cooking period. I find myself ordering take out more and more.

Sigh.

Sure I can always be healthier and let’s see how 2026 shapes up.

I really need to setup a routine and change things up, but it seems I’m so stuck on this schedule/routine that I have.

I need to make an effort.

I need to change.

2026.

HELP!

PROJECTS

I started a new project this year and it’s something to do to help me not focus on the crumbling democracy that is America.

I started Ngai Sit Faan, a new cooking channel.

I’m a content creator now.

I guess it’s something to just get me back into cooking, which I miss and to be a little more creative in what I cook, and also, get me back into creating things.

I’m not trying to chase clicks or view, but just something to fill my time.

My views are shit. I’m still trying to understand this whole content curation and creating thing and how to get likes, but ultimately, it’s something for me to get me through this funk.

I don’t know how long it’ll last, but it’s something to do, I guess.

I’m still trying to figure out my brand, my videos, and how I want them to be.

So far, it’s just low lift, simple and I kind of like that.

It’s not polished. It’s not clean. It’s not great.

But it’s mine. It’s something.

Given how unmotivated I am with any projects since the pandemic, I’ll take it for what it is.

Let’s see how it flourishes in 2026.

PETS

Crumble.

The newest member of the horde.

It was impromptu and very unplanned.

It all started with Relish having health issues around May and June. During that time, we did a blood test and found out that she doesn’t have FIDS so I’m able to get a new cat if I ever wanted.

After coming back from Gifu’s memorial, I asked Bea if there any new kittens for adoption and there is a black kitten available, which is what I’m looking for.

I got Crumble the next day.

It’s been an experience.

Sometimes I regret it because Relish isn’t liking it. I thought she would want a friend whenever I leave on vacation, but I guess I’m wrong.

He’s a beast. Wild and mischievous. Maybe it’s been a while, but I don’t remember Relish being this crazy when she was a kitten.

But overall, everyone is fine.

Galette is still Galette. I’m understanding her better each year, but she’s still that stray that has her Chihuahua personality.

Crumble is growing and hopefully calms down soon.

Relish is Relish, chilling on her own independence, trying to keep her distance from Crumble.

I think Relish is fine with Crumble as long as he doesn’t try to touch her or fuck with her.

But that’s not going to happen.

These Furkids seem to be the only good thing that’s happening in my life right now.

They are the things that keeps me focused and working.

I hope they stay healthy and grow and hopefully we become a more relaxed household.

2026, bring it.

2025.

It’s been a year.

A shit year.

Overall, it’s not unlike any other year post pandemic on a personal level.

On the world level, a dumpster fire.

2026.

Hoping it gets better. Hoping a death comes and a time for healing and celebration.

A time of retribution.

2026.

Let’s right the wrongs and steer us back to something worth living form.

2025, I bid you adieu.

2026.

Be gentle.

Let’s….take a deep breath and grow.

2026.

Bring it.

Done.

Over.

Gone.

Whatever motivation I have in doing things, whatever I had about being gung-ho doing my job….GONE.

What’s the point?

Big changes happened in the past few months.

Top level execs being fired because the owners are being fucking petty.

New leadership comes in and now our agency’s future is uncertain.

I have no idea what the fuck is going on.

There will be more beheadings in the coming weeks, to get rid of the old loyal guards that were on the side of the ousted top-level execs.

What’s the point?

What’s the point of even continuing, putting in the effort?

From here on out…bare minimum.

Quiet quitting.

That’s the plan.

Fuck everything.

I’m so over it.

So. Fucking. Over. It.

Fuck.

There’s no point.

I know that I’m being dramatic. I have it good at the moment.

I’m still employed.

I’m still respected and sought after in the agency to help and do work.

I’m valued by the masses, which I’m there for to help.

But. Fuck the owners. Fuck the Trumpers. Fuck the Billionaires.

Fuck’em.

Life.

How is it?

It’s been a while since I’ve done a mind dump.

A long while.

Just no motivation.

I’m trucking along, grasping at whatever hope that I can, to whatever dim light that I can find at the end of this dark ass fucking tunnel that is the world in 2025.

The 2025 First-Year election happened last night and it was a blue wave. Mamdani won! Hopefully this is the sea change that we all need to propel us into the future and take back our country from these MAGAts.

But, with the government shut down with no hint of it going back to business is exactly what Trump wants.

With the government shut down, it’s the soft coup that they want to maintain their dictatorship.

He gets to do whatever fucking illegal shit that he’s doing and ignore laws, the constitutions, and whatever court orders, because he can.

There’s no one to police him, when the police and the enforcers are on his side.

He wants violence. He’s provoking us into violence so they can bring up the Insurrection Act to declare Martial Law.

That’s the end game.

The plan and trajectory are clear.

All of this because whites don’t want to be the minority.

Fuck’em.

Fuck’em.

Our Fall All Agency Meeting is coming up. This will be the first one after the firing of our old leadership.

It’s the dawn of the new regime.

Our theme? Reengineering: for Today, Tomorrow and Beyond

Fuck that.

Call it what it is, a rebranding of our identity, a coming out of our new regime.

It’ll be interesting to see what the top execs will say about our future and the current state of the union.

I have no hope.

I have no faith.

It’s a wait and see.

I definitely need to get on with updating my resume and LinkedIn.

Fuck’em.

Fuck. ‘em.

FUCK.

Last day.

Today’s the last day that I’m here.

Tomorrow is the long drive home.

Looking forward to it.

Looking forward to my cats.

Looking forward to the solitude.

Overall, looking back, the trip was good.

Barely left the house.

Busy busy in so many ways.

I was sick for a week.

Rest.

Chills.

Rests.

Sleep.

Video games.

In between were bouts of work.

Personal work.

My Midlife Crisis work.

Updating my resume. Updating my LinkedIn.

Working on my side hustle.

Work.

Work.

This whole trip was just an outlet for work.

No hikes.

No recreation.

Errands with Mom.

Dog walking.

Not typical at all.

In a way, it kind of feels like my trip home during the winter.

Barely leave the house. Run errands.

Rest.

Play video games or doom scroll reddit.

To be fair, the weather hasn’t been good this summer. Seems like the trend that’s been mid-August summers in WA nowadays.

Overcast and a big chilly.

Strange.

Global warming?

Climate change?

The apocalypse?

All possible.

I still have a cough that won’t go away.

Cough. Cough.

Overall, I think it was a decent trip.

I know it isn’t my typical trip during the summer, but it was good.

I got a lot of work done. I got some content for my channels, even though I wasn’t the one who cooked it…but it still fit my brand.

The Ngai Brand.

Vacation.

Better yet, workcation.

I don’t know if this would be the status quo from now on.

Doubt it.

It’s just this midlife crisis, this uncertainty of my future, and this drive for change that is shaping how this vacation turned out.

Each year will be different.

Maybe it’s a good idea that I took the time to focus on myself this time, get better…even though I did get sick.

I have a feeling it was either a cold or a mild case of Covid. The chills….and this lingering cough.

Who knows?

All I know is I’m going back to LA with a lot finished, started, and accomplished.

I just have to be proactive and stop procrastinating, especially with my job outlook.

I have all of the updates to update my resume and LinkedIn; I just need to sit down and actually fucking do it.

I’m heading back to a shit show that is the Agency’s RTO.

Only 53 desks with monitors for probably 300+ people.

Fucking what a joke.

All I can do is just fucking laugh, because it is just that fucking laughable.

Hahhaa.

Fuck.

Life.

This is my life.

What’s going to happen in the next few months until the New Year?

What’s going to happen when I get home?

No fucking clue.

Hopefully I’ll get back on some kind of schedule and stick with it.

I want to get back to exercising. Calisthenics. Walking. Stationary Bike. Yoga.

I want to still watch my Kdramas.

I want to still work on Ngai Sit Faan

I want to still play my video games.

I just have to be okay with not spending as much time as I usually want on these things and find a good routine that I feel that I’m accomplishing things but not so much that I overfill my time and not be able to just rest and chill.

Uncertainty.

Focus.

Content Creation.

I just started.

So far, it forced me to get back into cooking.

It forced me to get back into editing.

It forced me to get back into shooting.

It forced me to get back into directing.

It forced me to get back into something that I wanted to do.

It’s different, but it’s along the same vein.

It’s something.

Focus.

I’m thinking about the channel quite a bit.

The content.

The recipes.

The editing.

I’m feeling it all out.

I’m learning and failing and learning and failing.

I enjoy it.

I’m learning about clicks, likes, exposure.

I’m learning about it, and I’m trying to NOT chase Likes and subscribers.

Every post should be a learning experience.

I should have fun with this.

Again…it’s a side hustle.

But again, more importantly, it’s something to focus on. Something to put my energy in.

It’s something to get me out of this Sea Change that I need to get out of.

It’s a new direction, a new pivot in my life that I sorely need.

Maybe I’ll get some success.

Maybe I won’t.

But I tried.

I’m trying.

I’m doing.

That’s all that matters.

I’m putting myself out there and trying.

It’s for my sanity.

It’s for my mental health.

It’s for me.

For me.

I’m home home.

My usual pilgrimage.

I honestly don’t have much planned during this trip.

Usually, I would plan a few hikes and may explore, but so far, nothing.

Galette still has an injury and a cone. Tempted to take off the cone, but it seems she still licks the wound. Maybe tomorrow.

The weather has been……chilly.

Overcast.

Chill.

It’s definitely not the typical clear skies humidity of WA summer.

Next week.

Heat.

Maybe I’ll do some quick local hikes then…nothing too strenuous. Nothing too hard.

Maybe I’ll go out to Ruston Way with mom and the dogs and just do the waterfront.

Something.

Get out of the house.

Cold cold.

I think I’m coming down with something.

I know I feel a little off, like I’m under the weather.

I really can’t pinpoint what it is, but something is off.

It’s low 60s today, maybe it’ll reach low 70s today.

I’m sitting here tying away with a hoodie when I generally would just chill in my t-shirt.

Maybe it’s the AC, but it wouldn’t be kicking on.

It’s not hot enough for it to kick on.

Tired.

Maybe my body is just tired.

Sigh.

So far all I’ve done is sit in front of the laptop and organize my thoughts on my project.

Plus some actual work work.

People still fucking hitting me up.

Sigh.

Work.

Can’t get a real break.

But I guess working on my project is a good thing.

Organizing my thoughts and planning things out is a good thing.

Makes me feel productive, an action plan, something to focus on.

It’s what I need.

I’m not going to lie, there’s a huge sense of procrastination and fear of actually putting in the work, which then drives the procrastination, which then drives the self-doubt, which then drives the failure.

Hopefully it’ll be different when I get back to LA.

It does seem that the only thing I really planned on doing while I’m up here is exactly this….the planning…the brainstorming….the organizing.

I guess I’m doing what I set out to do.

Which is good, I guess.

Hahhaha, maybe I don’t see “anything”, so I don’t feel productive.

All I have are some chats with Kai on the project, a filled-out list of ideas on OneNote.

It’s something.

I do find myself thinking about some aspect or another of the project from time to time. It’ll just slip in as I’m doing something else.

Sometimes it’ll just come and go….sometimes I’ll make a note.

I need to get better at that.

Cutting.

Editing.

Videos.

I’m getting the hang of it.

I’m getting the hang of using the tool/program.

I’m still working on a style and aesthetic and that’ll come with more practice and more vision.

I’m just getting the hang of things.

I cut the first OMAD dinner…steak & fried rice.

Will I post it? No.

I want to get better at camera angles and filming techniques.

I think with the new camera holder/arm will help with better angles.

The lighting works, but I still need to dial things in.

The Korean Cheese Elote is just raw footage. Will I edit it? Maybe. Will I post it when it is finished, no.

I really want to redo the recipe and again, I want to work on new camera angles and such.

I think I want it more of a corn casserole.

I know what I did wrong with the recipe. I needed less crema and a little more mayo and I think I need more elote spices and more cayenne/paprika.

I didn’t have enough. Still debating the Kraft American Cheese…it’s very “Korean”….but did it jive well with the Mozz?

I’ll have to redo it again and see how it goes.

I do like the fresh corn and hopefully corn will still be in season when I get back. If not, it’ll be frozen corn which is fine….or even canned corn.

I’ll need to research a few more recipes of actual Elote/Korean Cheese Corn to see what I can actually add/subtract from each to make it a good fusion.

So, a lot of thinking. A lot of work during my little break.

I’m still debating on when to update my resume and go through all my screenshots of apps/flows that I created to create my portfolio.

I think it is time.

I don’t know if I’ll follow through, but at least I’ll have it ready for when I do decide that going down with the ship isn’t a good thing.

A part of me is like…let’s see where it goes.

But a part of me is, what’s the harm of looking.

I honestly don’t mind the work. At the moment, I have no problem with the new boss.

I think my issue is just the general politics of the office and a lot of the shady decisions that were made.

The uneasiness of the office is just off-putting and is one of the primary drivers of me wanting to get things ready.

The job market isn’t looking good, and I don’t think I’ll get any better, so better to get a step ahead and go from there.

What can save it? No idea.

Seems like we are getting some new business, which is good. We are getting pitches, which is good. But I don’t know, seems like we aren’t winning the big ones that matter.

Also, I’m trying to brace myself for RTO.

It’s going to be a shit show, but it’ll be a good watch.

I will take no responsibility for it. NONE.

We are coming back to socialize and not work.

That’s what the owners want, hence no investment on new hardware.

Associates won’t need it because they are there to socialize whereas the c-suite feels that work is work, they should be able to work.

But hahahaha, what do I know. I’m just an IT dude.

Sigh.

Cold. Chilly.

Lost in thought.

There seems to be so much in flux.

So much to juggle.

So much to handle.

There’s just so much and I have a much smaller bandwidth than when I was younger.

Sigh.

Old.

I wonder what will come out of this mid-life crisis.

What number is it now? 5th? 6th?

Too many for a man in his mid-forties.

Ugh, I’ll be in my late-forties next year.

Hahhahaha.

Sigh.

Depressing.

But…Hwaiting!

Fighting.