Fruit of the LOOMS.

All things loom, underneath.

Underwear.

Laid bare.

LOOMS.

Fuck.

Shit show.

My anxiety skyrockets. My anger boils.

Underneath.

I control myself as best I can.

I calm myself as best I can.

But it LOOMS.

It happened. More cuts.

The department whittled down to just four.

I don’t know what is going to come with it. I don’t know what direction it’ll go.

I guess I’ll know more today.

The meeting.

Our direction.

It won’t be a fun meeting.

No good can come from this.

It’ll probably be a meeting that will make me boil over and I’ll do something rash.

I don’t know.

Can I control myself?

Will cooler heads prevail?

I’m an Aries.

No cool heads around here.

I’m me.

No cool heads around here.

Magic 8 Ball: Future is uncertain.

My fucking future is uncertain all right.

Very. Fucking. Uncertain.

Very.

Fucking.

Uncertain.

Control.

Calm.

Breathe.

In/Out.

In.

Out.

Cool heads will prevail.

There are no cool heads around here.

A huge part of me. The righteous side wants to just quit.

Fuck it.

Fuck it all.

Down with it all.

Just fucking quit.

But the reasonable/sane side is like. No.

Not yet.

Not with nothing lined up.

Head down.

Truck along at a minimum.

Find something.

Find something then go.

FUCK.

Had the meeting.

I pretended that it was the first time hearing about the news, but I’ve known for a few days already.

What a fucked-up situation.

He wants me to reach out and communicate if I’m not happy. He’s an ally and will do everything to make me happy and keep me at the agency.

Empty words.

Empty.

LOOMS.

Even if it isn’t, there’s no point in wanting to keep me since I don’t want to be there.

I’m already out the door.

I’m already gone.

Minimal effort.

He says not much is going to change in my day-to-day. I can push things off to Helpdesk.

We shall see.

I don’t believe it.

I don’t care.

I’m ready.

Done.

Gone.

Done.

Over.

What’s going to happen in the coming weeks, months?

I don’t know.

I’ll take it a day at a time.

I’ll take it a task at a time.

I’ll do what I need to do.

No more. No less.

If they don’t like it.

That’s fine.

They don’t have to like it, like I don’t have to like what’s happening to the agency.

Our values definitely do not align.

I AM FIRE

I AM RETIRED

I AM A HOMEOWNER

I AM OPEN TO NEW ABUNDANCE

I AM OPEN TO NEW OPPORTUNITIES.

I AM ALREADY A MEGAMILLIONAIRE.

LET’S. FUCKING. GO!