2 Hos do Utah or is it Two Hos do Utah?

Whatever it is, we did it and we are back. I am back and it was an amazing trip.

I pretty much did what I planned out to do, hitting all the spots that I wanted to hit and did hikes and night ventures to see the stars. It was a great road trip, one that I will remember for quite some time.

Also, with that much time alone with my brother, it was a good bonding moment. His behavior changed so much for the better, that it was really great to see the new him. He seemed more open, still a little private for my taste, but it’s good.

He looks good. Fit, slimmer, all good things. He wears the same size clothes that I do. When did that happen?

On the social level, it seems like he’s going out and socializing from time to time. Great things.

So, with seeing the new brother and exploring a new state with new parks and freeways with no major mishaps, it has been a great trip.

Where to begin?

* * *

Zion National Park

Surprisingly the main park itself is small. I didn’t expect it to be so small. There is a lot of back country that we couldn’t get to without a permit or strenuous hiking and such, so we stuck to the main park.

It reminded me a lot of Yosemite, with the valley and the mountains and cliffs.

We arrived in Springdale around midafternoon, checked into our hotel and rested a bit before going to the park. We went into the Visitor center to talk with a Ranger about what are some good day hikes and also about Angel’s Landing. Ahhh, Angel’s Landing, that is the one that had been playing in my head. I was psyching myself out the whole drive to the park and the day before we actually hiked it.

The Ranger showed us pictures and what he said kind of relieved some of the anxiety that I had. He said, “Don’t be cavalier about it. Respect it, but it is doable. Only 12 people have died on it since it opened in 1906”. So, the odds are in my favor.

We then took the shuttle to the end of the park, driving through the park, familiarizing ourselves with the park.

We were originally planning to do Angel’s Landing the next day, but since one of the hikes that the Ranger recommended will be closed on weekdays, we changed our plan.

Our hikes on our first day were really simple hikes. Mostly flat, about 8 miles total in about 4 or 5 trails. We did the river walk early in the morning and then we went to the Weeping Wall and Hidden Canyon, which is the trail that would be closed on Monday. We didn’t see that many hikers on the trail with us. Most of them were going to Observation Point, which was an 8 mile hike round trip.

The hike was a good hike. It was a little strenuous, but not so much where I’m dying. It was a good first real hike for me to get me back into shape. I’m glad we did it in the morning too, since it got very hot later in the afternoon. We hiked and hiked the gradual switch backs up and up until we get to a part where we are hiking along the side of the cliff. The walkway was about two feet wide and chains are spiked against the side of the cliff for you to hang onto. I totally didn’t expect it. It wasn’t too terrible, but I thought it was great practice for Angel’s Landing tomorrow, since I know that is what most of the hike would be.

Once we reached the top, it was just a wide slot canyon that we hiked into, scrambled over some rocks, and then just rested. It was just nice and relaxing to just sit and enjoy the silence. It was just nice to get out of the city, to get away from crowds, to get away from people and to just be almost solitary. I felt energized as I was hiking up these mountains, on these trails, passing fellow hikers and vacationers here and there.

One thing that we noticed while we were there and something that I had notice all my other times at other National Parks is that there were so many Europeans. I think the majority of the hikers and vacationers that were on the trails throughout all of the different parks that we went to were Europeans. It felt like we were backpacking across Europe. I guess that was an added perk to this vacation too.

Once we got back down from Hidden Canyon, we took the shuttle to the Grotto and did the Kayenta Trail, which connected to the Emerald Pools that are by the Lodge. This is when I started to die. The Kayenta Trail wasn’t that bad. It was actually a relatively flat trail that was very similar to the Rim Trail that we did in Glacier National Park, all in the sun but flat. It wasn’t until we reached the trailhead to the middle and upper pools. The middle pool wasn’t that bad of a hike. It was like a stroll in the park compared to the 0.3 mile was the trail from the middle to the upper pool.

Fuck that short hike. I was cursing myself. I was dying. The sun was beating down on me, sucking out my energy and my soul. Each step took a little bit of my soul. Each step, I died a little. It was hot. There was no shade. My super awesome fisherman’s hat is stuffed somewhere in my backpack, which was too much of a hassle to get out mid hike. I didn’t expect it to take so much out of me. .

Fuck that 0.3 mile hike. Fuck it. I was so out of shape. I wasn’t fit for something like that. I should have hiked multiple times before I had gone on the trip, getting myself in shape for hikes. I should have known better. Fuck. We to the pool and I just found some shade and sat. I drank water. I drank some more. I loaded up on my trail mix and some jerky, fueling up, replenishing the salt that I lost during that hike. It was strenuous and I was out of shape and I hated myself for it.

I sat and watched as others played in the pool, climbing over rocks and throwing rocks. I sat and watch as I rested and fueled up. That fucking 0.3 miles. I dug out my hat and put it on before we trekked out and down to the lower pools and continued on with our journey. Of course the trip down was easy peasy.

I should be like Minh and say Never again! But knowing me, that’s not going to happen.

But the good thing about me is that I bounce back quickly and adjust once my body gets going.

We made it to the lodge and I just rested on the grass. I laid there, head on my backpack look up at the clouds passing high above and the red rock cliffs that was before me. I let the silence take me in and just let this peace and zen take over me. It was bliss.

The rest was short, but much needed. Then it was on our way to our next trail, the Pa’rus Trail. It is the only trail that is dog friendly and wheel chair accessible. It is a paved trail over a few bridges that is just flat and easy. The downside, you area always in the sun. It felt longer than the 1.5 miles that was marked.

That happens all the time. The hike or walk feels a lot longer than what it was marked down. It doesn’t matter what trail I’m on or where, every time, it just feels longer. Just weird.

We reached the visitor center and that was the end of our day. We did about 8 or 9 miles that day and that was enough of a warm up for my first day of hiking since we still have about 9 days left on this trip.

Springdale is a very very small town that is just outside of Zion that is lined with some restaurants, some homes, and a lot of hotels, B&Bs and lodges. There were dining options, but not that many. That night we went to The Spotted Dog, which is kind of a mid-level fine dining place. The menu is all right, I had the lamb shank. If there’s lamb on the menu, I’m getting it.

The cabernet that I had was bold, strong, and just fucking awesome. For $15, it was well worth it.

My only problem with the restaurant was the waiter. He was just creepy. It wasn’t his appearance, Anglo with his long hair tied back in a ponytail, no it was more his behavior. I think he was just trying to come on too strong in being knowledgeable and accommodating. I have no fucking clue, but it was just fucking weird and creepy. Even my bro thought he was creepy. I wish I could explain with my limited words just how he was so creepy, but I can’t. Just have to take my word for it.

* * *

Okay, this is my second week of writing this and it seems like this program aren’t saving my drafts like I want to, or I totally forget if I wrote more, so, I’m just going to write about the memorable parts of the trip, rather than a day by day.

Story of my life….things just happen and I have to adjust.

* *

Angel’s Landing

Angel’s Landing was just awesome. Again, I was psyching myself out for the prior two days or so, feeling anxious about the hike and the climb.

We woke up early in the morning so we can get up there when it was less crowded. We missed the first bus at 6AM but managed to get the second bus a half an hour later.

It was a cool morning, but it started to heat up quickly. The first part of the hike before getting to Walter’s Wiggles was easy. The wiggles in my opinion wasn’t that bad either, but Hien was having issues.

Once we finished with the first half of the wiggles, there’s another wiggles in the back. This one is much tighter and shorter. The incline wasn’t that bad, but there were just many switchbacks.

Finally we made it to Scout’s Landing. I stopped for a drink, quenching my thirst before we started to scramble.

My focus was on the ground below my feet. One step at a time. One pull of the chain at a time. With each step, I grew more and more confident. My anxiety withered away in a wisp and it was just a matter of adrenaline pumping through my body now.

We scrambled. We climbed and soon, we made it to the top and it was just majestic.

I just picked a spot on the side of the cliff and just sat while I drank and ate, filling up on protein and water, resting for the trip back. It was peaceful up there staring out into the valley and just taking everything in.

We watched as the sun rose higher and higher, shining into the darken valley below us. Just beautiful.

Little chipmunks and squirrels scurry around me hoping that I would drop some of my trail mix, but I never did. One tried to break into my backpack, but there wasn’t anything in there that he could have gotten too. A lucky squirrel got a nut that Hien dropped.

As it was getting later; it was about 8:30 by this time, it was time for us to head back down. The day has begun in the valley below and many are making the same trek we did just a few hours ago. It was going to be busy and with the crowds, the way back will be even more dangerous.

With more confidence, we made quick work on the way back. More confident with each step and more confident with where to hold onto. Thankfully the bulk of the people on the way up were still on the Wiggles or resting on Scout’s Lookout so we didn’t have to wait for many hikers to clear before we moved on.

As we got back to Scout’s Landing, my adrenaline was slowly leaving my body and then I feel it. There’s a sharp pain on my right knee. With each step, pain. Sharp.

I didn’t realize that my wallet was banging down on my knee with each step and it bruised my knee. It was bad. But I managed anyway.

Once we reached the bottom, we just relaxed for the rest of the day. We took the Grotto trail back to the lodge and once there, we got our coffee and caffeine up. We found a table and just relaxed.

We’ve conquered a mountain that morning. We’ve conquered the world. It was like we reached up into the sky and touched the stars.

I thought back to the moment while I was up there, seeing a smaller ridge down below that was hidden in the shadows. As the sun moved higher, lighting the valley floor, we saw it bathed in the warmth and rays of the sun. It was simply, beautiful.

It hit somewhere in my heart, pulling at the strings. The beauty of it just hit me and I couldn’t contain my emotions. Tears almost flowed.

That’s how I got while I reached the top of Yosemite Falls a long time ago. Majestic and fantasmagasmical. Bliss.

I love moments like that. I love it when I’m just moved but such beauty and perfection. It rarely happens, but I welcome it with open arms once it does. That was a moment that I’ll never forget.

As we were just getting our morning jolt, we work out a plan for the rest of the day. The clouds are rolling in, so we reconsidering what the plan was for the night. Originally it was to hike up to the Watchman and take pictures of the stars and the Milky Way. A ranger recommended it as one of the spots to shoot the sky. So, that was our plan.

So, after our little break, we decided to hike up there, to see how rough the trail is and to scope out the spot. We took the one-mile hike up and stake our claim to the spot for that night. The views up there were spectacular, high above the ground, seeing far out into Springdale and the views of the ridge on the other side of us.

Then we hiked down and took off our shoes. We were done hiking for the time being. We put on our flip-flops, grabbed our coffee cups, and hopped on the shuttle again to the Lodge.

There we loaded up on coffee and our little treat for the day, a nice big soft-serve ice cream. I picked a nice spot on the grass again, in the shade, and just sat and enjoyed my day. Thinking about the majestic feat that we did that morning and thinking how great the trip had been so far and that we still had about a week left on our journey.

We took our time. We sat and rested, watching the hikers and visitors just going about their business. It was just simple. Simplicity is bliss.

Afterwards, we did the last two things we didn’t do, the Cathedrals of Patriarchs and the museum and called it a day.

We went back to the hotel and just rested.

As the day progressed, the clouds flowed in, covering the skies. It was overcast and our hopes of shooting the stars were dwindling. It was the new moon that day, so it would have just been a perfect time.

Around 9 PM I went out to see that the skies were scattered. There was night sky and there were stars. I decided I was going to drive to the junction, deep into the valley to see if we can see anything and when we got there, we can. Stars littered the sky like sands in the sky. Shooting stars leaving streaks bright against the black.

We decided to just do the hike. We went back and got everything and went on our way. Up and up we went in the dark. It was my first night hike and thank goodness we have our headlamps. They were handy. Unfortunately, we didn’t see much stars up there. It was a hazy night and it wasn’t because of clouds. Where we were, the clouds were gone. It was Springdale.

There was just too much light pollution from Springdale for our eyes to focus to see the stars. After a half an hour, we hiked back down and drove back to the junction again.

The night of star gazing was a bust, but we still have the rest of the week to capture more, and that is what we did.

* * *

Bryce Canyon National Park

Bright and early we went out merry way the next morning on the next leg of our trip. It’s about a two-and-a-half to three hour drive to Bryce Canyon National Park.

The relatively short drive wasn’t too bad as we traveled through the Zion/Mt. Carmel tunnel. It’s a tunnel through the mountains, coming out on the other side to a different landscape than what we came in from.

Along the way, while still in the vicinity of Zion, traffic stopped as a herd of big horn sheep grazed along the side of the road and some crossing it. There was an impatient guy who almost ran over one as a few cars ahead of us, a car was stopped taking pictures.

The rest of the trip was fairly quick, driving past plains and valleys underneath the darkening sky. Rain clouds were moving in.

We stopped by the visitor center after we got to Bryce and looking at the weather board, thunder storms were expected that day. Also, they listed that the Milky Way would be directly above right at sunset.

Hien surveyed the souvenirs, thinking of what stickers to add to his growing collection, and I just sat and think about what we should do that day. The tentative plan that I came up with, park at Sunrise point and just walk the rim. It’ll be a quick and easy resting day as we familiarize ourselves with the park and its layout.

We parked at the General Store and got ready. My knee was hurting, but I couldn’t let that bother me. We started our hike under a dark gray sky. Things doesn’t look good for us.

Bryce.

What can I say about it? What are my general first impressions after seeing it live and in person and not from the pictures? It lived up to my expectations. Even from afar, up on the rim, it was a landscape that I have never seen before in my life. The wonder that are the hoodoos. How were they formed? How do they all look so uniform and similar but so different? Earth is a beautiful mystery.

We hiked along the rim and shortly we took a slight detour, veering away from our plan for the day. We hiked down to the Queens Garden, me thinking it was just a hike to a viewpoint and then back, but it turned out to be a loop that connected to another trail.

That’s when it started, the rain. It was light and short thankfully, but we were ill equipped for it. All we had were water-soaking cotton hoodies. It just made me laugh a little bit, me going hiking and traveling as often as I do and I don’t have a proper outdoor waterproof jacket. It’s definitely on my list of things to buy before our/my next big excursion.

Being down in the valley floor, necked crooked up at an awkward angle, staring up at the hoodoos, was definitely a humbling experience. The world is a beautiful place and I am blessed to be able to witness its beauty first hand.

I am blessed to be able to follow my dreams and do the things that I say that I want to do. Travel. See the world, not just other countries, but the one I call my own.

We looped back up to Sunset Point and rested before continuing on the Rim Trail. The rain has stopped but still threatening. We reached viewpoint and viewpoint, reaching the end at Bryce Point and that was when the sky opened up and water came pounding down on us. The rain was hard. The droplets were fat. This wasn’t the misting SoCal rain that I have grown accustomed to in my years down here, but the rain of my childhood. This was PNW rain.

So, our plan to hike back to where we started went out the window and we got on the shuttle back to the General Store. There, we got warm and bought our ponchos which we never used.

We stopped by the visitor center on the way back, picked up whatever stickers Hien wanted and went to our hotel in Tropic. It was actually not a bad hotel. It was very cabin like with fast free internet but no cable. It was definitely an infinite times better than where we stayed in Zion.

Once checked in and rested, I decided to go explore and find the Grand Escalante Staircase, hoping that we can find a slot canyon hike. Google said the visitor center was only six miles away and when we got there, I was just definitely surprised to find that the Grand Escalante Staircase was just a ginormous piece of land. All the hikes are miles and miles and miles deep on unpaved roads which my little Civic can’t handle. Next time, we’re bringing a Jeep.

The ranger told us that we could do the Kodachrome Basin State Park instead. It’s a paved road all the way to the end and that’s what we did. The park was small and unremarkable. We did a quick hike and called it a day.

That night we drove into town to get dinner. Prime rib and it was the best thing we ate so far. It was a simple family diner along the side of the highway.

After dinner I decided to drive into Bryce Canyon Village to find a drug store so I can get a knee brace. We ended up at the General Store. They had all kinds of braces but knee braces. Just my luck.

While heading out, we saw that the buffet that had horrible reviews on Yelp was packed. The line snaked out to the hotel lobby.

There was another place to try to find a brace, the tropic General Store. None there either, but I decided to pick up an ACE wrap and called it a night.

The next day was our first and last full day at Bryce and it was the longest hike in our trip.

With my knee wrapped, we started our day. First was an eight mile loop, the Fairyland Loop. It was a hike all in the sun. It wasn’t grueling, but the sun was just there. There’s no way to get away from it.

It was here that I learned more about my brother and what’s going on in his life. A good thing in my book. We hiked and hiked, eventually ascending back to the rim. We finished the hike in about three hours, two hours faster than the suggested time. We reached the trailhead of our next hike, Sunset point and rested. I readjusted my knee wrap. I did it a little too tight that morning, causing even more pain. Loosening it helped significantly.

We will be hiking through the amphitheater from Sunset Point through the valley for and then up to Bryce Point. It was about a 4 mile hike.

The hike starts with going down into the valley through Wallstreet at Sunset Point. The trail takes us down between two towering hoodoos on either side of us. It’s tall. We were but mere tiny specks next to these giant walls. It was humbling indeed. Just beautiful.

We make it through the to the valley floor, through the hoodoos into the clearing and soon, we are on our way winding through the trail, connecting to Peek-a-boo loop. The Peek-a-boo loop winds its way around hoodoo walls and up and ridges. Bryce was quickly becoming our favorite park, even though we have only been to just two so far and had many more after. It actually did turn out to be our favorite.

There’s just so many different sceneries and so many different hikes that one can take. Just pure awesomeness.

It was a great hike and we made quick work of it. Done, we got in our car, which we parked at Bryce Point early that morning, and went our merry way back to our hotel.

After dinner, we went back to the park at Inspiration Point for another try at star gazing and photographing the Milky Way. It was very windy up in the Upper Inspiration Point lookout, but we did had a great view of the Canyon as the sun was setting.

After the moon set, more and more stars came out to play. With the help of an app, we found where the cluster of the Milky Way was and that’s where I aimed my camera. The light cloudy haze of the Milky Way stood out against the dark gray of the night sky. What I captured on my camera was just a light explosion of stars and galaxies; it was nothing short of wonderment.

We stayed for about an hour, waiting for the stars, watching the night sky, and looking for shooting stars. We then decided to head down to Sunset Point for a different point of view and thankfully it was less windy there.

Overall, our last night in Bryce had been a success.

* * *

Capitol Reef National Park

The State Route Scenic 12 by way is a beautiful little drive connecting Bryce Canyon National Park to Capitol Reef National Park. The difference in scenery shows how vastly different Utah is from region to region.

When we got to Capitol Reef, it surprised me that we didn’t have to pay to enter the park. There was technically no entrance to the park. We stopped by the small visitor center and I scoped out what to do that day.

With my knee hurting me and it seems like all the hikes are big long hikes in the hot baking sun, it felt like it would be an easy day as all we did was just took a tour of the park via my Civic. We did the scenic drive all the way to the end, seeing all the vastly different cliff walls and the stretching plains along the way.

On the way back from the end of the drive, we picked up a German Woman who was here with her family on a road trip of their own. She’s on the tail end of her 21 day trip and her next stop would be Vegas.

After the scenic drive we continued on State Route 24 through the rest of the park, stopping at orchards picking our own apples and to the petroglyph wall, which I didn’t’ have the right lens on my camera to really photograph. We took another highway off of the main highway to the end, and that was pretty much our time at Capitol Reef. We only had one day there.

While at dinner at a local cowboy bar, we met a Park Ranger and asked him where we would be able to see some stars that night and he recommend Sunset Point. So that was our plan for that night, to go out on another night hike and we did capture the Milky Way again. There wasn’t as many shooting stars that night, but it was still great to see the stars again. That would be our last night out star gazing.

* * *

Moab and surrounding parks

With another long day ahead of us, we got up early and went our merry way on Scenic State Route 24 to our last stop in Utah, Moab.

The drive is one of the most spectacular drives of my life. From area to area, the scenes were things that I have never seen before in my life.

We drove by Luna Mesa and the rolling black hills and rocks below the high rising plateaus was very eerie. The name was fitting, Luna. It definitely felt like I was driving through the moon.

As the moon passed, the red rocks of Mars came to, especially when we got to Goblin Valley State Park.

We did a small slot canyon hike at the state park and then we went to play on the goblin like hoodoos. The area definitely had an extraterrestrial feel to it. We were no longer on our little blue Planet. Earth was a distance away and I’m traversing through the foreign Martian landscape. I was a space traveler exploring our solar system. Magic.

Done with the valley, we got back to trekking to our first stop, Dead Horse State Park and Canyonlands.

We pulled off of the main highway onto the road that takes us up to the parks. By the time I read Dead Horse, my tank was nearing on empty. I decided that I’ll go drive into town and then drive back to Canyonlands after we are finished with Dead Horse.

Dead Horse is another small State Park. We were high among the wide valley down below. We grabbed a map and worked out what we were going to do and for some strange reason, it took me a damn long time to grasp how to read the map. But eventually we did and we just hiked along the rim of the plateau, seeing the different views of the valley.

While we were getting ready for the hike, putting on our shoes, filling up with water, lathering up with sunscreen, a little girl pulled up next to me on her mountain bike. Short blonde, kind of cute, and a friendly girl.

We started to talk and apparently she’s from Toronto. I never asked what she was doing in Toronto, but she stopped by her parents in Pennsylvania (the plates of her car), borrowed her car and just drove out there by herself.

After I heard that, she just became a hundred times more attractive to me. There’s just something about a girl who is able to go out and do that by herself that just wows me. That is a very attractive trait indeed. Just hot….Liz was her name.

We bid her adieu and we just hiked the park. Spent a few hours exploring and then we were done after hiking the rim.

We checked into at the Motel 6, filled up the car and next up, Canyonlands.

We got there late in the afternoon, around 4ish and did a few hikes. Mesa Arch was a definite must do and we did the Aztec Buttes.

The hike to the Aztec Buttes was definitely interesting as we had to climb up a sand stone cliff to the top. Unfortunately the Buttes seemed to be destroyed. There was a broken rock structure and another smaller one at the Buttes. Afterwards we did the Upheaval Dome, a meteorite that is slowly eroding away.

Then we drove to the Grand View Point, took a few pictures as the sun was about to set and drove on back.

We showered and then went to dinner. Maybe it was because it was around 9 PM and we didn’t really eat anything all day, but the food at the Middle Eastern restaurant was just fucking awesome. I totally expected something different from my order, but it was still good none the less. After, we were still hungry, so we stopped by McDonald’s for some nuggets and I pretty much crashed afterwards.

Now, a word to the wise, do not ever eat any McDonald’s the night before a big hike. You will be fucking thirsty and there will be nothing that can quench that thirst. NOTHING.

Our first stop the next morning was the petroglyphs at Sego Canyon. That was definitely interesting to see old ancient artwork from Native Americans hundreds of years old. The Barrier Canyon glyphs were definite proof that we had been visited by aliens. We are definitely not alone here in this universe. No way that we are.

We trekked out on foot from the first view point to find the ghost town. We found an abandoned building, but I don’t think that was the ghost town though. Looking at the maps, it seems to be the cemetery even though we didn’t see any gravestone.

Then it was onto Arches. Since the line was so long getting into the park, we decided to just by pass the visitor center and go straight to the Delicate Arch, since I know it was going to be crowded.

Luckily we found some decent parking and we went on our merry way up and up and up the hill to the Arch. After that, everything else was a piece of cake. The Arch was huge, tall, and spectacular. It definitely is one of the big draws to the park. Then we did a hike to Sand Stone Arch and Broken Arch. Finished we drove to the end of the park and did a small hike to two small arches. We didn’t do the whole 7 mile hike, but it’ll definitely be something that must be done the next time.

We just had one more stop left on our trip in Arches and that was the Windows and Double Arch.

We opted to do the easy route at the Windows and then went to Double Arch.

I was just amazed by the sheer size of Double Arch. It was just beautiful and climbing up the cave walls was definitely fun. It was definitely a great last impression of the park.

Then our last stop of the day was Canyonlands, the Needles. Liz, the cute mountain biker, suggested that we try and go to the Needles. She loved it.

It was definitely a long long long long drive to get there and by the time we reached the visitor center, it was closed and I was nearly out of gas. I only had enough to get back into town, so we didn’t get to explore much of the Needles. Studying the park map, it does seem like that it was more of a place for hardcore hikers and adventurers and from my impressions, I preferred it more than the Islands in the Sky and I didn’t even hike it.

Driving into town was a little worrisome even though I knew I had enough to get back to Moab. And like the night before, we got back to the hotel, showered and was out to dinner by 9.

That was all of Utah and the next day would be our last day of the vacation, our Arizona leg.

* * *

Arizona

Early early was when we started out the next day. We left Moab around 7 in the morning and trekked all the way down to Arizona in a few hours. Our first stop, Monument Valley.

It was a great rest stop after a few hours of driving. I took in the views of the iconic Monument Valley, bringing back memories of old western movies I have seen. After a few souvenirs, we were on our way to our next stop, Lower Antelope Canyon and the slot canyon tour.

This was absolutely fucking amazing. The whole experience will definitely be burned into my memories. I was definitely amazed and one of my bucket lists have definitely been fulfilled.

There was a long line when we got there and had to wait about an hour-and-a-half before our tour started. I wanted to go to Horseshoe Bend while we waited, but my bro scared me saying that they’ll close down the road, so we just waited. We waited in the car as the wind picked up and the sand was blowing. We waited in the high heat of Arizona. We waited and waited and then it was time.

Luckily for us, we picked up another hour as we crossed the Arizona border and we got on the tour just at the right time with the sun high above us and shining down through the slots.

The colors were just amazing in the tight twists and turns of the canyon down below. No words can really describe that whole trip. It was a definitely high point of the trip. So impressionable that Hien wasn’t even impressed with the Grand Canyon.

After the tour, we drove the 15 minutes to Horseshoe Bend. Like all the other parks, I’ve seen the pictures but it was just great to see the actual thing live. We are in a draught and that was definitely apparent here. The Colorado River was very very low, but it was still beautiful regardless.

Then it was back on the road to our last stop, the Grand Canyon. We got there late, to the main visitor center in the village at 5pm. We checked out the bookstore, picking up more stickers for Hien and walked along to the main viewpoints.

It was my third time there and I was still in awe and amazement at the beauty of it. Hien was not so much.

The one thing that I couldn’t get over was how much it had changed since the two years I’ve been there last. The village and some of the viewpoints seemed to have changed that it was beyond recognizable.

We decided to get on the shuttle to go to Hermit’s Landing, where I ended up the last time I was there but never really explored. We got on a special bus that took us to the last sunset point and that is where we ended up, just watching the sunset and it was just beautiful.

This was my third time there but funnily enough it was my first time on the shuttle. After the sunset, it was just crowded. The wait was long for the shuttles to come and it was getting late. Hien decided that we should just drive straight home and I was too tired to drive straight. He was going to drive the first leg.

Maybe it was just me and my control thing, but every time that Hien drives, it just annoys me and drives me crazy. I just don’t understand it. I was trying to sleep and he was following closely behind a few cars while on cruise control. Not the safest thing as proven when the car in front of the van we were following was brake checking the van and Hien had the slam on the break.

He was hoping that they would just pass the car in front of them and I was just like, pass them both and that’s what he did.

I drifted in and out, making sure that we were headed to the right direction. We got on the 40 and I just knocked out for some time. I woke up and saw that he was driving 65 on a 75 and I just shook my head and just tried to sleep and not pay attention.

As we head into CA, the limit was down to 65 but he decided to drive 75. No fucking clue at all. I just had to leave it.

I took over just a little before Barstow and since I was in control, I was feeling better. Less annoyed and we made it safely back at 4:30 in the morning.

Our trip was done. 2460 miles later we made it home.

Utah, one of the best road trips of my life. Great hiking and great views and a great bonding experience with my bro, getting a little more insight to his life and seeing how much he’s changed for the better.

Awesome trip and I definitely will do it again….

One day….one day.

Writing.

Creative writing — not these little rambles I do here from time to time.

It’s getting a little tougher. I thought I had it back, but right now, there is no motivation to get onto my current project.

Maybe it is because I know that I have a little break away from reality coming up soon or maybe I haven’t figure out exactly what happens next and I’m just procrastinating until that time comes when I get that little light bulb above my head and scream for joy.

Maybe I am just tired of it already….not even half finished, not even started.

Maybe.

* * *

This week has been a little long week. It seemed that I was kind of busy throughout, doing little things here and there that just add up to a full day. Even now, today, I still don’t understand what it is that kept me so busy.

Sure there were the usual time of just surfing and sitting and zoning out that I am familiar with, but there were some legit work I had to do, but I just don’t remember what.

Fucking stupid Outlook and printer problems in Chicago. That is one. Still don’t know if I fixed it or not.

* * *

I drifted alone in this little tin can that protects me from the cold burning void that is space. My crew never made it through the atmosphere. I drifted alone in the eerie silence that was only the soft his of recirculated oxygen, but then I heard a voice….

* * *

I’ve been feeling a little nostalgic as of late. Maybe it is the story I’m listening to, The Goldfinch, about a man who remembers the times of his youth after his mother died in a tragic bombing at the MET in NYC.

I don’t know why, but I’ve been thinking of family lately, everyone that had passed away in my life. My dad. My grandma. My uncles and my aunt. Everyone.

Life is just passing me by. Our Jedi Council dwindled in what seemed like a blink of an eye. Blink and blink and soon, there will be no more. My generation are taking on the reins now. We are the new council.

As our family dwindled in numbers, it grows all the same. Everywhere I look, babies everywhere.

Cousins, first and second, are getting married, having children, starting families.

They become the adults and the responsible ones like my parents and my uncles and aunts before me.

And yet, I am here, by myself, living for myself and at times I do wonder, am I just being selfish, living for myself?

Am I ready to be the responsible one?

I think and it haunts me, this thought of needing to be married, of being my parents and being a parents, starting a family — ultimately giving up on my independence.

It’s scary.

I’ve been on my own for too long. I’ve been alone for too long.

I just don’t know how.

Freedom. Independence.

I fought so long, I struggled so long figuring myself out, finally getting more comfortable in my skin, putting myself first above all and living my life the way that I want to live, on my own terms.

I fought so long to get comfortable and to fulfill all my wanderlust dreams, which I am doing. I am exploring. I am seeing. I am experiencing.

I am living my own life.

I am just not ready to give that up yet.

I am just not ready for it.

* * *

It’s kind of funny when I think of how I grew up, my two sides fighting and always in conflict. My Chinese side always putting family and the others first — the collectivism pulling me to think of others first. Then there is the side I was taught in school and through all things America — the individualism pulling me to think for myself, of myself, and be selfish.

It had been a long struggle growing up, trying to find a way to identify and find myself. It wasn’t until a few years ago, 2006, I believe that things got better. I started to be more accepting of my Chinese side. I realize that yes, I am Chinese. I was going back to my roots, listening to more Chinese music, speaking more in my native tongue.

It felt right. It felt comfortable. It felt like I was truly me for once in my life, and I thought that conflict was over.

But looking at how things are now, it seems that it just took on a different turn. There’s still that conflict of wanting to start a family, because it is the traditional thing to do and because it’ll make my mom happy and then there is the side where I just love how I am living my life. I love living on my own with no one but my furkids. I love to just pick up and go, traveling alone, doing whatever it is without needing to call in and confer and compromise.

I love this independence. I love this freedom.

The conflict I grew up with is still alive and well. Family vs. Me.

In a way it kind of pulls at me equally, but then I just think I’m stubborn enough to just focus on me.

For the most part, my life right now, works. It works for me, because it is my own doing.

And maybe this conflict is preventing me from moving to Chicago.

I’m considering it, but there’s always that thought of leaving family here, or being the easy transport for my mom whenever she wants to visit relatives down here that is kind of making me reconsider this move.

If I do move, it’ll just be for myself. If I do stay, it’ll be for family.

And I don’t know what to do.

Sure there are fears and inconveniences, like having to relocate and having to find a new job and seeing if I would be able to survive living in the city fiscally and physically. They are real fears and concerns.

But when have I ever let those fears get in my way. I do love the idea of security. I know my mo when it comes to making decisions, especially big ones and that is I need to have a sense of security before I make anything that big.

But there’s always a part of me that will always believe that things will always work out. I’ll figure out a way. I usually do.

Where’s that strange sense of optimism go? Is it still there?

Things to consider. There’s just a lot to consider.

How would my pets deal, especially with the cold? Can I even make it there with the cold?

Would my mom even come and visit? What would she even do there?

I can imagine her now, walking the city and getting tired. She’ll give me the stink-eye, why do you want to live here? Move home!

What to do?

What to do, indeed.

* * *

A few days ago, I started to read Mockingjay again. It’s to get ready for the film adaption that is about come out. While on Goodreads, I reread my review of the book at that time, and I thought it was a good review. It was well written.

There are sometimes when I do go back and reread some of my old stuff and think that some of it is actually good. Maybe I’m just bullshitting myself, but I do think it is good.

There was a moment when I was reading the Mockingjay review and I didn’t believe that I wrote this review. I actually thought I was reading someone else’s review. I was pleasantly surprised.

* * *

I’m such a dreamer. I’m always dreaming.

I’ll always be dreaming.

Sometimes dreaming just gets in the way when I realize that my dreams may not come true. I just get disheartened.

But I’m still young.

Think positively.

Apparently, it’s The Secret.

Easy.

“Why was it so easy” she asked?

I don’t know. I really don’t know why I was just so comfortable with the chit chat at Snickers or even with the MB Grandma on the plane. I have no idea.

Maybe it was just a matter of expectations, maybe it is something else.

I didn’t expect much when I went to get a drink at Snickers. Just thought that I would a drink and then leave. No expectations.

With the MB Grandma was a little different. I knew her from work. We’ve already chatted during the day, me helping her out setting up her laptop. It was already done and done.

So, I guess there wasn’t much pressure at all. Not much at all.

It was just a normal chit chat I had with anyone that I know. The little small get to know each other’s that I’m comfortable with only after the fact of knowing you.

Dates are much different. Lots of pressure. Can’t do much.

Blah.

* * *

The Honking Jeep of Waving Arms.

It had been a long week at work and I’m coming up to the accident prone busy street, National Blvd. Pickles took his sweet ass time like he always does and I just wanted to get this damn walk over and done with. I’m tired and just wanted to get home so I can just rest. It’d be down a little ways and I’d be home. I’m plugged into my phone singing along to some sad pop song that was popular with the mass and not thinking of anything. I just minded my own business.

A blaring horn blew its way through some sad heartbreak into my ears and then out of the corner of my eyes I saw arms. Flailing arms. Waving arms. These arms belonged to these two young girls driving a black jeep.

The first thought in my head as I waved back with a genuine smile, as I learned how not to fake smile a few years ago, was who the fuck are these girls? Who do I know that drives a black jeep? Who do I know that was blonde and was a friend with a brunette?

I came up with no answers. I thought the driver looked familiar, but my eyes have failed me almost every time. I don’t trust them anymore. So I did what I most always do and just continued to smile and walk, ending my waves after an indeterminate amount of waving and acknowledging them and thinking how weird this whole situation was.

I encompassed social awkwardness to a T.

I kept walking away and then I asked Pickles if he knew who those girls were and of course he was too busy with all the smells to care. Useless dog.

So I walked on, wondering and wondering and coming up with no answers. Soon they became an afterthought as my home beckoned to lay my head down and dream.

@ @ @

That was a few days ago and I those girls were still on my mind. Who were they? Did it actually happen or was I so delirious from my work trip that I dreamed it all.

No one emailed or texted me saying that they saw me and why I was such an ass to them and just walked away. No one reached out.

Were they strangers? I’m not the type of guy that a Jeep full of girls would just randomly wave at, unless it was a hazing ritual. It could possibly be. Damn college girls these days.

Someone from work? Maybe. Who knows?

There was only one nagging thought…what if?

What if it was the girl from Chicago? What if it was the girl that I sat next to on my flight back from Chicago just a few days before? What if?

It could be, but that would just be a weird coincidence. She didn’t even live around my neck of the woods. What would she be doing there? It just wouldn’t make sense.

But it could be? A blonde and a brunette? Her roommate was blonde. It could be?

If it was, what did it all mean?

Was it a sign? Did I even believe in signs?

It’s all too much. What if?

What did the big U that was the Universe trying to say? Why was the big U fucking with me?

Why?

I just had to chill out. Time would give me answers. Time would tell.

I just had to be patient, but I had never been known to be a man of patience.

Damn you Universe. Just damn you for always fucking with me.

* * *

True story.

I don’t know who it could possibly be and no, it wasn’t just a case of mistaken identity or one of those traps where they were waving to someone else. I’d checked. No one was behind me.

Maybe they were waving to Pickles. Maybe.

I’m sure it was MB Grandma and her roommate who just happens to be driving around my neighborhood, making their way to the 10 or something. It was just a coinkidink. It happens.

I’m sure.

* * *

My shrink really do think I should consider moving to my beloved.

It has been on my mind, especially being there and actually feeling like I just fit in. I don’t know.

It’s really a lot to consider. What would I be giving up?

There would be a lot that I’m giving up. What would I gain?

A better chance at happiness? I am happy now, but could I be even more, living in a city that I love so much?

I won’t be technically starting fresh, making new friends and such. I have friends there. I have coworkers there.

It is really a lot to consider.

I guess I’ll just need to think about it more.

* * *

I want to write. I have this great urge to just write more. Not scripts. Not blogs. Words. Short stories. A novella. A novel. Prose.

There’s just this urge to do it.

I need to get on it.

Maybe I should just give myself some time, a little incentive. I should just finish my current script and finish this novella idea that I have and then consider moving to Chicago.

Maybe.

Time will tell what happens.

A lot to consider. A lot to think about.

I’m going to swing from the chandelier.

It’s been a long three weeks. It’s been a long time away. It’s been a long time from just me.

Travels kept me busy. Travels kept me away.

For the most part, it was good.

My uncle was laid to rest. Hope that his family can start to heal now.

The service was what I expected it to be. It went faster than I thought it would. The Sifu’s weren’t as good as the ones that I’ve experienced up North, but if they think they did a good job and my uncle is good to go, then in the end, that is all that matters.

Portland fun. Portland move.

That was the smoothest move that I have ever experienced. There wasn’t much of any trouble at all. Everything that came up, was taken care of almost immediately. It was simple simple, thankfully.

Got to hang out with family and bonded more with baby Carson. That’s a good thing in my book. There were some mishaps, but that is to be expected.

But overall, Portland was good. Family is doing well and that is all that matters right now.

Chicago.

My beloved. My love.

Work wise, there were some major major annoyances and most of them if not all originated from Regus. They didn’t get their shit up and ready when I gave them ample time to get it set up.

I didn’t expect to be as busy as I was. Two full days of working straight, without lunch. I was very surprised that it took me so long do everything that I needed to do. I actually do wonder how much had to do with the network not working since I jumped onto the wifi to set everyone up on the first day. Would there being network made a difference?

I’m not sure, but yes, very annoyed with Regus in Chicago.

* * *

Firsts.

It seems to me that there was a few firsts that happened while I was in Chicago. Maybe I was just relaxed and wasn’t expecting much of anything at all, but I don’t know, but I did have fun just going out.

After I flew in on Saturday night, I went to dinner at RPM Italian. It had high ratings and it was just across the street. Do it. Did it. It took me a while to find a spot at the bar for food because it was so crowded on a Saturday night, but eventually I did.

I got some wine and a pizetta and the spicy crab squid ink pasta.

The pizetta was good. Good crunch. Good mushrooms. Good truffle flavor. It was definitely a good choice.

I was a little underwhelmed by the pasta though. I guess I expected more squid ink flavor or something, but nothing really stood out. The flavor was a little one note. Disappointed.

So, after a long week in Portland, I decided to go to Snickers, the local dive bar next to my hotel to have a drink.

I wasn’t expecting to be there long. Just a drink or two and then go back to the hotel and sleep. But I ended up staying until 1:30 in the morning and had about 5 whiskeys.

I just had a great time there. And I don’t know what it was about there that just put me at ease. Maybe it is the city, or maybe therapy has been working or that I’m feeling more myself than ever.

I don’t know, but I met a dude there and were just chatting and bullshitting and admiring the girls at the bar. I just had a good time.

It was just funny seeing him try so hard with the bartender. I just sat and watched.

Also, sitting at the bar, it just seemed that I sat just at the right place as girls would squeeze next to me to get a drink. I ended up chatting with a nice girl from Milwaukee who knew how to spell my name. Molly. She was there to celebrate her friends’ birthday and not Lollapalooza.

Drink after drink. Relaxed and just not thinking much of anything. No pretension. Nothing. Just me out having a good time at a dive bar. I should go to dive bars more often.

On my last day at work, I met an old employee that came back to work. I never met her before, but I believe that I troubleshot things for her before. It just so happens that this Manhattan Beach Grandma was heading home the same day as I am and it just so happens that we would be on the same flight.

Now usually on the plane, I just want to plug into my iPod or phone and just try to sleep. There’s no talking. There’s no socializing. Nothing. But as I got on the plane, and headed back trying to find an aisle seat, there she was. Her roommate ditched her for a window a few rows up and I sat next to the MB Grandma for the flight. We chatted, me getting to know her, for most of the flight.

It was just a weird and funny happenstance. It was a good happenstance.

Definitely a first for me.

It just so happens that she’s pretty cute too, but she’s really really young.

But I had fun. It definitely made the flight go faster and more enjoyable.

There was a bit of turbulence on the flight and I didn’t mind. There was something magically watching a thunderstorm happen off in the distance below us. Flashes of gold and white shimmering in the dark. It was magical. Definitely a flight to remember.

* * *

Ice cream.

Salt & Straw

It’s good. It’s really good, especially for an adventurous eater like me, who like to try different flavors and different flavor profiles in mundane food. Food with a twist.

I had it three times while I on Portland. I usually don’t have a sweet tooth, but damn, it was good and interesting. I maybe a sugar addict after all.

The good food in Portland was good. Pok Pok was great, but a little pricey in my opinion and Andina was good, but not probably overhyped by everyone. Good none the less.

I love food.

* * *

Even though I thought RPM Italian was a little disappointing, I did have some good food in Chicago.

Can’t go wrong with the lobster roll at Shaw’s and then the grilled lobster with squid ink linguine. Now that was fucking awesome.

Had some spicy Thai with the Subs.

* * *

The Subs.

It’s always good when I see old friends and hanging out with the Subs is no different. This time, younger Sub came along too and it was nice to finally hang out with her. I only met her briefly a few years back when they all came to visit.

But it was good, just catching up and listening to old Subs‘s issues. Seems like she’s going through trying times, a mid-life crisis also. Hopefully she’ll figure it out and just not put so much pressure on herself.

She just needs to stop over thinking everything and just have a little more self-esteem and confidence.

She just needs to do it. And listen to her little sis, ’cause she seems to know what she’s talking about.

But it was nice and to hang out with younger Subs, definitely a plus.

* * *

There’s just something about that city that just have this power over me.

I fall in love with it the more I visit. It feels like home in a way. It feels like I belong.

Walking to the office on the 2nd day, it just felt right. It felt like I’ve been doing that every day. It felt like this was how things should be. It felt like that it was my life.

Should I move? I’ve always and will always contemplate it.

Maybe it is the change that I need. Maybe it is what everything is building up to. Maybe is just possibilities to consider until choices are made.

But definitely, we shall see how I feel.

Actually I was asked a few times as to when I’ll be moving there.

Possibilities.

* * *

It’s done. It’s over.

No more pain. No more suffering.

The only suffering left is for those who are close to him. His wife and children and grandchild.

He’s gone and there wasn’t much anyone can do.

He’s gone.

I hope that he passed with his loved ones. I hope that he was comfortable.

He was loved.

* * *

I haven’t heard of specific dates but there are rumors of it happening when I’m away at business. I wouldn’t be able to make it, as much as I know that I should and want to. I just can’t.

* * *

<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCponfeWNOI&quot;Wish I Was There

Lost and trying to figure things out.

I watched the movie last night. It was a backers exclusive from Kickstarter.

It wasn’t good. I can honestly say that. It had potential but things just didn’t come together as I wanted them to. It just didn’t work. It wasn’t horrible.

Overall, it was just okay.

There were some touching moments and touching scenes, but I just…don’t know. It just didn’t work.

Was I disappointed that I backed the movie, no. I’m not, like I wasn’t disappointed or regretful in backing Veronica Mars either.

I can understand why Braff went the Kickstarter route. It was definitely a passion project for him.

I wish him the best on this project.

* * *

The movie hits a little close to home with me, and given what just happened with my uncle and his family, it was definitely a touchy area.

I cried. Tears fell.

Movies with characters with daddy issues, especially dying fathers, affect me that way.

I’m sure if my cousins watched this movie, they’ll feel the same, since Braff’s character had to watch his father die from cancer.

Too close.

Too much.

I can understand where Braff is coming from, in terms of his mindset, in terms of why he’s making his movie.

He made Garden State as his therapy for the dreaded Quarter-Life-Crisis, and this is for what one goes through when he’s in his thirties.

I can see what he’s doing, for in a way, I am going through what he’s going through.

This movie in a way is about losing that boyhood dream, knowing exactly what you want to do, but tweaking it just a little bit. Just grow up and be responsible.

Just be responsible.

Man up.

It just takes him losing his father and being a father himself, never wanting to be the type of father that his own was, that he realizes that all his father wanted for him to do was to be the best he can be. Be responsible. Be a man.

He was proud, in the end, on his deathbed, confessing words that he could have never said on his good days.

It’s funny how that is the case in real life. It isn’t until the end we put away our pride and in our humility we realize what is important.

Family.

Posterity.

Love.

That’s all that is important.

We look out for family.

Who else is there to love us, if not for family?

* * *

Proud.

His father was proud. He heard his deathbed confession. He was really proud of both of his sons.

One of the many things that I struggle with on most days is whether or not my father was proud.

I don’t know.

I never heard him say it. He just didn’t know that he didn’t have much time left.

He left me, us, too soon.

I miss him.

And I will never know.

All I can do is believe that he did. He was proud of me.

I have to believe that I heard it in his voice as he called me weekly. I have to believe that I saw it in his face as he said goodbye to me on the last day I saw him alive.

I just have to believe.

Most days I struggle with it.

I struggle to believe.

But that is a fault of my wiring. It’s a fatal flaw of my brain. It’s one of my hamartia.

I just can’t believe it until I experience it. My analytical mind is based too much of science and experience. Hypotheticals are just untested hypotheses that needs to be tested and tested until it can become a theory.

Unfortunately, with this life of mine, with this luck that I was given, with a father who had passed way too soon, this hypothetical hypothesis of my soul would never be tested.

There is no test.

I guess ultimately in the end, I have a crisis of faith.

It’s not a spiritual crisis of finding God or an all knowing being.

No, it’s just a faith of believing that my dear father was proud of me. That he loved me.

The only thing I can do is work on my faith and believe in it.

I have help. I just need to do the work.

Faith.

Believe.

He was proud of me.

Believe in that.

* * *

Ultimately in the end of the film, with the loss of his father, knowing that he was proud of him, a catharsis came over him and an opportunity to do what he’s passionate about and be paid to do it. It falls on his lap.

Sometimes life just happens that way. After you hit your lowest, you see clearer and things just fall for you.

He becomes the responsible family man, the father that he was meant to be. He becomes a breadwinner, providing for his family, and a father who teaches his kids important skills.

Is that what we ultimately end up doing? Doing a job and being a part of something that is bound by blood? Is that the ultimate ultimate that is life?

In a way, it is what I want.

Family.

Children of my own.

But other than that, what else is it that I want? What is my passion and am I doing whatever I can to pursue it?

I don’t know.

* * *

What do I want?

I know for sure that I am not lost. I’ve written how this Mid-Life-Crisis of mine doesn’t feel anything like the Quarter-Life-Crisis that I gone through in my early twenties.

But in a way, it is ultimately about what I want. What it is that I want out of life? What I want to do and ultimately what kind of man that I want to become?

Let’s get all of the obvious that I want out of the way.

I do love my life as how it is right now, how it stands right now.

Many people might not see that, but I do.

I love my freedom. I’m not lonely, or do I ever get lonely, ’cause for the most part, I am hardly ever alone.

But what do I want?

I want a family. I want kids.

I would love to have kids of my own. I would love to have the opportunity to have the challenge that is being a father.

I would love that.

I would love to fall in love. Who doesn’t right?

But I know for sure I am not willing to compromise my independence, my freedom, and my life right now for someone who I don’t feel a connection for.

I know for sure that if I don’t end up with someone like that and be alone till my last breath, I know that I would definitely be okay with it.

I want to create.

I want to create. Whether it is music (which I have no experience in), films, writing, photography, joy, food; no matter what it is, I want to create.

I don’t care if I’m successful in the traditional sense of that word, as long as I keep doing it, I think I’ll be happy. I don’t need to make money from it. None at all. As long as I do it, I think that matters more to me than anything else.

I want to write.

I want to write more than screenplays. I want to write more than these words into this empty void. I want to write a novel. I want to write a novella. I want to write short stories.

Prose.

I want to write prose.

I want to tell stories with my words and my thoughts.

I want to make people cry and feel pain with my words. I want to make people laugh and shed tears of joy with my thoughts.

Stories.

It’ll be a slow process as I work on it. A very slow process of consuming words from other people and type words of my own.

Will I have the patience and stamina for it?

I don’t know.

All I do know is that I want it. I’m passionate about it.

It’s my drug of choice and I would love to have my words be another’s heroin and feed their addiction.

Words.

They are powerful, if you allow them to be.

* * *

Life is about collecting stories.

Stories from your experience and stories from others.

Make them yours and tell them to the world.

Share the wealth of experiences so it can help others who are going through dark pains that you’ve gone through and survived.

Give them hope. Be the faith that they need to carry them through that tunnel to that glimmer of hope that we all need to just survive and live again.

We all have joys.

We all have pains.

Miseries and adventures.

Be charitable and share them.

Who knows, maybe you’ll save someone’s life in the end.

Isn’t that worth it?

Be someone’s hero.

Thoughts.

A lot have been in my thoughts as of late.

I originally planned on working on something creative today, going back to my current script but I just can’t focus. There’s just too much on my mind.

Family. Family is on my mind.

I got news yesterday that my uncle isn’t doing so well. He’s dying of lung cancer. He doesn’t have long left in this world; about a month to three months left and the shit thing is that we just found out yesterday.

He’s been battling it with some success for the past year and a half to two years, and we just found out about it now.

Family. Family is on my mind.

Communication.

That’s one thing that my family could be better at. I guess that is one thing that most people can be better at. Just better communicators.

* * *

I guess I can understand why the secrecy, the privacy in this nature. It’s a big thing. I understand.

It’s your problem and you don’t want other people to worry about it. It’s my family’s way I guess. I don’t know. I just…there’s just…

Yeah. It is what it is.

But we now know.

And what can we do? Nothing.

Heavy hearts.

Family.

* * *

I’m sure I wrote about this somewhere in these vest words that I’ve written over the years, but I’m tired. I’m tired of seeing so many of my loved ones just go.

My father’s generation is slowly dwindling away. One by one, every few years, poof and they’re gone.

That is a part of life, nature working how it is supposed to, but I just thought that we would have a lot more time with many of them. Besides my grandparents, they were all so young. None of them reaching the age when my grandparents went.

Dwindling.

Loss.

Life.

* * *

I still have to call my mom later to let her know.

Of course she’s worried about my health and to my knowledge, I am fine.

I am healthy. I could be healthier. Fuck, everyone can be healthier.

* * *

So distracted today.

Thoughts are definitely elsewhere.

* * *

Things are just heavy today. Thoughts are just weighing me down. Life, nature, they’re getting in the way.

* * *

I’m off here in this void, exiled away from the rest of the world. Information just trickles down to me. No one tells me much of anything.

I’m sure that there is so much more in my family’s life that I don’t know about.

But to be fair, it’s not like I tell them everything either.

My life just goes on, day in, day out. Nothing much to report.

My day to day is the same as any other day.

I guess I just have no news.

No news is good news, I guess.

* * *

Exile.

I guess that was something I chose.

I moved down here with idealistic dreams, romantic notions. I was so young, so naive and such a dreamer.

Am I still?

I’m making an effort to keep in touch, to maintain some relationships and sometimes to make new ones, especially when it involves family.

Tis is life. My life.

This is how my world revolves and rotates.

All boiled down to my decisions.

We wrack ourselves up with our own guilt and our own voices and conscience, reliving our choices, hoping that we made the right one in most everything we do.

We are responsible for ourselves and no one, no deity, demigod, or otherworld spiritual presence is responsible.

Everything lies with us.

I make an effort with the ones I care for.

There is no guilt or regret there.

I try.

* * *

Trying to light up the dark

My mind moves in a slow haze, trying to find its way, connecting thoughts that once went so quickly, but not today.

My mind fogged by the copious amounts of alcohol I had yesterday and the nasty Freedom shots of vodka. In my opinion there wasn’t anything freedom about that. Nothing at all.

Yesterday for the most part was a blur, especially when I started to drink and had the shots in me. Before that, everything was fine, everything was okay; just the small chit chats of me being socially awkward at a party where I didn’t know that many people.

I tried. I did my best. The alcohol helped, but I hate the feeling after.

I shirked my responsibilities and didn’t get back to the dogs when I should have. One of the pups got scared. I’m sure it was Rocco. Paint shavings littered the carpet when I got home and a pee spot. Poor pups. I should have just gone home, but I was too drunk to drive. Blah.

Parties.

But overall, it wasn’t that bad. I don’t remember much of anything at all. Not sure how I came into conversations with the girl who was going back to Uganda for work. It was a long night and I went straight home and went to bed.

Long long day.

* * *

Slow.

Fingers are typing and punching the keys just a little bit slower than when it was full function. I can’t come up with thoughts in my head, I can’t come up with cohesive things to write about.

Just thoughts. Thoughts and thoughts.

Ugh, I’m just too old to be drinking like that. So much mixing. I’m smarter than that. I’m better than that. I’m just better than that.

No more. No more drinking for a while.

That bottle of wine in the fridge, it’s going to go in the sink.

Ugh.

* * *

Best laid plans / Are sometimes a one night stand

Smiling. Just a movie that makes me smile. Being Again. It just made me smile; the sweetness of the movie just touched my heart and not many movies as of late was had done that.

Not many at all.

Where we’re dancing in our tears

There’s his fucking young asshole who is sitting so close to me now. Fucking annoyed. He should just scooch a little over so he can be closer to the girl that he’s chatting with. Man up. Man up.

* * *

Music is off.

I’m listening to the conversation that is happening between these two.

Chinese movies. Jackie Chan singing. Mulan.

Just random convos by these random people.

Life is full of randomness.

Random.

I’m just rambling now. Just typing out words to just type out words like I need to reach a word quota for the day.

Am I getting close? What’s the quota? 500 words? 1,000 words? I guess I’ll see how close I get at the end of this hour and see how many words I get.

My mind drifts to eggplant and dinner and how to cook it. My mind drifts to food as I sit here kind of hungry, haven’t’ eaten something in about 24 hours. My mind drifts as it normally does.

Everything’s coming up roses

Ugh, it’s going to be a tough tough day for me. The day after of drinking so much. It’s almost as bad as weed. So slow. Brain moving in slow motion.

Saturday.

It’s just throwing me off, this whole holiday and three day weekend thing. I just don’t know what to do. Blah.

* * *

A break, why not?

Nothing here today is cohesive. I’m just free willy nilly chilly this thing today anyway. Might as well.

Obsessed. I’m obsessed with the music from Begin Again. Just obsessed and I can’t get it out of my head. Sure I am constantly listening to the soundtrack, to the songs to Lost Stars. Just obsessed.

I get this way about movies and books that just makes me feel, especially movies that come as an unexpected surprise. I had really no idea what I was expecting with the movie, but it was definitely pleasant.

I’m emo, I know. Blah.

Why is this fucking kid just fucking sitting right here next to me? Why?

Fucking personal space!

Such an off day today. Such an off day. Ugh. Alcohol.

Lots of ughs today.

Maybe I should just cook some rice and eat some of the braised pork belly I made yesterday, which was meant for last night’s dinner. Maybe I should.

Blah.

Prized writing today folks. Prized writing.

The sun shines bright outside, warming the comfortable air into a unbearable heat as I sit in this way too cold air conned establishment typing my fingers away.

As usual, I’m at my usual, doing my usual, in my usual manner.

I’m taking a break from trying to figure out how to proceed in the second act of my new script, trying to put all of the dots together. I know what needs to happen, or at least I think I do. I just need to figure out how to get there. I think.

But we will see. The idea is always in the back of my mind, just going and going, trying to fit these pieces together.

I just need to do a free write and get all of this junk out of my head so I can get a clear mind to really think about it.

Maybe.

Also, I’m just eyeing the score to the Brazil v. Chile Round of 16. Still at a 1-1 tie in the 100th minute. Extra Time.

My mind seems just distracted as I struggle to figure out how to write the second act. Damn the second act.

Fuck it.
* * *

Gilligan was successful once again. Great news as it means that the drives won’t get full again and the email will stop working.

Great.
* * *

Man, I’m really running out of things to just free write.

Too much on my mind? Maybe. Maybe not.
* * *

Is it sad that I saw a little Korean toddler come in and just can’t take my eyes off of her? So cute. I kind of hope that I would have one of my own one day. She’s adorable.

Maybe it is time to get serious. Maybe it is time to make changes. Maybe it is just time to just do it.

Maybe there should be no more maybes.

Just maybe.
* * *

I don’t think it is just a general lack of focus today. I don’t know exactly what it is. Maybe my mind is just in so many directions that I just can’t decide on what to do.

Stop it with the maybes.

Just stop it.
* * *

Man, I think this second act is really getting to me. I just have no idea what it is that I want to do. I need to do a free write of ideas just to get something out. Just type out a bunch of sequences of scenes that connects one to another. Just do a free write that way.

It helped me in figuring out the first act. Maybe that’s what I need to do, and that will be what is happening tomorrow.

I’m getting really rusty on this writing thing.

That is definitely the case and that is definitely what I need to do.
* * *

I love you.

Three little words that I have no problem saying.

I say it with passion all of the time. I say it with my whole heart every day.

But, I don’t think I’ll ever say it when it really matters to someone that really matters that isn’t my dog, my cat, or my family.

Seriously thinking about it, I don’t know. I just don’t know. The more I think about it, the more I feel that it just isn’t possible for me.

The more I think about it, kids doesn’t seem possible for me.

Hopeless.

Just hopeless.

My idea about romance and love and all of this soul mate shit is so twisted and just so unrealistic that it just won’t ever come to fruition.

Yes. It is definitely negative. Yes, it is definitely pessimistic.

But isn’t it realistic also?

I mean, I’ve been in a few relationships and they just don’t work out. Sure relationships end, I understand that, I realize that, but being in it, there were huge parts of me that just wants to pull away because it just feels suffocating and so taxing and just so much work.

It should be easy, right?

This whole falling in love thing, it should be easy.

See, just twisted thoughts on relationships.

But, a part of me know that it is complicated. People are complicated. Relationships are complicated. The heart is very complicated.

But why am I not willing to work for it? Why am I so adverse to making new friends and meeting new people? Why am I just so damn afraid of small talk?

It should be easy, right? Just asking a bunch of random questions, wanting to get to know the person, trying to build a report, trying to build a foundation to something.

It should be easy, but with me, it just never is.

I’m not trained to socialize. I’m not trained to play nice with others. I’m not trained to deal with people.

I’ve been such a loner for so long, this is the norm; being alone. Being around people is alien to me.

I’m 35 and there are times when I just don’t feel ready to do anything.

It seems like all I want to do is just to continue on this trajectory that I am currently on, living on my own, doing my own thing and having these little small connections here and there.

I don’t know.

I guess that is my problem, I just don’t know much of anything.

My world and world view consist of only this small bubble that is within my head, dealing and doing things that only matters to me and to me only.

On a side note, a young couple just walked in that I know have been together for ages, like from back in ’07. They always come into the boba shop and study together and I haven’t seen them in ages. They just came in to get some boba and I’m guessing to study together. It just puts a smile on my face to see that they are still together. It’s nice. It’s cute.

Back on track, back on my mind.

One of the new boba girls is cute. I don’t know what ethnicity she is, but definitely not South East Asian. Definitely young though.

Blah.

Just blah.
* * *

Live life simply.

Just live life simply. Do whatever makes you happy. Your happiness is what matters most, not others.

It isn’t your job to live your life according to someone else’s happiness. All in all, it is just yours that matters.

It is just that simple.

Live life simply.
* * *

I’m too distracted by FIFA. Penalty kicks.

Day over.

I was busy trying to finish my other entry about the trip and never got to the going on in my brain and the happenings with the brain doctor.

I’m fine. I’m okay, but there comes a decision that must be made.

That decisions is if I should adopt/foster children. It came down from my shrink that I should just adopt because it really does seem that I don’t want to be in a relationship.

It’s true. I’m not wired that way. I’m not the lovey dove romantic type that can be with someone.

All of this time I thought I was, but in practice, I don’t think I really am.

But let’s back up. Let’s go back a little bit, just a smidge to my big epiphany as to where this all came from.

It was quite simple actually, the answer there staring me in the face which I just never thought to put together.

Expectations. Approval.

All of these things factor into me being me. And with my father’s passing, I’m stunted. I’m stuck.

I’d always wanted to get my father’s approval and make him proud. Growing up, that was what I needed to do so he doesn’t get angry at me. I wanted to be the dutiful son and just wanted to make him proud.

I was the good boy, always tagging along at my father’s boot heels. Where he went, I wanted to go, whether if it was just the local Home Depot or even grocery shop. I strived to get his approval.

I got good grades. I got into college. I did whatever he wanted, even though there were times I feel like I’m disappointing him but I held the course.

When I moved down to Los Angeles I was jobless. So from our phone calls, he worries about me, wanting me to find something and eventually I did. That was the only thing that he would harp on while I was down here, the job.

Eventually, I did find a job while I was down here. I was fully self-sufficient independent. I paid my own bills, put gas in my car. I was truly on my own. That was the biggest thing that I ever wanted in my life. Just be independent, making my own decisions.

In a way, both my parents groomed me to be that. They instilled in my brother and I that we have to do everything ourselves. Can’t rely on anyone else for anything. The only person you can truly count on is yourself. I took that to heart.

My independence is very important to me.

And I got it. I got my father’s approval. Our talks wasn’t about him being worried about me finding a job, but just talks about what’s happening in our lives. It was great. It was what I always wanted in my relationship with my father.

Now, the only thing he’ll harp on or bring up is the girlfriend situation. He’ll slip in jokes about wives and girlfriends when he can.

For example, I told him I was sick, and he’ll make a point to find a wife so she can make soup for me.

I guess in the natural sort of way, that is the general progression of life. You’re an adult, now it is time to settle down and find a family.

My dad is very old school in a way. Both my parents were.

As I was talking things out with my shrink, it just came to me. Maybe I am this independent because this self-sufficiency that is me was the last thing that I ever gave my father and proved that I was capable of. It was the last thing that he ever approved of.

Maybe that is why I’m holding onto it so strongly. It was the last true thing that I was able to do for him.

As for the girlfriend, why even try? I won’t ever get is approval as to who I choose. He’ll never be able to see her. I’ll never get his approval as to whether he’ll like my girlfriend or not.

So why even try.

Maybe it’ll just be a reminder that I’ll never get is approval anymore, so stick to the thing that made him proud. My independence.

I know everyone says that he’s proud of me and that all he would want is to see me happy. I agree. I really do believe that my father and any father or parent just want to see that their child is happy.

I think he’s proud of me, but there’s a part of me that desperately needs that affirmation from him directly.

There will always be that part of me that doubts if he’ll approve since he’s no longer here. Even if I do find a beautiful girlfriend that I am just madly and deeply in love with and I am truly happy with, there’s still going to be that kernel of doubt there, deep inside.

I’ll never get to know if he’ll be proud of her. I’ll never get to know if he approves of her.

So why even try.

Why?

I’m stuck. I’m stunted. I can’t get pass this.

I see it. I understand it. I acknowledge this problem that I have and knowing is a part of the solution, but I don’t see a solution.

I just have to have faith I guess. Just have faith that my dad approves of everything I do that makes me happy.

Just have my mom’s approval be enough.

Just, hopefully.
* * *

So this brings us back to the beginning, my singledom.

My shrink just said up said, “I don’t think you want to be in a relationship, and you want kids. I think it is time you think about adoption.”

And I think she may be right.

I think for the most part that’ll be the only way that I’ll ever get to be the father that I’ve always wanted to become.

It’s a big decision. It’s big.

In a way, it is exciting, as my shrink says, but it is also scary.

Am I ready for it?

Am I?

I don’t know.

It takes a few years to get a kid, depending on which route I go; international adoption, adoption agencies, surrogacies, fostering.

So many options with so many pros and cons.

All I know is that it is going to be expensive. It’s going to be a lot.

I need to really think it through and really think what exactly it is that I want.

Once I commit to it, if I ever get a child, there’s no giving it back. None.

I have to take it and care for it and be there for the kid who isn’t my blood.

Am I capable of that? Is my heart that open?

Do I have the patience?

It scares me.

Maybe I am overthinking it, but it definitely scares me that I can’t handle it and I’ll get stuck in something that I can’t handle and then I’m stuck.

I just really need to take some time and seriously think things through until I’m comfortable to make a decision.

There is definitely a lot to consider. A lot.

Right now, if I really think about it, I’m not fiscally ready.

I just don’t make enough.

I have to make that consideration, but it shouldn’t stop me.

Just a lot to think about.

I really need to think about it.

I asked a couple of cousins and they were both supportive about it. So, in a way, this decision that I’m toying with is out there to family. It’s out there in the universe. I have to really think it through now.

I know deep inside my mom wouldn’t like the idea of me adopting someone. She wants me to have a child of my own; blood is important.

I have to be okay with my mom not be okay with it.

Can I?

Can I be okay with my mom not loving this adopted/fostered kid of mine not be mine?

I would like to think that I can, that I don’t care. The kid is mine and she’ll come around. I’ve made that commitment and she should be supportive. But I don’t know.

But then at least she’ll be there and I can see if she’ll be supportive or not and then I’ll have to make a decision.

This decision will definitely cause ripples in this deep ocean that is my life and maybe some family who aren’t so understanding.
* * *

I’m just not wired to be in a relationship. It’s really difficult for me to be in one.

Maybe I just haven’t found the one, that is true, but I don’t know. It’s going to be a lot of work that I don’t think I am capable of.

I just don’t know how to be in one. I don’t know how to be considerate. I’m not romantic, and in a way, I guess I’m just not really thoughtful.

I’m very selfish.

I don’t have much of the qualities that would make a great or even a good partner.

I have the qualities that makes me an okay person, but that can’t transfer over to being someone’s partner for life.

One of my life mottos is to never stop growing, never stop learning, and never stop being the best version of yourself.

Looking at my life, I’ve come a long long way from when I first started, but I really do have a very long way to go.

Patience.

My impatience will definitely be the death of me. This hamartia of mine.

And in a way, it is this hamartia which makes me reconsider this whole fatherhood thing.

Do I have the patience for it?

I honestly don’t know.

Even my pets definitely test my patience.

But we will definitely see.

We will see.

Tired and drained.

Sick and happy.

Hot and cold.

Traveling is often of one emotion but I’ve felt quite a bit during my SE Asia trip of 2014.

Much of it was induced by family and by traveling with people, others is just that I was sick and out of my element in some cases. But overall, looking back at the long and whirlwind trip, it was a good trip and experience of seeing new sights and experience new and different things.

I couldn’t have everything go my way. That would have been too easy.

But good trip.

Glad it is over ’cause I am tired and being sick during the middle of it didn’t help much. But good!
* * *

Singapore

It was probably the only portion of the trip that went according to plan or it was the only portion of the trip that went as closely as I would normally travel.

I think it was a great first stop from America to SE Asia, since it was quite similar in the sense of development and communication. Many of the citizens speak and communicate well with English.

We were able to get around without any problems at all, whether walking or taking the public transportation.

The amenities of hotel were like any other hotels that one will find in the states.

Overall, it was like going to another metropolitan area in the states. Not much different and it was a great transition.

The weather was hot and humid, which was expected.

We were caught in the rain in for maybe an half an hour or so, which wasn’t bad at all.

In terms of what we did, again, it was similar to what I would have normally done if I was on vacation on my own. As stated in an earlier post, I would have picked a few attractions and just do them, which was basically the plan and how things played out.

This was the most touristy of our trip, but it worked.

Never did I feel out of place nor out of my element in Singapore. From our first day there, walking that late evening to explore Chinatown and the night market, visiting the hawker stand and Maxwell Food Center, it was great.

I got a chance to walk the city, to explore, to plant my two feet and kept them moving and be a little adventurous.

My family was able to keep pace and come along for the ride.

Sure there were a few things that I would have done without them there, like explore the many temples that were there and maybe spend a little more time at the Clarke Quay and maybe went to a bar to unwind a little bit.

But since, I had to travel with other people, I wasn’t able to do it.

The food.

There were just so many choices in terms of food in Singapore. These little food courts with their different dishes and different kinds of food makes it so difficult. The price of these meals makes it even more difficult. One can get a really good meal for less than $10.

It was cheap and good and real food.

How many places in the states allow you to get an order of Hainan Chicken Rice and vegetables and soup for about $4 US? Nowhere.

What you’ll find in the states for a price like that is heavily processed fast food.

No wonder I didn’t see much of an obesity problem in Singapore with the locals.

They eat well.

There’s really no point to cook in Singapore. These hawker stands are everywhere. Every complex, mall, subway station, etc etc.

They are just everywhere. They provide good cheap food.

One thing I was disappointed in though was the taste of the Hainan Chicken. The chicken that was used was more of the young hen of the Foster Farms variety. I guess I kind of expected organic free range chicken like the kind that I had in Vietnam or even in Hong Kong.

So, there wasn’t much “chicken” taste, but overall it was still good. The different sauces with the chicken and the rice plus for the price. Worth it.

Different meals, different cuisines, all for a reasonable price.

Pretty much, this is all that we had at Singapore. Hawker food. Food court food. There’s just so much variety and so cheap, that it just made sense. Sure, I would have probably gone to an actual sit down restaurant to try something else out, but overall, it was a good compromise, even though I don’t think mom and Auntie were as ecstatic about it as my bro and I were.

Transportation.

Singapore is a very well connected city/country in terms of traveling, especially with their MRT transit system.

We just needed to rent an ez-link card, load it up with money and be able to read a map and we were on our merry little way. Also, the card isn’t strictly used for transportation, one can use the card in 7-Elevens and other stores and use it as a debit card. Very very convenient.

Something like that wouldn’t be able to happen in the states. We’re too wide spread to make something like that work.

The even great thing is that you can return the card at the end of your stay for a refund. So worth it.

Attractions, or what I would say, the touristy stuff.

Like I said before, Singapore was really the only place where we did the touristy stuff, because besides the touristy stuff, there wasn’t much to do, besides shopping and eating.

So, that’s what we did. Again, this portion would have gone down exactly, except for a few more excursions and outings, if I had gone alone.

The first day of exploration we did Sentosa Island after doing a little street exploring to find a place that sells SIM cards.

We did the S.E.A Aquarium at Sentosa along with Underwater World. Again, totally touristy stuff that one can actually do anywhere.

It’s a fucking aquarium for Pete sake, but it’s something to do. Overall, I was very impressed with the Aquarium. It was a very nice and large aquarium. The Underwater World wasn’t so impressive. It was just okay.

Afterwards we went to the Marina by the Sands Hotel and went up to the observation tower. The view was just nice as that area was pretty nice. They had this water show and everything.

Overall, I was thoroughly impressed by it.

The next day we did the zoo and the Gardens by the Bay.

Both of these were great. The zoo was a very great zoo. Not cages. No bars. There are some exhibits where the animals are just free to roam and I loved it. Haven’t been to a zoo where I can get so up close and personal with some of the animals before. It was pretty awesome.

The Riverworld was interesting, seeing all of those animals and river life from all across the globe. Interesting indeed.

Gardens by the Bay. Even though it was a garden, not unlike any other “garden” that I have been to, like Huntington Gardens, it was a little different.

We went at night, so we weren’t able to explore the garden stuff that was outside, but we did explore the Flower Dome and the Cloud. These were very interesting. There was a Tulip exhibit at the Flower Dome and it was just beautiful. These Tulips were marked and set up in these little flower beds next to make shift cities/homes/windmills. Interesting.

The Cloud. It was like an indoor skywalk that you explore of this big rock with plants and a waterfall. Difficult to explain but once you see it, you’ll understand. That was a trip and all of it is about the conservation of water and the environment. It was a very ecofriendly area.

Also, the Cloud and the Flower Dome both power the Super Trees or vice versa….They all power each other.

The Super Trees are these tall man-made structures that have plant life growing on it and is at the center of the garden. These large towers stand tall and light up in night and it was a spectacle. You can walk up among these trees and look out over the garden and it is just a sight to see at night, especially during the light show.

Overall, I liked Singapore. I was very impressed by the infrastructure and how friendly everyone is. There were a lot of tourists of course, but there were a lot of locals and there are times when I can’t tell them apart.

It was a true melting pot of cultures in my opinion. It was a great meld and how they incorporate it in their society. Music stations that plays a mixture of music from different cultures. English to Chinese and then back to English. You’ll never find that here or rarely would you ever.

They tend to stick to one language here, or I just haven’t been to a city where they embrace their multiculturalism as much as Singapore has.

But that was our last night at Singapore. I was starting to get annoyed by my aunt and everyone around this time, since they seem to can’t make a damn decision as to what they want to eat. I’m sure my aunt and mom were tired from all the walking and such, but yeah, I definitely remember I was very annoyed that last night as we are trying to find something to eat.

So, after going to a food court that my bro wanted to check out and deciding that he didn’t want anything and then going to a grocery store that my aunt wanted to go to buy water and bananas and NO ONE can decide on what they wanted to eat even though there were tons of options, I took charge and went to a hawker stand that I saw the morning before that we didn’t go to because it was all still closed.

I quickly decided on what to get and ordered and ate and called it a night.

After dinner, it was time to go back to the hotel and we were trying to find the closes MRT, but after a while, we just walked back to the hotel since it was just so close. It was about a mile or less, so i just walked it back. I knew my mom and aunt were tired, but it would have been a waste of money to just train it back.

Singapore. That was our time. That was our exploration. That was the beginning of our trip and we still have 10 more days left.

Vietnam

My homeland. My origins.

What can I say about Vietnam?

It was fucking hot. It was soul sucking, energy robbing, ridiculously hot.

It was just fucking hot.

There’s not much to say about it. It was just hot.

But Vietnam, it definitely has character.

The biggest impression that it left on me was a bad one. Almost from the get-go, it was a shit show. Sure it was my fault, but it just left a bad taste in my mouth.

We had visa issues. Unbeknownst to us, since we have loose visas, we shouldn’t paste them onto our passport because they had to stamp the back of it. Lesson learned.

So, what we had to redo our visas via Visas-on-Arrival, which was how I originally wanted to do it anyway. We paid the $45 necessary to do it and finally went on our merry way.

But to back track, something amusing did happen before all of this.

While standing in line at immigration, I noticed that the immigration office, a woman, was just Resting Bitch Face the whole time. It’s a natural Asian face that I have and dealt with many times before.

With each person that she stamped through and processed, stoned face.

Then to me, and the first thing was a small crooked smile. She went on processing me until she saw the visa and it drew a red flag. She proceeded to talk to me in Vietnamese, which I didn’t understand and tried her English.

So, the whole visa thing happened, and she told me to come back to her line after everything, which I did.

I got up to her again and she smiled her smile and finished processing me out. She asked if I queued up again and if I paid again. I told her I did, and she apologized and I said it was all right and we all left.

Visas. Lesson learned. Shit show.

We made Vi and her mom wait for us because of the mishap and I, we, felt bad.

We all piled into a taxi and went our merry way. It was just interesting to see how much of a moped, motorcycle, motorbike city, country that Vietnam was.

Zipping around everywhere are these two wheelers. They are stacked with one, two, or even five people. It was a family transporter and a van. Very interesting indeed.

As stated in an earlier post, there are street laws, but it doesn’t seem like many people follow these laws.

They make their own way. Don’t stop. Always go. Make your own way. It’s a very interesting way to live. Interesting indeed.

Then as we got to the hotel it was a shock to see how tiny it was and how the bathroom was situated.

It just wasn’t what we were used to or expecting. I’m sure if I went alone, I would have no problem with it, which I didn’t, but my mom and auntie did, and therefore we got another one after we came back from Hanoi and Ha Long Bay.

It was just crazy that the shower was just there in the bathroom, no partition, no tub. It was just a hand shower attached to a wall and the drain was in the middle of the bathroom. I have never experienced it. Definitely new to me, but interesting.

Then, going through my stuff as we were packing what we’ll need for the Ha Long Bay trip, I realized I forgot my Nexus on the plane. Fuck me.

Vietnam. Shit show.

I told mom and Vi and Vi made her calls.

We then went out to get SIM cards for our phones and to get dinner.

Dinner was good. We went to a night market and ate outside. Fresh grilled fish. Fresh grilled clams. Banh Xeo unlike those that I have had. Thit Nuong, which were a little too sweet for my taste.

But overall, dinner was good. Really good.

After dinner, we just went back to the hotel and crashed, preparing for our trip in the morning. Let’s just say that Vietnam works on its own time.

Our flight was originally set to fly at 8:10 in the morning, but Vi thought it would be a great idea to leave for the airport at 7 in the morning, but then we ended up going around 6 and already felt rushed and late. I hate that feeling. But as we got there, I believe we already knew that our flight was cancelled and that we were going to set up at 8:45. As we got to the gate, our flight was delayed another 45 minutes.

As we were leaving for the airport that morning, mom and auntie were discussing the hotel situation the next time we are back in the city. While we were getting SIM cards for our iPhone the night before, auntie was in the cab alone with the cab driver, who was Chinese. They were discussing the hotel situation and he sold her on the idea of getting a hotel near the airport. They were nice and cheap, only about $35. But then again, it was out near the airport, which is about 30 minutes away via city streets.

They were going back and forth about it because Vi said most other hotels were about $70/night, which I and most everyone else had no problems with. But they were just going back and forth, back and forth about it and I was getting tired of hearing it.

So, I was like, this is just annoying and that I’ll pay for the rooms myself. I was just fed up with people about that point. Annoying. I need to have patience, which I really don’t. Irksome.

I shit you not, not one of our flights out of Vietnam left on time. Always delayed. Always. Every time.

It runs on its own time.

Hanoi.

Again, our flight was delayed, but it seems that the tour group that set up the whole trip wasn’t notified, so our driver from the airport just left us. We were out front looking for the driver and mom had me call the travel company and I spoke with them in English, which was a little difficult since their English wasn’t that great.

Eventually, they said they were going to pick us up. Finally got mom on the phone with someone at the travel agency, speaking in Vietnamese, which she is fluent in, and got to talk with the driver, who eventually came.

But he was there to pick up a French tourist, and not us. But we got to where we needed to go, the hotel.

Shit show. Bad impression. Bad taste in our mouth.

Things just wasn’t working out well, and being the control freak that I am, I was very annoyed.

But we got checked in and everything and then we finally managed to get out of the hotel and to just explore Vietnam, Hanoi. I was able to do what I most wanted to do on vacations, city walks.

We explored the streets, the area and we found a lake that was nearby, Hoan Kiem Lake.

It was a leisurely stroll, and I was just getting adjusted to Vietnam in all of its glory.

It’s crowded and it’s busy. The little zippiness of the mopeds and motorbikes zooming everywhere. Horns honking from cars and even from the bikes to warn others that they are about to merge or change lanes or just being pissed off.

They operate by their own rules. They follow an understood chaos.

It was different.

I feel that it is a little more different than China, ’cause there, there are actual stop signs and signals. In Vietnam, there are hardly any. It was just a little crazy.

After we walked around, we went to get lunch and decided to go back to the hotel. There wasn’t really much around to do, plus it was so hot and humid, that it was just better to sit in the hotel anyway.

We went out to get dinner that night at a restaurant that we saw while walking back to the hotel. Little did we know that it was so expensive and they fucked up an order that we made.

I ordered in English and since the waitress didn’t understand “white rice” we had some issues in getting it. Since my mom is fluent in Vietnamese, I asked her, but instead of ordering it in Vietnamese, she tried to order it in English.

I didn’t fucking understand why she would do that. Eventually, she ordered in Vietnamese and we had our dinner and went back to the hotel.

Peeved. Annoyed.

The rest of the night went off without any problems. We just went back to the hotel and watched TV and just surfed the internet. Nothing too spectacular.

Then the next morning, it was time.

Before we left, we had an hour or so to kill waiting for our tour bus to come and pick us up. I decided to explore the neighborhood by myself and it was definitely much needed alone time and quite an adventure.

I wandered down an alley and was definitely blown away by what I saw.

Being in Vietnam these past two days or so, I don’t think I really saw a grocery store or a market of some type. At Hanoi, I finally understood while.

This alley near the hotel is like a market in itself.

There are different store fronts and different stalls of various sizes and each specializing in their own thing. One store will have vegetables and fruit. Another will have trinkets and drug store type things and there were butchers and fish mongers.

Keep in mind that it is humid and hot in Vietnam, but in the early morning, the heat isn’t too bad. I saw slabs of butchered pigs broken down spread out waiting for customers to buy. They’ll come and tell the butcher what they want and the butcher will cut up the pieces and weigh it in front of them. The same goes for fish.

One thing is for sure, the meat is fresh. Most of them were probably slaughtered a few hours or so ago.

You’ll never find something like that in the states. It’s all about refrigeration and cleanliness. Everything is processed and radiated and what not to make it edible.

Ahh, to be in a different country. It sure was an adventure.

Ha Long Bay.

So, coming back from my adventure, I told mom and aunt about it and showed them where it was. They bought some fruit and eventually our bus came and we were on our merry way.

On our tour there was a large Indian family, two Taiwanese dudes, and two Russian girls and then there was our tour guide, Mr. Strong. His English wasn’t that great, but it was passable and understandable.

So, we were on our way, a three or four hour bus ride to Ha Long City and Ha Long Bay.

When we got on the bus, the Indian family was already singing their songs and entertaining themselves. I’m not a people person, so I was already annoyed, but whatever.

Eventually I tuned them out as I just watched the country side just pass us by.

Looking out the window, I see the rice fields and farms just speed on by and then it was slowly replaced by small cities and main streets. Pho restaurants, internet cafes, garages and homes just passed on by.

It was different and yet, it was familiar.

In a way, life looked so simple. You open your store front hoping that customers will come. You sell your goods and then you close shop and go home. Simple.

The women that are at the side of the roads and highways selling their breads, their phos, their rice, and their goods and fruit, are just hoping that people will stop and just buy something from you and not the other vendor selling the same thing just a little down the road. They just need to sell a little and their day is a success.

Life is simple. But then, there is a complexity to that simplicity. What if people don’t stop and buy? What happens then? How much can one struggle? How many days can you go without selling something?

It’s not all that simple after all. Not at all.

Halfway we stopped at a rest stop and a duty free store gift shop thing. It was a ploy for us to stretch our legs and spend money and rejuvenate their economy. In a way, I don’t blame them. You kind of have to do what you have to do.

But the thing is, everything was so expensive.

They’ll have these stitching art made by quite a few of these “artists”. They’ll just sit there all day, doing their stitches, following their patterns. I wonder how much money they make. Did they get a share of the profits from the art that they made? I wonder.

One thing I did notice about them, many of them were disabled. In a way, it is a good place for them, especially if they can get a steady paycheck of just sitting there and stitching or interacting with customers trying to sell goods. It’s a good way for them to not feel disabled, that they are able to work.

But, maybe it wasn’t so great. I don’t know and I’m not going to pretend to know, but I can hope.

Hope.

But I digress. Ha Long Bay.

We finally made it and it is almost exactly what I hoped it would be, except it was crowded. Way too crowded, but that is expected when it is the number one tourist destination in Vietnam.

Tourists and crowds aside, it was just simply majestic. The towering spears of islands all scattered in the bay is peaceful and tranquil.

I have never been the type to just lay around sunning and “resorting”, but I wouldn’t mind just doing it here and I actually did. I just sat up at the top in one of the reclining sun chairs and just watched the landscape flow and ebb into what it is.

Simply gorgeous.

But being me, I was eager to explore and play.

After lunch, that’s what we did. We started the activities of our little boat tour.

First up on the list, kayaking to the caves and then to the nearby fishing village.

Well, first off, I was debating whether I should bring my dslr because I was afraid it’ll get wet, but I ended up bringing. As we were kayaking, my bro told me that he can do the kayaking while I take pictures and he wanted a picture of him, which he rarely asks for.

I like this new brother. It is definitely in the right direction of how he should be. He lost a lot of weight, he looks good. I think he’s becoming comfortable with who he is.

I hope that he and his secret family is happy or if he’s putting that picture as a profile pic, all the better for him.

We approached the cave and I then went exploring this cave. It is pretty big, but not as big as the biggest cave that we went to the next day. As everyone gathers by the shore waiting for the rest of our tour, I wandered. Exploring. Taking pictures.

After the rest of the tour got there, they explored everywhere and then Mr. Strong Man took a whole group picture with my camera.

Next up on our tour is to kayak to the neighboring fishing village.

Easy peasy as we kayaked there. One thing I do have to say, the Russian ladies were good. Hien and I were good, but in a way a little out of sync with each other therefore we had some directional issues.

As stated before earlier, looking and seeing how these fishermen live, I have nothing to complain about.

Many of them live in these little shacks tied together, floating on the bay anchored down by something for most of their lives. Their livelihood is fishing and selling goods. This is their home. This is their way of life.

Women are out there on these little rowboats filled with goods for sale. They row to each and every cruise/tour boat hoping that someone would buy something. They do this day in, day out, until the sun sets. Then they row back home and do the same thing the next day.

I have nothing, nothing to complain about in my life. My life is a pleasure cruise compared to this. It is quite humbling to see that.

It’s tough and a little sad to see it.

But there’s a beauty to it. The simplicity of life. No phone, no internet, no electronic connections. Just day in day out hard labor. It’s a romantic notion.

After visiting the small floating village, we kayaked back and got onto our little transport vessel and went to the white sands beaches.

We were there for an hour and Hien and I hiked up to the peak along with many other tourists while mom and auntie stayed in the cabana with their coconuts.

The hike was good. It was short, good incline and wasn’t tough. It was a good work out after being sedentary for so long. It was a welcome relief. Afterwards we hiked down and I explored the short narrow span of the beach to watch the monkeys feed on apples.

After a while, we were done. Our day was over. We got back on our smaller boat to head back to the main boat. The sun was falling, sinking lower and lower every minute.

While everyone else went to go clean up after they got on the boat, I went to the top and just watched the sunset. It tranquil, beautiful and just majestic.

I thought the main Indian guy would be up there taking pictures also, but he wasn’t. As my bro and I watched the sunset, things just got quiet.

It was peaceful. It was nice. I can imagine myself just being there, for the rest of my days with nothing to do but to watch sunsets on a boat. It was a life. The life.

I’ve never been the resorting type, of just relaxing by the pool, sunning, but I can see the appeal of it.

The sun fell below the horizon, and soon dinner was ready after a quick class on how to make summer rolls (fried egg rolls). We were joined by the two Taiwanese boys and noticed how the tables were set up. All the Anglos were on one table, the East Asians at one table and the Indians were at the others.

Just an observation.

After dinner we were left to our own devices.

I went upstairs and just sat in the dark, taking in my surroundings, looking up in the sky waiting for the moon to set hoping to see the twinkling stars and the Milky Way, but it never came.

There was too much light pollution and the clouds were slowly drifting in. It was approaching 9:30pm and I can feel an onslaught of fatigue coming over me.

I haven’t felt this way in a while. My body just gave up on me and I couldn’t figure out why.

I decided to hit the sack early that night since I’m waking up uber early (5:20 or so) to watch the sunrise.

I woke up with a cold. I was sick. NO! I couldn’t believe I got sick on vacation, but it happened. There was just too many late nights and early mornings with very little sleep and just ice cold air conditioning blowing down on me and then high heat and humidity when stepping out of the hotel room. Plus I probably got a bug before I even left or on the plane.

I didn’t really sleep well that night, but I got up at the time I was supposed to and just went up to the top. It was quiet and peaceful. Most of everyone was still awake, except for mom and auntie whom I can hear talking loudly through the quiet hallways. They couldn’t sleep either, so they got up and chatted.

Getting up to the deck, I just knew that sunrise pictures would never happen. There were clouds.

I waited up top for about 40 minutes before I decided to go back to the room to try and get more sleep. That never came so I decided to just start my day. After my shower, I knocked on mom’s door and told them to be quiet since I could hear them from across the hall and told them other people were sleeping, PLUS, I asked for some meds.

So our second and last day at Northern Vietnam starts.

Breakfast was breakfast and then we started our last activity, the biggest cave in Ha Long Bay.

It was quite impressive. Very impressive.

It was the cave that I wanted to go to and it was a sight to take in. The size of it was just mind blowing and awesome. Auntie thought it was man made, but it wasn’t. Sure the decorations and making it more accessible was helped by man, but the creation of it was natural.

It got crowded at a few points, but that still didn’t take away from the experience of exploring the caves. It was great.

Then it was time to relax after that tour. We got on our boat and I just sat up on the top, and closed my eyes, resting as we made our way back to Ha Long City. I was sick and I just needed rest.

We had lunch when we got back to shore and I gave out my email address to the rest of my tour so I can email them pictures when they are up.

Then we got back on the bus and headed back. I knocked the fuck out.

We got back to the hotel that we checked out of the morning before waiting for our ride to the airport. We were leaving pretty much during rush hour traffic.

I loved that driver. He was badass. He was a very aggressive driver, much like me when it comes to driving and finding ways around slow drivers, but he was just 100 times more aggressive because it is Vietnam.

I was impressed.

But of course, the flight got delayed about 20 minutes. No fucking flight in Vietnam ever leaves on time.

I just wanted to get on the plane and knock the fuck out.

It was a bumpy flight with lots of turbulence. The woman next to Hien puked. It was kind of disgusting.

The flight in itself was nothing spectacular besides the crappy pilot and the turbulence. The landing was pretty shaky too. Vietnamese pilots. Just shaking my head.

Vi waited for us as usual, bless her for being our tour guide and dealing with us. She brought us to our new hotel, a much better hotel than the first one we stayed in when we first got to Vietnam.

There were two double beds and it was in a large room. I believe it was about $70/night. Not bad actually. Vi brought our luggage and put it there, but since she didn’t have our passports, she had to pay cash for the first night that we stayed there.

So, we just settled in for the night for the next morning, we’ll be taking the bus to Long Khanh, our village home in the countryside. It was about a 3 hour bus ride.

I was still sick when I woke up in the morning, still a little bit under the weather. Just a smidge.

Mom and auntie went to get their eyebrows did and then came back with some Banh Mi for my bro and me. It actually tasted like any other Banh Mi that you would get here, but a little dry, but not bad and then we were off.

Vi walked us to the bus, which was about a quarter of a mile away. It seemed like a fairly simple almost straight line to the bus, but being unfamiliar with the streets and the area, I couldn’t keep track or remember the route exactly. We were debating how we were going to get home, I thought I could remember, but I looked up the hotel on Google Maps and it was there. We were set, well, at least I thought we were.

Either way, we were off. The bus trudge along for the long ride, picking up passengers along the way, slowly filling up with more and more people. I passed out for most of it, trying to save up strength and to rest my fragile sick body.

On the bus, there was this older grandma, who was Chinese, and she told us exactly where to get off. No problem. We were set and for the most part, it wasn’t a bad trip.

As we got into a cab to take us to our final destination, our Adopted Auntie’s house, I was actually taken aback. Looking out the window and just seeing the country side pass us by, I guess I was expecting something totally different. I was imagining a vast jungle and country, but in a way, it was kind of developed. I was expecting huge farm fields and acres and acres between houses, kind of like Gifu’s house in Fresno.

I was just very surprised, that it was kind of like a small town suburbia surrounded by open land and trees and small farms. It was just different, and very hard to describe.

Again, being here, my expectations were just blown away. It goes to show not to have any expectations, ’cause I guess in a way, I really didn’t know what to expect. It was just very different, very calm, as it should be, but different. Very hard to describe.

I guess in a way, I thought it would be a lot more run down and dingy than it was.

We got to Adopted Auntie’s around noonish and as we were settling in, adjusting to the heat and our surroundings, Adopted Auntie was getting everything ready to go to the cemetery.

There was a tractor being back into Adopted Auntie’s driveway. On the back of that said tractor were two little girls. One is about seven, and the other is about four. They were quiet. They were shy. They DID NOT SMILE.

I’m sure they are wondering who the fuck are we and where we were going as their father navigated the tractor through the narrow paved country suburban streets.

As we were going with the breeze cooling us down, the sun and the heat wasn’t too bad. It was more the heat than anything else.

Mom showed us and pointed out the neighborhood as we passed. Showed us such and such uncle’s house and where our old house was. They are all run down old broken dreams that were full of memories.

We continued to go along as I continued to fuck with the kids and try to make them smile. They never did, especially the little one. I got a great picture of them, especially the little one. She’s too cute, but not too smiley.

We paid our respects to my maternal grandparents, burning our incense, saying our prayers, burning our offerings and as quickly as we got there, we were on the way back.

When we got back to Auntie’s house, I explored her backyard, looking at all of the exotic fruit trees that she had in her back yard. Jumbo jackfruit hanging from thread thin branches, bunches of tiny bananas turning brown up high in the tree and other exoticisms. Her three dogs were just chilling in the back, the mother, who recently just gave birth to a small litter, was barking at me, scared at the stranger that is in her domain. But eventually, she calmed down as Auntie put her in check.

Auntie was preparing lunch for us and so Mom said she was going down a few houses to visit some relative and so Hien and I went. It was the house of the two little girls.

As we were there, just chatting and mom and they are catching up, the younger girl just chilling on her own as her older sister got dropped off at school. I for the life of me, don’t know the relation of them. Sure the mother looked vaguely familiar and then I heard the name of the two cousins who live in Sacramento. I’m sure it’s because I was sick at the time, but I didn’t hear correctly but thought that she was my aunt, my mom’s biological sister. But the more I thought about it, and listening to the clarification, it seems that she is the older sister of the two cousins that live in Sacramento.

They are my cousins.

That was when I started to take pictures of them. It’s always nice to see family and to get to know family a little bit more.

As we walked back, mom mentioned the house next door to Auntie’s and said it was haunted. It was run down, and no one lives in it. Stories go that squatters would go and spend the night and then disappear in the morning. Ahh, stories. I wonder if there are any veracity to them.

Hien and I sat in the living room, just chilling as the little girls’ father was taking care of their youngest daughter, a baby, swinging her in the hammock and we’ll just talk. Talk about our lives, where we work, how life is in America, etc etc.

One thing that I loved about being back there is that Hien is speaking more and more Chinese. It’s just great to see that he still has it in him, ’cause it’ll be a shame to lose it. It’s something unique, something great to be able to speak another language, your first language, your family’s language.

So we made conversation and then we ate these exotic fruits that Auntie got for us. There were rambutans, mangosteens, and durians. I tried them all. I am usually not a fan of Asian fruits, even now, I’m still not, but when in Rome…

The rambutans were all right, but I thought it just wasn’t sweet enough. The Mangosteens were very interesting. In a way, very citrusy in flavor, but the texture was very different, but it was actually pretty good. The durian was a durian. The smell wasn’t as overpowering as it could have been, and the custardy distinctness was the same as ever. Just not my cup of tea.

Then lunch was served.

It was actually nice to have, in a way, a simple home cooked meal. I miss those.

Auntie got two kinds of chicken. One was the castrated rooster everyone raves about and the other were egg laying hens. There was roast pork from the cemetery, soup and my favorite, ong choy.

The ong choy was good as was the pork.

Actually everything was good. I was a little disappointed in the castrated rooster, because I probably built it all up in my head and expected something more.

The castrated rooster had a lot of chicken flavor and it was very crisp. The meat was a little tough. There was a definitely a bite to it compared to the hen, which was very soft and smooth. Different indeed, but if I had a choice, I’d choose the hen all the way. Definitely, the hen done in a simple poach.

There was definitely a lot of leftovers left and of course Auntie wanted me to eat more, but when I declined, she had to accuse me of being a guest. Love her, even though that was the third time I met her.

I met youngest son, even though we didn’t talk that much.

Lunch was over and we chilled and rested up, eating the fruits and just catching up before we had to go. While we were there, an old grandma came over. She was an old family friend or something who Big Auntie doesn’t remember.

As the old grandma was talking to me, of course the whole “Are you married?” question came up and I said no. Then of course, she went on a rant about how I need to get married and start a family and that it was just only natural and the best thing to do.

It’s funny how even strangers are pressuring me to get married.

After a while, it was time to leave. A cab was called and we just got back with more fruit than when we came, got on the bus and prepared for our long three hour bus ride back.

It might have been a lot longer, with the horrible end of day traffic. I know I pretty much passed out for the first half of it. As we kept on driving back to Ho Chi Minh City, we picked up more and more passengers until it was just packed. I think it took so long, the woman behind me had to pee in a bag and as we were getting into the city, she demanded to be let out in the middle of the roadway. She got out, but then the bus driver told her to get back on and drop her off at some place safer.

Then, we crawled our way along with traffic and more and more people are demanding to be let out at these random places and the once crowded bus only had a few stragglers left, including us.

Once we reached the end is where the real fun started.

Again, none of us remembered how to get back to the hotel, but we got google maps and I did a search for our hotel and then we were on our merry way. It looked right, but the distance seemed a lot further than what I remembered. But we marched on anyway, me navigating.

As I followed the map, I heard mumblings from mom and Big Auntie about them being tired and not remembering if it was the right way. Again, I have no fucking clue. I’m just following the map. Hien is getting worried too. I’m starting to have doubts also and when we got to our final destination, our hotel wasn’t there.

Google maps lied. It lied! How was I supposed to know not to trust Google maps when in Vietnam?

Hien got audibly upset and I just snapped back, hey, I’m just following a map. We hailed a taxi and sorted out where we needed to go as Hien checked Google maps for the hotel. Where was it at? Where we were picked up. That was the end of that. No word from him.

We got to the hotel, I’m still a little peeved by the ridiculousness of all things Vietnam, I noticed the cute concierge behind the Hotel counter and walked straight up to her. I would like to think she noticed me too and I think she did. I asked for the wifi password so I can just surf the web and just relax.

We went up to our room and I just waited for Vi to come. We were going to the airport to the Lost & Found to get my Nexus back. We did and we paid the fee, I unlocked my precious device and we were reunited. Ahh, I love my tech.

On the taxi ride back, I asked mom about Vi and if we are going to pay her back, ’cause she’s done a lot for us. She got us our SIM card, paid for our hotels, some taxi rides here and there. We have to pay her back, especially for her in helping me get back my Nexus. We discussed it and worked everything out to pay her some extra money the night before we really leave.

Vi is Thien’s father’s niece, so in a way, she friend of the family if not family itself. Thien’s mom told her to take a week off so she can help us out getting around Ho Chi Minh and to help us get whatever we needed.

Vi worked with her sister at a Travel agency. Her English is okay. Apparently she can read better than she can speak. She helped us book the tour to Hanoi and Ha Long Bay. She makes about 6 Mil Dong a month, doing what she does, which is roughly $287/moth. I don’t know how that fare in the grand scheme of Vietnam, but it’s peanuts here in the states.

She’s doing a lot for us and we just needed to pay her back.

So, in the end of that night, she got dinner for us, bun coun. It was so good.

We are down to out last full day in Saigon. I think mom and auntie went to get some new eyebrow tattoos this morning and so Hien and I went to get some pho.

What can I say about the pho in Vietnam? Overall, I can say that I was a little disappointed in it because it totally wasn’t what I was expecting. The broth was sweet, and sure there was the usual MSG in it, but it was sweet. I have issues with food that is supposed to be savory but is actually sweet. Just not my thing. So, a little disappointed, but it wasn’t that bad. It was just different. Just not what I was used to.

So far in Vietnam we have been good about drinking water and staying away from ice, but again it’s Vietnam and it has been so fucking hot here, plus we are eating pho, I kind of had to get some Vietnamese Iced Coffee. It was really good.

So we chowed down on our pho, Hien almost puking because he sucked in too much air because he made his soup so spicy that it was just too much for him. I would have been really embarrassed if he did puke, but thankfully he didn’t.

After breakfast, we just made out way back to the hotel and waited for mom and Auntie to come back.

Water. More specifically bottled water in Vietnam is fucking cheap. I can get a 2-liter bottle of Aquafina water for $.50. Where in the US can you get something like that? Why is water so damn cheap in Vietnam and we are paying an arm and a leg for it here? Just blows my mind. But thankfully it was cheap ’cause we were just chugging water.

Today was just a day of doing whatever. We didn’t really have anything planned, or at least I didn’t really have anything planned. I didn’t really look into doing anything in Vietnam since I really didn’t know the specifics of our itinerary until we left for the trip, so I wasn’t able to look into things to do in Vietnam.

So, on our last day, we just went to visit some of these big street/flea markets – An Dong Market. It is a giant bazaar type market that sells pretty much anything you can imagine. Fruit, cooked food, dried seafood, medicine, shoes, clothes, anything you can probably think. We just walked through a few of these stalls trying to find some dried sand worms for Auntie.

Now, I’m not a bargainer. I’m not a price haggler. I get it, but I really don’t. So, in a way, it was just frustrating for me watching this dance that my Auntie does with the seller about knocking the price down for these sand worms (which is already significantly cheaper than what she would have to pay in the states) and the seller will try to haggle for a little bit of a higher price than Auntie’s asking price.

I hate it. It was for me a waste of time. I could be wandering off, venturing somewhere, seeing different things or doing anything else other than just standing there watching this. Again, I didn’t have anything else to do, but I couldn’t be there.

It was just frustrating. Very frustrating for me that I had to endure that. I guess I just have to be patient. Character flaw, my lack of patience. It is my hamartia.

I even told mom that this is the reason that I usually travel alone. She gave me a look.

Patience.

In the end, after Auntie got her dried seafood and took a look at the stall that sells luggage, we went back to the hotel.

It was just too hot out in the middle of the day to do anything. It was just too much. So, we went back to the hotel and just chilled until later at night when we would go to dinner to the same place that we went to the first night we were in Vietnam.

By the afternoon, I was in desperate need of some alone time. I needed to get away from Hien, my mom, and my auntie. I needed to spend some time alone and so I went down to the lobby, plugged into some music and just typed away.

I looked and studied my brief experience from Vietnam and put my thoughts onto the proverbial page. It was definitely a much needed catharsis for me. I just had to be like the citizens on the street, to just pave my way and go with the flow and ultimately to just let it go.

Let it go.

While I was down there, capturing my thoughts, Vi came and I guess it was just time for me to close up and go.

We all got ready and took a cab to the night market. When we got there, they were just setting up so we just walked about the area a little it. It seems like the area was their version of Rodeo Drive with the high end shops and the river front and what not. Then we just got dinner, pretty much almost exactly what we ate the last time and made it back to the hotel.

There we gave money to Vi, of course she tried to slip out, but we stopped her and paid up and that was that.

The next day we just got up and took a cab to the airport for our last leg of our trip, Hong Kong.

I was feeling better since the day before, but mom looked horrible. She was definitely sick, tired, and not up to do anything.

Of course our flight was delayed. It’s Vietnam. A shit show.

Hong Kong

The flight to Hong Kong wasn’t anything special. The only problem is that it was raining when we landed and pretty much didn’t let up the whole time we were there.

We checked into our very very tiny hotel and just told mom to rest since it is raining so we weren’t going to do anything that day. We would get her later in the evening to just get some food.

During that afternoon, Hien and I tried to find something to eat and Hien tried to use the SIM card he bought in the HK Airport in the hot spot he got for the trip and it worked. We got our internet.

There wasn’t technically free wifi at our hotel, well, not in the traditional sense of it. What we did have was a Handy device that can be a mobile hotspot. The Handy is technically a cellphone with gps navigation and data/web access. It was definitely something that came in handy when trying to find directions on google maps and trying to find places to eat through openrice.

As the time approached to get dinner, Hien and I went out to explore our surroundings. We were in Mong Kok, across from Hong Kong Island. I didn’t think it was a bad area to stay and according to mom and Auntie, it was definitely better than the hotel they stayed at when they were last here.

After scoping out our surroundings and options, I saw that they had a buffet at the hotel next door and that is where we went. It was good. I did enjoy the food very much, but it was fucking expensive. Thankfully Hien paid.

After dinner, we just went back to the hotel room and called it a night. I turned on the Hong Kong movie channel and just chilled.

The fucking rain was fucking disappointing; putting a damper on our plans.

The next day was our only full day in Hong Kong. From the looks of things, mom had a very restful night. She looked 100% better and she felt better. She raved about how great and comfortable the hotel was. Good for her.

We started it early, walking to get some Dim Sum. It was really good. The bamboo rolls were cooked just right, instead of being overcooked and dry that usually happens here in the states. The dumplings were great and the bbq pork buns were fucking great. It is the only Michelin starred dumpling/dim sum restaurant in the world and it was definitely good.

Afterwards, we walked to the MRT and made our way to see the Big Buddha. It was the only thing that I had on my itinerary in Hong Kong, well, that and Victoria Peak, but more on that later.

We got on the train and just made our way to the last stop. From there we took about a 30 minute cable car ride to the top of the mountain to the tiny village.

From here, we just took our time wandering the tiny village, slowly making our way to the stairs that lead up to The Big Buddha.

Of course it wouldn’t be a touristy place if there weren’t cafes and gift shops all along the way.

Once we got to the stairs, mom and Auntie were thinking about not going up and Hien and I were very curious as to why. They said they were tired, but it’s such a short climb up. Just climb slowly. Eventually they decided to go up.

Hien and I went up, taking in the scene, maneuvering our way around the crowd. We actually spent a lot of time around there, as we just walked around and then went inside the Buddha. Mom and Auntie went to the gift shop that was there and bought some trinkets and gifts for people.

Once we were done with the Buddha, we went to the monastery to give some prayers and then mom and Auntie got a few things from the vegetarian deli. At that point, the rain continued.

We walked our way back to the cable cars and made our way back to the hotel. We spent the rest of the day inside, since the rain didn’t let up. We stepped out to get some Asian bakery. Those were pretty good too.

We stepped out for dinner at a local restaurant.

It was pretty damn good. The roasted goose was really good. Not as fatty as duck was in my opinion, but pretty damn good. The beef hot pot was great and the special ong choy was pretty awesome. Auntie wanted some quail and those were good too. It was cooked way better than any of the quail that I had here in the states, which tend to be over cooked and dry. This was moist and crispy. Very very good.

Let’s just say that the food in Hong Kong is top notch.

After dinner, I decided to go to the harbor front since it was so close. Mom and Auntie didn’t want to go. I was going to go regardless and Hien decided to tag along.

So we went. We went to visit the Avenue of Stars and the view of Hong Kong at night was just spectacular. It kind of made me sad that the weather was that horrible because I really wanted to go to Victoria Peak and just overlook the harbor. That picture would have been awesome. Damn the rain.

Just not my luck this year. Maybe next time if we ever decide to visit South East Asia again.

Walking the Avenue of Stars we got to see the Bruce Lee statue. Of course we stopped for pictures on that one. I’m really glad that I went. I would have definitely gone and wandered more if I did go alone, might as well just do it. I’m here and no rain is going to ruin this for me. Definitely glad that I saw Hong Kong all lit up.

On the way back from the MRT to our hotel, it just poured. The sky just opened up and drenched us with rain.

The next day, we just had the day and we honestly didn’t have much planned.

Mom and Auntie weren’t hungry since they had the left over bakery for breakfast. So we decided to take a cab to the Langham Place, a mall next to the Women’s fashion district. We chilled there for a few hours and had lunch. Afterwards, we decided to go to the Hong Kong Museum of Art.

For the most part, I actually enjoyed it. I didn’t care much for the ceramics and antiques and jade stuff. The scrolls were good, but not great. What really got my interest was the special exhibit of Ju Ming’s art. It was definitely a little bit different. I definitely loved his “self-imprisonment” pieces.

Loved the idea that marriage is a self-imposed prison. Definitely very different.

The other modern art by the other artists were interesting too, especially some of the photography exhibits.

Then we just got a cab back to the hotel and then we just waited for our bus back to the airport.

We got dinner at the airport. Hien and I got some bbq pork and some Hainan chicken. Now this chicken was definitely much better than Singapore’s. It actually tasted like chicken. It was organic and free ranged. So good.

I also got some Hong Kong Milk Tea. I enjoyed it for the most part, but I definitely didn’t expect it to taste that way. I guess I expected it to taste like the boba milk tea, where it was sweet. Definitely not. It was definitely different.

After dinner, we just went to our gate and just waited.

The sky was angry that night. The storm was brewing as rain just fell and fell and the night lit up with lightening and roared with thunder.

We waited and waited and then we had a gate change and then waited and waited some more.

Once we got on the plane we waited even more. Our flight was delayed a full three hours. The weather had something to do with the delay, but apparently China grounded our planes too.

Weird.

The flight back wasn’t anything special.

But we made it back.
* * *

Our big family vacation was over and I guess it’ll be another year or two, or more until our next one. Until then, I’ll just have my small road trips and weekenders from time to time until it is time again to go abroad.

This trip definitely taught me that I just need to be patient and to just let things go. I was definitely annoyed by family from time to time. Maybe I’m just getting old and crotchety but I definitely need to just let things go and go with the flow.

It should have been a very relaxing trip, but I don’t know why it just seemed so stressful to me.

Control. A lot of things were just out of my control. In the end, the rain didn’t really bother me about Hong Kong. It happens, but then again, that was after the much needed alone time that I needed when I was in Vietnam.

Hopefully I can just get my shit together and be more patient with the people that I am traveling with.

But yes, definitely, like most every other family trip that I had, there’s a huge part of me that wants to go back on my own and venture some more.

One day.

Maybe.