Category Archives: Uncategorized

To Cheer Chen

No, not to cheer on Chen, but to Cheer Chen.

Name. Artist.

Taiwanese Singer.

She’s my playlist today as I do my little diatribes.

I would describe her as whimsical folky and I like that description.

Starting anew.

* * *

I can think clearly today. One day alcohol free. That’s a good thing. No more slowness. No more blah.

I can think freely and a little quicker than where I was yesterday.

I feel better. I feel good.

A smidge tired, but I’m always a smidge tired.

Hopefully today would be a good writing day as I just write and write. More than the two pages I got yesterday.

Bad day yesterday. Horrible.

* * *

Lots of traveling to consider in the next few months.

A small road trip up the coast to a friend’s wedding at the end of May and then my first hiking nature vacation of the year, Crater Lake.

I’m really looking forward to that, to go out to the fresh air and to just explore and be one with nature.

I need to relax.

Afterwards is when the trouble comes in. I know I may have to go to Chicago at the end of July or early August for the move.

I have Uncle’s memorial on July 28th. I don’t know what is going to happen, but I guess we shall see.

It’s something that I’ll have to play by ear. It’ll be something that I’ll just have to wing it and hope for the best.

We shall see.

* * *

I have a vague memory of a dream last night. My dad was in it. He’s sitting on that deep purple maroon couch that we had; his spot, and he’s looking really happy.

I think he was discussing food choices or something. I don’t remember. I was standing near the sliding kitchen door. I don’t remember, but he looked happy.

That makes me happy.

I miss him.

* * *

There’s a line today. There’s a long line of people waiting for their tea.

They are slow behind the counter today. I don’t know why, but they’re people just sitting. Maybe it is just the new girl is being slow, or maybe she’s the only one and the little opener isn’t behind the counter at all. She’s in the back kitchen preparing something.

I don’t know, but it is interesting.

I guess today is going to writings of whatever comes to mind or whatever observations.

* * *

Relax.

I just want to relax some more today. I don’t want to think about chores. I don’t want to think about cleaning. I just want to think about work.

I just want to veg out in front of the tv, watching whatever shows or the bluray that I have and zone out.

I just may do that. Forgo the vacuuming and sit in front of the tv with my chips and guac and just veg out.

We shall see when I get home.

I for sure don’t have to cook tonight, so everything, all responsibilities are just to me and my pets. Nothing to worry about anymore.

Not today.

Work stuff can wait till tomorrow, because that’s all that I can do, wait.

* * *

Orders are called out and then picked up. The little tea shop empties, one by one, soon, I’m the only one in here typing away to the folksy whimsy in my ear.

I’m coming up with words to type and stories to tell.

Maybe I’ll have something worth mentioning. Something worth saying.

Hopefully.

Maybe it is time to start thinking about prose again, to take a break from my other writing projects, my scripts and just hope for the best.

Or I could just wait for the draft of Her Secret Service from Bradley and see where he takes it and maybe add something to that.

I don’t know.

I just know that I need to focus on something that I am interested in.

I think I just lost focus on my last one and I couldn’t figure it out. I lost the narrative, knowing that I was writing myself in a hole that I couldn’t get out of.

I have to rethink it. I have to look it over and rework it to something more manageable, something more exciting.

It changed a lot from what I originally had planned, even though I didn’t have a clear plan or direction. I wrote it organically and that’s where I ended up.

I took a wrong turn somewhere and I just have to find my way back.

I’ll figure it out.

* * *

Tights over daisy dukes.

It’s the new thing. Weird, but I guess it works for the modest.

I think I’ll end it here today as I need to get on my little haikus.

Drone on quietness

Another weekend and another day that the new spotify app is fucking me over.

Maybe it isn’t Spotify but the internet here at Volcano today. I don’t know what it is, but it is getting a little irksome. Very irksome.

Damn, even their website is shit. There’s no easy link to get to the web player. I have to fucking google where the web player is.

I’m seems I’m getting angrier and angrier every day.

Man, this migration is getting to me.

It is stressing me out.

I’ve been drinking a lot and I think it has to do with this migration. It’s not going as smoothly as I want it to go. I don’t know why I’m letting it get to me the way it is, but it is.

I can’t wait for it to be over.

For the most part, I’m moving it along in a quick pace, getting over 3/4 of the company up on there already.

I still need to move the rooms and the shared accounts up there and I’m not sure how to do that yet.

I’ll have to research it.

* * *

Tired. Tired today.

It was a long day of drinking yesterday, since it was a Friday and the end of another shitty week of migration.

Whiskey and some rum, my drinks of choice now.

I actually went out and hung out with some people last night. I had a good time too. I think a lot of it has to do with how drunk or buzzing I was.

But that’s neither here nor there. I’m looking for a slow slow day of relaxing and just zening out.

Watching shows and TV or even a movie or two and cooking.

I’m not sure if I want to do any chores, but I’m sure I’ll have to.

Blah. I just feel blah right now.

I don’t’ know, but I just feel blah. I’m sure it has a lot do with how much I drank.

I need to take a step back, step away from alcohol for a while. No drinking. No wine. No alcohol.

Maybe until the migration is over. Maybe for some other time of celebrating. I just need to stop right now.

Blah.

* * *

Tired.

I’m just tired and so behind on so many things.

In a way, that is a good thing. I just means I’m busy at work and not fucking around. So, plus on that. I’m actually doing something and feel productive.

Loud music is playing, drowning out my music. Usually I don’t mind, but I do find it distracting.

Thankfully I’m not doing anything important or need to concentrate on anything.

* * *

It’s a rough day.

Hhahaa, I think the theme for today is that I’m fucked. Not a good day for me.

Ugh. I need to stop drinking for a while.

Love Me Like You Do

Touch me like you do / What are you waiting for?

What am I waiting for? What is it?

The perfect one? The right one?

They don’t exist. Not what I’m looking for. I’m looking for an independent relationship that we’ll see each other when we see each other. Or basically when we want company.

Two independent souls that never need to be around anyone.

It’s hard.

Very difficult.

But it is out there, so they say. They are out there.

I need someone like me.

As frightening as that sounds, it is true. I need someone like me.

So, there’s a dog version of me, cats are pretty much independent. I just need a girl version of me.

That shouldn’t be too hard.

I’m quite peculiar, and I don’t know that many people who are like me.

Shit, I don’t know that many people, at all.

* * *

Wandering. Relaxing on the road.

It was a shitty week. A stressful week of email issues during our transition.

It was a week of putting out fires and investigating how they got started.

We make head way, and then it turns out it is something else. In the end, we got things managed, but still stressful none the less.

On Friday, things seem to be more under control, more manageable and thankfully, I feel a lot better. I treated myself to dinner.

Then yesterday, I went on a road trip and it was exactly what I needed.

It calmed me so much. It was just so relaxing driving to your particular location, exploring and then it is onto the next one, even though you are only there for minutes and it took you hours to get there.

There’s something about the open road, the journey that just relaxes me.

It felt good.

I feel good.

Relaxed.

Content.

* * *

I totally didn’t remember not being able to bring dogs to Salton Sea, but then again, I went on Christmas Day, when the park was “closed”.

We wandered a little bit on the beach before the ranger called us back. It was all right. It wasn’t that interesting this time around.

There wasn’t many dead fishes unlike the last time I was there. They were scattered everywhere. Yesterday, there were only a handful spread out on the whole beach.

Disappointing.

Salvation Mountain.

I’m not a religious person. It’s just not a thing for me, especially that of the western religion and Christianity.

But, Salvation Mountain was pretty awesome. It was just a very very interesting place and I gladly donated to keep it going.

Even though I’m not a religious person, I can actually appreciate what is going on. Everyone needs a little faith. Everyone needs a little art.

It was awesome and I’m glad whoever is managing the site now is keeping it up after the original person passed away. Kudos.

Kudos indeed.

Desert cities and the Inland Empire.

I wonder what life is out there.

What is there?

Small town, communities that are run down with what seems to me, nothing.

Abandoned homes and buildings, but there’s life out there.

How do they live their life?

What is life like for them?

So many questions.

I wonder how my life would be different if I am the same way as I am now, but grew up in a town like that?

Would I still be alive? Would I still be there? If I am, there has to be a reason why I am stuck there.

I can’t imagine anyone ever wanting to stay there after they grow up. There has to be a reason to keep them there. There has to be.

What would keep me there?

Or, what if, I decided to move there. It’s a little Rudderless, but what would bring me to a place like that.

Would I chose some place like that?

What would have had happened to me?

So many questions?

Intriguing drama.

Interesting story.

Prose. Script?

I see a coming of age story, of a girl who grew up knowing nothing but the small world that is her desolate dilapidated town. Crumbling buildings, ghosts of something that wasn’t great to begin with.

She dreams of bigger, of leaving, but things keep her at home.

She wants a change, something different from the dry sandy dessert life day in and day out.

Maybe she meets a guy, a little bit older, a little bit independent and they start something. He instills her to dream and to follow that dream. Maybe she falls in love with him, they make plans to travel.

Iceland.

To her, it’s foreign. To her, it’s the opposite of the dry dessert. Ice.

They plan to go together, but something happens, things fall apart. She fears that she’ll be stuck there again. Her way out is no longer there.

But she overcomes her odds and books a ticket to Iceland.

She goes alone and understands that all she needs to fulfill her dreams, all she needs in her life, is herself.

I’m a sucker for those type of movies.

It speaks to me.

* * *

I don’t know where my writing is going to go.

I don’t know where my writing is going to take me.

I just want to tell stories and sometimes I feel that I’m not a good story teller.

I’m not the best writer. I’m not a good writer, but I just want to tell stories.

I’ll just write for me.

Write for yourself.

Just write.

I need to figure out my last script.

I need to figure out my prose idea.

I just need to figure my writing out.

rolling another number

Here again.

Another revolution around the sun since the last time I wrote one of these another year older, another year wiser entries.

It has been another year and I am a new number.

36. 36. 36.

The fortunate thing is that I’m still considered in my mid-thirties.

The not so fortunate thing, I’m getting older. Older and older.

Looking back it seemed that 35 was a great number. It was a great year of doing a lot more things on my own and a definite growing year, understanding myself and my motives a lot better.

It helped that I had professional help to guide me and help me talk through the issues that I was having.

I just hope that 36 would be no different in terms of another growing year and another year of gaining understanding as to who I am and what I’m doing.

For the most part it seems 36 is shaping up to be a very good independent year. It’s a continuation to the last few trips that I made, solo trips to Chicago over New Year’s and to Iceland just a few months ago.

It’s going to be a year of living up to my motivation, just wanting to be alone and enjoying my freedom.

I don’t want to think of or even look for a relationship, because in the end, how I see it, I just don’t work in them. They just don’t work and that is something that I came to realize. It was partly due to my last relationship and how stubborn I am in my therapy sessions that I don’t like dating.

I’ll just live my life like I have been doing and not put it on hold because I am too afraid that I’ll grow old without my one true love and children.

It is something that I have to live with, because ultimately it is my decision in the end to live this life.

35.

It was an emotional year. It was a year of emotional growth, throwing off the heavy boulder that was resting on my chest.

I came to terms with my father’s passing. I came to believe the simple truth as to what happened.

Shit happened. My father passed away from a heart attack. I had no control over it. I didn’t not kill him.

I was carrying around that guilt for years and years and I knew that it was holding me back from so many things. I had to get better in part of my life, that part of my heart before I can even fathom allowing someone else to be in it.

Now, instead of guilt whenever I think about my father, all I really feel is the pain of missing him.

I miss you dad.

35.

I live a quiet life. I live a life dictated by my choices and my psychosis.

I live the life I live now, because I chose too.

I can have so many things and I’m aware of so many things, but for some reasons, I chose not to pursue or act.

It’s not that I resigned myself to not acting, but it is more that I am apathetic to it.

That’s the sick thing. I know in the end, it’s not a big catastrophe if things don’t go my way, but I guess the control freak that I am can’t handle it.

I’m sure a little fear plays a part in it, but eventually I’ll have to get over it.

Eventually.

I am a stubborn man that is a slave to his convictions and his warped sense of what is right and wrong.

* * *

35.

For the most part it feels a lot like it was a year of finding myself again.

It definitely felt like the first couple of years that I moved down to Los Angeles. I’ll just go on, living my life alone, going to work, watching movies by myself. It feels exactly like that.

* * *

Starting again, while continuing what I have written above. I have lost my train of thought, or actually I never really had one.

I just know that this past year just gave me the freedom to go and just do things by myself again. For some reason, that felt lacking the last couple of years and it just miraculously came back to me.

I don’t know what it is, but it is definitely back.

Maybe it is this renewed sense of knowing that I don’t need to be with anyone to live a happy life, or that I really feel that I am truly happy with being single and just being me, right now.

I don’t know, it is just different, but not. It’s a very strange sense of familiar, but unfamiliar at the same time.

* * *

This yearly diatribe isn’t going well. Not well at all.

Maybe I’m just hungry, or I feel that I have to do something else.

* * *

Change.

Growth.

Any year without that, is not a good year.

Let’s hope that this new number will bring forth a year of constant growth and steady change for the better.

I want to be a better person. I want to be an even better man.

Being alive gives me that chance.

* * *

It’s getting hard to write. It’s getting difficult to put my thoughts into cohesive sentences and I don’t know why.

* * *

The last couple of months or even the last year have been a year of putting thoughts into action. I know that I have always been that way, that if I want to do something, then I’ll do it.

But for some reason, it had been a good year for it. No dream is too small or even too big to fulfill.

Thought into action.

It is definitely time to not put my life on hold and to not go somewhere or not do something because I am alone.

Not having someone to go with or do together should never and was never ever a reason to not go or do it. Never

Never.

35 has been a big year for that and I hope that it doesn’t stop.

* * *

Another day, another attempt at this little post that has ran away from me.

Another year older, another year wiser.

My mantra, my words, my reflections.

35 has treated me really well. It was a growing year, a learning year, an understanding year.

I am a better person at the end of this number.

My woes and my angst dim just a little bit more. I’m slowly getting fixed from whatever issues that have troubled me.

It was a year of rebuilding and a year of getting back to what I was after going through a rut in my life.

I am back to where I am supposed to be. Back to living my life and not questioning my life choices and not caring about certain things that I have or don’t have in my life.

Come what may. Come what may indeed.

I live my life. I chose what I want to do. I do. If plans change, then I adapt.

There is no other excuse in it. There is nothing else about it.

I have gotten back on that track.

35.

I go. I do.

I take it a day at a time.

Come what may.

I don’t care what other people say. I don’t wonder what people say.

I just live life according to my rules and my decisions.

That is what 35 brought me. It brought me back to where I was supposed to be before this rut.

35.

The year of finding myself again. The year of getting back on track. The year of being me.

35.

It was a good number. It was a happy number. It was a cathartic

I can only hope that 36 will bring me something similar if not more.

* * *

It’s cold in here today.

The AC is throwing me off. Taking my mind on the words that I’m trying to come up with.

I struggle to put thoughts into words. I struggle to get into the groove.

Writing has been a problem with me as of late. I’ve been having serious problems just writing.

There was a time when I hated writing. It was a chore, but then as I started to write recreationally, writing in this blog of mine, I developed my love for it. Then I started to love my writing on the scripts that I wrote.

Now, I find it a struggle and it is disheartening.

Hopefully that will change.

I think I’m just tired these past couple of days, staying up later than I normally would and that is affecting my thoughts. Let’s just go with that for now.

* * *

My mind wanders. My thoughts lost somewhere in the ether.

This entry cannot go on.

So, here I welcome this new number, this new year of me, 36.

I welcome you and bid a fair goodbye to what have been a great number, 35.

Thank you for getting me back on track. Thank you for everything.

Let’s hope 36 will only be better.

36.

Bring it on.

short short writing day

It’s going to be a short day of writing today.

I don’t expect much of anything at all.

I’m on a timeline. I’m supposed to help move.

I’m supposed to be there sometime around 11. I don’t have much time.

I’m just waiting for some tea and to get as many words that I can onto the page.

We shall see what happens.

* * *

It has already been a shitty day.

Pickles had the runs today. He got into Relish’s treats yesterday. Fucking asshole should know better.

Fucking asshole indeed.

* * *

30 minutes.

30 minutes is the deadline on when I have to leave.

I already have a feeling that today is going to be one of those days. Just slow and whatever about it.

But at least it’ll be a different day from the norm.

I’ll get home and then walk Pickles, turn on some Netflix and then just lounge about until it is time to cook some dinner.

I just have to figure out what to cook.

I have no idea.

No idea at all.

* * *

Settling in, putting fingers to the board, punching away.

I don’t have much to say. Don’t have much at all.

I had a few weird dream last night. Not sure what brought it on, but it was definitely weird.

The first one was about family and all of my cousins getting together. I remember it vaguely.

It is just my mind processing the whole wedding and seeing all that family again.

The next one is the interesting one.

For some reason, I decided to get a job at the boba shop and Cat was there to help me. I interviewed with a guy who wasn’t Ed, and he gave me some sort of tablet or phone. I don’t know what he wanted me to do with it.

I decided to get the job to just burn time and also to get some pocket money. Nothing unusual.

As I walked out of the interview and into a back restaurant with Cat, I told her I’m very confused as to what her boss wanted me to do with this phone tablet. I gave it back to her and asked her to figure it out and let me know.

I drove home, back to the old house in Tacoma on L Street, going the back way to the park that is on Sheridan. For some reason, that way turned out to be a different way and I’m in a strange city somewhere. Cat’s driving now.

She hijacked the car, but I wasn’t concerned. I’m just following for the ride, thinking that she’ll take me home. We ended up at a bar where 1D was going to play. I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to watch the concert.

Then, some family showed up, my bro showed up, and Cat’s siblings and their husbands showed up.

Inside the bar, Cat’s drunk off her ass and belligerent. I wasn’t having any of it, so I left. I just left her there with her family and then De La Madriz came into the bar, part of the party and saw that I left and then complained that she didn’t want to be there with Cat that way.

That’s when I woke up.

I have no idea what it means, but it was interesting none the less.

Interesting indeed.

* * *

Maybe it just means that I shouldn’t get back with my exes, even though I wasn’t trying. I shouldn’t even see them or make contact with them and that I have no time for that bullshit.

I’m not there to take care of anyone.

It was pretty cold of me to just leave her there, but thinking about it, her family was there. It was none of my business. We weren’t together.

Being with people and having to take care of their shit isn’t my thing.

I’m not a baby sitter.

I wouldn’t go as far as saying that relationships don’t work, because we weren’t together in the dream. She was helping me out.

But it just brought back memories why it didn’t work out between us. I wasn’t into it.

Eh, I just don’t like relationships.

I love the idea of it, but when it comes to practice, I just can’t get over that I’m with someone.

Yeah, my brain is fucked.

* * *

counting down

I’m beginning to count down the days before I start to count up.

It’ll be about a week before my usually another year older, another year wiser.

I’ll be turning a new number and it has snuck up on me. It is time to reflect on the past number and see what has changed in my life.

35.

For the most part, it has treated me really really well.

Looking on the bright side, I am still in my mid-thirties, at least, for another year.

36.

It doesn’t sound scary and it’s just another number.

* * *

First date.

Online date. I wonder on which site?

Eharm, Match, Christian Mingle, or something more nefarious.

They opted for drinks, morning drinks…boba tea.

I guess it is as good as any other date.

I wish them the best as they started chatting outside and then worked their way inside as Volcano opened.

Now they sit in the freezing corner, going through the first date ritual of getting-to-know-you questions.

I don’t miss those.

I don’t miss dating.

I’m glad I’m not a part of it.

I’m glad I’m not putting myself out there.

* * *

It’s going to be a slow and easy day. I don’t have much planned for today except for some light cleaning and folding my laundry. It’ll have to do.

I’m readying myself for the next couple of weekends. Next week of doing nothing but watching Dare Devil and postponing my mini road trip until the week after.

It’s my birthday month and I won’t be celebrating.

I honestly haven’t been thinking about my birthday at all. I usually don’t make it a habit and I guess I’m not doing anything special about it either. It never really crossed my mind except that it is getting closer.

* * *

No pressure.

Not picking up anything at all.

No feelings.

Not paying much to anything but my walks at work, my photo-a-day project, and what I need to do at work.

No pressure.

Just write.

It’s definitely shaping up to be one of those random pointless entries today. It is me writing to write, to get things out.

It’s bad.

* * *

Kicked out of wifi.

A mac sat next to me.

Boo.

* * *

You can go your own way

Bumping into people that I know.

It hardly ever happens.

The last person that I bumped into outside of work or just in general was Ms. D.

It was a pleasant surprise.

Before, it was probably the Zinger or even Mesa one random night at Plan Check.

It was a weird year last year in bumping into people randomly. It certainly hasn’t happened much lately, but I think that is mostly because I don’t go out enough anymore for it to happen.

I don’t allow for the possibilities of it happening.

Secluded and pro-solitude, me in my cave with my fellow dwellers. It’s peaceful.

I only go out randomly most of the time except for my usual time of writing on the weekends.

Other than that, most people can expect me to be at home.

It’s how I am.

I’m a home body and there’s no amount of pressuring that can change that about me.

It’s my predisposition.

* * *

I haven’t been studying the couple, but I wonder how things are going.

They seem to have been talking non-stop since they met. That’s a good sign.

Looking at his face, he seems to have a forced politeness on his face, being nice to the things that she says, laughing at the small jokes and what nots.

It may be a good thing.

Man, it just feels so awkward, or at least for me it does.

I’m not even on that date, but it just feels weird.

It seems like they are having a really interesting conversation about something. It might a good date.

Congrats.

* * *

There’s a million reasons why I should give you up…

Iceland.

Let’s take it back there.

I’ve been seeing a lot of pictures of Iceland lately on IG. Every time that I see one my heart pangs to go back.

We have to go back

I do have to go back.

It just seems that I might be going back a lot sooner than I anticipated.

I’m already thinking of going back next October or so, but I don’t know. Nothing is decided until it happens.

Nothing is concrete until I figure things out.

We shall see.

* * *

I think I need to focus on the trips that I have already planned this year and leave Iceland in the future.

It’ll happen. I’m sure of it.

I just hope that the rim road at Crater Lake will be open on July 4th weekend. I’m hoping.

* * *

I need to get back and focus on my writing again. I need to jump back on my script and clean it up and rewrite a few earlier scenes to things will match up and I can submit it to the group.

I’m sure it’ll happen soon after my little yearly diatribe about getting older.

I’m sure this coming week will be a week of deep thought and reflection about 35.

Once I am finished with that script, I’ll set it aside and focus on my prose. I want to write short stories. I want to get on my novella.

I want writing to take up more of my time.

I want to work on my hobbies to pass the time, to keep my mind off of certain things and to just occupy myself with things to do.

* * *

Cloud needs to figure out her shit.

She’s young and don’t have a lot of responsibilities so it’s easier for her to just make mistakes or just drop things and start new things.

Everyone fucks up.

I know I sure did.

It’s good to see a lot of my friends moving onto bigger and better things in their life, being successful in things that they do.

I guess I’ll see what my future holds.

I take it a day at a time.

Right now, no decisions need to be made.

* * *

Lately I’ve been thinking about song writing.

Maybe it is because I watched and love films like Begin Again and Rudderless, but there is something romantic about it.

I know nothing of song writing or even poetry, or even writing for that matter, but it draws me.

I’m also not musically gifted.

* * *

I’m out.

Unable to focus.

Nothing is flowing.

Nothing is how it use to be.

Useless.

Bang Bang

A new day and back to the grind again of my usual finger tapping.

I have no idea what I am going to write today but I’m just going to write.

I’m already annoyed as the new version of Spotify really sucks dick and I don’t want to go through the hassle of downgrading and preventing automatic upgrades.

I wish that they just stop fucking around with their software. Just makes me not want to use their software and pay for their service anymore.

But, I’m just suck it up right now and just deal with it.

* * *

My weekend of relaxation and being alone is working out well.

I made wontons and cooked some siu mais yesterday. The siu mais are just okay and could be better if the pork had more fat in it, but alas it doesn’t and I have to deal with it.

I guess it is just a weekend of dealing with things.

One thing to be happy of is that my blog is back to its original form as I just copied over all the old settings. Much better and much happier.

* * *

What to write? What do say today?

I don’t know, but I’m just finger tapping, getting back to the grove since it’s been a while since I’ve written anything. I took a lot of time off with Cloud visiting and me being sick and the wedding this past weekend.

I’m getting into the groove, getting back to practice of just writing, even though it is horrible writing, I don’t care.

I just have to put words on top white space and just hope for the best.

* * *

Center.

Breaking thoughts and breaking waves.

Just taking a break from writings and switching subjects or a different flow.

Different different.

Just words onto page as I watch people come and go, distractions.

* * *

Talking with Mikey, him being 10 years younger than I am, it makes me sad what he pointed out. He said that if he wasn’t seeing who he is seeing now, he doesn’t know how he’ll meet anyone.

He’s a home body just like me and he can’t see how he’ll meet anyone.

I totally understand, because I am exactly where he is. Sure, I tried the online dating and I’m at a point in my life where I am not looking for anyone. I’m just living my life, planning my trips, and not expecting anything at all.

I’m just working and living, but keeping things open for that one chance encounter to meet someone.

But, knowing him, I have faith that he’ll find someone. He’s a good kid, but it was funny to hear from him that nice guys finish last.

Yes, there is a truth to that, and I’m at a point where I’m over it. I’m over it.

He’s still young, in a long distance relationship, and he has the right mentality to it. He knows that he’s not willing to move for it, because there is so much that is keeping him rooted where he is. That makes it easier.

I was surprised to hear that he’s such a home body. I always figured that he’d be a little more extroverted.

But he’s a good kid and I have total faith that he’ll do well.

* * *

Shrinking my shoes.

Need to do that, ’cause it is cutting into my heels. It’ll dull the color too. It’s a little too bright.

Man, I really don’t have much to say.

* * *

Sure, after my sessions, I feel a lot better in terms of not being in the rut, having that pressure be gone, and for the most part, my father issues are pretty much resolved.

I did not kill my father. Shit happens.

Let’s just leave that there, but I am still surprised about the whole relationship front.

It’s still a battle of do I want to be with someone or do I want to be alone.

Right now, it is definitely I want to be alone, enjoying my independence.

Maybe I’m just horny and I just need to get laid. Who knows?

I’m just horny.

Being at the wedding and hearing a lot of the older generation talking about how I need to have kids and when I’m going to serve them tea, sure I was annoyed, but it went in one ear and out the other.

I didn’t let it affect me that much, even when and auntie brought up in front of my mom how I need to have kids so my mom can take care of it. There was a slight, what the fuck, but I didn’t let it get to me.

I told others that being alone is the new way of thinking. Marriage is old school.

They all know my stance.

I think they just don’t understand, because they are very old school and in a way, see how such a great guy that I am. They just want the best for me and want me to be happy.

They don’t understand that I’m already happy. Having my independence and freedom and being able and healthy to travel means the world to me.

C’est la vie.

* * *

The world is a fucked up place.

Lots of crazy and sick people.

Bigoted and ignorant people brainwashed by religion.

Hypocrites who preach tolerance and love but practice prejudice and intolerance.

* * *

Life is complicated.

The world is complicated as we try to find meaning and understanding, we just find division and animosity.

Too many people, too many viewpoints, too many conflicts.

There will never be any conciliation.

Love Me Like You Do

Touch me like you do / what are you waiting for?

Love.

It happened.

Not to me. I’ve lost that romanticism years ago.

There’s no hope for me. No. No hope at all.

It’s my cousin. He found his love and tied the knot this past weekend.

Congrats to Dat and May.

It was a party all right. A lot of family came down to celebrate. It was a mad house.

It was loud and crowded, as a party should be.

It was chaos, mayhem to my senses and nerves.

But overall, it was fun. It was a great reason for everyone to come together to celebrate. It’s been a long long time since we had any reason to come together to celebrate. Most of the latest gatherings have been of loss and sadness. This was a good change and hopefully there will be more to come.

Thinking of who will be next, I don’t know, but I’m putting money on Lors.

It’s definitely not me, but I would say my bro might be a surprise. Who knows? I already think he’s married with children.

We shall see.

* * *

Updating the themes to the blog fucked up my previous layout. I don’t give a fuck anymore. Blah. Blah indeed.

* * *

It’s been a while since I have written here. Last entry was about my wonderful trip to Iceland.

Speaking of Iceland, I just have this urge to go back. I see all of these pictures and I just want to go. Pack up my bags, buy my ticket and just zoom off into the land of white.

Who knows? Knowing me, it just may happen. We shall see.

So, what had happened since then? Not much really.

Work and sickness.

A short visit by Cloud and then the wedding.

* * *

The wedding. The weekend.

Thankfully it wasn’t a Red Wedding, but more purple/lavendar-ish.

As stated before, it was crowded. There were about 600 people at the banquet.

Who the hell knows 600 people? I know that Dat doesn’t, but it was just crazy.

The more and more of these weddings that I experience, it just cements the fact that I don’t like weddings.

If I am ever fortunate enough to take that leap, there would be no wedding. I know ultimately the choice isn’t mine alone, but I am going to bring it up. No wedding. Elope.

Elope.

Do it.

It would be my style, and it would be totally me.

It wouldn’t be a surprise to my family for they all know how I am and my thoughts on this area already.

A simple email or a Facebook post or even an IG pic saying that I’m hitched. Done. Simple.

I’m all for that.

Crazy.

But yes, it was good catching up and seeing a lot of family again.

It was good see their children grow up and to see that for the most part, I am not doing too bad myself.

Who cares that I’m almost 36 and single?

I know the older generation does as they all keep asking when I’m going to get married or when they’ll be served tea and I defiantly and loudly tell them that they’ll never get it.

Well, I don’t want to say never, but it seems that way. I’m open to the idea of being with someone, but right now, I’m not looking or even care about it.

I’m just more focused on what trips to take and where to go.

I’m married to traveling and my wanderlust nature.

I have my furkids to keep me company and right now, in life, that is all I need.

That is all I need.

* * *

I didn’t really get to talk with the bride at all that weekend. We were never introduced and I’m not the type that introduces oneself to another person and if my cousin doesn’t, there’s really no reason for me to talk to her.

I think we only said three words to each other the whole weekend. She asked me if I wanted to play poker and I said no thank you.

Simple.

I know I could have made more of an effort to introduce myself, but nah.

It is what it is and I don’t think I’ll be seeing them anytime soon at all.

* * *

Script is finished.

Finally, but there are issues and it isn’t good. It’s my vomit draft where I just wrote everything out there and I know that I need to go back and align some stuff. It’s part rewritten, but it isn’t as I changed some elements partway through and I haven’t had the opportunity to rewrite everything leading up to that.

I’ll get to that in the coming few weeks as I need some time away from the script and to wait to hear back from Scott to see what he has to say about the script.

Then, I’ll do a quick draft and then share it with the rest of the group.

But done and done and it feels so good.

Today’s writing is definitely not going well, as for I have no idea what I’m doing.

My mind is just a wandering ride of not knowing what it is that I want to write or say.

I’m sure I’ll figure something out, eventually.

* * *

If you dance on a pole, that don’t make you a ho

Words to live by I guess.

* * *

Alone.

No excitement. No people. No distractions.

I’m just sitting here, mostly alone except for the girls behind the counter, typing away.

Solitude.

I’m looking forward to just being on my own and not doing anything. I’m looking forward to sitting on my ass and watching movies and television and maybe do some light reading.

I’m looking for a tranquil and quiet weekend.

I’m looking for boring.

That sounds so exciting to me.

I want to relax and recharge my body and my mind from the loudness and crowds and excitement of last weekend.

I’m looking forward to just being by myself.

I welcome it.

Doing a little cooking to relax a little bit more.

* * *

It was great to see my bro chit chat with Jen at the wedding and seeing how surprised that my cousins were when they noticed that.

He was smooth.

Good for him.

Maybe I shouldn’t worry so much about him.

I did see a great change in his personality during our Utah trip and he looks awesome and healthy.

Good for him.

Good for him indeed.

* * *

’cause all the cool kids seem to fit in

Yeah, I’m not part of the cool kids.

I’m just doing me.

Man, this post isn’t going anywhere at all.

Hopefully thing will be better tomorrow, ’cause nothing is happening today.

It’s just been a while since I have written anything, or a while since I have blogged anything and I’m just rusty.

My fingers are just tapping away and doing a mind vomit and nothing substantial is coming out.

Nothing at all.

Blah.

Blah indeed.

I think I’ll end it here.

Till tomorrow.

Iceland: Beyond the Wall of Westeros

It was a whirlwind adventure.

It was a breathtaking and nerve-racking trip.

It was bliss and an adventure that I will not soon forget.

Iceland.

You are majestic.

My little short trip to Iceland happened and it was everything that I thought it would be and more.

It is simply a beautiful and majestic place. It is an adventurists and hikers’s place. It’s beyond words.

The few weeks before the trip was the most anxious I had ever been for a trip. For some reason, I was nervous.

I was worried about the weather, driving in the snow, driving in a foreign country, and I think most importantly, I was worried that I might not be able to see the Northern Lights. That’s one of the biggest reasons why I went to Iceland, to chase the lights, and I feel that I might be disappointed and that not seeing it might ruin the trip and leave me with a bitter taste in my mouth.

Worried. Nerves. Just anxious to just go and hope that everything went okay.

I set off early on Saturday morning, having dropped Pickles off the night before. I made sure I left out enough food for Relish and I was off.

There were no problems at any of the airports. I got through customs/immigration okay.

It was on.

At first I didn’t know how I was going to get to my rental car agency, but apparently they send a driver for each flight.

When I booked the trip, I rented a full size SUV, hoping but wasn’t sure if it was going to be a 4X4 or not, but it turned out it was. So, already, a lot of things were falling into place.

Just a few days before, I found a offline map app that I could download onto my phone and it’ll give me driving directions without the need for any kind of data/wifi service. I researched and put down all of my POIs on the app and I was set.

I landed in Reykjavik at 10:30PM PST, which is about 7:30 AM Sunday morning in Reykjavik. By the time I got my car and everything, it was about 8:30 and I could either get to Reykjavik and just play or go to the hotel and hope for a early check in. I opted for the early check in and it was the best. I ate some breakfast and napped for about two hours and then I was gone.

I wasn’t expecting much in Reykjavik. I didn’t research the city that much in terms of what to do and what to see. I had a general vague sense of what I want to see and some POIs to check out, but nothing concrete. So, I do what I do best and just head out the door and walked to the heart of downtown.

I was hungry, and I decided to find some food. As I got closer to downtown, I saw my first stop, the big church of Hallgrímskirkja. It’s a big towering phallic, with a clock at the top and a bell. It was a sight, but it’s not like I haven’t seen it before.

I wanted to get to the top so I can take one of the iconic pictures of Reykjavik. I lined up in the giftshop to get my ticket and it was my turn, and my credit card didn’t work.

I didn’t pull any cash while I was there. I read on blogs that credit cards are accepted everywhere and cash isn’t necessary. I followed the merchant’s instructions, sliding my card at the bottom slot of their machine, but it didn’t read it.

Apparently, that machine takes the kind of credit cards with the security chip on it. My Venture card didn’t have that, so I couldn’t get my ticket. Defeated, I went to get lunch at Cafe Loki, ’cause I was hungry.

I ordered the Iceland Plate II with the hakarl in it, ready to taste how nasty it is. When in Rome, do what the Romans do. I had to try it. As I sat there, waiting, I was watching how people are paying for their food. Some people are putting their cards in the bottom as instructed by the waitresses, then a man came and slid his card on the right hand side of the machine. It worked! I was saved.

I got really worried that I wouldn’t have any money for the trip. I was looking for banks to get some cash and I only brought one card. My new Chase card has the chip, but unfortunately it is at home. I’m a smart one. Very smart. But, everything turned out right. I just had to slide right.

I think it is funny and fascinating that it seems that even most of the Icelandic merchants didn’t know about the whole sliding right option. It’s like they had never seen it before.

So, I ate and enjoyed my Icelandic Plate II, with the smoked lamb on flat bread, the smashed fish on rye, the trout and cottage cheese on rye, a few small pieces of hakarl and a dried fish. The smoked lamb was okay. The best thing on the plate was the smashed fish. That was pretty tasty.

Now, onto the hakarl. It is….different. I was actually expecting much much worse than how it actually was. It smelled funky to say the least. A strong pungent smell of urine, and like the strong nasty urine that had been stewing in your bladder for like hours. The smelly yellow kind. It is like the shark had been sitting in a large vat of said strong urine for months and months and finally it is ready to serve.

I put the first skewer of it in my mouth and chewed, waiting for the flavor blast. After you get past the pungent putried taste of it, comes a little spicyness. It was different. It definitely wasn’t as bas as I was expecting or how other people had put it. I wouldn’t ever eat it again, but if I had to, I’d chomp down. Bring it on.

The next up was Skyr. I kept hearing about it. It’s an Icelandic yogurt, but it isn’t yogurt. It’s a cheese. I totally wasn’t expecting it to look like that, with all the water, but it wasn’t bad. It’s….yogurt.

Lunch was over and I had some coffee and caffeine in me. With my new found knowledge on how to use my credit card, I headed back to the church to buy my ticket. I went to the top and just looked out at the stunning view and snapped a few pictures.

Next up, was to just wander around, for I didn’t have any other destination. I saw a stunning sight of a far off mountain range under the clouds off the coast and that’s where I headed. I wanted to get a picture of that view, that sight and so I walked and then I took a right somewhere. I just wandered and got lost in this strange city.

I got to do what I love most in any city that I visit, I walked it, explored it, saw it not on a bus or a tour, but by feet pounding.

I don’t think it was an hour after Cafe Loki, I found the hot dog place, Bæjarins Beztu Pylsur. Holy shit, this was fucking good. The Pylsur in the name is the special sauce that they put on the dog. Let’s start with the hot dog. I don’t know what it is, but it’s fucking good. There’s a good snap to it when you bite into it. The fixings on the hotdog included fried shallots and raw onions, mayo, and the pylsur sauce. It’s fairly simple, but hot damn, probably one of the best dogs I had ever eaten. The Pylsur sauce is a little sweet and a big tangy. Definitely interesting.

Having already three meals in Iceland already, I noticed that Iceland isn’t a cheap country. It’s a pretty expensive country. Food is spendy, and gas is most definitely spendy. Gas is about $6/ga. Just ridiculous. But I’m on vacation, cost shouldn’t be an issue.

Then I walked around the city some more, chasing a mound far off in the distance. This mound is just off the coast in their shipping bay area. At the top of the mound is a little shack/hut where they dry fish. It’s the only one that I saw. Very curious to why it was there and why it is the only one. But the sight of the distant mountains across a small bay of water was just breathtaking. Just beautiful.

I got me some ice cream there also. It was pretty damn good.

While exploring I did notice a lot of solo travelers, and solo girls just exploring and walkiing the city alone, snapping pictures like I was. It’s always great to see solo travelers like myself on trips. I take solidarity in that.

Now, let’s talk about the weather. The weather for the most part wasn’t that bad that day. It was dry, with small snow flurries that didn’t amount to much. It felt like Seattle/Chicago in terms of their temps. When the wind isn’t blowing, their 30s was just fine walking weather.

I layered up of course, a base/thermal layer, then a cotton sweater, then my Uniqlo light down jacket, and then my final layer is a thin waterproof windbreaker from Columbia. That didn’t add any warmth, but definitely helped with the wind and came in handy later.

Without any destination and after finding the mound, I continued to walk around and to head to the Perlan, a mile or two away. It’s a big weirdly shaped building with a glass dome on the top and a restaurant/cafe at the top. It seemed to be a most shi shi restaurant, but I don’t know where that was. It can’t be that cafe up at the top.

I got me an ice cream and rested. Then, I went outside and snapped a picture of Reykjavik from all angles. It’s a small city surrounded by mountains and it was beautiful.

Tired, I walked back to the hotel and saw quiet neighborhoods along the way. Houses and duplexes and small apartments passed by as I walked on.

I got back to the hotel and seemed like the food did a small number on my stomach. It wasn’t that bad, but it wasn’t normal. I took a nap, just a few hours to make up the lack of sleep I have and to adjust to the time difference.

Then I went to dinner at the hotel restaurant, not knowing that it was the hotel restaurant that I had breakfast a few hours before. It was expensive, but it wasn’t bad. The lobster cream soup was definitely interesting with the curry taste. The lamb was pretty good. I liked Icelandic lamb, which is one of their more common dishes.

I rested for about any hour or two and then I was off to chase the light and a interesting unexpected adventure began.

While I was napping, it started to snow non stop. By the time I was ready to go on my adventure, there was a good inch or two on the ground.

I decided to go chase the light at the Grotta Lighthouse at the western point of Iceland. I unpacked my tripod and got my camera bag with me and headed out. I got to my car and put my stuff inside, started the engine to warm it up and waited for my windows to defrost. While I was sitting and waiting, there came a knock on my window.

A girl was knocking and she was asking where I was going. I told her I was going to see if I can see the northern lights. She was just on the phone with a northern lights tour that just cancelled on her that night. They forgot to call her.

She took the opportunity to ask if she can tag along with me to chase the lights. Her mom would be coming too and I told her, no problem.

In the end, it ended up just being me and her.

I drove in the accumlating snow. It’s been the first time in years and I’m a little anxious. I was trying to follow the navigation, drive, and chat with Nan all at the same time. I missed a turn somewhere and had to turn back, and then that’s when I spun out on the road. That’s when I realize that I could turn on the 4×4 mode and I felt so much better.

So Nan is from Belgium and she loves to travel. She works for an airline at the airport, booking tickets and assisting customers. She was in Iceland for a total of a nine day trip. Her mom joined her in the last three days. She had gone out on the Northern Lights tour twice before and they cancelled on her the third time that night. She hadn’t seen it. She saw the beginning of one before the clouds took it away.

So, Nan was hoping that that night would be her night, but unfortunately it just continued to snow harder while we were at the Lighthouse. While we were there, cars and cars would come out with the same idea as we had, to see the lights. But it was a bust.

While there, I met a girl from Maine. We chatted for a few minutes. She’s staying in a hostel in downtown and walked all the way there. It was a 15 minute drive for us, so it took her about an hour.

Seeing the weather take a turn for the worse, most everyone had left. Nan and I got back in the car and waited for about 10-15 minutes before we decided to call it a night and head back to the hotel. On the ride back, we picked up Jen from Maine and dropped her off at the hostel.

I got back to the hotel and was deciding on where to park my car. I pulled up to the front of the hotel and had Nan get out. I didn’t want to have her wait for me to try and figure out parking. We sat there saying our goodbyes and finishing our convos that we had while we were together. She asked for my name and friended me on facebook and took a picture of us. It was nice.

I now wonder what would have happened if we walked in together?

I wonder.

So with a snowy night ahead and our chasing the light turned into running away from the snow, I went to bed because I had a long and early day the next day.

* * *

Day 2.

That day was the big day. It would the longest and most who the fuck knows what is going to happen today day.

I woke up early and had the usual breakfast. Looking out the window at the restaurant, the road conditions doesn’t look promising. Snow was falling and it was falling hard. It was white out and there were inches upon inches of snow on the ground. I was getting a little anxious already.

I was ready to go. I packed up my laptop in my messenger bag, grabbed my camera bag and was ready to go. My tripod was already in the car from the night before. Nan was a distant memory as I am focused on not dying on the road. I scraped off the now and ice that collected from over the night and was ready to go.

I was careful turning onto the first street but fishtailed on the second street, but managed to keep it in control. 4×4 rolling and I’m on my way at a careful speed.

The drive was harrowing to say the least. Snow kept falling and the wind kept blowing. Visibility was really low and cars were moving at a craw on the Ring Road.

There was ice on my windshield wipers, so it wasn’t very effective in wiping the windshield. I had to pull over to rescrape my windows and knock the ice off of the wipers. Eventually, I was on my way and things just got better or I just got braver in driving in the weather.

It was a nice and calm drive, weather not withstanding. The scenes that I passed were breathtaking. It was a snow covered and stormy paradise.

My first stop was Seljalandsfoss and it was glorious. A tall falling narrow stream of a waterfall. By the time I got there, it was already a little crowded for my taste. Many tourists were making their way to the side/back of the fall. I held back with my tripod, getting a long shuttered shot of the fall, where the water just turn into a misty milky white falling from the cliff. I got the shot, but people are in it. I can’t bitch or moan about it. Move on.

As I stayed a little longer, the wind and snow storm came blasting. Conditions weren’t good at all. Not one bit. As I got closer to the fall, my lens got soaked and I kept wiping away and shooting and wiping away and shooting. I didn’t get that many great shots, but I manged to get a handful. I guess that is all that I can ask for.

I kind of went to the back of the fall, but not full on from behind. The dirt path was iced over and I was a little afraid that I wouldn’t be able to make it back up, me being on my own with a full tripod and what not. I should have done it, but c’est la vie. It is what it is.

Then it was time to move on again, braving the falling snow and the white out conditions.

During this drive, I pulled over so many times just to take pictures of the scenary. It was just that beautiful. I think this was technically my first nature trip outside of the states, in a way. I don’t think I ever put on music during this trip at all. So, good for me.

My next stop is Skógafoss. It’s another waterfall, but much bigger in terms of width and girth and more powerful. Again, by the time I got there, tour buses were parked and waiting to be refilled and go. Here, I decided to take a few pictures on the ground first without my tripod and then make my way to the top of the falls.

The small hike up to the top should have been an easy one. You have stairs to help you along the way, but maybe I am just out of shape or maybe it was just cold and my body wasn’t use to it (it really wasn’t that cold at all), but I was a little winded by the time I got to the top. Need to work out. Those were my thoughts that came to me as I was struggling to get to the top.

I managed and the view from the top was marvelous. Looking out and down, it was just white with blacks cutting through the landscape. Beautiful. I hopped over a fence and walked along the river for a few hundred feet.

It got crowded on the little platform so I made my way down to the ground, grabbed my tripod and went to take another slow shutter picture. I struggled because once again, the snow and storm blew in. It had a thing for me and waterfall pictures. Curse the weather.

I managed to get one shot and then I was off again, continuing down the road. Our next stop, Dyrhólaey.

Dyrhólaey.

Wow. This was probably the first place in Iceland that had truly taken my breath away. To think I almost gave up on this site because I missed the road like three times.

But I made it and it was the first time I get that giddy feeling whenever I travel that it is shaping up to be a spectacular trip. Oh, Dyrhólaey, you are beautiful.

This is one of the southern most points in Iceland. Below you are the black sands beach of Vik. At the edge is the Atlantic ocean crashing into the rocky shores. The low hanging sun just sets a beautiful golden glow around everything. Breath taking. Words and pictures doesn’t do it justice.

Big smile. It was a contagious big smile.

Beautiful.

But hell it was windy though. Fucking wind.

Sadly, I had to bid adeiu to Dyrhólaey and make my way to my next stop, which I can already see from where I was the basalt sea stacks at Reynisdrangar. It was about 15-20 minutes away. Not that far away as the bird flies. I can actually see it.

When I got there, the weather changed. It was a blizzard. Snow. Wind. Dark. Not ideal conditions.

When I went exploring, I saw that how high the waves came in and it then shrunk back down. I thought it would be safe to take a picture of the three towers that was just around the corner. I got myself turned around and the saves came crashing in at my legs.

Shoes. Socks. Jeans. Soaked.

It then happened again. Yay me.

Done, I took off my socks and dried them in the car with the front window defrost. Surprisingly, it dried pretty fast. It was almost dry by the time I got to Vik.

At Vik, I drove where I wasn’t supposed to drive. I saw other cars there and I didn’t see the sign until it was too late. I just parked and took the picture fo the three towers. It was a beautiful sight.

I had to decide whether I was going to get lunch or keep going to my final destination. I checked the map and it told me I had about another two hours three hours to go to where I needed to go. The map was wrong of course. Took me two hours instead.

I wanted to get to Jökulsárlón before sunset so I can actually see it with light. So, here I filled up on gas. I bought a gas card, loaded it up in the machine and filled up my tank, which was about maybe a little over quarter gone by now.

Filled up, I was on my way. The road got emptier the further east I went. Also, the conditions got worse too. Visibility really down to zero. Snow. Wind. White.

White out conditions.

I pulled over a few times to take some pictures of the empty white roads and to pee. I peed a lot. It was fun.

The further I drove, the lower the clouds got and the whiter the scene. But then it cleared up.

I wonder how much scenary did I miss. How many beautiful seascapes and mountains that passed me by that I couldn’t see because of the weather. Definitely have to go back and do the drive again when the weather is nicer in the Summer time.

Jökulsárlón.

Wow.

Just wow. It’s a quiet landscape that I have never encountered before in all of my travels. It was weird, strange, but beautiful.

Big chunks of floating glaciers in a beauitful blue float tranquil in the little lake. Far off in the distance is the mountains and the solid whole glacier. Magical. Wonderful.

I’m just in awe of that place.

I got there when the sun was about to set. I maybe had about a half an hour worth of light. I took all the pictures that I could have taken with that amount of time and I was rushed. Looking back, I do wish that I would have just stopped focusing on taking pictures and just be in the moment and just enjoy what is in front of me.

That is one thing that I did notice in my Utah trip last year and more so on this trip, I felt rushed and I was so focus on the photography that I forget to just stop and enjoy.

Patience. I just need to be in the moment and stop focusing on capturing the moment.

This also happened when I was taking pictures of the Northern Lights.

So, as the sky got darker, I had about 30-40 minutes before the sky got fully dark, I drove down the ways to a restaurant to get some dinner. It wasn’t a bad lamb dinner. It was great to have a beer after the long long day also, but then I loaded up on coffee. I was tired and I needed some help staying up for the light show I was going to capture and also for the long drive home.

I drove back in the dark and almost missed the turn, but I managed to get there.

I sat in the car for a bit waiting like all the other cars out there. Then I decided to get out and take pictures of the stars instead before the Northern Lights, hoping that they would come out soon.

Then, I saw small shuttle buses come from the night tours. Eventually they left for other destinations.

I started to take more pictures and I see the colors of green and red show up on my camera. I packed up my gear and hiked up the small hill and started to take pictures.

They were out but my eyes can’t see them.

Eventually, as the night went on, it got stronger, but it wasn’t a vibrant green that I thought it would be.

I did feel a little disappointed as I realize that it wasn’t going to be a strong show or I thought that what I saw was what the aurora reallly looks like.

To my eyes, it was a light gray haze in the sky. At it’s strongest, I got to see it move and snake through the sky, but it was just that faint gray instead of the vibrant colors that I’m use to seeing on the camera or in pictures.

But it was still something to see with my eyes and it’ll be something that I’ll never forget.

Like earlier, I was so focused on taking pictures that I didn’t really take the time to really enjoy the show. I snapped and snapped away and only watched on as I waited for the exposures to be finished.

Next time. I need to take my time to just enjoy the moment. Be present. Be there. In that moment.

Just be.

As the show dimmed and faded away, I decided to start my long drive home.

That drive back to Reykjavik was the scariest drive in my life. Pitch dark with nothing but my headlights cutting through the black. When there wasn’t any weather, the drive was fine.

It was only when the strong winds kicked in and snow blowing in sideways whiting out the road and what you can see. You have to hope that you see the reflectors on the side of the road and hope that they aren’t turning.

But I made it back. Along the way, I saw so many auroras similar to the ones I saw in Jökulsárlón. It was hard for me not to just stare at them. They were just dancing away in the clear sky above. It was magical.

I even saw a few close to Reykjavik. I was on the main freeway in Reykjavik, close to 3AM where I saw a vibrant green one dancing in the sky. I saw it. But I couldn’t stop to take pictures. Plus it was a small one too. So, in a way that gave me hope that yes, there are different variants of the aurora and depending on the intensity of the aurora, they are different colors. The ones I saw at Jökulsárlón and the on the drive back weren’t that active. I’ll definitely be going back to Iceland to chase the lights and see strong ones.

Definitely.

I was excited and in awe, but tired at the same time.

I got to the hotel, posted a picture letting people know I’m back at the hotel safe and slept for a few hours.

* * *

Day 3: Golden Circle

After a few hours of sleep, I woke up around 9ish to start my day. It was a little later than I wanted to start my day, but after the long night that I had, it was the best.

Showered and geared up, I went to get a cup or two of coffee from breakfast and a few rolls and then I was on my way.

It was a nice day that day. Clear skies and now wind. You were able to see the mountains clearly in the distance.

My first stop was Þingvellir National Park. The drive there was just beautiful. I would have to say it is one of the most beautiful drives, if not the most, that I have taken in my life.

Maybe it was just snow everywhere and the low hanging sun that casts an eerie glow, but it was just magical. I was smiling ear to ear during this drive. I stopped so many times just to take pictures. Breathtaking.

I got the Þingvellir National Park and just explored it for a bit. It was another white snow scape. There I saw a few people getting into diving suits to brave the ice cold water. Brave souls. Brave brave souls.

Then I continued my drive. The next stop is Geysir.

I stopped to get some gas and some lunch. Two more hot dogs. So good.

A few miles before Geysir, I saw a bunch of horse riding the fence close to the road. There was another car stopped already and I pulled up next to it. I’ve always wanted to take close up pictures of the horses and pet one, but they have been far off those past few days. This was my first chance to get up close and personal.

The horses were so cute. They were very nice and can get chompy, wanting to get food. But once they realize you don’t have anything, they let you go and tolerate you petting them. I had a selfie with them.

Then to Geysir.

Geysir was pretty small. I expected the place to be bigger, but it wasn’t. It had the biggest gift shop/exhibit of all the places though. There was a diner too. I didn’t stop for food, but I should have. It was cold, so I roamed around the diner and gift shop trying to get warm.

I roamed the area and waited for the Geysir to explode. I never thought that my first geyser wouldn’t be in the states. I always imagined that it would have been at Yellowstone and it being Old Faithful, but I guess it wasn’t meant to be. Geysir, the Icelandic geyser took my cherry.

After Geysir, I drove the short few miles to Gullfoss, the famous waterfall. It was beautiful and roaring and huge, but it was fucking cold. By that time, the snow and wind was howling already. I got my gear and made it to the view point and set up. The wind was just blowing hard in your face. My body was well protected, but not my face. Left my scarf in the hotel, AGAIN.

I did my photos but not many of the slow shutter ones turned out that well because the wind was blowing so hard, the tripod and camera was shaking.

I did some handhelds and then continued to the next viewpoint. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get any closer to the fall because that path was closed.

I quickly got my pictures, put my gear away and looked around the gift shop. Of course I didn’t buy anything, but I just wanted to roam and look and see how expensive everything was and to warm up.

Once more stop, Kerið. It was a long drive to there and the nav system got me worried and turned around. Eventually I made it. The snow was on worse now. I went up there, snapped a few pictures and quickly ran down to the car and headed home.

The drive back to the hotel was bad. Horrible. Slow. It’s a crawl and scary. I got stuck behind a snow plow after I was very cavalier in passing a tour bus. I was impatient and didn’t realize that everyone was slowed down to a crawl.

One thing for sure, I will not miss driving in the snow in Iceland.

But, I made it back. I stripped and got warm. I started to transfer my pictures to my computer and I took a nap. I needed the rest. I didn’t do much of anything that night.

I went out into the snow storm, which was blowing sideways and upwards, to find dinner. The closest restaurant that I managed to find was a hamburger joint. It will have to do.

The burger wasn’t bad. They put steak sauce on it, but it was intersting. Instead of a circle, it is a square. I had some wings and a dessert. I get decadent while I’m on vacation.

Full, I went back to the hotel and relaxed and backed up everything on the computer and posted a few pics. I finally was able to decompress from the trip and the scary drives. The next day was going to be a rainy and warmer day. My last day.

* * *

Day 4: Last day. Spa day.

That night was the first night that I got a decent’s night sleep. I felt refreshed when I woke up. With not much planned today, I woke up a little later than I would have, but still early enough for breakfast.

Showered and ready, I stepped out of my room and saw a cute girl waiting for the elevator. My room was directly next to the elevator. It got annoying at times with the sound, but in the end, I didn’t mind.

Back to the girl. We said our good mornings and we waited for the elevator. When it opened, another girl was in there, a friend of hers got out and told here that there was nothing at breakfast.

We entered and I spoke first, asking what her friend meant. From there we just chatted on our way to breakfast, each asking the other about our visit and our stay. It felt natural and it was nice.

After I got my food and drinks, she asked if I wanted to join her and her other friend for breakfast and I did. So, we just sat, ate, and talked about our trips, traveling, and why we visited Iceland. The Northern Lights was the cute girl’s reason. The same as mine. She’s really cute. I introduced myself and they each in turn. They’re from Toronto.

They were going to do the Golden Circle that day, wanting to only see Geysir. I told them that it might be a tight drive, since it took me most of the day yesterday.

Also, our flights were leaving around the same time. So, they went their way and I sat and had another cup of coffee before I checked out of the hotel.

Blue Lagoon.

I got there just a little after it opened. I opted for the comfort package. A little expensive, but since I’m there, why not.

It wasn’t a cold day at all. There was no snow, but a little rain. I got undressed, showered, and went on my merry way to the pool.

It wasn’t that crowded, since it was a off day and also it was so early in the morning.

I stepped out side half naked. The wind was blowing. Fucking cold. I got into the warm water and only got a little warm. I got me my free drink and waddled my way to find a clear spot. I found one, chugging my beer and just people watched. The place I found had a hot spot too, so that was a plus. The downside, everyone was converging on me.

It got crowded for my taste, so I trashed my cup and found open waters.

It was relaxing and nice that I was out in a pool in the middle of winter. As I floated there, trying to get warm, relaxing, I thought how it seems I’m very social and nicer whenever I’m traveling.

Maybe it is because I’m traveling alone, but I’m not sure, but I do seem more social and nicer.

I don’t think I would ever had said yes to Nan coming along with me or even having breakfast and chatting with the Toronto girls that morning. But I did while I was there. Maybe there’s a romanticism to meeting new people and fellow travelers. Who knows?

Seems like the case while I was in Utah too or even when I traveled alone to the Grand Canyon. There’s just something special about it.

I should definitely travel a lot more than I already do. Most definitely.

I was at the pool for about two hours and then I showered and left for the airport. I got lost while I trying to get to the airport ’cause I put in the wrong destination on the map.

Managed to turn in my car and checked in and went to security without any issues.

I couldn’t get to my gate so I just chilled in the airport. I got some food.

The Keflavik airport was very interesting. Many of their workers travel around on kick scooters. Also, many of them were dressed up as if it was Halloween. I didn’t ask why, but accepted it for what it was, as interesting.

Eventually, I got to my gate, but my flight was delayed. The Toronto flight was right next to mine and I bumped into the Toronto girls again. They barely made it as their flight was in the process of boarding.

We said our goodbyes and I kind of forced a hug, which I felt bad for, but it was nice.

The rest of my travel back home went as well as can be expected.

Looking back at the trip, it is definitely unforgettable for me. With meeting new people and chatting and making new friends to exploring and almost dying and just doing what I loved to do, which was exploring.

If I had to do it again, definitely, I would, but I think I would have spent a few more days there, especially on the Southern Coast. That drive/day was really really rushed. It would have been nicer I spent another day or two out on the East side and just chased the lights, but alas, hindsight is 20/20 and I just didn’t know any better.

Next time. Next time, it’ll be a longer and less rushed trip.

Iceland. You are majestic.

Thank you for giving me such a great experience and we shall definitely meet again.

Ki-Yo – so says the flier hanging by the window

It’s a guy with a dragon tattoo on his right shoulder, serpentine down onto a definitely airbrushed chest. He’s brandishing a similarly decorated kitana blade, looking all fierce and a little gay at the same time. Formidable indeed.

He’s a samurai.

That’s all I know of him. Nothing more and I really don’t care to know anymore.

* * *

It’s MLK day, a much welcome day off. All day offs are welcomed in my opinion.

I came out to my usual spot to do some writing after spending the last two working on my script. Finally done with my pages, sent late in the darkness of night, I’m now free to do this little free write.

I meant to write a little more, but I got distracted by catching up with the established screenwriter that I see in my usual from time to time.

It’s been a good few months since we’ve chatted and it was great to shooting the shit with him.

Now, I sit, working out my fingers, thinking of the day ahead and what I need to do.

I sit in patience not rushing my day, taking my time writing the words you see.

* * *

My mind wanders as I feel the fatigue behind my eyes and the tired sores that resides in my body. Why are they there? Why have I become as tired as of late?

It may have to do with the late nights I had the past couple of days, up late putting words on the page or just because I was bullshitting on something else, like my photography.

Work starts again tomorrow and I’ll be back to my normal routine soon enough. I’ll be rested and feeling normal in no time.

Oh Ki-yo, stop staring at me. You kind of creep me out with your steeling intensity burning through the negative reflection.

I’m not at my usual table that I have adopted for the past few months, but at my old old table that I would come and sit at when I first started to come here. I moved for a reason and it is very apparent why I had to move.

The fucking AC is blowing down hard on me again. Cold drafts of wind, falling from the ceiling, chilling me to the bone.

I have gotten a thin skin since I have moved down here. It’s been the past couple of years, but I don’t like it.

Not one bit.

* * *

Almost done.

I estimate about 10 to 15 pages left in this latest script of mine. I need to just write it out, get it down and turn it in. I need feedback on how to punch up the script. I need ideas.

These last 10 pages I submitted were horrible pages. Ideas are there but the writing is horrible and I’m sure some scenes are put in so I can pad the pages. I’m sure Scott can see that too, but I don’t care. Not right now. I need to get this done.

But I’m almost done. That’s something to celebrate.

* * *

Cooking challenges.

I have decided to do a new challenge similar to my 365 photography challenge and it involves cooking. I have decided to do 30 new recipes this year and so far I have done four. At the rate I am going, this shouldn’t be a problem at all. But we’ll see where I’m at later in the year. It sounds easy, but sometimes, I just don’t have the commitment to it.

We shall see.

We shall see.

* * *

It is approaching the end of my time here on this free day. Not as much writing as I wanted, but that’s okay. It was good catching up with Romeo & Aliyah.

I manage to get a few of my thoughts out and caught this void up with whatever is going on in my life currently.

Until next time, whenever that may be.