I’m beginning to count down the days before I start to count up.

It’ll be about a week before my usually another year older, another year wiser.

I’ll be turning a new number and it has snuck up on me. It is time to reflect on the past number and see what has changed in my life.

35.

For the most part, it has treated me really really well.

Looking on the bright side, I am still in my mid-thirties, at least, for another year.

36.

It doesn’t sound scary and it’s just another number.

* * *

First date.

Online date. I wonder on which site?

Eharm, Match, Christian Mingle, or something more nefarious.

They opted for drinks, morning drinks…boba tea.

I guess it is as good as any other date.

I wish them the best as they started chatting outside and then worked their way inside as Volcano opened.

Now they sit in the freezing corner, going through the first date ritual of getting-to-know-you questions.

I don’t miss those.

I don’t miss dating.

I’m glad I’m not a part of it.

I’m glad I’m not putting myself out there.

* * *

It’s going to be a slow and easy day. I don’t have much planned for today except for some light cleaning and folding my laundry. It’ll have to do.

I’m readying myself for the next couple of weekends. Next week of doing nothing but watching Dare Devil and postponing my mini road trip until the week after.

It’s my birthday month and I won’t be celebrating.

I honestly haven’t been thinking about my birthday at all. I usually don’t make it a habit and I guess I’m not doing anything special about it either. It never really crossed my mind except that it is getting closer.

* * *

No pressure.

Not picking up anything at all.

No feelings.

Not paying much to anything but my walks at work, my photo-a-day project, and what I need to do at work.

No pressure.

Just write.

It’s definitely shaping up to be one of those random pointless entries today. It is me writing to write, to get things out.

It’s bad.

* * *

Kicked out of wifi.

A mac sat next to me.

Boo.

* * *

You can go your own way

Bumping into people that I know.

It hardly ever happens.

The last person that I bumped into outside of work or just in general was Ms. D.

It was a pleasant surprise.

Before, it was probably the Zinger or even Mesa one random night at Plan Check.

It was a weird year last year in bumping into people randomly. It certainly hasn’t happened much lately, but I think that is mostly because I don’t go out enough anymore for it to happen.

I don’t allow for the possibilities of it happening.

Secluded and pro-solitude, me in my cave with my fellow dwellers. It’s peaceful.

I only go out randomly most of the time except for my usual time of writing on the weekends.

Other than that, most people can expect me to be at home.

It’s how I am.

I’m a home body and there’s no amount of pressuring that can change that about me.

It’s my predisposition.

* * *

I haven’t been studying the couple, but I wonder how things are going.

They seem to have been talking non-stop since they met. That’s a good sign.

Looking at his face, he seems to have a forced politeness on his face, being nice to the things that she says, laughing at the small jokes and what nots.

It may be a good thing.

Man, it just feels so awkward, or at least for me it does.

I’m not even on that date, but it just feels weird.

It seems like they are having a really interesting conversation about something. It might a good date.

Congrats.

* * *

There’s a million reasons why I should give you up…

Iceland.

Let’s take it back there.

I’ve been seeing a lot of pictures of Iceland lately on IG. Every time that I see one my heart pangs to go back.

We have to go back

I do have to go back.

It just seems that I might be going back a lot sooner than I anticipated.

I’m already thinking of going back next October or so, but I don’t know. Nothing is decided until it happens.

Nothing is concrete until I figure things out.

We shall see.

* * *

I think I need to focus on the trips that I have already planned this year and leave Iceland in the future.

It’ll happen. I’m sure of it.

I just hope that the rim road at Crater Lake will be open on July 4th weekend. I’m hoping.

* * *

I need to get back and focus on my writing again. I need to jump back on my script and clean it up and rewrite a few earlier scenes to things will match up and I can submit it to the group.

I’m sure it’ll happen soon after my little yearly diatribe about getting older.

I’m sure this coming week will be a week of deep thought and reflection about 35.

Once I am finished with that script, I’ll set it aside and focus on my prose. I want to write short stories. I want to get on my novella.

I want writing to take up more of my time.

I want to work on my hobbies to pass the time, to keep my mind off of certain things and to just occupy myself with things to do.

* * *

Cloud needs to figure out her shit.

She’s young and don’t have a lot of responsibilities so it’s easier for her to just make mistakes or just drop things and start new things.

Everyone fucks up.

I know I sure did.

It’s good to see a lot of my friends moving onto bigger and better things in their life, being successful in things that they do.

I guess I’ll see what my future holds.

I take it a day at a time.

Right now, no decisions need to be made.

* * *

Lately I’ve been thinking about song writing.

Maybe it is because I watched and love films like Begin Again and Rudderless, but there is something romantic about it.

I know nothing of song writing or even poetry, or even writing for that matter, but it draws me.

I’m also not musically gifted.

* * *

I’m out.

Unable to focus.

Nothing is flowing.

Nothing is how it use to be.

Useless.