Nothing more than empty sheets between our love.

I got nothing. I have nothing to say, but I’m just going to finger tap anyway. I need to put my fingers through drills and exercises to loosen it up, so I won’t cramp up during my marathon sessions of writing.

That’s not going to happen. There aren’t going to be any marathon sessions. I’m in a serious mental drought of trying to brainstorm and figure out the ending of my story. In a way, it feels that I should be done. I had originally planned it that way, but it seemed that the story took on a new ending or expanded into something a little more.

I’m just torn in a way on trying to figure out what to write, how to write, where to write, when to write.

I’m on a total writing cluster fuck.

* * *

Another one bites the dust as he packed up this morning and went on his merry way to the valley of Yosemite.

That lucky bastard. Wish him the best of luck in pursuing his dream of becoming a Ranger.

* * *

Let’s start over, let’s start again.

For the longest time, I haven’t seen one of the usual boba girls working here. She changed to a different schedule. It’s her 9-5 while she goes to school. Her schedule conflicts with my 9-5. I’m here on the weekend mornings and she’s, I’m assuming weekdays or in the afternoon or evening shifts, if she works on the weekends.

It wasn’t until a few Tuesdays ago that I saw her again. I stayed home sick from just fatigue. Maybe it was the heat, maybe it was the new diet I started and I had zero energy to go to work.

I went to Volcano on my usual time, not expecting much of anything. She wasn’t there to open, so I thought of nothing else but doing my writing. I don’t even remember what I wrote about that day. Did I work on my short prose or did I write a little entry? I don’t remember.

Halfway through my session, to my surprise she came bursting in the door. She scanned the shop and spotted me and stopped in surprise. Her face lit up, happy to see me as my face lit up, happy to see her.

She’s cute.

We exchanged our pleasantries and how we haven’t seen each other in a long time.

Then instead of going to the back and getting ready for work, she stopped for a minute and told me how she and her mom went on a road trip like I have asked her what she was doing and why she was gone. She drove her mom to the Grand Canyon and through Arizona. She also told me how her mom just left a few days before.

I thought it was just so random and strange, but a little cute.

Then she went to work and I thought it’ll be another few months before I see her again, but for some reason she came in on a late morning shift on either Saturday or Sunday of last week. Random.

Life is so random.

* * *

This Girl is on Fireeeee

I’ve been off of my no/low carb diet for about a week. I’ve already gained back five out of the 15 pounds that I lost. It was tough to give up the carbs, but now I have to get back on it. It’ll be tough, but it’ll be good.

I do miss carbs. I do miss bread. Rice. Pasta. Beer.

But I have to be good. I don’t see any new social engagements in the near future that I will participate in. It’ll be a good time to get back on my diet again.

Eventually, it’ll just be a part of my life, a new way of life, a different way of eating. Eventually it’ll just be low carbs.

Hungry.

Right now, I’m actually not. Had a huge dinner last night. Way too many calories. I was way over budget, but in the end, everything will even out and it’ll be fine.

* * *

I have decided not to fly home this Christmas break. I’m sure I wrote about this, but after flying to the Carter’s for Veteran’s day, I should be done with traveling. It’s just unfair for Pickles. I’d boarded him so many times this year because of my travels. It’s done. No more.

Also, it just fits the theme for me this year, being on my own and doing my own thing. Sure there were a few family moments with Dat’s wedding and then uncle’s memorial. Those fit the family quota. No more.

It’ll just be me finding time to do things later in the year. I get a one week staycation of doing nothing. I’m so looking forward to it.

* * *

We lost the digital business. I have no idea what is going to happen. No idea and it’s a little worrisome for many, but it’s out of my hands.

Whatever happens, happens.

* * *

I’m running out of things to say. I’m running out of things to write about.

This is what happens when nothing is going on in your life, when you are angst free and pretty much drama free.

Quiet life. Zen life.

Serenity now.

One of us is down, all packed up and getting on a plane to fly home. She’s leaving the life that she lived the past 10 years behind to go back to a new life that mixes parts of the two old worlds that she had built for herself.

Yen leaves today for Philly. She’ll still be employed out here, but works remotely. It’s not a bad gig and it’s good that her bosses and job allow her to do that. If my job lets me work remotely, I’ll most likely make a new start in my beloved, Chicago.

But that’s just a dream and reality is that I’m set in my old man ways and I’m content with my life here in scorching SoCal. It works for me and I don’t mind it. Tis the life I had made for myself.

It was one final night, meeting up with Jun and Robert also, saying our good byes at the OC Westminster night market. I had some good Viet food that wrecked my diet and I’m okay with that.

It was a long long day of being hungry, but at the end it was worth it. Now, today, I’m hungover with fatigue and a tiredness that I haven’t felt in a while. It happens when I miss my bedtime.

Now, I have to somehow take the time and get back to a normal sleeping schedule again, with naps and early nights. It happens.

* * *

Tired. Just tired today.

It is another perfect weekend of not really doing anything. Just relax, iron some clothes, do some cooking and rest up as I will have to drive out to the valley tomorrow to do some IT work for an old coworker. Seems like my name is making the rounds with a few old coworkers and they need IT help. It works and I’m okay with it. I make a little extra money on the side and I get to socialize a little bit.

Tired.

I need rest.

* * *

Another way to look at the situation, instead of losing someone to hang out with, it is one less person I should hang out with.

Anything to promote my hermit lifestyle. I’m okay with.

* * *

For some reason, Ms. D has been on my mind as of late. Well, for the past couple of days. I believe that it’s because I’ve seen pictures of her and for some reason, I just can’t shake her. I can’t get her out of my mind.

I should have let her go a long time ago and in a way, I have, but she keeps coming back.

It’ll never work out and I know that and yet, I don’t know. My mind gets wonky sometimes and I just can’t shake it.

C’est la vie. Time to move on.

I wonder how many times I have to say time to move on before I finally do?

Maybe when someone else comes along?

Keeping my eyes and options open while I go on living this independent antisocial life of mine.

That’s the way it has to be.

I just need to be open.

* * *

I don’t know whether that I’m getting older or I’m just so use to being alone, but damn, some kids are just fucking annoying.

I mean, I love kids. I love kids and I know I want kids, but man, some kids are just annoying. I know that they are just full of energy and sometimes there are some ADHD off the wall bonkers shit that they have zero control over, but holy hell, some fucking kids man.

No control and just let it go.

I’m just an old jaded bitter grumpy pants who’s very judgmental. It comes with my age. It’s bad and I know I need to change that.

Time to fix this as it is time to fix my diet as it is time to better myself again.

Time.

It is limited but it seems like we have forever.

* * *

I’m in control and I make my happiness.

I understand that. The choice is in my hands and mine to make and believe me, it tugs at me equally and it’s so difficult to come to a decision.

I guess what everyone says is right, that it’ll come when I’m ready for it and I honestly don’t think I am ready for it.

* * *

Heat heat heat.

It’s been a hot summer, or at least the last couple of days. The scorching heat offers now air and solace. It takes and drains my energy. I have nothing left.

I have no motivation to even go into work because I couldn’t get out of bed. Tired. Fatigued. It isn’t like the lack of iron, but more of the sick ilk. Seems like the next logical feeling would be the body sores.

Am I coming down with something or is it just the heat that is fucking me over? I don’t know.

It could also be the new diet I started. No carbs.

There were some slight cheats here and there, the KFC biscuit, but I’ve been carb free for two weeks now, going into my third. The last carb I had was July 31st.

In a way, this new diet is good. It forces me to think of other more interesting ways to cook and to eat after work. Otherwise, it’ll just be pasta or rice bowls or some stir fry. This forces me to think of alternatives that are not carb friendly.

The downside, I’m fucking hungry all the fucking time. All the fucking time. Hungry. Hangry.

It could also be a reason why I don’t have energy, but I don’t think so. It is most likely because of the heat. I’m betting that it is the heat and once it goes down, like it should in the next few days, I should be back to form on this new diet.

Now, it isn’t a full on change my life diet and this will be how I eat for the rest of my life kind of diet. No. It’s just a temporary one to get my body back to form, to not rely on carbs so much. I’ll imbibe and consume carbs when I start traveling again.

Hopefully I’ll learn from it and just eat less carbs. That’s the ultimate goal, to cut down on my carb intake. It’ll be difficult, ’cause I love to eat so much.

Carbs.

Bread. Pizza. Rice. Pasta. Sushi. Noodles. Carbs.

Oh man, I’m a carb eating machine.

Beer!

I miss carbs and I’ll be reunited again, soon.

* * *

The changing of the guards. The high turnaround of the customer service industry.

I’ve been coming to Volcano since ’04 or ’05 to write and I’ve seen so many boba girls and people come and go. Some stick around for a while and I’ve developed a rapport with some of them, but with the new changing of the guard, it’s hard to keep up.

There’s just so many people here that I don’t see that often because they come in at night or the afternoon or even work the weekday shifts. So different.

Gone are the Cathys, Kats, Cindies, and Irises and here are faces that are vaguely familiar. The usuals that work the random weekends that we’ll chat and say hi to, the formalities, but never really got their names.

I’m sure to them, I’m just the hoodie guy on the weekends with his unsweetened jasmine green tea.

But whatever may change, this is a habit of mine and it doesn’t seem like I’ll be quitting it any time soon. So bring on the new faces.

* * *

Hungry.

Food.

That’s all that I can think about as I eat on avg less than 2000 calories a day. I don’t know how much I eat on the regular, but maybe a little more than what I’m eating now, or maybe it is the same except that there are just no carbs.

Fucking carbs. Why are you so good, but so complicated?

Horrible.

I wake up and think about dinner. What should I make? How should I prepare the protein that I had taken out?

So many options. Craving Asian. Craving Chinese.

It’ll be something simple I’ll make tonight. I’ll cook for the rest of the week. It’ll be easy, since I don’t need to cook dinner on Friday, since I’m going out.

Easy peasy.

* * *

Iris is here! Haven’t seen her in a long ass time.

* * *

As July comes close to its end, with August following up right behind it, it seems that this year is going by in such a blur.

Much of it has to do with how busy I have been this past year with the O365 migration and also with me breaking it up with the small trips that I had taken so far. Iceland in February, Dat’s wedding, Katy’s Wedding, my little small Walkabout, then with my Atlanta trip this past week and now with Uncle’s memorial. It had been a busy first six-and-a-half months already.

The rest of the year doesn’t seem no different with the rest of the regions and with the buildout of Chicago. I still haven’t decided if I am going to drive home this year or not. Most likely not, given how late it is in the year and I still want to make a trip out to South Carolina to visit the Carters. This year is going by fast. 36, zooming me by. 2015, more than halfway gone.

I think the best thing to do, the years that seem to past me by are the years that I break it up with little trips and adventures and trying to keep busy with work. Speaking of which, I still have a few projects that I need to get off my ass and get to. Just do it.

It’s just ridiculous how fast this year is going.

Now, it just comes time to figure out what to do over Christmas break? Should I fly back? Or should I stay in town. I forget the last time I stayed in town and for some reason, I really want to just stay in town this year. Maybe I’ll just do that and just chill or do a small road trip somewhere with Pickles.

I haven’t really decided, but I’m sure I will soon. It just seems like this year is a year of being on my own while last year was a year of family.

* * *

The cow story lingers in my mind. Hints of the heart of the story lingers in my mind even though I haven’t worked on it in a few weeks. Soon I will need to get back on it and just finish it. It’s taking way too long.

Way too long.

* * *

Closed off.

I’m so closed off from the world. It’s all my doing.

I’m guarded and my not so sunny disposition doesn’t help, but that’s me.

I know it’s not impossible to get through me. It’s a facade as some would say.

Many that knows me would tell you that I’m very approachable and easy going, which is true, but I’m a tinge socially awkward.

It’s not easy for me to make friends and most people really don’t know me that well since I don’t really interact with that many people or have conversations with that many people because I’m closed off.

Catch 22.

* * *

A little funny interaction happened with Pretty Yellow happened a few days ago during our company happy hour. We ran into each other in the courtyard and I can only manage Hi with her and what seems like with most girls and she told me that she saw my pictures. I was a little confused at first, but then I caught up as she explained to me about my pictures in the shuttle.

She really liked my pictures and didn’t know that I was into that – photography/art/creative. Then I responded, What do you mean? I carry my camera 24/7., then it hit her, yes, I’m always with my camera. I asked if she’s going to submit and she said she was going to put in illustrations. For the most part, that was it.

I kept thinking in my head of course you wouldn’t have known that I was into photography because we don’t know each other. We’ve only had one small conversation and that was it. Every other time that we see each other or talk to each other is to exchange formalities of Hellos and Hi’s.

Maybe if we get to know each other better, have more conversations, then it’ll be different. But then again, I’m not the type of guy that approaches girls and do that, especially since we barely talk.

Ugh, my fickle heart and my social deficiencies.

* * *

Uncle’s memorial is just days away. I’ll be driving up on Monday to meet up with Hien and Mom. I wonder who else would be there. I guess I’ll find out then.

It’ll be a week full of family.

Tired as I normally am during the weekends. It’s that extra hour of sleep that I allow myself that really fucks me up. Wake up and walk three miles with Pickles. That’s my new routine. To get more steps and more exercise in with Pickles. He seems to like it. He loves it. It’s good for him. I’m glad.

But I’m tired, trying to catch up with what I did over the long weekend, the 4th of July weekend. I went on a nature walkabout. It really does seem like I have at least one of those once a year. Last year was Utah and this year, I went about it alone. I did a Northern California, Southern Oregon trek this time.

The parks that I visited were Lassen Volcanic National Park, Crater Lake National Park, and Lava Beds National Monument.

Overall, it was a good solo trip, a much needed trip by myself, away from people, just recharging on hiking and nature. It was great.

It started with a very easy and uneventful drive up to Sacramento on Thursday. We got out early and I just wanted to cut my trip up in half. It just made things easier, plus it gave me time on Friday to visit Lassen, which was an addition to the trip. Originally I only planned to do Crater Lake the whole weekend, but since it was on the way up and I had always wanted to do it, why not.

The drive up to the Lassen was uneventful but beautiful and different at the same time. It was mostly because I never took the 99 that far north before. I would always take I5 and also, there were many different other state highways and byways I had to take to get there. It is always great to see a different part of California and a different part of the country that I haven’t seen before.

I rolled up to Lassen around 10-10:30. I got into the visitor center, looked around and then asked for good day hikes to do. I got a few recommendations and I went on my merry way. I was hoping to get out of Lassen close to 5, so I can make it to Klamath Falls at a decent hour.

The first hike I did was Bump Hell. It’s a pretty easy and scenic hike down to the sulphur pools. Along the way were many signs telling you to stay on the trails because there are spots where you could crack the crust and fall into lava and burn yourself. Yay! Danger. What I like. So of course, I stayed on course.

Elevated boardwalks hover just a few feet above the boiling hot pits. You walk around and enjoy the smell. Then, you hike all the way back to the parking lot and then I drove all the way back a few miles to my next destination, Ridge Lakes.

Fucking Ridge Lakes hike. I knew this was going to be a hard one, even the Ranger at the visitor center told me it was going to be a hard one. 1000ft up in a mile. This fucking hike was all up. I had no problems with the Bump Hell hike. That was easy. It got my heart rate going and I wasn’t tired after the hike. I was good. I thought this little one mile hike shouldn’t be a fucking problem. Man was I wrong. So wrong.

The first half mile wasn’t too bad, but it was still bad. My heart was pounding. I was running out of breath. I had to stop every twenty or thirty yards or so. It was rough. Then the last half mile hit. Fuck me. Just fuck me then. Every ten yards or so. Dying. That was probably the first hike ever where I was like, fuck, I need to turn back. How could I be so out of shape for this? What the fuck was wrong with me? I’m defeated by a short one mile hike? Are you fucking kidding me?

It was the elevation. I didn’t take that into account. It was high up. Over 8,000ft up. High. Very thin oxygen. Fucking tired. But I was a trooper. Slowly but surely, I made it up. Up and up with each painful step. Up and up.

I didn’t see that many hikers while going up on the hike. The ranger told me that too and now I understood why. It was rough. The one big group of four said they didn’t even make it up to the top, and I met them at the half-mile mark, but they could have been fucking with me. I thought about giving up, turning around and pretend that it didn’t’ happen. I thought back to the old couple that I met when I first started the hike. If they could do it, I definitely can. No time for quitting. No time.

The top. I made it. Pride, a little bruised, but I made it. My heart rate calmed the fuck down and it turned out okay. There was a smallish lake up at the top, about the same size as Lake Serene, but that was definitely a lot prettier. I was alone. I had the whole lake to myself. I sat there for lunch. Snacked up, regaining my energy and strength. I rested. My feet in the water. I rested. It was calm, tranquil, zen.

I just sat there and enjoyed the view, not thinking much about anything but just being there enjoying the moment and the looming thunder clouds that were slowly blowing in.

CraAaaAAcKKK! Flash! CraaAAAaack! Flash as lightning and thunder partied out in the distance. It was moving in. That 30% chance that the ranger quoted me is becoming 90%. I’ve been sitting there for about forty minutes or so, just chilling, but now it was time for me to pack up and go.

Let’s just say, downhill so much easier. So much easier.

By the time I made it back to my car, it was about one or one thirty. So, what’s next? I looked at the map and it doesn’t seem like there is much. The cone volcano that I wanted to go, I had to drive through the park and then all around to get to, so that might be out, so I opted to just head out of the park and see what came up and that’s what I did. Maybe next time I’ll head out and hike the cone volcano. It’s was an 8 mile hike, round trip. Next time.

In the end, I ended up at one of their big lakes at the end of the park. I scoped it out and that was it. I’m sure if I didn’t have a timeline or felt so rushed because I wanted to get to my hotel at a reasonable hour, I would have enjoyed Lassen more. I would probably have done more if I had more time. Next time.

As I got out of the park and made my way to Klamath Falls, I didn’t have much reception at all. So I navigated blind and followed directions from a gas station attendant. Then, the rain came as I went on my merry way. The sky — dark. Clouds looming low and menacing. I was kind of glad I was in my car and on my way to the hotel.

As I got further and further north, my reception on my phone came and went. I got a series of text which were voicemails from my Google Voice account. The hotel had an issue with my credit card and needed me to call them back to give them a new one.

Eventually, what happened was that Expedia had my old card number on file and not my new one. My fault and I had to eat an extra $70 for the hotel. Lesson learned, but I got my room at a higher price. Apparently, there were no rooms left in all of Klamath Falls.

It was hot and humid as one would expect from a Pacific Northwest summer. I checked in, took a shower and walked the little main street near my hotel to find a place to eat. Nothing that suited me. I then decided to just run a quick errand and maybe I’ll come across something. Nothing, so I decided to go to the brewery next door to the hotel. Had an all right dinner and then just called it a night. I think I was asleep by 10pm if not by 9:30.

Crater Lake.

It was the 4th of July.

For most trips like this, I usually have an idea or a plan of what I’m going to do. What hikes I want to do and what to see. But for some reason, I really didn’t have a plan. I have a vague idea, that was it.

I strolled into the park around 8:30 or so. Nothing was open at the Rim Village. I peed and looked at the map and just decided to do Garfield Peak. It seemed like an easy and reasonable hike. By 8:50 or so, I was on my way.

It was a much easier hike. 3.4 miles round trip. I wasn’t dying or gulping for air or anything like that. It felt like a normal easy hike to me. Easy peasy. It wasn’t too hot since it was so early in the morning, plus there were some cloud cover for most of the way. A little under an hour later, I made it up to the top and was privileged to see such a beautiful view of the lake.

I sat there taking in the majestic view, munching on some breakfast, granola bars and what not and just relaxed. It was beautiful. It was a study in blue. It was just beautiful and hypnotically watching the little tour boat glide through the lake.

Then, it was just time to go as the clouds burned off and the full strength of the sun came shining through. The hike back down was as easy and ever.

I reached the visitor center near the Lodge and worked my way in. It was around 10ish and it was packed already. I went down to the observation deck to buy me some time. As the day went on and with the different angles from the sun, the bluer the lake got.

I wouldn’t mind taking a boat tour but it was all sold out that day. There were about two or three spots left for the next day though, but I decided not to get it.

Not having a plan, I decided to just get in the car and drive the rim after I head to the main Visitor Center near the entrance. There, I asked a Ranger where would the best place be to shoot some stars that night and she said anywhere on the east or south east rim would be great because there would be less traffic there. Unfortunately, the Milky Way will be showing up on the South East of the lake.

Driving the rim, it was just crowded. So many people were there. Cars were everywhere. I pulled into whatever viewpoint that I can, that seemed empty. Walked up, snapped a few pictures, take in the view and went on my merry way.

As I looked at the map and drove around, it just hits me how small Crater Lake is in terms of what to do. There aren’t that many interesting hiking trails near the lake. The best one was Garfield Peak, which I did before and the next one is the Cleetwood Cove Trail, which hikes down to the lake and boat tours. That was on my list and that was where I was headed to. It was at the complete opposite side of the lake from where I started my day.

When I got to the trailhead parking lot, it was already packed. Cars were lined up on the Rim Road, plus it was approaching noon. I found a spot about a quarter of a mile down the road and got going.

Let’s just get this out of the way. Down is easy. Always been. Gravity helps. Not much stress, not much effort. Easiest down hike. Barely broke a sweat. Didn’t even need to rehydrate. Down. Easy.

Got to the lake and walked around the big rocks, trying to scope out a place for lunch. I found a place after some crawling and what not and just sat there, feet in the water, having my lunch snacks. It was cool, and relaxing.

Then a damn crawdad bit me or clamped me. Didn’t realize that there was life in the lake. I’m sure that eventually the rangers put it in there to build a sustainable ecosystem, which makes sense.

The water at that level wasn’t as blue as when you see up high. But it was clear.

I can’t state clearly or put into words the awesomeness the blue is. Different shades, depending on the time of day and where you are. Just beautiful. The lake somehow diffuses all the colors of visible light except for blue, so that’s why we only see the blue in the water. Earth is a wonder.

After getting splashed by a small incoming wake from the tour boat, it was time for me to go.

Going up. Holy shit, there is a stretch that I never noticed while going down that is just straight up. Just Up. UP. Fucking just fucking up. No switchbacks. Not shallow at all. Just up. Man, was it tough. I couldn’t decide which was tougher, that or Ridge Lake, but I think Ridge Lake edged it out as the toughest. But man, the high elevation and the heat didn’t help. But I managed to get up there.

I knew I wasn’t going to do much hiking after that, so I just took off my damn shoes when I got to the car. The rest of the trip was just finish the Rim Road and then head back to the hotel since I have decided to come back that night to shoot the stars. I think I left the park close to 4. It was a surprisingly short day at the park. It was just small, very small.

In a way, I guess I was a little disappointed that it didn’t wow me like it should. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the views, I loved the lake, but for some reason, I found a little lacking. Just a tad.

So, I went back to the hotel, took a shower and just chilled for a bit before I try to find me some food.

Now, Klamath Falls — it’s a very very small town. I would describe it as a town where people drive through and it caters to those people. It was quiet, dead, empty. Maybe it was because it was the 4th of July weekend, but I hardly seen anyone. I didn’t even see much tourists either. They were out finding the firework shows or still at the park doing interesting things.

I didn’t want to drive, so I walked down Main Street again. Not many options to begin with, but with everything closed for the 4th, the options were even more limited. Surprised to find the shi shi steak house open, so I went there instead.

Sunset was at 8:50 and it probably wouldn’t get dark until about 9:30, I decided to head back to the park around 7:30 or so. I got there just as the sun was setting. I found a place on the west side of the rim where I could get a good view of the Milky Way once it rises.

For a while after everyone left, I was alone and then there was some Indian (from India) who brought out a telescope and they were shining their flashlights everywhere. It got annoying. But, as it got darker, I got my pictures that I wanted. For the most part, the weather was cooperative even though there were some low clouds hovering around where the center of the Milky Way was. I still got its spiral and as it got later in the night, I left just before the moon rose and I was glad to get leave the Indians behind. They were definitely annoying.

For the most part, the pictures turned out all right.

And with that, I ended my time at Crater Lake and I had one full day left with no idea of what to do.

On Sunday, I had a rough tentative idea of what to do — Lava Beds National Monument for like half a day if it isn’t interesting and then maybe go out to Ashland and just scope out the town, maybe do some wine tasting if I was up for it and if it was convenient. No expectations of anything at all.

I took the drive to Lava Beds. It wasn’t that long of a drive to get there, but damn, was it a long ass drive in the park to get to the visitor center and pretty much to a lot of the sites. So, when I got there, I had to drive back out and get some gas.

But, damn, Lava Beds was fucking fun. I didn’t know what to expect, but that there were caves to go exploring. So, that’s what I did all day. I explored caves. I went as far as I can on most/all of them that were open and didn’t try to do anything extreme, i.e. squeezing through holes that I know I can’t damn well fit in, especially without any protective gear.

I only had my little tiny LED headlamp and that was pretty much. But damn, it was just great being in the cave, in the dark, mind playing tricks with you, and just exploring.

It was a great day. I was very surprised by it. Definitely one of the highlights of my trip.

I drove back to the hotel around 5ish that day and I don’t think I had much to eat all day. I was tired and I was hungry and I wanted to stay close to the hotel for dinner. Decided to just go to the Thai bistro that was down on Main St. Closed.

I didn’t want steak or any burgers or anything at all. Jonesing for some Asian food, so I Yelped and found a Chinese place.

Got there, saw a slew of Asians — Cantos — come out of the restaurant, can’t be that bad right. Man, I was wrong.

I looked at the menu and it was what I suspected, American Chinese.

When I say American Chinese, I meant like legit American Chinese. Not even like Chinatown Express or anything like that. Hardcore American Chinese.

Their chow mein was all sprouts with the crunchy bread like pretzel sticks. American.

But it was cheap and they had huge portions. I wasn’t expecting the portion size, but when the food got to me, I tossed all snobbery and judgement aside and dove right in.

It was the damn best fucking American Chinese I had in fucking years and I think it is just that I was fucking hungry and I was tired and I didn’t want to find another place and I already ordered so I might as well fucking enjoy it.

I went back to the hotel and just chilled.

I woke up at my normal time and just hit the road. Driving all the way back to LA.

The drive on the 97 from Klamath Falls to Weed to connect to I5 was a beautiful drive. It drives by Mount Shasta. Just a beautiful drive.

Very lovely. The drive home was very uneventful and pretty fast. Didn’t have too many blood boiling moments, until I reached Fresno where a guy was on the far left lane, going 60 whilst on his phone.

Fucker.

But, I managed to get home before 5ish, picked Pickles up and just chilled.

Overall, a great trip and a great weekend. I saw a lot more of California that I have never seen before and got to experience Crater Lake.

It was awesome-blossom.

Cow. The Gentle Listener will have to take a back seat today as I just don’t feel up to continuing it.

I made strong head way yesterday, will, I like to think I did, only writing a paragraph or two, but it was enough for me to feel good about its progress. I’ll not think about it much today, even though it is open and maybe I’ll jump to it. I don’t know. I haven’t decided yet, but I’m putting these words in here instead. I’m doing my garbage dump today.

What to write today? What do I want to get out of my system? I don’t know. It’s not like there is any drama going on in my life.

I guess in a way, I’m just looking forward to my little road trip early next month. Crater Lake National Park near Klamath Falls, Oregon. It’ll be a long drive, broken up into two days, but I’m can’t wait. The whole rim road is open. Time to explore.

Looking forward to the hiking, the views, and to just be with nature again. I miss it. The last time I did some hiking or anything outdoorsy was last year in Utah. It is definitely time. I’m due for a nature trip.

I have to do some research on what are good day hikes and where to go for night photography. I have a lot of that to do and I’m sure when it comes closer, that’ll be what I’ll be doing at work. Can’t wait.

* * *

It’s a quiet day. June glooms is in full affect. Each morning is just a gloomy gray which eventually burns off in the afternoon. But I don’t know, there’s just something about it that just reminds me of home.

It’s not that I want to move home or anything, no not at all. It’s just nostalgia. I guess I’ve been a little nostalgic of late, but what’s new. I’m always in my head. Always.

* * *

In my head. I’ve been just fantasizing a lot lately about random stuff. Being on talk shows and the host being unjust to me and I set them straight. I’m trying to be righteous, minding my business and people are picking on me and I put them in place.

I think about what I would do if I see social injustice with police brutality. What would I do if I see something like that or if I’m involved? Would I fight back? What would I do?

I don’t know. I guess I’m just tired of seeing the blatant abuse of power and that other officers don’t stop in to stop their partners and what not from over using their force. No one puts them in their place and I guess that is what irks me most. No one.

What a fucked up world we live in. Why can’t things just be better? Why can’t people see how wrong things are and just adjust and fix it?

Why?

I guess that’s the big question. Why are these things happening and how can we just let them happen?

* * *

Back at my normal spot today. I thought about continuing on my cow story, but I just feel off.

I have been feeling a little bit off since I finished my po’ boy yesterday. It was good, but yeah, I felt sick afterwards, not the typical food poisoning sick, but the sick sick of being sick.

Plus I’ve been craving sugar. That’s never a good thing.

Time to detox again. Let’s see how long that will last.

Let’s just see.

But yes, I feel tired today for some reason and I’m sure a little bit has to do with what I have been eating lately. I’m trying to go back to a better and healthier diet, but again, let’s see how long that will last before I verge back to eating shit again. I’m sure it’ll be in no time that I’ll be eating shitty again.

* * *

So honey go.

Today is an Aimee Mann kind of day.

I haven’t listened to her in a while, so it’ll just be her today.

* * *

I sit in my usual today, just typing away hoping that I’ll come up with something of substance, something other than my normal rants, but it seems no different.

It is what it is.

My brain is too tired to come up with anything, to focus on anything more serious and difficult as my prose.

I don’t know why I’m so afraid to finish it. Unfortunately I didn’t jot down the notes that I thought I would write about. I locked it up in my head and I’m sure it’ll resurface when it comes time for me to write, but right now, I’m just finger tapping away.

I’m doing a brain purge of the things in my head, getting the cobwebs out of my system.

I’m thinking of the day ahead and how simple it is. I already done much of the hard work and cooking either last night or this morning. It’ll just be a day of watching movies and vegging out.

It’ll be a typical weekend of being alone and recharging for me.

It’ll be back to routine and that is something that I welcome for now.

* * *

Summer.

My summer is slowly shaping up. Plans are changing as travel plans are being formulated at work.

Atlanta is already on the table. What about the others?

Moorestown. Dallas. Chicago?

I don’t know and I guess whatever happens happens. I’m not going to think too much of it.

I would love to do Chicago, but it is what it is?

How about my personal vacations?

One is already in the books. Crater Lake. That has been booked. Dates reserved. Hotel paid for. I just have to just go.

Driving home this summer? Right now, that seems so up in the air. If it doesn’t happen, then I’ll think of something else that I can do in a short time. South Carolina for a few days maybe? Visit the Carters and explore the south east.

That’ll be nice.

Maybe.

It just seems like my life is so unplanned most of the time. I have some idea, but it’s always loose and I adapt for any changes that might happen, like all the traveling that may happen with work.

* * *

Life is just randomness.

My dreams seem so random too.

Had a dream a few nights ago about Ms. D. It was just weird. I haven’t seen or talk to her in months, but I was very surprised that she popped up.

She straddled me in some daisy dukes, leaned in and told me that her guy, Ed, was gay. I didn’t know how to take that information, so I started to nuzzle her neck, and then she pushed me away to reiterate that Ed was gay and from that tone, it was her telling me to stop.

I was just so confused. Very confused about everything. Just so weird and so random.

Life. Randomness.

* * *

It’s almost June already. In about two days, it’ll be June.

This year seems to be flying by so fast. Faster than the last couple of years. Where have all the time gone? Where?

In a blink and Iceland feels so far away, even though that was just 3 months ago. When did 3 months feel like years ago?

Getting old is a funny thing.

It really is.

* * *

The wedding. It was a nice wedding. Very small, full of friends and family of Katy’s and P.R.

It was just good to see old friends again and to catch up with Scott’s better half. Not bad at all.

I might have to reconsider my one rule about weddings. I just might. Who knows? We shall see who will be the next one that sends me an invite that is not family.

I don’t think that I’ll have that many since I’m not that close to anyone that would even invite me. But who knows?

My life is so random and I’m just going with the flow. No idea where I’ll end up and what will happen.

Life is funny.

Tired after a long drive, I woke up this morning in a strange small city. A city I kind of explored last night while looking for a place to eat.

I only small a few blocks of it, but I’m assuming that the rest of the city would be no different.

It’s a far reaching suburb with little strip malls scattered here and there.

Looking at the population breakdown, it makes sense, considering where we are, NorCal, or just south of NorCal, where most of the population had been or are farmers.

Gilroy is just a stone’s throw away.

I rolled around bed for about an hour or so after I got up around 6ish and decided to come out to the Starbucks that I found while I was out last night.

I plopped down here, plugged in typing away as I just people watch. I do what I do best.

I have hours to kill before I have to get back to the hotel and get ready for the wedding today.

Katy’s wedding. I feel bad since I haven’t seen or talked to any of them ever since Scott left, but that’s just.

I’m an asshole. It’s an excuse, but it shouldn’t be an excuse.

I’m just bad at keeping in touch. Out of sight out of mind.

But I’ll see most of them all tonight. It should be fun and interesting.

* * *

I took the PCH all the way up last night and I miss the drive. I miss the views. I miss the Pacific. It’s such a beautiful drive and just makes me want to make the trek up north again via its path, but it’ll take up too much of my vacation time with what I want to do.

I don’t know much about my plans in the next coming few months anymore. It just seems so far away and there are so many things that are pending. Just so many that I can’t really plan.

* * *

The sleepy town stirs and awaken as the sun rises above the horizon.

Cars zoom by outside and people march their way in through the swinging double doors to get their morning cup of joe blend. It is time to start another day.

In between spurts of writing I’m trying to figure out what to do today. What should I do with my limited time here, the limited time before I have to get ready for the wedding?

I don’t know yet. But I’m sure I’ll figure something out. Whether it is to go exploring a new city or if it is to just simply play it close and go watch a movie. I haven’t decided yet.

I think I’m just going to cut this short, grab some food and head out somewhere. The boardwalk?

Just maybe.

I’m tired today. On this day of all days, I’m feeling particularly withdrawn and tired.

I’m sure that me remembering what today is had something to do with why I’m so withdrawn. I thought it would be a little different this time around with me coming to terms with my father’s death, but I still miss the guy and there’s no healing with that.

It is what it is and there’s no way around. It had been a part of my life for quite some time now and today should be no different.

I’m tired.

I stayed up late last night fixing pictures, things that I could have totally put off today, but for some reason, I decided to stick it through, even though I didn’t finish it until this morning.

* * *

It’s mother’s day today.

I usually don’t do anything special on mother’s day, not even calling mom. It’s just another day and being it that it is this date, it’s not a particularly good day.

I’m sure Uncle Joe will call me and ask me over for a bbq, but I don’t think I’m going. Withdrawn.

Alone.

Solitude.

That all sounds good to me.

I’ll just stay at home and just do what I normally do. It’ll be no different than any other weekend.

I’m tired.

Just so tired.

I shouldn’t stay up past midnight. I get ugly whenever I do.

* * *

Work is winding down as most of the migration is finished. All users are up in the cloud and I have found workarounds with some things, like conference room management.

There are some things that aren’t working particularly well, but I’m sure I’ll come to fix it when I have a chance.

* * *

I need a vacation. I want to just go away and to explore. I need to, for my sanity. I need to just to feel refreshed again.

I need a break and summer isn’t coming fast enough.

Plans are still up in the air with so many things in terms of work and travel.

I’m sure plans will solidify eventually.

They must.

* * *

I think it is time for me to go back to my story.

I’m afraid to write it. Afraid to finish it.

I’m just afraid to do anything with it, overanalyzing everything to death.

I just have to do it.

Write.

Stop thinking and write.

It was an interesting and fun night last night.

I was locked in my apartment. I knew that something like that would happen and thankfully I was on the inside instead of outside.

The doorknob just wouldn’t turn. I couldn’t open the door.

I didn’t want to break the lock, which I could have done, but eventually it ended up being broken anyway.

Zack helped me and I am thankful for him.

Bob came and gave me a new door knob, but now I have to have two keys. Not ideal, but hey, whatever.

I am out, I can go on about my life again.

* * *

I’ve been dreaming about work lately. I haven’t had a dream about work in a long time, but it is fitting with everything that is happening with the migration and the little hiccups along the way.

I seriously have been stressed and I’ve been stress eating sugar and drinking a lot.

I’m not good with stress, but I am managing it. It seems like things are going smoother now and that is a good thing.

Hopefully there are no surprises along the way.

I have roughly 100 users left to do and I just need more licenses.

* * *

I read an article this morning about US workers not taking their vacation days, like at all. About 41% of US workers don’t utilize their vacation days and it is eye opening weird that they don’t.

I understand that they are scared about their work and their job and the pile up that they’ll have to sort through when they get back, but man, you need a break.

We all need a break away from work, away from everything to recharge and relax from time to time.

I need to take multiple trips throughout the year just to get away and energize myself. I need a break. If I don’t, stress and just fatigue will eat me up.

I feel so relaxed and rejuvenated after my trips, especially nature trips where I go to nature and hike. It’s amazing.

Just amazing.

Point is, people should take their vacations. It is why they have them.

* * *

What kind of story do I want to tell about this dear black dairy cow?

What do I want to say?

Or should I just write what comes to mind?

There has to be some planning. There has to be some structure.

I know that it’ll be a short story, but what to write about.

I would love to get into more prose, but I don’t know. I definitely need to read more.

I should just write, but I constantly doubt myself.

Just write it dammit. Just right.

* * *