2018.

Well. Here we are. The end.

This is my second shot at this.

2018.

Take two.

I wrote a bit yesterday during my usual bah humbug to all, but it got fucked over.

Laptop died.

My fault. Water damage. Tea damage.

2018.

Another casualty.

2018.

I’m glad to be rid of you.

2018.

Here I am, again, now writing from home.

I hope I can replicate what I wrote yesterday, but who knows?

New day.

New start.

2018.

Let’s roll.

A Bah Humbug to all.

* * *

2018.

It was a continuation of 2017.

It’s like 2017 never ended.

Time.

Space.

2018.

Work.

Work took the most of the finite time that was 2018 and took up the most space.

I strive for a great work-life balance and I do have it. I’m not going there and bitch about it. I do have a great work-life balance, but this past year seemed the most imbalance in quite some time.

The past few years had been The Year of Phong. This past year was no different.

I’m still alone, living my life on my terms continuing in this tradition of party of one with no end in sight, but if I would give this year a new title, it’ll be: The Year of Responsibilities and Advancement: A Work Story.

2018

The Year of Responsibilities and Advancement: A Work Story.

Work.

It’s all about work.

I ended last year working through the break, migrating our Social Bridge sites and files over to SharePoint.

Finished, we started the year off with it being our tool of choice for work, storage, and collaboration.

Users were on boarded onto the system and overall it works. Documents shared. Collaboration flowing.

When SharePoint works, it works, but there are issues that we’ve been experiencing that was the biggest stressor within 2018.

We share too much.

Which almost killed our SharePoint.

2018.

Stress.

Work.

I’m the face of the platform. When there are issues, I’m the one to point fingers at. It’s my responsibility.

My stress leveled out and reached a manageable level as we created a new Developer position for SharePoint. He quit, but we found a replacement.

Now he’s the one that’s tackling the speed issue as I take a step back. He’s the one with the skillset to make things work.

Pivot.

Responsibilities.

Shift.

Work.

I hope we get this issue fixed.

2019.

Treat us better.

2018.

Besides SharePoint and my other duties, I somehow got drafted into a new project which I’m actually excited about.

It’s different.

The Data project.

I’m so invested in it that I’m actively furthering my education. I went back to school for it.

Data.

Big Data.

It’s the future.

It’s where the industry is going. It’s where everything is going.

Hopefully I’ll get some advancement and possibly pivot my responsibilities to the project and slowly shift out of Microsoft and SharePoint.

It all started because I got drafted and then I made a business decision that will help our team.

2019.

I hope for something new and fun.

I hope to return to more balance.

* * *

2018.

School.

An education.

Not just an education, but a continuing education.

I went back to school. I’m a student again and I have another class coming up next year.

It stemmed from work, but overall, I think it was more of a natural progression of want to work my brain, wanting to learn more.

I’ve been thinking more about my future and with work and all that is happening with new responsibilities and new projects, it just made sense that I get a formal education on these new advancements of technology.

I went back to school to learn SQL and Database Management. I need it. I may be the point person and the administrator of the new system for our RAI team.

I made that decision. I’m covering my ass.

2018.

A student.

I never thought I’d be a student again. I never thought about going back to school to get my Masters or a Doctorate. I didn’t know what I would go back to school for. It’ll be a waste of money since I didn’t know and I don’t want to be in debt.

But now, I see the light. I’m protecting my future.

School.

A student.

I enjoy it.

I’m using my brain again. I made an effort to better myself and to secure a better future.

2018.

Every year, I’ll say that if you aren’t learning, you aren’t growing.

It’s important to learn, to continue to obtain new knowledge.

It’s healthy.

Growth.

Besides the extension classes at UCLA, I still have a few online classes that I need to take and finish.

All for work.

All to be better.

2019.

I’m look forward to new skills and more knowledge.

* * *

Take three.

A new day.

A new laptop.

I’ll finish up this current bah humbug on this temporary Google Doc before going back to the old fashion way of doing things. Just not use to it.

So, here we go.

2018.

What a shit show.

* * *

2018.

I winds down.

Another day down and just a handful left to go.

Brain fried.

Tired.

That seemed to be a anthem for the year. Tired.

Fatigue.

My brain, drained of anything worthwhile after a busy day of work.

I don’t want to do anything.

Eat.

Unwind.

Become a vegetable in front of the television as I drift in and out of consciousness trying to pay attention to the shows that I’m watching.

Maybe I’m bored with the shows I’m watching, or maybe I’m drained, but there’s no focus at home.

I retreat into the darkness of my apartment, on my futon, not thinking and yet thinking at the same time.

Such a contradiction.

By 10 I’ll already be in bed, unwinding on the ipad catching up on news that I’ve already read and then memes.

My brain doesn’t have the capacity to read anymore.

I’ve been on Stephen King’s It for more than a year.

Brain fried.

No energy or focus.

Nothing seeps in.

I wish I could go back to reading at night again. Maybe that’s something to work on in the new year.

Reading.

Books.

Stories.

I miss them.

Let’s work on that.

Get my brain going. Ignore this fatigue.

I know it’s a new normal for the past year, year-and-a-half because of work, but I hoped that I would have adjusted by now.

It’s not the case.

2018.

Such disappointment here.

Let’s change it. Make a new normal.

Let’s go back to the old days where I’m able to sit in bed and read for hours.

There are too many books to read. I don’t have time to just let my brain die from exhaustion.

I need a little creativity in my life.

Reading.

Here’s to 2019.

* * *

Projects.

2018.

Not existent.

There were no creative projects this year.

No cooking projects.

No writing projects.

That Christmas Movie idea? Still stewing in my mind.

I thought about it and took some notes, but nothing much have came out of it.

Work got in the way.

Work.

Imbalance.

Brain fried.

No creative juices that flow.

Just a thick sludge of stagnation.

My creative mind dies.

I know a lot of it was due to time and how I manage my time. There were times when I thought I’d do some writing but I focused on my online classes instead.

Python.

Learning.

That took a forefront this past year. My focus shifted and hopefully in the new year, I’ll find a better balance.

Creativity.

Let’s get the juices flowing.

I’m thinking of doing another 365 with the iPhone. I don’t want to commit with the DSLR. Go simple.

Cooking.

I didn’t do a cooking project this year, but it didn’t stop me from cooking new things.

I’ve done a tonkotsu ramen and korean army stew and beans and rice. I’ve taken pictures of the things that I haven’t done before and I think I’ll continue to do the same.

I may start up another cooking project. 30.

Let’s do it.

Writing.

Let’s see how that goes. I’ll always have this and its entries. Maybe I’ll be a little more sporadic since I want to focus on schooling and more creative writings.

I need creative outlets.

Looking forward to it.

Let’s get back to creating.

Let’s get back to making.

* * *

2018.

Wanderlust.

Travel.

Trips were small this year.

Personal.

Short.

There were a few work trips mixed in to the regions and one to NOLA for the Tableau conference.

I wished I did more traveling.

I wished I did more hiking.

I needed to recharge. I needed nature.

I got some.

Not enough.

Looking back at the pictures, it seemed that I did a few trips.

It started with Yosemite in February. It was my first break from work. A real vacation. Short, but something.

Then it was my special weekend. Short and relaxing.

I forgot my trip to Bishop and the Eastern Sierras. It’s another place that I need to go back and visit. More hiking.

More nature.

Of course, I had the roadtrip during the summer home.

I miss road trips. I need more.

More traveling.

2019.

Just more.

I know of at least two trips. My usual special weekend and the big Spain trip.

2019 will bring flexible time off.

 

Unlimited Time Off.

 

I know I’ll have about six weeks off if I go by the amount of time I have available. I’ll use that as my basis.

Six weeks.

Let’s make something happen.

Let’s get out, chill, slow down, relax.

Wanderlust.

Traveling.

I’ll go wherever my feet will take me.

The world is my playground and I’m ready to play.

2019.

Bring it.

2018.

Thank you for all of the different trips you allowed me to make.

* * *

2018.

My loves.

My furkids.

Pickles.

Relish.

Pickles & Relish.

They both had a good year.

After last year’s trauma with Relish, she’s been in the house not exposed to anyone but Pickles.

No Chutney’s or strange dogs.

She’s back to her normal self roaming around and being her bitchy self from time to time.

Pickles.

He’s old.

He’s a troublemaker.

Pickles had some health issues this past year. I found out that they food that he was eating was causing him some stomach issues.

Now, he has peeing issues.

Old age.

I took him on our usual Boy and His Dog trip this year. Overall, he did well, besides that bout of diarrhea at the house, but other than that, he was fine.

I took him on a few hiking trips and realized that he’s too old and tired to make it. He can’t handle anything that strenuous anymore.

He needs something more simple, flatter.

Pickles. My old man.

My old son.

Besides the peeing issue, he’s in good health.

I’m making an effort to preserve him as long as I can.

I’m making an effort to preserve the both of them as long as I can.

2018.

Thank you for giving them a decent year.

No emergencies.

No trauma.

2019.

Bring it.

* * *

2018.

People.

Socializing.

Pro-Solitude.

It was unlike any of the past recent years.

Again, it was another Year of Phong. It was a lonely year, back to basics.

I did whatever I wanted.

On my own terms.

I socialized when I wanted to. I tried to keep up the Year of Yes, agreeing to outings that I get invited to.

There wasn’t many this past year, especially the second half.

I made an effort.

I go out when I wanted to.

I socialized around the office.

I get all that I need so that when I go home I can shut myself in.

Like any other year, friends, people, they come and go.

Some I reach out to, hoping that we can keep in touch and others I just let go.

That’s a part of life.

Making an effort, I guess.

Hopefully I can make more of an effort next year.

Hoping.

* * *

2018.

Family.

Surprisingly, it was a very family oriented year.

It wasn’t something that I was expecting, but I saw a lot of family this year.

Mom and bro are both doing great.

Although we didn’t get to hang out much during the summer on my trip back, we did get to do a Napa trip together after the wedding.

It was great to see him enjoy the wine and have his own tastings. He got fucked.

I went to two weddings this year.

One was Annie’s wedding this past October. Saw a lot of aunties and uncle there. It was good to see everyone and hang out with everyone.

The other was Loretta’s mini tea ceremony and banquet way back in June. It was a shit show, but it was great seeing them. I had a great time at their house when I was up during the summer too.

She’s one of the closes cousins that I have. Nothing will change that.

I actually saw Gifu’s family twice this year. One for Loretta’s banquet and the other was for Chinese New Years.

I made a stop on my way to Yosemite.

Philly.

Moorestown.

I saw the east coast family too.

It started when Linda and Sung flew out here during the summer. I spent a day with them.

I stayed with them when I was out in Moorestown for work.

Man, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen them. It was just great seeing them and hanging out with them again.

They got me thinking about my future, especially about retirement. Am I saving enough?

Adulting.

Family.

I didn’t know that I would see that many this year.

It was great seeing 5th Auntie too. I haven’t seen her since before 5th Uncle passed way back in 2014. I’m glad to see that she’s doing great.

Family.

2018.

I love them.

I had a great time hanging out with the kids too while I was up north. I got drinks with all of them. They are of age.

Man, it seem like it was yesterday when they came.

Time flies.

2019.

Family.

Let’s keep them safe. Let’s keep them near.

* * *

Adulting.

2018.

The Year of Transition.

I’ll be 40 next year. This past few months had been a slow transition into 40.

I keep telling myself that I’ll need to give adulting a try when I hit 40. It’s time, right?

I’m working towards that.

Being more comfortable when it comes to socializing is a part of that.

Working on my flaws is another.

I know my issues. I know my problems.

Anger.

I have fucking severe anger issues. I get annoyed by people and by stupidity.

It’s something that I need to work on.

I have no control over that. I’m usually good at letting things go, especially things that I don’t have any control over.

But, sometimes, it affects me and that’s when I snap.

Microsoft.

Sigh.

Fucking Microsoft Support.

They were the source of a lot of my frustrations and anger this past year.

I’m sure they flag my name whenever I make a ticket.

I’m sure there’s one word next to my name: DIFFICULT

 

I don’t want to be difficult, but holy fuck man, do Microsoft Support really get under my skin.

I’ve made an effort to treat them a little differently.

I don’t curse them out anymore. I made an effort months ago and it’s sticking.

I haven’t cursed them out yet.

Biting my tongue.

They are doing their best, even though it is just fucking shitty service.

They are making an effort.

I should to.

Let’s hope that things change next year.

Let’s hope we don’t have any more MS issues next year.

No more SharePoint issues.;

No more Office issues.

Let’s hope.

I don’t want to lose it again.

2018.

There’s a small handful of people at work, my department, that I had issues with.

Whenever they talk or try to do something or worse, not do their fucking job, I lose it.

My anger boils.

My annoyance surges.

There’s nothing that I can do.

I have to let it go.

My boss knows.

He’s not going anywhere.

I have to learn to live with it.

I have to learn to work with him.

I need to figure a way.

He doesn’t know how to do anything.

He doesn’t do anything.

Lazy.

Power trip.

Let it go.

I need to let it go like I did with the other.

Let it go.

Move on.

He’s hopeless. Helpless.

I need to remember that.

Maybe, then I’ll understand.

Maybe I’ll be calmer.

Just maybe.

2018.

Growth.

Adulting.

Year of Transition

Drinking.

Work.

I drank so much last year and this past year.

Work.

Stress.

Just stress.

I need to control it and I think I have it under wraps.

I don’t overdo it.

My liver hates me, but I’m being a little more responsible.

For the office parties, I take a Lyft.

I don’t drive anymore.

Making an effort.

I don’t over do it.

Chicago was the last time.

That fucked me over.

Not anymore.

2018.

Let’s wrap it up.

Let’s keep it in check.

2019.

Adulting.

Just a smidge less stress, please?

Bring it.

* * *

2018.

Maybe it’s because I’m approaching 40, but I never really thought about retirement before.

Maybe it’s because work is stressing me out and I really feel that I don’t want to fucking work anymore.

Adulting.

Retirement.

Linda and Sung got me into thinking about my future.

Retirement.

I don’t want to do this shit for the rest of my life.

I would like to fall back and retire so I can focus on my interests: reading, writing, art.

Adulting.

Growth.

It’s just a natural progress of things.

I’m making an effort to put more of my money into investments for my retirement.

I want my money to help me make money so I can retire at a reasonable age.

My bro aims to retire at 50. He can do it too.

Me, not so much.

I don’t know when I’ll retire, but I hope that I do.

I’m ahead of the curve with people my age, especially millennials, but I want to be safe.

Adulting.

Thinking about my future.

I want to be secure.

2018.

Just getting my shit together.

2019.

Let’s be better.

Let’s be smarter.

Let’s do this.

* * *

2018.

A few more days.

Just a few.

Then, it’ll be a New Year. A new number.

New.

It’s been a long time since I’ve had a year where I’ve grown so much.

It’s been a long time since I”ve had a year where I made an effort to grow.

Growth.

It should happen every year.

Have a better understanding of yourself. Have a better understanding of your flaws.

Chip away at it.

Be better.

Grow better.

Know better.

Growth.

Every year.

Just do better.

Don’t limit yourself on what you already know. Be better by learning things that you don’t.

2018.

It was a great year for me for that.

I’m working on being positive. It is The Secret.

Be positive. Great things will happen.

Be positive.

Get exactly what you want.

Be positive.

Know yourself.

Just be.

I’m working on growing my skill set.

I’m working on just being a better person.

Adjustments.

Corrections.

Little things here and there.

Eventually, I’ll excel and then I’ll find another thing to be better that.

Constant growth.

Constant learning.

2018.

You surprised me.

It was an uneven year, but it was a year of adjustments, of transition.

2018.

Year of Transition.

 

Change.

Growth.

Evolve.

Peel another layer and get a deeper understanding.

2018.

You came and took me by surprise.

It was uneven, but damn, if you weren’t interesting.

It was a tough year and I survived it.

I came out stronger.

I came out better.

2018.

I bid you adieu.

Thank you.

2019.

Bring it.

I’m ready.

Bring it.

I’m willing to wait for it.

One more week.

One more week.

Friday seems so far way. Five more days.

Five.

Then we’ll be off through the New Year.

It’s been a few years since I’ve stayed in LA for the holidays.

2015.

Not sure what I’m going to do.

I usually spend my days here at Volcano doing some writing, getting my yearly bah humbug out of the way and then, I don’t know.

Christmas Day, I usually go on a road trip somewhere with Pickles.

The rest, it’s a laid-back do nothing type of thing.

It’s usually my detox from people pro-solitude type of thing.

Looking forward to it.

I’m not trying to think too much about it.

I’m not trying to plan it.

Let it go. Go with the flow.

Let’s see how things roll.

Tired.

Still sick from last week.

I’m still fucking sick from last week.

Getting old sucks.

On the mend.

That’s what I’m happy about.

Slow. So slow.

I’m slowly getting back there.

Slow.

School.

I’m behind.

So behind on my online class.

Python.

Need to get back on it.

There are so many things that I need to catch up on and maybe I’ll use the break to do that.

Catch up on my coding.

Catch up on my schooling.

Catch up.

I’m so behind.

Work on myself.

Work on my growth.

Pivot.

Pivot to something else.

Pivot.

2019.

So close, yet so far away.

Not sure what you’ll bring and that brings me a little joy and a little apprehension.

It’s a fucking crap shoot.

Life.

…I’m over this.

Can’t think.

Can’t focus.

My creativity, drained.

I need some help.

…still sick.

I’m blaming it on my illness.

The year winds down to its last remaining weeks.

The back of my throat itches. My body gives up on me.

It’s been a while since I felt sick and I think it’s about that time again.

Work drains me.

I haven’t taken care of myself.

It all comes crashing down and yet, I’m here, out and about at my local spot.

Whatever I had plans today will not happen.

I intend to do nothing.

Not think.

Not ponder.

Not dream.

Sleep.

Rest.

Reflect.

The company Christmas party happened on Thursday night. It’s probably one of the reasons why I’m feeling the way that I’m feeling now.

Was out too late.

Overall, I had one and I set out to do what I wanted to do: DON’T GET FUCKING PLASTERED AND BLACK OUT.

I think I was fully conscious the whole night as I limited myself and paced myself on the amount of whiskey I imbibed.

I was vertical the next day.

That was a problem the last two years. I wasn’t so much vertical, but horizontal, on the floor, at work.

Standing!

It was a good night. I had a fun and uneventful night.

I calmed my nerves with Jeff, grabbing a few drinks at Cabo before the party.

The rest of the night was just mingling and people watching.

There were little cheers here and chit-chatting there.

I wandered. I paced.

The night passes in a fuzzy blur.

I got a lot of compliments that night. I looked dapper in my suit.

Everyone loved the new haircut. It was like I was a different person. People aren’t used to it.

Growing up. My way to adulting.

TANGENT

It’s been a while since I’d a proper haircut. It’s been a while since I’ve gone to the barber to cut my hair.

2013.

Early 2013. Right before my mid-life-crisis.

I went back to my usual and the barber is still there. He recognizes me and remembers how I like my hair as he tells it to the guy cutting my hair.

At the end he asked if I moved because I haven’t been in in a while.

Too funny, but it’s the little things like having people remember you.

Sometimes humanity surprises me a little.

END TANGENT

Overall, I did have fun. My social anxiety was kept under control for the most part.

I don’t know what I was expecting or hoped would happen, but overall, it was good.

It was great seeing Ms. Good Bar flipping me off and exclaiming that she hates me.

The Panicker tries to start shit with me every time she’s drunk. I find that fascinating and funny.

I left the King’s Head and went home after 12:30 and saw Benjo and Jeff were still there, fucked.

Apparently, they went to the Gas Lite after too.

I’m too old to that. Fucking old.

Tired.

Now I’m sick.

Friday, I was vertical.

Success.

It was a fucking long ass day and I hated it, but I was vertical.

It could have been much worse.

Success.

Pivot.

Growth.

Change.

Pivot my life.

Pivot my direction.

It’ll be a few more months before I hit a new number. It’ll be a new decade.

40.

Soon.

Pivot.

Changes.

Adulting.

I don’t know why, but I’m thinking more about my future, about who I am, and where do I see myself.

I think about my job and what possible changes can happen. I think about if I want to stay in the same role or should I expand and maybe pivot.

A new direction.

A new responsibility.

I don’t know.

Life.

40.

What is there to expect?

Adulting.

That’s on the schedule, but what exactly does that mean?

I know when I tell people that I plan on adulting, growing up, and they tell me don’t. Not worth it.

Not worth it, indeed, but I need to know about it before I can reject it.

Life.

Adulting.

Relationships.

Is it finally time to allow for the possibility, to let things — strings, go and see what is in front of me.

I don’t know what is in front of me.

Is it right?

I know I can pivot it to what I want.

But is that fair?

I could be wrong.

It could be great.

But is it right.

Allow.

Let what will be, be.

Pivot.

Adulting.

What will be, will be.

…love?

Is that it?

I want people to feel my love?

Probably not.

Maybe not.

A hero.

That’s what I was called this past week for doing something that anyone could have done.

I found some random guy masturbating at some poor girl’s cube.

It wasn’t something that I needed to do on some random Monday morning.

It wasn’t something that I ever thought would happen to me, but it did.

I found some random guy masturbating.

Fun times.

I was surprised how well I handled things.

I was pretty calm.

I was cool.

I was collected.

I had someone call security and then I instructed everyone to get out of the area, just in case anything happened.

The dude could be crazy or on something and could have done something worse.

I had the other associates clear out.

It was mostly girls in the area. I didn’t do it out of chivalry, but it was more about protecting them from what was happening.

I cleared out the guys too.

I cleared people out.

Security came and escorted the guy out.

I did find it fascinating that he totally ignored me. Didn’t say anything to me.

Saw me and that was it.

He knew what was happening. I was loud enough to grab his attention when I screamed “Hey!”

But, I guess he wanted a reaction and got one.

I wonder how many times he’s done something like this.

I wonder if he was on something.

I wonder.

I wonder.

It’s a story and an experience that I have.

I’ll have it with me.

Let’s leave it at that and call it an end.

The year is winding down.

In a month, I’ll be on break for a week.

I want to enjoy my break. I didn’t have much of one last year with working and all.

Hopefully I’ll get one this year, but we’ll have to see how the moves go.

With the year ending, it’ll be time to look back at the year to reflect.

Have I grown?

In a way, yes, I have. I took a proactive approach to learn and grow by doing something I never thought I’d do.

I went back to school.

Grant it was for night classes about something specific, but I never thought I’d do.

I enjoy it.

Learning.

Constant learning.

I’m taking classes online too.

Learning.

Growth.

I can’t believe the year is over already.

I’m not sure what I’ve done this year or what even happened this year.

One day, I’ll go by and look over things I’ve posted this past year and see.

I’ll look over the yearly reflection blogs and see how much I’ve grown.

Growth.

I still have a long way to go.

I still need to make a lot of changes.

Life.

It’s long.

Life.

We’re in November already.

About two more months and then we’re done with 2018.

It’s time to start reflecting on the year again. It’s time to start going through the things and remembering what happened.

I don’t even remember.

The year had been a blur.

Ups. Down.

Like any other year.

I’m looking forward to the break. I need one.

Judgmental.

Angry.

More annoyed than angry.

That’s the state of my mind.

More annoyed than angry.

It’s mostly about work. It’s mostly about people at work.

Useless.

Incompetence.

Just tired.

I know that I need to let it go. Be a better person.

Things that I need to work on.

Hamartia. Mine.

I’m not patient.

I should let it go. Let it be.

Just let it be.

They are out of my control.

Let it go.

Be a better person.

Mantra’s that I need to live by.

Everyone has their problems.

People who don’t pull their weight.

Useless.

Incompetent.

Let it go.

My cave.

My routine.

Life has found its new normal.

Work. Classes. Staying home and doing nothing.

I cook on the weekends to relax and not thing about work.

I stay home to get away from people.

My weekends are my time to recharge.

Life.

Routine.

New normal.

Classes should be over in the next few weeks.

What will I do?

Continue or take a semester off and then get back on again?

I haven’t decided yet.

School.

Continuing education.

Growth.

My ambitions are taking over.

Is this the next step?

Am I growing as a person organically?

Or are things being dictated by work?

What about my creative endeavors?

What about my creativity that lies outside of cooking?

What about that?

I don’t know.

…new section.

Writing.

Creativity.

The ink well dries.

There’s not juice left. Barren. It’s a dessert of ideas.

I’m out of practice, I think.

It’s been a while since I’ve created anything.

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything.

This year was meant to be the year that I get back on the wagon, but life proved it wasn’t so.

Distracted.

Priorities.

My life went on a different direction than I planned.

Typical.

My analytic logical brain took over and it left my creative brain thirsty for something.

I need a little click, a spark that ignites the reserves that I know I have.

Growth.

I’m trying.

Stories.

Dreams.

Ideas.

They are all in me.

I’m lazy.

My downfall.

It’s me.

Make time.

Make the effort.

Let’s see what next year brings.

Let’s see what next week brings.

Let’s see what tomorrow brings.

Life. It’s funny that way.

Hilarious.

Back.

Back at it.

Back to the routine.

Back to the generalness of life.

My travels are all over now and I’m here with nowhere to go for the foreseeable future.

There are no plans to go home or anywhere for Thanksgiving or Christmas.

I’ll be here.

Relaxing.

Chilling.

Knowing me, there might be work that I’ll have to do over the break. We shall see.

Back…and it feels good to know that I’m back to my routine again.

Family.

It was great seeing a lot of family a few weeks ago for Annie’s weekend.

I don’t get to see them much. I don’t visit them as much as I should.

It’s great to see them and 5th Auntie.

I haven’t seen her since before Uncle passed. I’m glad to see that she’s doing well and is in good spirits.

I didn’t know from around the country was going to show up, but I was excited and glad to see whomever did.

Besides my family and 14th Uncle and Auntie, no one else from the Northwest came.

I didn’t expect to see many, since they weren’t that close, but I’m sure that if the schedule worked out a little better, they would.

It was a little tough having the wedding on a Sunday, in the fall when school has already started.

It was good catching up with my cousins too, knowing what is happening in their lives and what they’ve been up to.

Family get-togethers. We don’t have enough of them.

We should have more.

C’est la vie.

I’m sure we’ll have plenty more.

Looking forward to it.

Napa.

The little mini glutton vacation.

My bro and I planned to go to Napa a few days after the wedding to relax.

It was great. It was my second time there this past year.

I honestly think that I don’t go enough. It’s close enough for me to just take an extended weekend to go up and relax and enjoy life.

Clos Du Val.

My favorite.

I bought another bottle there. This was the most expensive bottle yet.

$120.

Worth it.

Definitely worth it.

We spent a relaxing day wine tasting and eating.

My bro been to Napa a few times with me before, but I think this was the first time that he had tastings on his own. Before we’d usually split a tasting and it was funny now for me to see that he got fucked up after two tastings.

Really, he got fucked up after one.

We went to three tastings in total and I had all three.

He was napping at the last two.

Definitely worth it just chilling at the grove at Chandon tasting while he napped.

Looking forward to the next trip.

I made it back to the Fall Agency Meeting and was able to miss a good portion of the meeting.

I have no shame.

I was happy to see a lot of the regional folks again and was invited to have dinner with the media managers.

I even stopped by the after party at the Ye Ol’ King’s Head for an hour.

No drinks. I was being responsible and honestly, after the wedding and everything, I needed a break.

I didn’t drink much that night. Maybe a beer and two glasses of wine.

Let’s hope I do the same at the holiday party.

No more blackouts!

Tableau Conference.

TC18.

I was in NOLA the past week for the conference.

I’m glad I was told about it and was given the opportunity to participate.

There’s just so much shit. My brain – fried.

It gave me an opportunity to learn about the tool and what it can do.

We aren’t using it to the full potential. It gave me a better understanding of the tool and how it works.

I never touched the tool or used it until two weeks ago because I needed to.

The biggest thing that I got out of the whole conference was how big data is managed by larger companies.

Everything is in the cloud.

Online data lakes and warehouses.

There’s a compute service layer.

I went in thinking we should manage our data a particular way and after, I honestly don’t know how the fuck we should manage our data.

I have no clue or any insight on how things should be done.

I don’t know what the bigger picture of the team and their wants are.

I feel genuinely useless when it comes to this project.

It’ll be an interesting conversation in the next few days as I talk about the data project.

With the RPAi project and the Digital Media Data RAI project and the small AHM RAI project, I want them to be the same project and I want to do this right.

I just don’t know what the “right” is.

There are so many conflicting ideas of what should be done that it’ll fail from the start.

I’ll tackle it when I tackle it.

I’ll research all the vendors that I got information from and hopefully come to an informed decision on how I think we should proceed.

I want to get this done.

I want this to be over.

Let’s do this.

So.

Back.

Looking to finish off the next month of classes and moving onto whatever is next.

I have no idea what is next.

I have no plans.

I’m taking it one day at a time.

I expect myself to do all that I can, the best that I can, and not worry about anything else.

One step.

One day.

Let’s do this.

The end of the year approaches.

Let’s finish it with a bang.

Bring it.

Here I am.

Back at it.

It’s been a while since my last post. A few weeks.

Had a few busy weeks here and there with traveling and working on the weekends and catching up on school and programming.

Lots to do.

My life….is in flux.

It’s definitely not normal.

There’s going to be a new normal for the next few weeks at least, with more traveling and with night classes.

Classes had officially started and so far, I’m enjoying them.

I think I’m enjoying the Relational Database class a little better than the SQL class, even though it’s been mostly SQL so far. I think it’s more about the theory and the foundations of what a database is, plus I already know a lot of the stuff that’s been discussed.

The same goes with the SQL class too.

Both professors told me that I may be too advanced for the class, but I told them that because I learned on the job, I don’t have a solid foundation. I may know 80% of everything, but I want to know the last 20% because they may be beneficial.

There are a few downsides to class. One of them is that I can’t get access to some of my quizzes and assignments on time for some reason. I always have to reach out to the professor and then to their tech support. Weird.

Also, I don’t sleep well during the nights that I have class. It seems like I can’t turn off my brain. It’s busy, processing information, thoughts.

No idea.

But, school is school. It’s going and I’m enjoying it.

Life.

Tired.

True true tiredness.

It never ends.

It never goes away.

Life.

Tired.

That’s all I feel now.

Tired.

Getting old sucks.

Being constantly tired sucks.

But that’s normal. That’s status quo.

Soon, I’ll be on a little break seeing family again and then I’m off to NOLA for a conference.

Travel.

Fun.

Make the best of it.

Life the best life and be the best you.

I try.

Everyday.

BFF’s last day was yesterday.

Sad.

I’ll miss her.

While I was in Moorestown, I stayed with Linda and Sung for a few days.

It was great seeing everyone again. It’s been so long, and it was talking with Linda that I got more serious about investing in my future.

Sure, I have my 401(K) and my investments through work and the mutual fund I setup years ago with dad’s life insurance money, but I never seriously thought about it and be proactive in trying to save up.

So, last week, I started Roth IRA fund with Vanguard and started dabbling in trading.

I’m not a serious trader, so I just invested a small amount and only have stock in Microsoft and Apple. I definitely will need to diversify and maybe put in a little more money later, but at this moment, I need to get past the urge to constantly look at how my money is doing or how the market is doing.

I don’t need another stress level in my life, but yes, I’m about to be 40 and I should take this kind of shit more seriously.

I’ve always had my contribution from work at 7% since the first day I started and being there 10 years, I should have upped it significantly. I’m making a significant more than I did back then.

10%.

I’ll deal with it.

It’ll be better than having the money sit in my savings and only collecting $8/year in returns.

Let’s see how it goes.

I think it’ll be fine.

Let’s hope it goes fine.

It’ll definitely be fine.

It’s the morning of my last day up here.

I had a fairly long and busy day yesterday with a movie, dinner, then hanging out with the kids.

I didn’t drink my water and now I’m dehydrated and tired as fuck.

I need rest today.

I have a long drive tomorrow. 18 hours. 17 hours if I’m good.

We’ll see how it goes. Let’s see what time I get up.

I need to make sure Pickles is okay. Don’t need any accidents that will delay me.

Rest.

Tired.

Zen.

Kids.

It was good seeing them all together, all grown up, all drinking.

Time flew.

I’m old.

I was the same age as Sinh was when I first met them. 23.

The year I graduated high school, ’97, was the year that Thien and Minh were born.

Cloud is 26.

Fuck, I’m old.

They’ve all assimilated quickly. They’ve all seem so American now and to think that they came over in 2002.

They didn’t know English and mostly knew Viet and Canto.

That’s how we communicated, canto.

Now, two are out of college and two are graduating next year.

Time flies.

It’s great seeing them grow and become who they are.

Overall, it was a great trip, bad news and being rained out this past week aside.

I got some alone time in nature.

Hiking.

Some form of exercise.

Zen.

I was able to be a couch potato as I let the weather play out.

Pickles…..Pickles is Pickles.

He’s old and still young at the same time.

It’s a grumpy fighter like me with his own neurosis.

I wonder about him sometimes.

I wonder what’s he thinking when he’s acting up and I worry about his stomach.

Now, I will take the day easy, going with the flow, spending whatever time I have left with family, doing laundry, and packing and bright and early tomorrow, be off.

Let’s do this.

Let’s go.

Roll.

Sigh.

That’s right.

That’s the right emotion. At. This. Moment.

At this time.

Sigh.

Out of my control. Out of my hands.

Sigh.

Got news that our SP Developer resigned yesterday. We got a few weeks left with him.

It’ll be a fun trip back to the office next week. Very fun.

This morning, Pickles shat on the floor.

Yay me.

Sigh.

I should have known. I had a feeling. My intuition was telling me he was having issues. I was aware of it, but I didn’t do anything.

Fuck me.

My life.

Sigh.

I should have acted on the signs that I got. I should have acted on my gut feelings, but I didn’t.

My fault.

Live and learn.

That’s life. Live. Learn.

He’s on meds now. Hopefully his stomach gets better.

As for work. It is what it is.

I had a feeling he wasn’t going to last. Just something that tells me that he was looking for something different.

I’m unsure why he’s leaving, but I don’t know.

I’m just going to leave it at that.

It’s times like this I wished I listened to Dad and got my degree or something some IT things when I was younger instead of trying to pick it up now.

I would have been in a different place, I know, but I don’t know….maybe I wouldn’t feel so helpless.

I wouldn’t have this feeling of inadequacy of not being able to do something and relying on people.

Sigh.

Sigh.

Sigh.

It is what it is.

Zen.

Breathe.

It’s the only thing that I can do right now.

Maintain a sense of whateverness.

Breathe.

Zen.

Relax.

Everything will be okay.

All this anxiety that I feel about work is just me being a control freak. It’s not about the work, it’s more about me not being able to do the work to a good standard and being able to deliver it without someone.

We all know that we need someone in house for this.

My boss knows this. We’ll find someone to replace him.

Until then, we’ll make due.

Sigh.

Breathe.

Zen.

In.

Out.

Breathe.

It is what it is.

Let it go.

Sigh.

Pickles!

My boy.

My love.

My soulmate.

He’s old.

He’s not quite the spring chicken that he was once.

Time.

Life.

That’s what happens.

I know that he’s been losing a little spring in his step for a while now. He’s been slow on our walks, taking his sweet time.

He’ll take his time getting up from time to time.

Jumping up in the car and sometimes my bed would present an issue.

Old.

I took him out hiking last week. We did Snoqualmie Falls and then we tried to do Rattlesnake Ridge.

He’s done Rattlesnake before and never had a problem with it. But that was back in 2013. Five years ago. 35 years ago, for him.

He was 56 back then. A relatively young man. A relatively young dog.

I watched him take his time, panting hard, struggle at times to get up the incline at Snoqualmie Falls. He was fine at the end. Tired, but still ready for more.

Rattlesnake Ridge was more of the same. He’s ready and by my side, eager to go.

But he’s slow. Taking his time up the trails. I think I was more worried about him than he was worried about what’s happening.

At no time did he stopped and didn’t want to move. At no time did he lay down.

He was ready.

I’m sure if we took our time, we would have gotten up there. I’m sure that he didn’t need any prompting or coaching or pulling to get up there. He would have been happy going wherever I was going.

I don’t think I could have pushed him. I know he’s old. I see it.

Although the hike is easy, but how would it be for an old dog like him?

I didn’t want to test it out. Seeing how slow he moved at Snoqualmie and how he was at the beginning of the trail, I decided to stop.

It was a busy trail and we’d have to stop and move to the side.

I didn’t want to push him.

I didn’t want to hurt him.

Age.

It hurt me to see him like that. He’s still so eager, but just a little bit more fragile than he used to be.

Age.

He’s still holding up and doing relatively well in his old age.

Pickles is good.

Pickles is fine.

He’s still eager to go out and play. He’s still eager to go out on his walks rather than staying inside all day.

I protect him.

I shelter him.

I do what I can to ensure that he has a few more comfortable years left.

Pickles.

My soulmate.

My love.

He’s an inspiration to me.

He’s a good dog.

I decided to turn back a third of the way up the hike. We got about half a mile up, maybe a little more and I stopped and turned back.

Pickles was just tired, but he never gave up.

I decided then that his hardcore hiking days are over. No more hikes up mountains. No more hardcore days like we once did.

What we setup to do now would be simple.

Easy.

What adventures that we’ll go on would be something a little more manageable.

It’s what he deserves after putting up with my shit for so long.

He still has adventures. I will include him in as much as I can.

Looking back, he’s been through so much with me. We’ve gone to so many awesome vacations together.

We did all those road trips back home and so much hiking up here.

We’ve gone to Vancouver together. Pickles is an INTERNATIONAL TRAVELER!

Pickles was a good copilot for our road trips and enjoyed the western route I did a few years ago driving up 1 and 101.

He was my companion and was such a trooper on our trips to the Grand Canyon.

I put him through shit, but he was always down.

We explored cities and cities. We were our own Lewis and Clark.

He’s my boy.

He’s my dog.

We’ll always be Boy and His Dog where ever we will go.

I’m sure I’ve forgotten many of our trips, but I’ll never forget how he keeps me company on every single one of them.

He’s a good one.

He’s my soulmate.

We’ll have so many more adventures together.

I can’t wait.

Pickles.

My love.