Hiking.

My meditation.

My Zen.

When I need to find balance, I go out into the woods or the mountains, find a trail and go.

It keeps me grounded. It clears my mind. It keeps me sane.

Hiking.

This vacation trip up north is no different than the many others that I’ve done in the past few years. I’ve always planned some hiking.

I’ve always picked places that I’ve never been or hiked with spectacular views. Exploring. Setting foot to ground, feeling the rocks grinding beneath my soles.

One. Step. At. A. Time.

Hiking.

The Olympic Peninsula.

I did it properly this time.

Olympic National Park.

I was in Olympic National Park proper for the whole trip.

I’ve driven through it a few years ago with Pickles and couldn’t explore as much as I wanted to.

United States.

National Parks.

Fucking no dog rules.

Sigh.

It is what it is, but I managed.

Luckily for me, Ms. D did a similar trip a few weeks ago so I asked her for some recommendations and decided to go and do Hurricane Ridge.

The views were spectacular. Mountains span for days.

Breathtaking.

The Olympics was all I could see.

Most of the long hikes were closed due to maintenance and goat capturing, but I did find a pretty good ridge hike.

The Klahhane Ridge trail.

It’s about a 3.8 mile one- way trail along the ridge and you’ll eventually end up at the top of the Klahhane Ridge with sweeping panoramic views of the Olympics on one side and Port Angeles and the Strait of Juan de Fuca on the other. O’ Canada is right.

Amazing.

It was relatively back until you hit the switchback trail and it was just up and up.

The views were worth it.

I spent around 40 minutes up at the top enjoying the views and snacking, resting before I hiked back down. Worth it.

Definitely, worth it.

It was a busy trail most likely it was because most of the big hard trails were closed.

Surprisingly many hikers didn’t finish or stopped half way before turning back.

After Hurricane Ridge, I decided to go to Lake Crescent and check it out. I decided to scope out Mount Storm King and Marymere Falls.

Speaking with a junior ranger, it seems Storm King would be a better bet because of the landslide over at Pyramid Peak.

Done and done.

Lake Crescent.

Magnificent.

Beautiful.

Ms. D’s favorite part of the drive through the Olympics.

I still remember the first time I laid eyes on it. I was driving north on 101 and I see it through the trees and then we bust out from the tree line and BAM, beauty.

It took my breath away.

It was gone.

Breathless.

Every time I see it.

I’m reminded of that first time.

I hiked the short easy hike to Marymere Falls and found the trailhead for Storm King. Before I left, I sized up Storm King, my mountain to conquer in the morning.

I’ve done worse, but I heard it was rough and boy, it was rough.

Mount Storm King.

Clocking in at around 2 miles one-way, it is one of the toughest that I’ve done.

It’s all up. 2,000 ft elevation gain in about 2 miles. It was rough.

The first half was a steep steep climb and then eventually the grade lets up, but slightly.

I don’t think I stopped so many times to take a breather on a short hike like this. I kept reminding myself that the hike is a marathon, not a sprint.

It was rough.

I’m out of shape.

Near the top, a girl passed me up.

She said I was almost there, close, to the top. I trudged on and then the ropes portion came.

I took my time. I was scared.

You have to have a little fear.

I did.

I pulled myself up and was rewarded with a spectacular view of Lake Crescent.

It’s even more beautiful at that view. Seeing it at level and then from an elevated view is totally different.

I wasn’t prepared for it.

The girl left after I got there.

We chatted a bit.

She grew up in North Tacoma, by UPS. She had to drop her dad off in Tacoma at 10, so she started early and wanted to get it done before she leaves Port Angeles.

She kicked my ass. She started about 15 minutes later than I did and beat up to the top.

Good for her.

You know my thing.

Just that strength, determination, and that independence, made her one of the sexiest girls.

We bid each other goodbye and I was left alone.

I took my pictures, posted my social post, and just sat.

I took in the views.

I took in the lake.

I took in the silence.

Solitude.

The birds.

I thought about dad. Would he have enjoyed the views like I did?

Would he enjoy hiking like I do now?

I don’t know.

I don’t know.

I took my time getting down the ropes, ensuring that I have a solid grip and solid footing.

If I slipped and let go, that was it.

No more.

I thank the sky, nature, dad, whoever was listening for getting me down safely and went on my merry way.

I met a few hikers on the way down, letting them know to be careful on the ropes. Some didn’t know about it.

I hope they made it okay.

I did think about the girl on the way down. She has a wedding in LA this weekend. I wonder what’s she up to now.

Conquering Storm King, I decided to get started on my second hike for the day, the Ozette Loop.

It’s more of a triangle, but hey, it all connects.

It’s a 3-mile boardwalk hike through the forest to an alcove and the Pacific. Then you hike along the beach for another 3-miles to Sandy Point and then another 3-mile boardwalk hike back to the parking lot.

It was a beautiful hike. The beach, amazing.

Thankfully I caught it at low tide and was able to hike along the beach and was able to explore some of the tide pools.

There was a stupid smile on my face the whole time.

Magnificent.

That hike took a long time, ’cause I took my time on the beach.

Eventually, I ended my day close to 4pm and then it was a drive back to Port Angeles. I thought about driving straight home to pick up Pickles, but I wasn’t going to make it.

I got to Port Angeles, got a nasty dinner and then drove home.

I didn’t get home until 9:30.

Totally worth it.

Amazing.

Body, tired.

Body, sore.

I’m still recovering.

The Olympics. Gorgeous.

I will definitely be back and do it again.

A few days ago, mom asked me about hiking. I’ve always known that in her head, she thinks I’m physically climbing a mountain. Mountaineering with all the gear and what not.

I explained to her that it’s just hiking up trails up mountains and what not.

It was on Tuesday that this happened. I was planning on doing the simple hikes that day, Snoqualmie Falls and Rattlesnake.

I’ll talk more about this and Pickles at a later time, but I wanted to get this down about mom.

If she didn’t have to work, I would have brought her along.

She seemed interested in hiking now.

I showed her pictures of the hike I did at Olympic National Park yesterday and told her about some of the hikes that I did. Some were hard, but some were easy like the Ozette Trail.

I even told her that there were a lot of old women hiking the trail.

Practice.

Get out and walk more. Exercise more.

I keep telling her, work at it and walking up the hill on the trail won’t be so hard.

Work at it.

After looking at the pictures, she said she should have gone with me.

She should have.

If she had, the trip would have been a totally different trip. I wouldn’t have done many of the hikes that I did, but bonding with mom while introducing her to something that I love would be worth it.

Next time.

Definitely, next time.

Welcome to Amsterdam!

Nope. Not really.

Still in Federal Way.

Still in Asensio.

Still doing the writing.

It’s one of their artworks on the wall. A black and white picture of one of their canals and a red rotoscoped bicycle.

I thought it would make a good title and here we are.

I’m explaining.

Well, back at it.

Tired.

My brain is tired.

My body is tired.

My eyes are tired.

Tired.

I guess it’s a little bit of a blessing that it’ll rain at North Cascades National Park next week.

I don’t think my body can handle it.

I plan on doing nothing but resting for the next couple of days anyway, if I do end up going.

Not very likely.

Rain.

Showers.

60% showers in the mountains.

It doesn’t sound like a fun time.

Mui Gwai Fah tried to shame me into going. Wear a jacket. Don’t be a sissy.

She knows me better to know that shaming me isn’t going to work.

I have no problem walking in the rain. I love the rain.

Put on a rain jacket and take a stroll, walking Pickles.

No problem.

But when I have a choice to go out in the rain and hiking? I prefer not to.

It’s not fun.

As much as I miss the rain, hiking in the rain is a different story.

Hiking up a mountain for six miles and then I need to hike down, in the fucking rain?

I think not.

It’s hard to tell the conditions of the trails at that point and I honestly don’t want to risk it.

Also, it’s a good excuse for me to rest my body.

I need it.

Tired.

Hurting.

Tired.

Tired.

Mind flickers.

Tired.

My mind plays tricks on me.

My dream tells me how reckless I am.

It was a fitful night’s sleep.

Maybe my body was tired, but my dreams were telling me something.

I’m reckless.

I go to fast.

I’m crashing and burning because there are a few unexpected bumps in the road and my distraction is work.

I don’t remember most of it, but there are some snippets.

I’m driving along and Pramit is on the passenger side. We’re on a phone meeting or something and the person on the other end is having problems understanding what Pramit was saying. So, Pramit wanted me to translate what he said in Cantonese for some reason and I was like, I can’t. I’ll reiterate what you say, maybe it’s like an accent thing. Not sure.

So, I’m doing this and I’m driving along and then there’s this big gnarly dip in the freeway or road and I hit it at high speed and it sends us flying and then we crash land and my car bursts apart.

I’m okay.

Pramit is okay.

My car?

Not so much.

I don’t remember what happens next, but eventually I end up walking like a dark mall or some dark streets at night with a big back pack on.

Inside this backpack was parts of my car, just the top for some reason.

I’m trying to find someone to fix it for me and no one can.

I have to buy a new car.

What does it mean?

I don’t know.

Maybe it is a recall back to yesterday morning when I was working and answering emails for an hour when I’m on vacation.

I’m working too hard.

Going too fast, not paying attention to my life or the road that I’m on because I’m too busy working.

Eventually, I’m going to make a mistake and crash and burn.

I’m going to burn out and that’s what happened. Or at least, that’s what it feels like.

I’m crashing and burning at work.

It’s too much.

Stress.

Too much.

Anxiety.

Too much.

Relax.

Calm.

Zen.

Breathe.

Zen.

Relax.

Just do it.

I was planning on coming out there today and write about the hiking trip I did a few days ago in Olympic National Park.

I planned on writing about the hike at Hurricane Ridge and then Lake Crescent and Storm King and then Ozette Loop.

No.

I can’t.

I can’t process it.

My brain is dead.

I’m tired.

I can’t think.

My body screams.

Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe tomorrow.

Had dinner with Loretta last night.

Listening to her talk about the curve balls that had been happening in the past couple of months and the outcome of everything was just heart breaking.

It’s tough.

I don’t even know what to do or say.

I just hope she stays strong and tries again.

Be positive.

Be optimistic.

If you first don’t succeed, try again.

You have to.

Sigh.

Be positive.

What else could you be?

Shall we?

We shall.

Slow.

Steady.

A beat of a drum. My heart.

It counts a metered beat.

Ba dum Ba dum Ba dum.

It beats loud but soft and gentle.

My heart.

My life.

I beat on.

My life.

It goes on.

Where am I?

I don’t know.

I really don’t know.

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything much about how I’m feeling and how I’m doing.

These little random posts of mine have been more about what’s happening in my daily/weekly life with a few things about how I’m doing thrown in, but they aren’t the same type of entries that I’ve filled this thing with.

How am I doing?

What am I feeling?

I guess with the past couple of years, my life has been crazy, and I never really stopped to really think and consider how I’m doing on a mental level.

Everything has been about stress and work and stress and work, but, how am I?

I don’t know.

I do know, my heart beats on. My life…goes on.

Life.

Calm.

I’m at a calm state now. A little Zen from everything around me.

There’s no anxiety of failing or the dread of being overworked.

Vacation. I guess.

Sure, vacation does have something to do with it, but I guess I’m at a point at work where I think things are more manageable.

I haven’t felt this calm in a long time.

Things are progressing, and I have a little more control over everything that I’m doing.

I’m able to manage the things I’m responsible on and help make the big picture decisions that should benefit the agency.

Also, these decisions take the responsibility off me.

I know my limits. I know my abilities and I’m smart enough to know when I need help and release my control of it.

Growth.

Knowing when to give things up.

It takes a lot, but it helps me.

It just makes the ticking a little easier.

It makes my life a little simpler.

Calm.

Zen.

That’s the goal, right?

To reach a level of Zen and happiness where nothing really bothers me?

It’s a constant struggle.

I’m not a guru yet or a yogi, but small steps.

Zen.

Just focus on myself, my needs, and forget about everyone else and everything else that doesn’t pertain to me.

It’s a struggle.

Growth.

Growing pains.

It’s these little things that are the toughest to overcome.

This little pettiness.

Let it go.

You do you.

I do me.

Life.

Zen.

Flow.

Open.

Be open.

How open is open?

I think I’m an open person.

Not just about being an open book and sharing stuff about myself, but also being open to new possibilities and things about my life that I never considered before.

I know I’m always in my head, talking myself out of many things, but when I just act and decided, I think I’m open.

Take giving a ride to Grace, the PCT thru-hiker, I never thought I would ever do something like that, but I did.

I still remember that I picked up a family and took them to a parking lot at Capitol Reef in Utah. I’m open.

Open enough.

I guess that’s not what people mean when they say I’m not open.

But I don’t know.

I don’t know a lot.

There are things that I make happen and there are things that I allow to happen.

I know I wasn’t the one to reach out. You were.

I also know that even if I didn’t reach out the way that I did, we’d still be in touch, but I made an effort.

I reached out the only way that I know.

When I heard that you left, and I know that there’s a big possibility that you won’t be coming. I didn’t want to have you out of my life.

I reached out. I wished you the best and hoped that we keep in touch.

I gave you my number.

I made a small effort.

It may seem like a small gesture, but it’s big for me.

I work slow.

I work small.

I used to be a man of big gestures, but that has long faded away.

I don’t know what happened? Ms. D?

I guess.

Small.

Growth.

Growing pains.

Every day, there’s a lesson.

Everything that happens, is a lifelong lesson.

I just need to be in tuned to everything. To keep my eyes open.

Slow.

Small.

With each beat.

Ba dum Ba dum

Life.

It goes on.

I made it.

I got up here.

I knew I would but didn’t know in what condition.

I didn’t go all out. I didn’t stress myself.

I made the smart move in driving to Sacramento the first night. That saved me so much time.

Even with the shortened drive, with all the stops that I planned, I still felt rushed.

There were a few things that I didn’t get to do because of the time crunch, but it is what it is. Maybe next time, I’ll plan things out a little bit more and spread the drive up to a few more days to include what I wanted to do.

There’s a lot of Oregon that I wouldn’t mind exploring.

A LOT.

There are so many state parks and hiking trails and areas of interest, in general, that how could I go wrong.

How could I go wrong?

Vacation.

It’s meant to be taken and it’s meant to be experienced.

And I plan on doing that.

Firsts.

There are many things that people should experience or do in their life, at least once.

I never thought picking up a hitchhiker would be one for me, but I did just that.

Now, to be fair, she wasn’t hitching, and I didn’t stop my drive specifically to pick them up.

No. Never expected it or was ever my intention to do something like that.

I was in Chemault, OR getting gas and the gas attendant asked if I was going to Bend, and if so, if I wouldn’t mind taking a PCT thru-hike hiker up to Bend.

I looked at the hiker and felt that she wasn’t too threatening and was like, sure.

That was how I ended up driving a hiker to Bend to meet up with some of her hiker friends.

She’s off doing the PCT alone. 23. Originally from the suburbs of Chicago. A nurse who took a year off to do this.

Grace.

She started in April and hopes to finish before the rainy season of the PNW starts. October.

She has about 680 miles left in the hike.

So, what did we do on the hour drive? We chatted.

I asked her a lot of questions about the experience and how she ended up doing it.

A friend told her about it and she went and did it.

Pretty awesome.

One day. I just may.

I just may.

To Grace. I wish you the best in finishing this great feat.

You can do it.

Bend.

After I dropped off the hitchhiker (more below), I thought I’d spend some time to explore Bend, maybe get some lunch too.

But it didn’t end up happening.

I parked and explored their downtown a little bit, but not much more.

I walked around the block, then looked at the time, calculated the drive to Painted Hills and to Portland.

Didn’t have time. Couldn’t spare an extra minute.

So, I left.

A little disappointed that I couldn’t explore more, but hey, that’s life. Roll with the flow.

Next time.

Next time, indeed.

Painted Hills.

The main reason why I took a different route and went out of my way to get home.

It was a small attraction out in the middle of nowhere.

It was different. It was kind of cool and beautiful.

There’s small little hiking trails around but Pickles and I only did the main one to the lookout.

He had the same problem that he had while we were in Alabama Hills. The rocks were bugging his paws and that made it difficult for him to walk. I had to carry him a few times.

It was what it was.

I wouldn’t mind exploring, if I had time.

I remembered from pictures that I saw that there was a boardwalk area that one could go through the hills. But I didn’t see it. It was one of the hiking trails that we didn’t go to.

Time.

It all came down to time. We didn’t have much.

Time crunch.

Rushed.

I didn’t want to get to Portland and Phinny’s too late. I didn’t want Julie and the kids to wait for me to have dinner.

I left early and got there at 7.

But was I disappointed by that stop? No. It’s a cool little thing that I’m glad that I made the effort to go see.

To more little gems.

On the drive to Portland, I was pull over. Right when I got on I84, I got pull over.

Speeding.

Of course.

I totally forgot it was Labor Day Weekend.

Thankfully he didn’t give me a ticket.

Thankfully.

I’m so lucky.

Just a little reminder that I need to slow down. Not just driving, but life.

Slow down.

Enjoy it.

Stop rushing and that’s how I felt.

Rushed and out of time.

Time crunches.

Slow down.

I’ll keep that in mind.

Slow down.

Vacation.

Vacation mode.

What do I have planned?

Hiking.

Wilderness.

Nature.

Alone time.

There’s going to be so much alone time while I’m up here. I need it. I need to relax. I need some peace.

I need some hiking in my life.

I’ve already booked my hotels for Olympic National Park and North Cascades National Park.

I even started the planning and research of the good hikes to do. The manageable ones that I could accomplish in a day without killing myself.

Next, it’s to just make it happen. Keep my days and itinerary open for other things.

Also, try not to kill myself.

Just don’t.

Enjoy my time. Enjoy nature.

Take it slow.

Slow down.

Try not to overdo things and just enjoy it.

Let’s see how it goes.

Pickles won’t be with me, so I have all the time to do anything.

Relax.

Other than these two side trips, I got nothing planned.

Well, I’m taking Pickles to Snoqualmie Falls tomorrow. Do a little short hike and see what else there is to do.

I wouldn’t mind taking him to Rattle Snake Ridge, but I just don’t think he can make it.

Old. Slow. Tired.

I know he would want to, but I don’t want to risk it.

I’ll see how well he holds up at the short Snoqualmie Falls hike.

We shall see.

School.

Programming.

I need to get back to it.

I’ll have some down days and I guess that would be a great time to get back to it.

Make use of the extra time that I have.

Learn and learn and learn.

I’m a little behind, but I’ll be fine.

Vacation starts this week.

I’m officially off on Friday, but I’m hoping to sneak out a little early on Thursday to make my drive up to Sacramento.

It’ll be a long drive, especially after hours but it’ll cut down the drive home significantly.

I’m hoping I could sneak out around 2 or maybe even 1:30. Here’s to hoping.

I even put that I was busy all day on my calendar, to prevent anyone from scheduling a meeting that day.

Here’s to hoping.

Vacation.

I need it.

Can’t wait.

Getting back into it. Getting back into the groove. Getting back to getting active.

Hiking.

That’s all I’m going to do on break. Hiking.

I’ll try to take Pickles with me for some, but I know that there’ll be places that I can’t. National Parks.

North Cascades. Olympics.

Need to book some hotels and figure some shit out.

I can’t wait.

I think Pickles can go to Snoqualmie Falls. On my list.

I know mom will be working and my bro can’t take any time off, so it’s me and my soulmate doing what we do best.

Wander.

Hiking.

Nature.

Zen.

Relaxing.

I need it because I’ll be coming back to chaos.

Work.

Work is….work, but I’m making it work.

Work.

“I had my doubts, but it works…”

What the fuck?

Seriously?

What the fuck?

Sigh.

Let it go.

Just let it be.

It’s over.

Moviepass.

It’s over.

It’s been dying for a long time now and there’s been chaos and drama.

It’s finally going to die now with the newest change that they pushed out.

They just announced that users on the annual plan will be subjugated to the limitations as the monthly users.

That means for me, 3 movies a month.

HAHHAHAHAHAAHAHA.

Yeah, that’s not going to work out for me, but since I’ve already paid in full, I’ll follow along until it dies I guess and we’ll figure it out.

The only thing that stops me from fully just quitting and getting a prorated refund is the e-ticketing. I can see any movie that the theater is showing.

Thankfully for me, the Landmark is my go to theater and I am no limited in options.

Now, I can only do 3 movies a month.

Fuck it.

Given the how many movies I watch, I’ll let Moviepass play out since it saved me over $240 already and we’ll go from there.

I’ll join AMC A-List also since I can watch any movie regardless of premium showings and formats and limited to 3 movies per week.

I just need to watch 2 AMC movies a month and I’ll be good.

I think I can make it work.

It’ll be a little difficult with my limited time now, since I’m starting classes, but I’ll make it work.

Oh, Moviepass, you were good while you lasted, but you are on your last breath.

It’s been a week.

This week had been one of those weeks that was not very productive but busy at the same time.

I’m not sure how that works out, but it was. It’s these little things that makes me think what the fuck is taking up so much of my time and focus at work and I look back and I don’t know.

I don’t remember much of what happened this week, but I know it felt long and I feel that I wasn’t that productive.

C’est la vie.

That’s live.

It is.

Crazy Rich Asians was release this week. I managed to snag a decent seat early in the morning after a few tries.

Moviepass was a joke. It didn’t show any good seats in its app.

I had to go to the Landmark’s site and purchase the ticket myself. I was surprised to find that there was one decent seat remaining and that’s what I got.

The movie sold out and I think they had to add a second 7:30 showing.

Overall, it was good. I enjoyed it a lot.

It changed a bit from the book. Many stories were streamlined to make it flow a little bit better than the book.

Sure, there would be things that I wished they had fleshed out, like Astrid’s story, especially that of her and Charlie, but they had a slight nod to it at the end. Maybe a sequel?

But all in all. It was good. I’d rate it a 4/5.

I wouldn’t mind seeing it again and I think that’s still in the works with Court, but we’ll see.

There was a great scene in the movie that I loved. The mahjong scene. I understood the gist of it through the dialogue between Rachel and Eleanor. I just didn’t understand the mahjong hand. I don’t play mahjong, so I don’t understand the rules, but it seems that many who watched the movie don’t understand it either.

Thankfully, someone wrote an article about it. Basically, it plays out the same way as the dialogue. I thought it was great. It added another level to the scene.

The other thing about the movie was that it was a good rom-com. I’m glad to see that the rom-com is making a comeback.

Overall, I highly recommend it.

Go watch it.

Finally, a new perspective.

It’s better to have love and lost then to never have loved before.

I know this saying. Everyone knows this saying.

I know deep down inside, I believe it. It’s true, but I play it safe. I think it’s better not to.

It’s a waste.

I have always believed that if I do end up old and alone that I’ll be okay with it. I still stand by that.

No regrets.

I know my choices. I know my life. I know who I am.

Rey taught me to see it in a different light.

She taught me to see it using an analogy with my dad.

The pain and emptiness I felt after my father passed away was unbearable. I was heartbroken. I’m still a little broken. Just a lil’.

Rey taught me a lesson, to finally understand the saying.

Even with all the pain and devastation that happened with my dad’s passing, would my life been better that I had him in my life, having him being there, OR, would it have been better if I never had a father or knew him.

New perspective on this.

Of course, it definitely is better to have a father growing up, even with the pain.

So, yes, it is true. It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved before.

Again, deep down inside, I’m sure I knew this already, but it’s always a good thing to get it slapped in your face from time to time.

Eventually, with time, my psychological bullshit and insecurities should fade, and I’ll be ready. Eventually.

She says I’m not open.

I am.

I’m just can’t get out of my head.

Soon.

One day.

One day.

Night school.

I’m one of those old farts that need to go back to school to learn new things to keep up with the world.

I just signed up for an Intro to SQL and Database Management class at UCLA Extension.

I’m one of those and there’s no shame in it.

Growth. Learning.

If you aren’t learning, you aren’t living.

Personal growth is important, and this will up my game and my desirability in the job market, if I ever decide to do a career change.

Now, this doesn’t mean that I’m looking to quit my job or am looking for a career change.

It’s all about work.

I find myself tasked with more responsibilities on certain projects and there are things that I’m uncomfortable doing because I lack the required skill set to do the job well. I can half ass it, but I don’t want to.

Hence the class.

Depending on how things go, I think I’ll continue to more of the advance stuff, to eventually programming. It just makes sense and something that I was kind of interested in anyway.

Looking back, the root of all of this is the job and the frustration and sometimes inadequacies that I feel of not being able to do something on my own and requiring help from others.

We all know how much I hate asking people for help and relying on other people, especially when it comes to my projects.

Delay delay delay.

Fun times.

I don’t know what to expect, but I think it’s something I’m looking forward to.

It gets me out of the house and it keeps my brain working and I think for me, that’s the important part.

You’re never too old to go back to school.

I hear a lot of people say that all the time and it’s true. You are never too old to go back to school and learn new things, whether it is to keep up with the world or to just exercise your mind.

Learning is a great thing.

I’m looking forward to it.

Can’t wait.

I feel calm.

Tranquil, possibly.

Any anxiety that I had about this data project dissipated.

Why? When?

Maybe it was when I decided that we should house the data instead of trying to force fit all the data back to Prisma and SMI.

There was no easy way for that to happen and I was stressing out trying to figure a solution.

Thankfully I learned about the RAI team taking over all the digital data for their purposes and we can leverage them for help and things just snowballed.

It makes things easier. It just makes sense.

I feel good about this.

I feel calm about this.

I just need to make it happen.

Let’s see.

The Licker.

It’s his name now.

The Licker.

It’s who he is, now.

He’s been licking his paws as a way to pass time for a while now. It’s a nasty habit, but I’m not there to watch him while I’m at work. He does what he does.

The Licker.

Pickles.

He’s 13 now, or will be by the end of the month. His birthday is sometime during August, so I celebrate it at the beginning.

13.

91.

Old Man Pickles.

He’s still good though. He still has his personality and he’s a lot like me. He’s a fucker a lot of the time when he doesn’t listen, but that’s me too.

I can’t blame him. He’s been with me for most of his life, he’s bound to pick up some of my nasty habits too.

It is what it is.

I hope he lives for a long long time.

He’s my copilot, my soulmate.

To lose him, it would be unbearable.

My heart has a limited capacity for love and Pickles takes up a large portion of it.

Pickles.

My love. My soulmate.

My life saver.

Happy birthday.

Thank you for being in my life.

Thank you.

Write.

Thoughts.

I have none.

It’s been a struggle to fall back to the ease of putting these thoughts into this void. It’s been a struggle to come and do my little finger tapping and make it seem worthwhile.

It seems that most of these little entries nowadays are about what’s been happening in my daily life, work, outings, and other musings and not much about who I am.

It’s changed.

It’s changed so much from what it was, just even from a few years ago.

But then again, so much has changed in my life in the past few years.

Slowly, things get better.

Slowly, my life change.

Slowly, I grow.

Slowly, my therapy worked.

So, now, do I have anything much to say?

I don’t know.

I don’t know anymore.

Maybe it is time for me to fall back into my creative endeavors. Maybe it is time for me to get back on that script, or those short stories that I owe.

Maybe.

Maybe this will be the last one of these entries in a while.

I think it just might be.

 

Quiet.

My mind.

Quieter.

My usual thoughts swim around, but they aren’t as active as they once were.

Quiet.

My mind.

There’s a chance that I may get back to that little sense of normal that I once had.

I want the old normal back and there’s a glimmer of hope. It’s there. I have to reach for it.

Ease my mind.

Quiet my desires.

Solitude.

Tranquil.

There’s hope.

There’s a chance.

I experienced that normal last night. I turned off my iPad and did what I normally do, read a book.

Turtles All the Way Down.

My life, there’s no explanation. It’s just turtles all the way down

There once was a time where a million dreams are keeping me awake.

Now, not so much.

I close my eyes and fall asleep, a little bit at first and then all at once.

There aren’t issues like when I was younger, tossing and turning as a million dreams are keeping me awake. I sleep and forget.

I close my eyes and clear my mind. No more dreaming or wishing of better things.

No more.

No more desires.

None.

I close my eyes and it’s blackness.

If I’m lucky, my synapses fires and flickering images fill my vision.

To dream.

To relax.

 

Never be enough for me.

You know I want you. It’s not a secret I try to hide.

All day every day.

I’ve been listening to the soundtrack and I can’t stop. I literally can’t stop.

It’s just so fucking good.

CHICAGO.

My beloved.

I’m here and I’m done.

Work is over and I’m here to play.

There were many many long days of getting things ready and finishing up, but it’s done.

Even with the prior knowledge of how to set things up with the new server, it still took me a long time to get things done.

I think the part that took the longest was setting up the users’ desktop after imaging. Setting up their account and profile.

It’s a little difficult when I had to do it twice since the new server wasn’t fully synced yet.

So, step 1 was to upgrade users to the newest version, either via the in-place upgrade or through imaging.

I did the upgrade on the few users that weren’t in the office and updated their extra PCs too. So, I didn’t have to worry about their computers and get them all setup on the first time back onto the old server.

Then, I had to image the rest of the users and get them all connected back to the old server. Then, come Friday night, after the server synced one last time, I had to redo a new profile and get them connected to the new server.

It’s a long process, but the only process, unless I waited for everything to finish and did both the imaging and user setup that night. That would have taken forever, and I would probably put in a lot more hours on a Saturday.

But done and done. Chicago is good to go.

Users come in on Monday and I’ll fix whatever I fucked up or forgot.

Fun times.

Fun times indeed.

Done and done.

While here, I got a #welcomehome tag on a picture by a coworker her.

She knows how much I love the city and to me, in a way, it is home.

I do feel good here. I do love it here.

Maybe.

Who knows?

The future is open, like I love to say.

It’s a blank canvas, waiting for my strokes, to make my masterpiece that is my life.

Here I am, with my free time and I’m just chilling.

I went to watch a movie yesterday and then went to the museum, knowing that I’m going to get an early lunch at a new restaurant.

It was an easy day. A light day, relaxing and strolling and keeping to myself.

It was a good way to recharge, being quiet, but on the move, like I’m not wasting my time here in Chicago, locking myself in my hotel room.

The weather is nice, go out. Enjoy.

Enjoy, indeed.

It’s such a beautiful city.

As for today, no idea wat I’m going to do.

Try not to think about work?

Let’s give that a shot.

The trip out here was a good reprieve from all the shit that is waiting for me back home.

I’m going to go through my emails on Monday and follow up on things that are outstanding on my side.

Life.

Work.

Stress.

That’s the new normal now.

Own it.

Embrace it.

Tired.

But rested.

The new normal.