The year winds down to its last remaining weeks.

The back of my throat itches. My body gives up on me.

It’s been a while since I felt sick and I think it’s about that time again.

Work drains me.

I haven’t taken care of myself.

It all comes crashing down and yet, I’m here, out and about at my local spot.

Whatever I had plans today will not happen.

I intend to do nothing.

Not think.

Not ponder.

Not dream.

Sleep.

Rest.

Reflect.

The company Christmas party happened on Thursday night. It’s probably one of the reasons why I’m feeling the way that I’m feeling now.

Was out too late.

Overall, I had one and I set out to do what I wanted to do: DON’T GET FUCKING PLASTERED AND BLACK OUT.

I think I was fully conscious the whole night as I limited myself and paced myself on the amount of whiskey I imbibed.

I was vertical the next day.

That was a problem the last two years. I wasn’t so much vertical, but horizontal, on the floor, at work.

Standing!

It was a good night. I had a fun and uneventful night.

I calmed my nerves with Jeff, grabbing a few drinks at Cabo before the party.

The rest of the night was just mingling and people watching.

There were little cheers here and chit-chatting there.

I wandered. I paced.

The night passes in a fuzzy blur.

I got a lot of compliments that night. I looked dapper in my suit.

Everyone loved the new haircut. It was like I was a different person. People aren’t used to it.

Growing up. My way to adulting.

TANGENT

It’s been a while since I’d a proper haircut. It’s been a while since I’ve gone to the barber to cut my hair.

2013.

Early 2013. Right before my mid-life-crisis.

I went back to my usual and the barber is still there. He recognizes me and remembers how I like my hair as he tells it to the guy cutting my hair.

At the end he asked if I moved because I haven’t been in in a while.

Too funny, but it’s the little things like having people remember you.

Sometimes humanity surprises me a little.

END TANGENT

Overall, I did have fun. My social anxiety was kept under control for the most part.

I don’t know what I was expecting or hoped would happen, but overall, it was good.

It was great seeing Ms. Good Bar flipping me off and exclaiming that she hates me.

The Panicker tries to start shit with me every time she’s drunk. I find that fascinating and funny.

I left the King’s Head and went home after 12:30 and saw Benjo and Jeff were still there, fucked.

Apparently, they went to the Gas Lite after too.

I’m too old to that. Fucking old.

Tired.

Now I’m sick.

Friday, I was vertical.

Success.

It was a fucking long ass day and I hated it, but I was vertical.

It could have been much worse.

Success.

Pivot.

Growth.

Change.

Pivot my life.

Pivot my direction.

It’ll be a few more months before I hit a new number. It’ll be a new decade.

40.

Soon.

Pivot.

Changes.

Adulting.

I don’t know why, but I’m thinking more about my future, about who I am, and where do I see myself.

I think about my job and what possible changes can happen. I think about if I want to stay in the same role or should I expand and maybe pivot.

A new direction.

A new responsibility.

I don’t know.

Life.

40.

What is there to expect?

Adulting.

That’s on the schedule, but what exactly does that mean?

I know when I tell people that I plan on adulting, growing up, and they tell me don’t. Not worth it.

Not worth it, indeed, but I need to know about it before I can reject it.

Life.

Adulting.

Relationships.

Is it finally time to allow for the possibility, to let things — strings, go and see what is in front of me.

I don’t know what is in front of me.

Is it right?

I know I can pivot it to what I want.

But is that fair?

I could be wrong.

It could be great.

But is it right.

Allow.

Let what will be, be.

Pivot.

Adulting.

What will be, will be.

…love?

Is that it?

I want people to feel my love?

Probably not.

Maybe not.

A hero.

That’s what I was called this past week for doing something that anyone could have done.

I found some random guy masturbating at some poor girl’s cube.

It wasn’t something that I needed to do on some random Monday morning.

It wasn’t something that I ever thought would happen to me, but it did.

I found some random guy masturbating.

Fun times.

I was surprised how well I handled things.

I was pretty calm.

I was cool.

I was collected.

I had someone call security and then I instructed everyone to get out of the area, just in case anything happened.

The dude could be crazy or on something and could have done something worse.

I had the other associates clear out.

It was mostly girls in the area. I didn’t do it out of chivalry, but it was more about protecting them from what was happening.

I cleared out the guys too.

I cleared people out.

Security came and escorted the guy out.

I did find it fascinating that he totally ignored me. Didn’t say anything to me.

Saw me and that was it.

He knew what was happening. I was loud enough to grab his attention when I screamed “Hey!”

But, I guess he wanted a reaction and got one.

I wonder how many times he’s done something like this.

I wonder if he was on something.

I wonder.

I wonder.

It’s a story and an experience that I have.

I’ll have it with me.

Let’s leave it at that and call it an end.

The year is winding down.

In a month, I’ll be on break for a week.

I want to enjoy my break. I didn’t have much of one last year with working and all.

Hopefully I’ll get one this year, but we’ll have to see how the moves go.

With the year ending, it’ll be time to look back at the year to reflect.

Have I grown?

In a way, yes, I have. I took a proactive approach to learn and grow by doing something I never thought I’d do.

I went back to school.

Grant it was for night classes about something specific, but I never thought I’d do.

I enjoy it.

Learning.

Constant learning.

I’m taking classes online too.

Learning.

Growth.

I can’t believe the year is over already.

I’m not sure what I’ve done this year or what even happened this year.

One day, I’ll go by and look over things I’ve posted this past year and see.

I’ll look over the yearly reflection blogs and see how much I’ve grown.

Growth.

I still have a long way to go.

I still need to make a lot of changes.

Life.

It’s long.

Life.

We’re in November already.

About two more months and then we’re done with 2018.

It’s time to start reflecting on the year again. It’s time to start going through the things and remembering what happened.

I don’t even remember.

The year had been a blur.

Ups. Down.

Like any other year.

I’m looking forward to the break. I need one.

Judgmental.

Angry.

More annoyed than angry.

That’s the state of my mind.

More annoyed than angry.

It’s mostly about work. It’s mostly about people at work.

Useless.

Incompetence.

Just tired.

I know that I need to let it go. Be a better person.

Things that I need to work on.

Hamartia. Mine.

I’m not patient.

I should let it go. Let it be.

Just let it be.

They are out of my control.

Let it go.

Be a better person.

Mantra’s that I need to live by.

Everyone has their problems.

People who don’t pull their weight.

Useless.

Incompetent.

Let it go.

My cave.

My routine.

Life has found its new normal.

Work. Classes. Staying home and doing nothing.

I cook on the weekends to relax and not thing about work.

I stay home to get away from people.

My weekends are my time to recharge.

Life.

Routine.

New normal.

Classes should be over in the next few weeks.

What will I do?

Continue or take a semester off and then get back on again?

I haven’t decided yet.

School.

Continuing education.

Growth.

My ambitions are taking over.

Is this the next step?

Am I growing as a person organically?

Or are things being dictated by work?

What about my creative endeavors?

What about my creativity that lies outside of cooking?

What about that?

I don’t know.

…new section.

Writing.

Creativity.

The ink well dries.

There’s not juice left. Barren. It’s a dessert of ideas.

I’m out of practice, I think.

It’s been a while since I’ve created anything.

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything.

This year was meant to be the year that I get back on the wagon, but life proved it wasn’t so.

Distracted.

Priorities.

My life went on a different direction than I planned.

Typical.

My analytic logical brain took over and it left my creative brain thirsty for something.

I need a little click, a spark that ignites the reserves that I know I have.

Growth.

I’m trying.

Stories.

Dreams.

Ideas.

They are all in me.

I’m lazy.

My downfall.

It’s me.

Make time.

Make the effort.

Let’s see what next year brings.

Let’s see what next week brings.

Let’s see what tomorrow brings.

Life. It’s funny that way.

Hilarious.

Back.

Back at it.

Back to the routine.

Back to the generalness of life.

My travels are all over now and I’m here with nowhere to go for the foreseeable future.

There are no plans to go home or anywhere for Thanksgiving or Christmas.

I’ll be here.

Relaxing.

Chilling.

Knowing me, there might be work that I’ll have to do over the break. We shall see.

Back…and it feels good to know that I’m back to my routine again.

Family.

It was great seeing a lot of family a few weeks ago for Annie’s weekend.

I don’t get to see them much. I don’t visit them as much as I should.

It’s great to see them and 5th Auntie.

I haven’t seen her since before Uncle passed. I’m glad to see that she’s doing well and is in good spirits.

I didn’t know from around the country was going to show up, but I was excited and glad to see whomever did.

Besides my family and 14th Uncle and Auntie, no one else from the Northwest came.

I didn’t expect to see many, since they weren’t that close, but I’m sure that if the schedule worked out a little better, they would.

It was a little tough having the wedding on a Sunday, in the fall when school has already started.

It was good catching up with my cousins too, knowing what is happening in their lives and what they’ve been up to.

Family get-togethers. We don’t have enough of them.

We should have more.

C’est la vie.

I’m sure we’ll have plenty more.

Looking forward to it.

Napa.

The little mini glutton vacation.

My bro and I planned to go to Napa a few days after the wedding to relax.

It was great. It was my second time there this past year.

I honestly think that I don’t go enough. It’s close enough for me to just take an extended weekend to go up and relax and enjoy life.

Clos Du Val.

My favorite.

I bought another bottle there. This was the most expensive bottle yet.

$120.

Worth it.

Definitely worth it.

We spent a relaxing day wine tasting and eating.

My bro been to Napa a few times with me before, but I think this was the first time that he had tastings on his own. Before we’d usually split a tasting and it was funny now for me to see that he got fucked up after two tastings.

Really, he got fucked up after one.

We went to three tastings in total and I had all three.

He was napping at the last two.

Definitely worth it just chilling at the grove at Chandon tasting while he napped.

Looking forward to the next trip.

I made it back to the Fall Agency Meeting and was able to miss a good portion of the meeting.

I have no shame.

I was happy to see a lot of the regional folks again and was invited to have dinner with the media managers.

I even stopped by the after party at the Ye Ol’ King’s Head for an hour.

No drinks. I was being responsible and honestly, after the wedding and everything, I needed a break.

I didn’t drink much that night. Maybe a beer and two glasses of wine.

Let’s hope I do the same at the holiday party.

No more blackouts!

Tableau Conference.

TC18.

I was in NOLA the past week for the conference.

I’m glad I was told about it and was given the opportunity to participate.

There’s just so much shit. My brain – fried.

It gave me an opportunity to learn about the tool and what it can do.

We aren’t using it to the full potential. It gave me a better understanding of the tool and how it works.

I never touched the tool or used it until two weeks ago because I needed to.

The biggest thing that I got out of the whole conference was how big data is managed by larger companies.

Everything is in the cloud.

Online data lakes and warehouses.

There’s a compute service layer.

I went in thinking we should manage our data a particular way and after, I honestly don’t know how the fuck we should manage our data.

I have no clue or any insight on how things should be done.

I don’t know what the bigger picture of the team and their wants are.

I feel genuinely useless when it comes to this project.

It’ll be an interesting conversation in the next few days as I talk about the data project.

With the RPAi project and the Digital Media Data RAI project and the small AHM RAI project, I want them to be the same project and I want to do this right.

I just don’t know what the “right” is.

There are so many conflicting ideas of what should be done that it’ll fail from the start.

I’ll tackle it when I tackle it.

I’ll research all the vendors that I got information from and hopefully come to an informed decision on how I think we should proceed.

I want to get this done.

I want this to be over.

Let’s do this.

So.

Back.

Looking to finish off the next month of classes and moving onto whatever is next.

I have no idea what is next.

I have no plans.

I’m taking it one day at a time.

I expect myself to do all that I can, the best that I can, and not worry about anything else.

One step.

One day.

Let’s do this.

The end of the year approaches.

Let’s finish it with a bang.

Bring it.

Here I am.

Back at it.

It’s been a while since my last post. A few weeks.

Had a few busy weeks here and there with traveling and working on the weekends and catching up on school and programming.

Lots to do.

My life….is in flux.

It’s definitely not normal.

There’s going to be a new normal for the next few weeks at least, with more traveling and with night classes.

Classes had officially started and so far, I’m enjoying them.

I think I’m enjoying the Relational Database class a little better than the SQL class, even though it’s been mostly SQL so far. I think it’s more about the theory and the foundations of what a database is, plus I already know a lot of the stuff that’s been discussed.

The same goes with the SQL class too.

Both professors told me that I may be too advanced for the class, but I told them that because I learned on the job, I don’t have a solid foundation. I may know 80% of everything, but I want to know the last 20% because they may be beneficial.

There are a few downsides to class. One of them is that I can’t get access to some of my quizzes and assignments on time for some reason. I always have to reach out to the professor and then to their tech support. Weird.

Also, I don’t sleep well during the nights that I have class. It seems like I can’t turn off my brain. It’s busy, processing information, thoughts.

No idea.

But, school is school. It’s going and I’m enjoying it.

Life.

Tired.

True true tiredness.

It never ends.

It never goes away.

Life.

Tired.

That’s all I feel now.

Tired.

Getting old sucks.

Being constantly tired sucks.

But that’s normal. That’s status quo.

Soon, I’ll be on a little break seeing family again and then I’m off to NOLA for a conference.

Travel.

Fun.

Make the best of it.

Life the best life and be the best you.

I try.

Everyday.

BFF’s last day was yesterday.

Sad.

I’ll miss her.

While I was in Moorestown, I stayed with Linda and Sung for a few days.

It was great seeing everyone again. It’s been so long, and it was talking with Linda that I got more serious about investing in my future.

Sure, I have my 401(K) and my investments through work and the mutual fund I setup years ago with dad’s life insurance money, but I never seriously thought about it and be proactive in trying to save up.

So, last week, I started Roth IRA fund with Vanguard and started dabbling in trading.

I’m not a serious trader, so I just invested a small amount and only have stock in Microsoft and Apple. I definitely will need to diversify and maybe put in a little more money later, but at this moment, I need to get past the urge to constantly look at how my money is doing or how the market is doing.

I don’t need another stress level in my life, but yes, I’m about to be 40 and I should take this kind of shit more seriously.

I’ve always had my contribution from work at 7% since the first day I started and being there 10 years, I should have upped it significantly. I’m making a significant more than I did back then.

10%.

I’ll deal with it.

It’ll be better than having the money sit in my savings and only collecting $8/year in returns.

Let’s see how it goes.

I think it’ll be fine.

Let’s hope it goes fine.

It’ll definitely be fine.

It’s the morning of my last day up here.

I had a fairly long and busy day yesterday with a movie, dinner, then hanging out with the kids.

I didn’t drink my water and now I’m dehydrated and tired as fuck.

I need rest today.

I have a long drive tomorrow. 18 hours. 17 hours if I’m good.

We’ll see how it goes. Let’s see what time I get up.

I need to make sure Pickles is okay. Don’t need any accidents that will delay me.

Rest.

Tired.

Zen.

Kids.

It was good seeing them all together, all grown up, all drinking.

Time flew.

I’m old.

I was the same age as Sinh was when I first met them. 23.

The year I graduated high school, ’97, was the year that Thien and Minh were born.

Cloud is 26.

Fuck, I’m old.

They’ve all assimilated quickly. They’ve all seem so American now and to think that they came over in 2002.

They didn’t know English and mostly knew Viet and Canto.

That’s how we communicated, canto.

Now, two are out of college and two are graduating next year.

Time flies.

It’s great seeing them grow and become who they are.

Overall, it was a great trip, bad news and being rained out this past week aside.

I got some alone time in nature.

Hiking.

Some form of exercise.

Zen.

I was able to be a couch potato as I let the weather play out.

Pickles…..Pickles is Pickles.

He’s old and still young at the same time.

It’s a grumpy fighter like me with his own neurosis.

I wonder about him sometimes.

I wonder what’s he thinking when he’s acting up and I worry about his stomach.

Now, I will take the day easy, going with the flow, spending whatever time I have left with family, doing laundry, and packing and bright and early tomorrow, be off.

Let’s do this.

Let’s go.

Roll.

Sigh.

That’s right.

That’s the right emotion. At. This. Moment.

At this time.

Sigh.

Out of my control. Out of my hands.

Sigh.

Got news that our SP Developer resigned yesterday. We got a few weeks left with him.

It’ll be a fun trip back to the office next week. Very fun.

This morning, Pickles shat on the floor.

Yay me.

Sigh.

I should have known. I had a feeling. My intuition was telling me he was having issues. I was aware of it, but I didn’t do anything.

Fuck me.

My life.

Sigh.

I should have acted on the signs that I got. I should have acted on my gut feelings, but I didn’t.

My fault.

Live and learn.

That’s life. Live. Learn.

He’s on meds now. Hopefully his stomach gets better.

As for work. It is what it is.

I had a feeling he wasn’t going to last. Just something that tells me that he was looking for something different.

I’m unsure why he’s leaving, but I don’t know.

I’m just going to leave it at that.

It’s times like this I wished I listened to Dad and got my degree or something some IT things when I was younger instead of trying to pick it up now.

I would have been in a different place, I know, but I don’t know….maybe I wouldn’t feel so helpless.

I wouldn’t have this feeling of inadequacy of not being able to do something and relying on people.

Sigh.

Sigh.

Sigh.

It is what it is.

Zen.

Breathe.

It’s the only thing that I can do right now.

Maintain a sense of whateverness.

Breathe.

Zen.

Relax.

Everything will be okay.

All this anxiety that I feel about work is just me being a control freak. It’s not about the work, it’s more about me not being able to do the work to a good standard and being able to deliver it without someone.

We all know that we need someone in house for this.

My boss knows this. We’ll find someone to replace him.

Until then, we’ll make due.

Sigh.

Breathe.

Zen.

In.

Out.

Breathe.

It is what it is.

Let it go.

Sigh.

Pickles!

My boy.

My love.

My soulmate.

He’s old.

He’s not quite the spring chicken that he was once.

Time.

Life.

That’s what happens.

I know that he’s been losing a little spring in his step for a while now. He’s been slow on our walks, taking his sweet time.

He’ll take his time getting up from time to time.

Jumping up in the car and sometimes my bed would present an issue.

Old.

I took him out hiking last week. We did Snoqualmie Falls and then we tried to do Rattlesnake Ridge.

He’s done Rattlesnake before and never had a problem with it. But that was back in 2013. Five years ago. 35 years ago, for him.

He was 56 back then. A relatively young man. A relatively young dog.

I watched him take his time, panting hard, struggle at times to get up the incline at Snoqualmie Falls. He was fine at the end. Tired, but still ready for more.

Rattlesnake Ridge was more of the same. He’s ready and by my side, eager to go.

But he’s slow. Taking his time up the trails. I think I was more worried about him than he was worried about what’s happening.

At no time did he stopped and didn’t want to move. At no time did he lay down.

He was ready.

I’m sure if we took our time, we would have gotten up there. I’m sure that he didn’t need any prompting or coaching or pulling to get up there. He would have been happy going wherever I was going.

I don’t think I could have pushed him. I know he’s old. I see it.

Although the hike is easy, but how would it be for an old dog like him?

I didn’t want to test it out. Seeing how slow he moved at Snoqualmie and how he was at the beginning of the trail, I decided to stop.

It was a busy trail and we’d have to stop and move to the side.

I didn’t want to push him.

I didn’t want to hurt him.

Age.

It hurt me to see him like that. He’s still so eager, but just a little bit more fragile than he used to be.

Age.

He’s still holding up and doing relatively well in his old age.

Pickles is good.

Pickles is fine.

He’s still eager to go out and play. He’s still eager to go out on his walks rather than staying inside all day.

I protect him.

I shelter him.

I do what I can to ensure that he has a few more comfortable years left.

Pickles.

My soulmate.

My love.

He’s an inspiration to me.

He’s a good dog.

I decided to turn back a third of the way up the hike. We got about half a mile up, maybe a little more and I stopped and turned back.

Pickles was just tired, but he never gave up.

I decided then that his hardcore hiking days are over. No more hikes up mountains. No more hardcore days like we once did.

What we setup to do now would be simple.

Easy.

What adventures that we’ll go on would be something a little more manageable.

It’s what he deserves after putting up with my shit for so long.

He still has adventures. I will include him in as much as I can.

Looking back, he’s been through so much with me. We’ve gone to so many awesome vacations together.

We did all those road trips back home and so much hiking up here.

We’ve gone to Vancouver together. Pickles is an INTERNATIONAL TRAVELER!

Pickles was a good copilot for our road trips and enjoyed the western route I did a few years ago driving up 1 and 101.

He was my companion and was such a trooper on our trips to the Grand Canyon.

I put him through shit, but he was always down.

We explored cities and cities. We were our own Lewis and Clark.

He’s my boy.

He’s my dog.

We’ll always be Boy and His Dog where ever we will go.

I’m sure I’ve forgotten many of our trips, but I’ll never forget how he keeps me company on every single one of them.

He’s a good one.

He’s my soulmate.

We’ll have so many more adventures together.

I can’t wait.

Pickles.

My love.

Hiking.

My meditation.

My Zen.

When I need to find balance, I go out into the woods or the mountains, find a trail and go.

It keeps me grounded. It clears my mind. It keeps me sane.

Hiking.

This vacation trip up north is no different than the many others that I’ve done in the past few years. I’ve always planned some hiking.

I’ve always picked places that I’ve never been or hiked with spectacular views. Exploring. Setting foot to ground, feeling the rocks grinding beneath my soles.

One. Step. At. A. Time.

Hiking.

The Olympic Peninsula.

I did it properly this time.

Olympic National Park.

I was in Olympic National Park proper for the whole trip.

I’ve driven through it a few years ago with Pickles and couldn’t explore as much as I wanted to.

United States.

National Parks.

Fucking no dog rules.

Sigh.

It is what it is, but I managed.

Luckily for me, Ms. D did a similar trip a few weeks ago so I asked her for some recommendations and decided to go and do Hurricane Ridge.

The views were spectacular. Mountains span for days.

Breathtaking.

The Olympics was all I could see.

Most of the long hikes were closed due to maintenance and goat capturing, but I did find a pretty good ridge hike.

The Klahhane Ridge trail.

It’s about a 3.8 mile one- way trail along the ridge and you’ll eventually end up at the top of the Klahhane Ridge with sweeping panoramic views of the Olympics on one side and Port Angeles and the Strait of Juan de Fuca on the other. O’ Canada is right.

Amazing.

It was relatively back until you hit the switchback trail and it was just up and up.

The views were worth it.

I spent around 40 minutes up at the top enjoying the views and snacking, resting before I hiked back down. Worth it.

Definitely, worth it.

It was a busy trail most likely it was because most of the big hard trails were closed.

Surprisingly many hikers didn’t finish or stopped half way before turning back.

After Hurricane Ridge, I decided to go to Lake Crescent and check it out. I decided to scope out Mount Storm King and Marymere Falls.

Speaking with a junior ranger, it seems Storm King would be a better bet because of the landslide over at Pyramid Peak.

Done and done.

Lake Crescent.

Magnificent.

Beautiful.

Ms. D’s favorite part of the drive through the Olympics.

I still remember the first time I laid eyes on it. I was driving north on 101 and I see it through the trees and then we bust out from the tree line and BAM, beauty.

It took my breath away.

It was gone.

Breathless.

Every time I see it.

I’m reminded of that first time.

I hiked the short easy hike to Marymere Falls and found the trailhead for Storm King. Before I left, I sized up Storm King, my mountain to conquer in the morning.

I’ve done worse, but I heard it was rough and boy, it was rough.

Mount Storm King.

Clocking in at around 2 miles one-way, it is one of the toughest that I’ve done.

It’s all up. 2,000 ft elevation gain in about 2 miles. It was rough.

The first half was a steep steep climb and then eventually the grade lets up, but slightly.

I don’t think I stopped so many times to take a breather on a short hike like this. I kept reminding myself that the hike is a marathon, not a sprint.

It was rough.

I’m out of shape.

Near the top, a girl passed me up.

She said I was almost there, close, to the top. I trudged on and then the ropes portion came.

I took my time. I was scared.

You have to have a little fear.

I did.

I pulled myself up and was rewarded with a spectacular view of Lake Crescent.

It’s even more beautiful at that view. Seeing it at level and then from an elevated view is totally different.

I wasn’t prepared for it.

The girl left after I got there.

We chatted a bit.

She grew up in North Tacoma, by UPS. She had to drop her dad off in Tacoma at 10, so she started early and wanted to get it done before she leaves Port Angeles.

She kicked my ass. She started about 15 minutes later than I did and beat up to the top.

Good for her.

You know my thing.

Just that strength, determination, and that independence, made her one of the sexiest girls.

We bid each other goodbye and I was left alone.

I took my pictures, posted my social post, and just sat.

I took in the views.

I took in the lake.

I took in the silence.

Solitude.

The birds.

I thought about dad. Would he have enjoyed the views like I did?

Would he enjoy hiking like I do now?

I don’t know.

I don’t know.

I took my time getting down the ropes, ensuring that I have a solid grip and solid footing.

If I slipped and let go, that was it.

No more.

I thank the sky, nature, dad, whoever was listening for getting me down safely and went on my merry way.

I met a few hikers on the way down, letting them know to be careful on the ropes. Some didn’t know about it.

I hope they made it okay.

I did think about the girl on the way down. She has a wedding in LA this weekend. I wonder what’s she up to now.

Conquering Storm King, I decided to get started on my second hike for the day, the Ozette Loop.

It’s more of a triangle, but hey, it all connects.

It’s a 3-mile boardwalk hike through the forest to an alcove and the Pacific. Then you hike along the beach for another 3-miles to Sandy Point and then another 3-mile boardwalk hike back to the parking lot.

It was a beautiful hike. The beach, amazing.

Thankfully I caught it at low tide and was able to hike along the beach and was able to explore some of the tide pools.

There was a stupid smile on my face the whole time.

Magnificent.

That hike took a long time, ’cause I took my time on the beach.

Eventually, I ended my day close to 4pm and then it was a drive back to Port Angeles. I thought about driving straight home to pick up Pickles, but I wasn’t going to make it.

I got to Port Angeles, got a nasty dinner and then drove home.

I didn’t get home until 9:30.

Totally worth it.

Amazing.

Body, tired.

Body, sore.

I’m still recovering.

The Olympics. Gorgeous.

I will definitely be back and do it again.

A few days ago, mom asked me about hiking. I’ve always known that in her head, she thinks I’m physically climbing a mountain. Mountaineering with all the gear and what not.

I explained to her that it’s just hiking up trails up mountains and what not.

It was on Tuesday that this happened. I was planning on doing the simple hikes that day, Snoqualmie Falls and Rattlesnake.

I’ll talk more about this and Pickles at a later time, but I wanted to get this down about mom.

If she didn’t have to work, I would have brought her along.

She seemed interested in hiking now.

I showed her pictures of the hike I did at Olympic National Park yesterday and told her about some of the hikes that I did. Some were hard, but some were easy like the Ozette Trail.

I even told her that there were a lot of old women hiking the trail.

Practice.

Get out and walk more. Exercise more.

I keep telling her, work at it and walking up the hill on the trail won’t be so hard.

Work at it.

After looking at the pictures, she said she should have gone with me.

She should have.

If she had, the trip would have been a totally different trip. I wouldn’t have done many of the hikes that I did, but bonding with mom while introducing her to something that I love would be worth it.

Next time.

Definitely, next time.

Welcome to Amsterdam!

Nope. Not really.

Still in Federal Way.

Still in Asensio.

Still doing the writing.

It’s one of their artworks on the wall. A black and white picture of one of their canals and a red rotoscoped bicycle.

I thought it would make a good title and here we are.

I’m explaining.

Well, back at it.

Tired.

My brain is tired.

My body is tired.

My eyes are tired.

Tired.

I guess it’s a little bit of a blessing that it’ll rain at North Cascades National Park next week.

I don’t think my body can handle it.

I plan on doing nothing but resting for the next couple of days anyway, if I do end up going.

Not very likely.

Rain.

Showers.

60% showers in the mountains.

It doesn’t sound like a fun time.

Mui Gwai Fah tried to shame me into going. Wear a jacket. Don’t be a sissy.

She knows me better to know that shaming me isn’t going to work.

I have no problem walking in the rain. I love the rain.

Put on a rain jacket and take a stroll, walking Pickles.

No problem.

But when I have a choice to go out in the rain and hiking? I prefer not to.

It’s not fun.

As much as I miss the rain, hiking in the rain is a different story.

Hiking up a mountain for six miles and then I need to hike down, in the fucking rain?

I think not.

It’s hard to tell the conditions of the trails at that point and I honestly don’t want to risk it.

Also, it’s a good excuse for me to rest my body.

I need it.

Tired.

Hurting.

Tired.

Tired.

Mind flickers.

Tired.

My mind plays tricks on me.

My dream tells me how reckless I am.

It was a fitful night’s sleep.

Maybe my body was tired, but my dreams were telling me something.

I’m reckless.

I go to fast.

I’m crashing and burning because there are a few unexpected bumps in the road and my distraction is work.

I don’t remember most of it, but there are some snippets.

I’m driving along and Pramit is on the passenger side. We’re on a phone meeting or something and the person on the other end is having problems understanding what Pramit was saying. So, Pramit wanted me to translate what he said in Cantonese for some reason and I was like, I can’t. I’ll reiterate what you say, maybe it’s like an accent thing. Not sure.

So, I’m doing this and I’m driving along and then there’s this big gnarly dip in the freeway or road and I hit it at high speed and it sends us flying and then we crash land and my car bursts apart.

I’m okay.

Pramit is okay.

My car?

Not so much.

I don’t remember what happens next, but eventually I end up walking like a dark mall or some dark streets at night with a big back pack on.

Inside this backpack was parts of my car, just the top for some reason.

I’m trying to find someone to fix it for me and no one can.

I have to buy a new car.

What does it mean?

I don’t know.

Maybe it is a recall back to yesterday morning when I was working and answering emails for an hour when I’m on vacation.

I’m working too hard.

Going too fast, not paying attention to my life or the road that I’m on because I’m too busy working.

Eventually, I’m going to make a mistake and crash and burn.

I’m going to burn out and that’s what happened. Or at least, that’s what it feels like.

I’m crashing and burning at work.

It’s too much.

Stress.

Too much.

Anxiety.

Too much.

Relax.

Calm.

Zen.

Breathe.

Zen.

Relax.

Just do it.

I was planning on coming out there today and write about the hiking trip I did a few days ago in Olympic National Park.

I planned on writing about the hike at Hurricane Ridge and then Lake Crescent and Storm King and then Ozette Loop.

No.

I can’t.

I can’t process it.

My brain is dead.

I’m tired.

I can’t think.

My body screams.

Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe tomorrow.

Had dinner with Loretta last night.

Listening to her talk about the curve balls that had been happening in the past couple of months and the outcome of everything was just heart breaking.

It’s tough.

I don’t even know what to do or say.

I just hope she stays strong and tries again.

Be positive.

Be optimistic.

If you first don’t succeed, try again.

You have to.

Sigh.

Be positive.

What else could you be?