Travel travel travel.

Travel seems to be back in swing, for me at least….for the time being.

No trips planned until the big road trip home in September, but there may be more coming in later this year.

In the meantime, let’s chat about Nashville.

Again, Nashville had always been on my list but was never high. It’s a city that I could have never gone to and be okay with it, because what is there to do in Nashville?

This was another one of my must use credits or forfeit trips and it was one that fit within the budgetary range.

Nashville.

All I did in Nashville was chase waterfalls..

I didn’t realize how many state parks and how nature friendly it was until I got to visit. I did some rough research before I went and realize it’ll be a great place to go hiking.

Many of the places were no more than 2 hours away and many of the hikes to the falls were really short. Maybe less than a mile, but no more than two miles depending on where I went.

It’s a beautiful state with a lot of space and land.

Literally it seems like every 10 minutes on the major freeways there is an exit to a State Park.

After visiting, I definitely would like to go back and explore some more.

Many of the hikes I went to were about 2 hours away and were surrounded by small towns. Driving around the different neighborhoods, I was amazed by the state’s beauty but also the amount of land.

I see mansions surrounded by acres and acres of land on their property.

Beautiful.

It’s so secluded and so far removed from any main street or fair, so you have to drive everywhere.

Seems like a place that I wouldn’t mind living when I’m older and am done with people and retire.

Maybe it’s a place I wouldn’t mind moving to now.

I stopped by a few mom and pop restaurants while I was out in these small town neighborhoods and everyone I met seemed so nice and friendly. I never felt any sense of animosity or racism there.

Maybe it’s because I’m Asian and we do experience a little less racism than blacks, but it also could be that the people there are genuinely nice and friendly. I’m not going to make assumptions but just go with my experience.

During the majority of my trip in Nashville, my day would be hiking during the day and getting back to the hotel around 3 or 4pm, nap and then explore downtown Nashville at night.

I would take a Lyft to and from downtown. I stayed close about a mile away so it was convenient and cheap.

Didn’t want to deal with parking and parking rates along with driving when I know I’ll be drinking.

The downtown area was cool, but small. The vibe is almost like any metropolitan downtown, but they do shut down parts of Broadway (their main street where all the bars/restaurants) are so people can walk freely since it can get so crowded.

Downtown was all right. I walked up and down Broadway and the side streets and explored.

The food overall was all right. I wasn’t blown away by it, but still good.

The BBQ was good.

The Nashville Hot Chicken was overrated. Maybe it’s where I went, Hattie B’s (one of their most popular hot chicken restaurants) and it wasn’t what I expected.

I got the spicy, thinking that it’ll be hot given my limited experience with hot chicken here in LA, but there was no spice. The fry was great. The chicken itself was really good, but not spicy at all.

I don’t understand all of these reviews saying that they can only do mild because it is so spicy. I don’t get it.

While at a bar/restaurant on my 2nd night there, someone sat down next to me after getting food at the Assembly Foodhall from Prince’s Hot Chicken (another popular OG hot chicken restaurant) and he said it wasn’t spicy at all and he too got the spicy.

Heat is relative I guess.

I was tempted to go back and try their hottest level but I didn’t want to wait in line. I waited in line the first time and got disappointed, so pass.

After dinner I would walk downtown some more to work off the calories and pop in and out of bars/restaurants getting a drink and watching the live shows.

One thing that I do love about Nashville is being able to go into any restaurant and sit and watch live music. It’s great. It’s a whole different vibe.

Loved it.

Eventually I would settle in one place getting a few drinks, watching the entertainment until I feel it was time to get a Lyft back.

It was a great trip. It worked for me.

On the last full day in Nashville, I did a few museums and explored the city and walked a lot of the downtown area.

The National Museum of African American Music was fantastic. Thoroughly enjoyed my time there.

Nashville.

I chased waterfalls.

I’ll do it again.

From solo traveling to traveling to see family.

Over the July 4th weekend, I drove up to FresHELL, otherwise known as Fresno, for my cousin’s wedding.

It’s the middle of the year, outdoor wedding, in the heat of Fresno.

Sigh.

Thankfully the heat died down and it actually wasn’t too bad during the actual ceremony and reception after.

Overall, it was great. I had a great time seeing and hanging with family again.

I had a great time catching up with family again and it’s sad that we don’t get to do it as often.

Next year, there will be two weddings that I may go to.

One in Hawaii that I still need to plan and extend my stay to make a vacation out of it and another back home.

I caught up with cousins I normally don’t catch up with and just had a good time.

I didn’t have to do much at all in terms of tasks. Obligatory pictures and what not. Ate a lot of food and had a few good laughs and an enjoyable time.

Along with seeing family, I also got to see and catchup with my old roommates. I haven’t seen them in close to 20 years or so and it was just great to see them again.

The last time I saw them was probably in 2005, for one of their weddings.

The one roommate that I had a crush on couldn’t be there since her family got covid, but it was nice to see the other two. Thinking back on it, it didn’t seem like they’ve changed at all or I remember how they were.

I got a chance to introduce them to my mom and my mom thanked them for taking care of me.

It was sweet, but holy fuck, it was great seeing them again.

One of them got hot. I don’t know if my taste in women changed as I gotten older or that she got hot or that she’s always been hot, buy she was looking good.

I still remember her feisty personality that she still has.

Man, 2001. It was such a different time. It was such a different me. So much has changed throughout all of these years.

But man, it was good catching up.

Hopefully it won’t be another 20 something years before we see each other again.

Hopefully.

Here we go.

Here we are.

Been trying to write this for a few weeks now but never did.

Laziness.

Motivation gone.

That’s my motto for the pandemic years.

Fuck motivation.

2022.

2019.

That was the last year that I did a special week.

Sedona.

I had to stop writing to go back to my pictures and figure out where I went.

My memory. Gone with each passing year.

Shorter and shorter.

2022.

A short hiatus as the world crumbles around us. A short hiatus as we lock ourselves up to save ourselves, but eventually it’ll be our downfall because…..”gestures wildly with my hands around”.

Fuck this world.

Hawaii.

O’ahu.

As I stated earlier in my yearly another year older, another year wiser I spent my #specialweek in Hawaii.

My first time and why not.

I book this trip way back in December as I had to use my airline credits from my cancelled 2019 trip, or I lose out on it. So, why not.

Overall, Hawaii was great.

I had a great time exploring the tiny island. I had a great time doing what I do best, explore and eat.

My yearly #partyofone solo adventure of treating myself.

I saw some amazing views, had some amazing food, and went on some great hikes.

I stayed in Waikiki, and it was crowded and very touristy.

Definitely convenient when it came to terms of food and amenities, but damn, if there wasn’t a lot of people there.

It felt surreal to see so many locals, people that have some resemblance to me, prominent Asian features speaking perfect un-accented English and knowing they are citizens of the US.

We’re definitely not in the lower 48 states anymore.

Also, the variety and the convenient access to so many different kinds of Asian food were mind blowing.

Chinese, Japanese, Malaysian, Indonesian, Indian, Korean.

They are everywhere.

I definitely need to go back and do another trip and that might be coming a lot sooner than expected. Might go back in February for a cousin’s wedding.

But I don’t know what my plans are yet and if my bro is going to go. Depending on what, I might just stay in O’ahu for the wedding and an extra day and probably try a different island. Maybe Maui or the Big Island.

I need to get away from the tourists. I need to get away from the people.

Would February be a great time to go and explore? I don’t know, but it’ll cheaper if not wetter.

Sigh.

Decisions decisions.

First night & Day 1.

I got in late afternoon on Thursday. I haven’t flown in over two years so wasn’t sure how bad the security line at LAX is. I got there like 3 hours early and the flight was a little delayed.

But I got in and made it to the hotel did a quick shower and went to dinner.

I went to MW Restaurant. Overall, it was good. My first night and it was a fine dining experience. I did the tasting menu with wine pairing.

Why not splurge.

#specialweek.

Treating myself.

After dinner, went back to the hotel and went to bed. I was still working on PST and it was past midnight.

Morning morning.

I got up, got ready and went to Leonard’s for some malasadas. I got three, two stuffed and one plain and surprisingly, I enjoyed the plain ones better. It was good though. Something about fried dough with sugar. It was bliss.

The plan for the day was drive to North Shore and do a pillbox hike and get some garlic shrimp and drive around to the other side of the island and back. That’s exactly what I did with a stop at a botanical garden.

Of course, I got lost and took the wrong exit even though I had google maps.

I enjoyed the drive, embracing and admiring the many different views that O’ahu had to offer.

I spent a few hours at the Waimea Falls as I didn’t really have a plan or a designated schedule. I let the day slip away and do whatever I needed to do.

After Waimea Falls, I did my first hike in Hawaii, the Peace Pillbox hike. It was pretty easy and not crowded, but the weather could have cooperated. It didn’t rain rain but it did rain here and there which made the ground very slippery.

I slipped a few times but managed to not fall flat on my ass. The low-key of North Shore was pretty chill. Definitely a world apart from Waikiki.

After the hike, I continued my drive and got some Giovanni’s Garlic Shrimp at the food trucks. It was pretty fucking good. I’m not going to lie, it was pretty fucking good and simple and the hot sauce was good.

I walked around a bit at the food trucks and then continued my drive down the windward side of the island.

It’s so much quieter there. Not crowded. My kind of chill.

I pulled out and explored the Kualoa Regional Park and saw the Chinaman Hat for a bit before continuing my drive back to Honolulu.

It rained here and there, but nothing too bad.

I got back to the hotel and rested a bit before I went to dinner at Helena’s. I wanted to get some authentic Hawaiian food and it did not disappoint.

I got some poi, macaroni salad, and some short ribs.

The macaroni salad hit different there. It was very black pepper forward and it was so good. Not as creamy as the deli style but man, I don’t know what it is, but so good. I mean Ono’s macaroni salad is good, but not Helena or even Hawaii macaroni salad.

The short rib was amazing. Good char and great taste and they had a better grade of beef. They used Choice beef and you can taste it.

After dinner, I walked around Waikiki to get my lay of the land and scope things out.

Day 2

I had it all planned, out, drive out to Ka’Ena Point Natural Area Reserve and do the hike, the the pink pillbox hike and then back. Easy peasy, but I fucked up.

But let’s roll it back. Morning.

Coffee.

Every morning there, I’d wake up, get ready and go find coffee. It’s to help me shit, but that’s TMI, but who cares.

I’d get my iced coffee and walk Waikiki. I’d walk the streets getting my steps in, getting my coffee in, working my stomach so I can go and not worry about it during the day.

I guess I miss my morning walk routine back at home with walking Galette in the morning and I continued it while I was there. Will I do the same in Nashville? No clue.

But. Yeah, I fucked up. The plan was to drive up the Western Shore of O’ahu to the reserve. I didn’t check the map, believing there’s only one way there.

Google Maps took me inland instead.

I made the best of it. Instead of hiking the full 5 files, I did only halfway and hiked back and then drove back to the right place to the cave. I didn’t hike the remaining trail. I was over it with my fuck up

The hike at the regional area was pretty chill. It wasn’t crowded. I hiked along the bluff and the rocky beach. Lots of camp sites and fishing. It was a quiet day.

I got to the western tip within the reserve and then hiked back.

I drove back to the coast and continued my drive north and stopped to get some Poke. It was good. I was craving some poke and it hit the spot. I think it was my first poke in Hawaii. It was good.

I explored the cave and saw where I was supposed to go that morning, but I turned around and headed to the Pink Pillboxes.

Ahh, this hike. I fucked up here too.

I didn’t realize there were two ways up the hike. One, an easy hike up using switchbacks. Two, a straighter way up and up and up with cables to pull yourself up.

Guess which way I went up? Yep. Two.

I was like, how is this an easy hike? There were times when I was like, I should go down and stop, but I was stubborn. It was like me fucking up in Orro De Montana State Park and taking scrambling up the cliff side of Mt. Valencia.

But overall, I got up to the top and it was pretty great. I had a great time in the pillboxes and rested a bunch.

I got down around 3ish and then headed back to Waikiki. I didn’t have any plans, so I went to the Rainbow Drive in and got a late lunch. Again, macaroni salad was amazing.

But holy fuck was traffic was a nightmare.

After lunch I went back for a nap and then that evening decided to walk the park that was part of the canal next to the hotel. I walked and walked and walked and traffic was more and more fucked.

After the walk, I explored Waikiki again, knowing that I’d be grabbing a late dinner (for me anyway) at the Korean restaurant across the street from my hotel.

To my surprise it was the Spring Festival. They closed down the main street of Waikiki and vendors setup their little shops to sell. No wonder traffic was bad. I walked up and down the street looking at all of the vendors and the food, swerving in and out of the crowd.

There was a part of me that was like, should I be wearing a mask and another part that was like, glad to experience some pre-pandemic normalcy again.

I managed to get the late dinner at the Korean restaurant and went back to the hotel because I know I had a full day again the next day.

#specialday

The day.

I had a full day planned that day and for the most part, it went according to plan, albeit things go reshuffled.

The first thing I did was my morning walk and coffee.

Then it was off to my first big adventure, hiking Wiliwilinui Ridge Trail. I wrote about my experience in my another year older, another year wiser post so I won’t be writing much about it here.

It was a life affirming hike about my mortality and my will to keep living and not endanger myself. I’m sure it wasn’t as dramatic as I am putting it, but it was a little too dangerous for me being out there alone on my birthday.

Next, I planned on doing the Diamond Head Crater trail. It was packed and crowded. I made the mistake of driving into the park for parking. There wasn’t any and I was impatient, so I left and decided to come back.

Next stop, drive the rest of the island and the next thing on the list was the Lighthouse trail. It was a simple trail up to the main lookout and it gave me beautiful views of Lanikai beach. It definitely was majestic and beautiful.

I thought I would do the Lanikai Pillbox hike next, but I couldn’t find any parking. It’s a popular spot, especially the beach area and I didn’t want to spend my whole day finding parking, so I left. I drove around, thought about food but didn’t stop anywhere.

I then went to the Byodoin Temple. It’s a Buddhist Temple that you walk through and a small garden and a few giant koi ponds.

It was a cool spot to just chill for a bit and get some food, albeit it was fucking expensive as hell. $10 for four gia goi, imperial rolls. But I’m on vacation. I do what I want.

One thing I noticed about Hawaii, besides the many exotic local birds was that there are a lot of free-range chickens roaming around. I’m sure they are wild chickens, chilling, minding their own damn business.

After the temple, it was time to make my way back to Waikiki and I stopped by the Nuuanu Pali Lookout for one final panoramic view of Lanikai and then I was off to Diamond Head.

Instead of paying for parking inside, I decided to park outside at a park. I illegally parked there. I was told by the security guard after I got back from the hike. C’est la vie.

The hike was good. It was very easy and not that strenuous at all. It was all up, but very manageable. I actually made really good time going up.

The views of Waikiki were great and then it was time to go back and rest.

I didn’t know where to go for dinner that night, so I decided to get reservations at Morimoto Asia. Overall, it was good, but it wasn’t great. I’m sure I could have gone to another restaurant that was better and more expensive, but meh. I had a good meal and that was all that matters.

After dinner, I did what I do best and that was walk around Waikiki some more before heading back to the hotel.

The last full day.

I didn’t have much planned besides city walk. The last full days of my vacations are usually left exploring the city.

I decided to walk to Chinatown and explore. It was about three miles away.

After my morning coffee and walk, I went to the International Market to Liliha Bakery for breakfast and had my first Loco Moco. It’s a simple dish, but it was pretty good.

After breakfast and a small rest, I was on my way. I didn’t really have a set schedule or plan, so I slowly made my way there.

I stopped by the Ala Moana mall on the way there. It’s a giant ass mall with a shit ton of stores and a giant food court and many restaurants. I spent some time there and across the street at the park before making my way to Chinatown.

I stopped and checked out the Royal Palace that was on the way and then to Chinatown.

It was dead. It was dying. It was sad.

Some places were setup like a farmer’s market, big open area with different shops and such for produce, meat and ready-made food. Maybe it was a Monday and everything was closed, but holy fuck, it was empty.

I didn’t get anything to eat but found a bar that was open and stopped by there.

After a beer or two, I really thought about ubering or lyfting back, but walked back instead. No rush, no agenda. A leisurely walk.

For dinner I went to a cheap no frills lunch plate restaurant for some garlic shrimp and poke. It was good, but nothing to write home about. I walked around Waikiki some more, caught a final sunset and then got a few beers at the bar downstairs.

I had a later flight on the day I was leaving so I had some time to kill before I head to the airport, extra extra early again.

Morning walk and coffee, took my time in packing and checking out because I wanted to grab some food before I left.

Itchy Butt didn’t open until 10 or maybe 11. I got there when it opened, got my food and found a final lookout to have my lunch.

The fried chicken was amazing. It was a good fried chicken rice bowl, definitely would want to go back.

The view of Waikiki was great and then it was off to the airport and the end of my trip.

Hawaii.

O’ahu.

It was a #specialweek trip to remember, and I will definitely be back to explore other islands. I can’t wait.

Lacking.

I’m lacking….everything.

Seems like that’s been the theme for me this year, lacking.

I’m lacking everything and it’s killing me.

I have no motivation for anything. I have no motivation to live, to work, to enjoy life, to travel.

2021.

Lacking.

Sigh.

Looking back, I don’t know which year was worse, 2020 or 2021, but I think 2021 might have to take the title of Worst Year.

I think with 2020 there was a sense of hope that we can come out of this soon or eventually once we have safety measures in place like vaccines and what not.

2021 came and we have these safety measures and COVID still spreads. Omicron.

Fuck.

2021.

Lacking.

I’m tired. So tired.

Drained of everything that is life affirming.

2021.

Are you over yet?

Lacking.

I put this off for so long. I tried to write this for many days now but I couldn’t start.

Procrastinating as usual.

My yearly bah humbug to all…not sure how it’ll go.

Is it even worth looking back over this year? Do I even want to document this?

2021.

Here we go.

Like last year, it was a GROUND HOG DAY OF A NIGHTMARE but there’s more. The glimmer of hope that things might change and get back together dims every day as we stay work from home and keeping up with precautions.

In general, overall 2021 have been fine on my personal life scale.

For the world? It was a continuation to the disaster of last year in all aspects from Anti-Vaxers to QAnon Dumb Fucks and now we get to tack on Seditionists and Traitors.

Yay..’Murica!

We’re living up to the American dream. We should be damn proud that the sanctity of our democracy is on the brink of collapse.

2021.

Such a shit show.

With COVID spreading again with Omicron after Delta and other strains, we are back to rising infections again, even though we have the vaccine and booster shots.

Thankfully Omicron have milder symptoms even though it is more transmissible.

Let’s see what 2022 have in store for us in terms of new variants and numbers.

Fuck. I don’t even want to think about it.

Fuck you 2021.

2021.

Life overall was fine.

Stayed home like we should and worked.

There weren’t many new things that happened in 2021 except for Galette.

Galette changed up my life in 2021 and overall, it has been for the good, but dude, she’s a wild one.

I do have to admit, slowly but surely, she is warming up my heart.

Relish doesn’t feel the same way, but Galette did add some spiciness and unexpectedness in my ho-hum no frills life. She’s filling a giant hole what was left by Pickles.

She’s one of the only good things of 2021.

I’m happy to see how Galette changed and light up my mom and brother too. I never seen my mom laugh and giggle so much from a dog and it’s heartwarming.

I even see my bro spend minutes petting Galette.

Definitely a welcome addition our home.

For that, 2021, thank you.

Thank you very much for this little bright light that cuts through the darkness of this year.

2021

My old friend is back. He probably was here last year, but he’s coming with a vengeance.

I feel it.

The darkness enshrouds me.

It’s not suffocating like it was when I was younger, but it lingers.

When will he leave? I don’t know.

I don’t know.

Relish.

We made it through another year together.

I know she became more affectionate after Pickles crossed the rainbow bridge. I was worried that she would stop once I got Galette, but no, she’s still trying to get on me and give me some love, kneading biscuits all over my lap. She tries whenever she can even though Galette fights her for my attention.

Relish doesn’t give up.

I love her.

I miss her.

2021.

Work.

Fuck work.

I over work.

I feel so unmotivated to do anything.

I know some of it have to do with the current project I’m working on and I don’t know how to do it and it’s just pressure I’m putting on myself.

I’m happy to have a job, but I’ll be happier if I’m rich and retired.

I’ll continue to truck on, working working, but c’mon….let me hit the lottery or something.

2021.

The year of memestocks and MOASS.

Just do it so I can retire.

I believe it will happen and I’m waiting a little impatiently, but I’ll be holding strong until it happens.

Family

Family is striving and doing well.

2021 – The Year of Family Revisited

Here’s another glimmer brightness of 2021, family.

I decided to drive home during the summer this year for my vacation and brought Galette with me. I wanted my family to meet her and I had no idea how they would react or how Galette would react to them.

From my previous posts and from above, they are getting along swimmingly.

Throughout my time here during the summer I saw a lot of family I haven’t seen in years, even pre-pandemic.

Throughout the year as other family visited CA or me visiting Fresno too, I realize I do miss family and it’s been such a soul nourishing thing that I was definitely lacking the last couple of years.

It was one of the reasons why I decided to drive up over Christmas break too. I can work from anywhere, so it’ll be easier to drive up and take Galette with me and have an extended winter break stay.

Family.

They are important and see how much joy Galette brings them, I want them to have that joy as much as they can.

Family. I love you.

The bright spots of this dreary year.

2021. Thank you for that.

During the summer I was able to see my LA family over July 4th weekend. It was for Great Aunties 91st Birthday. That was the first time that I ever went out and saw so many people and I was glad that I was vaccinated and was able to do it. That was the last time that I saw Great Auntie too. She passed away on October 25th.

She’s in a better place, not in pain, and with Great Uncle. I miss her.

Travel.

Like last year, I didn’t get to travel much. I got one real trip this past year and that was an extended weekend in Paso. I was able to go hiking and enjoy some wine and good food.

That was it. Not much else besides the two road trips home.

Next year, if all things go well, I have a trip to Hawaii and Nashville.

I have two weddings also. One in Fresno and the other back home.

2022. Don’t fuck it up.

Projects

Nonexistent.

I gave up on my art project. I was lacking.

No motivation.

I thought I would get some done during this winter break but nope. Nothing.

Nothing at ll.

I didn’t even cook as much this year either.

Things that I do for meditation, I don’t do anymore.

Lacking.

Sigh.

Socializing.

HA.

Well, besides family there was one happy hour for the RAI girls, but that was about it. Didn’t see many people.

I still try and maintain my Movie Mondays (now Tuesdays) but other than that, I really don’t interact with anyone or hardly ever leave the apartment.

Sign.

Health.

I’m fucked.

Had some heart scares earlier this year and it was just irregular heartbeats that I shouldn’t be worried about.

I should still maintain some exercise to get my heart pumping, but that’s about it.

I did have some knee problems but it turns out that my legs are too tight and needed to be stretched so I’m not overcompensating when I’m walking.

I’m managing my health.

I still have stomach issues and it seems I’m having some issues in my nethers…not that, but something else but I’m not too concerned. Everything is working as it should be.

Mentally, as discussed, I’m NOT OKAY. Not even close to being okay.

2021.

It’s been a tough year. Tougher than most and dare I say, tougher than 2020.

I don’t know what 2022 would bring and I’m too afraid to ask.

I’ll take it a day at a time.

That’s all the power I have and hope for the best and make each day the best.

Maybe I’ll try and get out more, meet more people when it is safe.

Maybe I’ll do some art dabbling and more cooking, but not for a project.

2022.

No expectations. None.

Just live.

Just live and do.

2022.

Just be.

So, here’s to the suckiness that was 2021.

An adieu to you.

2022.

Be gentle. Be kind.

The count. 6.

6.

This would be my sixth entry in this little void of mine this year. This is probably my least output ever.

I’m sure there were years that came close, but I had an excuse, my writing projects.

I don’t have any writing projects this year. Nothing.

With us being in an extended lockdown and this is a new normal, I have nothing going on.

I’m just….un-motivated.

Life.

This is life now.

Procrastination.

Irresponsible.

Just make it through another day.

Make it through another month.

Another year.

Life.

October 25, 2021.

Great Auntie passed away.

Her health had been declining for the past couple of months. She’d been in and out of hospice/hospital and now, she’s at rest.

The funeral will be next weekend, but mom won’t be coming with the pandemic and all. I’ll be there.

I must.

I haven’t gone over to uncle’s that much in the past year or two due to the pandemic. Didn’t want to expose myself or my aunts and uncles because they are older.

Thankfully, after most everyone was vaccinated, I was able to go visit and party with them over the 4th of July weekend for Great Auntie’s 91st birthday party.

It was great seeing everyone again, but sadly that would be the last time I see her.

Work.

Fuck Work.

I don’t know how long it has been, but I’m feeling it.

Maybe it’s been during the whole pandemic, but my old friend is back.

As mentioned before, it’s not the old friend that I grew up with, but the more mature grown-up version of it.

The meh-ness and blah blah of life.

I don’t remember if this is the same one that I went to therapy for or not, but I know it’s here.

It’s different.

I don’t know which is worse, but this one slowly sucks the motivation out of me. It sucks the productivity out of me.

Life.

Just a blahness of meh and mahs.

When will it end?

How can I cope?

I don’t know.

Time?

It’s always time.

Time is the answer for this little passive life liver.

It’ll get better.

The light will shine through.

There will always be light.

It’s been a while.

Well, not that long of a while but a while none the less.

I’m back. I’m home since the last posting.

Overall, my first real family vacation road trip back to the home country went really well.

My mom warmed up to Galette really quick and I never thought I would ever see my mom play with a dog even if it is my dog.

My mom never really interacted with Pickles that much because Pickles was very very chill.

Galette is a different story. Hyper. Puppy with all of that puppy energy.

I loved that they bonded the way that they did.

My bro warmed up to Galette too, albeit a little slower, but eventually caved. The same with my mom, he never really interacted with Pickles because Pickles was much older when they first met and was so much calmer.

Family.

Road trip.

It was good. It was a much-needed trip to see family again after so long apart due to the pandemic.

I made an effort to see most if not all my family that I keep in touch with or care about. I visited and caught up with many of my cousins and their families.

Much needed.

When will be the next time I’ll be up? Christmas?

Possibly. Maybe.

I haven’t decided yet.

I have decisions to make. Do I fly or do I drive?

Should I board Galette for 2-3 weeks or just the week-and-a-half that is break?

If I drive, I can stay up there for an extended time without worrying about Galette or the additional cost of boarding her.

I have decisions to make.

I’m sure I’ll figure something out in the next couple of months, but if I want to fly up, I should get tickets soon.

We shall see.

We shall see.

The weekend after my trip, I went up to Fresno and visited my cousins there.

Their whole family came back from across the country to visit and they wanted me to take family pictures for them.

I happily obliged since I haven’t seen all of them in well over a year also. Last time I saw them was Chinese New Year’s of 2020.

It was good seeing them all again.

Now, I’m back, here, settling into the normal of hermitude.

It feels so good.

So so good.

Normal.

I’ve been cleaning a lot lately.

Deep cleaning.

I don’t know when was the last time I did a cleaning like this, but definitely been a while and I’ve been doing it for the past couple of weeks.

Besides my normal floor sweeping and mopping, I cleaned and wiped down my shelves, deep cleaned the oven and microwave and the fridge.

It’s been a while.

The last time that I went all out was probably 2019 when I knew my mom would stop by the apartment for our trip to Spain.

But since then? I have no idea.

What brought on this bought of cleaning?

New TV?

I bought a new TV and am waiting for delivery.

But is that really the reason or is there something else?

Depression?

I don’t feel depressed. My old friend doesn’t feel like he’s back, but then again, for years, my old friend feels very very different from what I remembered.

I don’t know.

Maybe I’m trying to be better at taking care of myself and my life and my responsibilities.

Maybe I’m tired of not being so lazy.

Maybe.

Now let’s see if I can be a little more responsible with my health and my heart.

I haven’t been following my cardiologist’s advice in doing cardio.

I need to sweat, but I don’t do much.

Overall, I feel fine health wise besides some tightness in my legs and arms.

I need to stretch more.

I need to do a lot more, but just too lazy and irresponsible to.

Hahhaa. I’m a living contradiction.

I need to get better and take care of my shit.

Let’s see when that’ll happen.

Let’s see.

Work.

Fuck Work.

I’m tired of work.

Sigh.

It’s quiet.

Even with a very verbose dog.

Quiet.

I live a quiet life. Tranquil in a way, uneventful.

Whatever events I make or agree to.

Control

I’m such a control freak.

I still can’t believe it.

I really can’t.

I was so confused when my shrink brought that up during our sessions years ago.

It makes sense.

I see it.

I feel it. I just don’t believe it.

Depression.

My Old Friend

Darkness.

Is he back?

I don’t know.

I don’t know.

Home Home.

I’m home.

I’m usually out writing in the morning at the local coffee shop putting my thoughts into this little void of mine.

Not this time.

So many reasons.

1) Covid

Not sure what the policy is but didn’t want to risk it. It’s open and it seems that there are people in there working and there’s no masks.

I put on my mask this morning because I’m so used to having a mask on while being inside.

Apparently the mask mandate will be in effect starting August 23rd. This is the last weekend before it starts up again.

2) Galette

I had Galette with me this morning too. I took an extended walk this morning to get the coffee because I knew that I wasn’t going to go and work inside like I normally would.

As you all know, I don’t trust Galette. She’s new and so untrained that I don’t want to leave her locked up inside and leave her up to my mom and bro to look after.

If she was more like Pickles, then yeah, maybe, but holy fuck, she’s a wild child.

Home home.

The dive up was uneventful.

I was a little anxious because I really didn’t know how well Galette was going to do but she was a trooper.

The only bad thing about Galette was that she was freaking out at the Motel 6. Too many voices and noises that got her barking and growling.

She’s not use to people.

Her life consists mostly of Us.

Me, Relish, and herself.

That’s it.

To hear constant voices and noises around her is troubling, I guess.

I don’t know. Dogs.

Well, she’s crazy.

But on the drive, she’s fine. Didn’t eat or drink, but chilled on the passenger side waiting for the ride to be over or excited when we come to a stop.

She’ll whine when we get to the gas station and I have to leave, but overall, it was good.

I thought she’d throw up or something, but smooth smooth ride.

I didn’t stop by Portland as planned because Julie wasn’t home at that time when I arrived so I plan on visiting them later in my trip.

I head down to Cannon Beach with Galette and swing by on the way back.

I didn’t know how Galette would react to my mom.

I thought she’d go crazy and bark at her like she normally would people that we randomly see on our walks or neighbors that approach her that want to pet her.

I was surprised.

No barking.

She walked up to her a little scared and shaking as my mom got down to her level to say hi.

Definitely surprised.

Same with my bro.

She approached him with apprehension also but warmed up to him when he allowed her to smell him.

So far, everything is good and dandy.

I’m still figuring out our mornings to minimize her barking.

Galette’s still not use to noises around the house and people around the house.

When my bro or mom gets up and moves around making noise, she’ll bark and growl until she sees what it is.

She’ll get used to it.

I hope.

I think she will.

I know she will.

We shall see.

It’s been a while. A long while.

Did you miss me?

Time flew by and I’ve been meaning to do some writing, but next weekend got pushed to the next and the next and on and on.

I’m here now and I don’t know what to write.

Life settled into a new normal even after reaching a new normal and another new normal.

What version of the new normal are we on now?

So, what have happened in the past couple of months?

Since I turned a new number.

42.

Honestly, not much.

Life proceeded like it would, in a trajectory like any other trajectory.

Day turns into night. Night turns into day.

Rinse and repeat.

Rinse and repeat.

Rinse and repeat.

Work.

Work is work. I’m steadily busy, but I find myself finished a little after noon, or one or two, depending on the day. Most days I know I’m done around 3ish when I take Galette for our final walk of the day.

Then I’ll settle down and try to nap.

Work be damned. 4pm be damned.

Work.

It’s been steady.

I got my projects.

Projects finish and I find new projects.

I’m always finding ways to keep busy.

Now, I trying to find all the old café pages that need to be redone so we can get off our old server.

I finished converting and redoing our old eTrack system in PowerApps and that worked. Getting comfortable, I thought it would be a good idea to try and do more.

I’m the over achiever.

I just want to keep busy even though I really don’t want to work anymore.

Other than my shit, I try not to get into people’s shit, but drama always finds a way. Thankfully there really isn’t too much drama.

Covid.

It’s still here.

It’s still a thing and there’s no end in sight.

The Delta Variant.

It runs rampant across the nation and our numbers of infected inflate back to January and February numbers. Back to numbers not seen since pre-vaccines.

Los Angeles implemented masks mandates again.

It’s a new normal.

It even suspended our short-lived return-to-the-office soft opening.

We were open for those who wanted to come into the office and are vaccinated for two whole weeks before we had to start wearing masks inside of the office again.

With that, soft opening cancelled.

I busted my ass off to help during those couple of weeks to get things ready and get users situated.

Sigh.

I don’t even know when we can go back to the office again. Probably not until next year. We have a little over four months left of 2021.

Fucking crazy.

Mental Health Break.

I took an extra extra long weekend during the middle of July. I drove up to Paso Robles again and did a lot of hiking and some wine tasting.

It was a much needed break. I needed to be out in nature breaking my body again.

I did Montana de Oro State Park, Moonshine Beach, Pinnacles National Park, Point Lobos Nature Reserve and Garrapata State Park and took an extra day to go wine tasting.

Much needed rest and reprieve from what life is; the new normal.

Garrapata State Park was very interesting. It’s literally right on the 1. The PCH splits the half.

There are the bluffs and then there are the mountains. I definitely need to go back and do it again.

I can’t wait to retire. I can’t to get rich, cash in, and retired.

I’ll have more time to explore and hike to my heart’s content.

TO THE MOON

To the fucking moon.

Pet life.

Life life.

With each day, I’m learning more and more about Galette.

She’s still a wild child and I still struggle to figure her out. It’ll be a while before I do. It’s not days, or months, but years before I understand her and her language.

Currently I’m battling with her since she has a hot spot on her tail. The fucker won’t stop biting and licking it.

She has a cone on and an inflatable collar. The cone was Pickles’s and is too big for her. But I MacGyvered it and so far, it’s working, but she still manages to get at her tail.

That bitch.

Relish is scared and hides in the closet all day because of the cone. I don’t blame her. I take her out to the living room when Galette and I are in the bedroom at night so she can do her business and eat.

Hopefully Galette’s tail will get better soon.

I’m hoping.

Home.

I’m finally driving home to see mom. I haven’t seen her since our Spain trip way back in 2019. It’s been two fucking years since I’ve seen her and my family. I can’t wait.

I’m driving up with Galette.

Galette seems good in the car, happy to go on car rides even though she’s very weird during the ride, but I think she’ll be okay.

18 hours. That’s going to be a long long drive and I hope she will do okay.

I don’t know what I’m going to do up there. I don’t have anything solid planned. I want to do Cascades National Park, but I am unsure. I’ll have to board Galette since I don’t want to have mom, or my bro watch her.

But there’s a heatwave up north and they are dealing with smoke and fire also. Not sure about the air quality or if it is worth it now.

I’ll play it by air.

I’ll probably do a lot of local hikes and then drive to the Olympic Peninsula and do Lake Quinault again or something.

Galette never been hiking before, or at least with me, so I don’t know how well she’ll do.

She seems to enjoy the long walks we do on the weekend, and she loves the stairs, so maybe she’ll love hiking too.

She will love it.

She will.

Writing.

Life.

Journaling.

I write what’s been happening or what has happened in my life. Journaling it.

I wish I can get back to the old days of my steam of conscience writing, where I just write.

I don’t care what I’m writing about, but I just write.

I put words on “paper” and just write.

Can I get back to that? I don’t know, but I want to.

Maybe since I got this out of the way, maybe I can do that again.

Who knows?

Maybe tomorrow.

Another Year.

That’s a loaded year.

It’s about that time again for my yearly another year older, another year wiser. That another year definitely have a different meaning now.

It’s been a year since we’ve been in quarantine. It’s been a year since I’ve been WFH and not being able to go anywhere. It’s another year where I’m spending my special week at home and not going anywhere or doing much of anything.

Hope and light is within reach. Vaccines are out and anyone 16+ will be eligible within the week.

Will that change anything? Will that take us back to a normal where I can go places and enjoy things? I don’t know.

Here we are. Sigh. Another year older, another year wiser.

42.

I think. I’ll be 42.

I’ll be 42.

So, 41, I bid you adieu and 42, what you got?

Day 2.

Day of.

42.

42.

42.

I’m 42.

A new number.

Just turned a new number.

What is there to say? What is there to write?

I don’t know.

41.

It was a year. It was a year like no other with the pandemic and how things went, but it was a year like any other.

I lived. I learned. I endured.

Over a year of being constrained at home, not being able to go anywhere or have a true break. It definitely was a test to my mental health.

It was a year of severe mental stress and heartache with Pickles.

Loss.

I’ve dealt with the loss of so many people that were close to me. I’m still affected by the loss of my father and I think he’ll always be a hole in my heart.

I never had to deal with the loss of a pet. I never had to make a decision to end the life of something that had been such a large part of my life, my identity for such a long time.

It was painful.

I knew it would be a decision I would have to make, but I didn’t think that I would have made it like that.

I wish the circumstances were better, but life.

41.

41.

Loss.

Growth.

I don’t know what I expected this post to be like.

I usually would sit at Volcano and write. It would take a day or two to finish and it’ll be some kind of conscious flow of what I thought my last number was like.

With the pandemic, I don’t know.

It feels like I don’t know how to do this anymore.

I don’t know how to just do anymore.

What is life, anymore?

What is a number anymore?

There’s no demarcation as when I was 41 or when I am 42. There’s no real marker but a social construct of a calendar.

There’s no physical marker.

All runs the same.

The distinction is small.

I am small.

41.

I persevered, worked, and grew as best that I could. I did the best that I allowed myself given what life is at that moment.

I tried to take care of myself mentally. I tried to cope with things.

There were times when I didn’t handle things well, but ultimately it worked out in the end.

I’m in a place that seems like what normal was.

I’m doing what I do best and that is taking things, taking life, a day-at-a-time.

That’s all that I can do.

That’s all anyone can do.

I think that’s what I learned most about being 41.

Just take things slow. Take things as they come. Don’t think of anything big. Don’t make a big fuss of things if they don’t work out.

It’s just…..just.

There’s no if and or buts about it.

This is life.

41.

Days blur.

They blend and mash into each other, so it feels like it’s just been a single day on repeat.

41.

It was the year of a single day.

Life on repeat.

42.

A new number.

I don’t know what it will bring.

I don’t know if it’ll be any different from the last year, but who knows?

The future is blank.

It’s all unwritten.

42 is a blank canvas like any other new number and for me to paint.

I shed with the old and chip and chip to find the new, the me.

My essence.

I thought about things the other day, knowing that I’ll be writing this eventually.

I thought about the analogy of my life, me, a person as being an onion and I’m shedding my layers as time goes by, slowly, reveling better layers of me.

Then I realize I’m not an onion.

I’m a rock.

I’m a boulder, sitting at the edge of a bluff being crushed by waves.

Day after day, waves crash into me. Small pieces of me break off and dissolve and become smaller rocks, pebbles, sand.

The weak pieces of me crumble with each crash.

Day in, day out.

I’m a boulder. Some days, years, larger pieces will fall.

But in the end, we’ll all weathered all of the stormy weather. We’ll come out different, but in the end, all that stands of you are the parts that are your strongest.

I am a boulder.

I stand tall.

I stand firm.

I brace against the waves.

42.

What storms will I weather?

What will I become at the end?

All I know, a large chunk of me broke off in 41, but I’m still here, stronger than ever, ready to be more defined.

42.

Crash into me.

Bring it.

February.

Who would have thought it’ll be such a wild ride?

Not me. Not I.

But it is.

It’s not even about work. Fuck work.

Just. Fuck. Work.

That’s so draining.

I want to retire.

Happy New Year! Officially 2021 to the Chinese people.

I didn’t do much this year with quarantine and all. I stayed home like the good person that we all should be and cooked me a simple New Year’s Eve dinner and called it a day.

Made some White Cut Chicken, some glass noodle soup with tofu skin, XO sauce shrimp, and roasted pork belly. Simple. Easy.

It was good and a good way to celebrate the New Year by my lonesome.

I took the New Year’s Day off for a mental health day. I was tired and burned out from work and we just got back a month ago at that time. Fuck. Work.

I don’t know.

Life. There’s a lot of not knowing.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned before but I started to look for a new dog a few weeks ago. I sent in a few applications but didn’t really hear back. I heard back from one shelter way out in Apple Valley and they suggest I find something closer.

I asked my ex-neighbor if she’d be a reference for me and she said yes, so she knew I’m looking for a dog and on President’s Day, she texted me asking if I found a dog yet.

There were a few Frenchies that were dropped off at the shelter there and wanted to know if I wanted one. As much as I love Frenchies and think they are cute, they aren’t for me.

I need a more active dog. I need a dog that can breathe, especially if we go hiking. Not something that’ll poop out on me walking around the block. Maybe when I’m older, I’ll get one.

Plus, they are so small and so popular, I can’t tie them outside while I go shopping.

But I got a new dog. There’s been a dog that I saw on the Rescue’s IG and was curious about it and thought it was a good time to ask about it.

Everyone, meet Galette:

Galette is a tiny little thing compared to Pickles. She’s 22lbs even though they listed her as 30. I’m assuming that’ll she’ll be up to 30lbs max. Pickles was 50. That’s a big difference.

She’s a year-old Shepherd/Cattle Dog Mix. Galette is no Pickles, but that doesn’t make her any less loveable.

Since the two weeks I’ve had her, I’m still trying to learn her language and her quirks. Galette’s very affectionate and a big licker. She doesn’t like to be alone and loves to just chill. Sometimes I’ll just chill in the bedroom by herself.

Unlike Pickles who’s always attached to the hip or for the most part keeps in the same room as I am. Galette loves to sleep under the blanket or on top of me. I remember when Pickles was younger and would chill with me on the couch. As he got older, he didn’t do that anymore. I would have to force him.

Galette loves chewing on things, especially the tissue paper that I have laying around. She’s gone through one stick of chap stick already and ate a $5 bill.

The most important thing is how she’s around Relish. At first Relish was afraid, didn’t like to be around Galette. Relish would zoom right into her hiding spot in the closet, but as the days progressed, she’d become brave enough to venture out and observe things.

Relish and Galette are “interested” in each other, acknowledging each other, but aren’t BFFs. I don’t know if they’ll ever be, but it doesn’t seem like Galette’s predator instinct is kicking in and wanting to eat Relish, which is a relief to me.

Relish protects herself by hissing and swiping at Galette.

I’m so relieved that I don’t have to worry about that.

Galette doesn’t like to be alone. Doesn’t like to be locked in her crate while I leave the apartment to run errands and what not. She will need to learn, because a puppy alone in the house, that’s destruction. I learned from Pickles. Crate will be the way.

This is the way.

Galette doesn’t like National Blvd. She doesn’t like the busy streets or cars or traffic. I don’t know what her story is before the shelter, but I’m curious. She was a stray, but now she’s found a home.

In many ways, she’s testing my patience with her constant affection and chewing, but I’m sure once I learn her language and we all settle into a routine, things will be grand.

Galette’s very smart. She’s picked up on my sit command, but I’m still trying to learn her tells and needs, especially when she needs to go to pee. She’s peed in the apartment so many times already, on my floor mats. Sigh. It seems Galette’s been pad trained. I need to get better at training her.

Work from home has its perks. I’m able to spend more time with Galette and teach and train her. Going back to the office will be so different once we have the option to go back to the office. I’ll most likely continue to work from home, going into the office 2-3 days a week, if that.

We shall see.

Stonks!

Stocks.

I’m being proactive and taking on investing more in the market. Most of this all started with the Meme Stocks of GME and AMC among others during a short squeeze.

I’m sure if you Google Meme Stocks or GameStonk you’ll get articles upon articles of what is happening.

I’m all wrapped up in it. I have money invested and am #diamondhands on my holdings.

I’m not lying when I say I want to retire. I don’t want to work anymore.

So far, I’m down. Of course, I’m down. Again, money doesn’t come easy to me. I need to work and earn it, not win it.

With everything that happened in this investment wild ride, I moved all of my holdings out of Robinhood and moved to my Vanguard account. Fuck Robinhood.

There’s just a lot of shady shit that happened, like the restricting of buying of these meme stocks but allowing us to sell it. I don’t trust them, so I moved and not a customer anymore.

Vanguard allowed me to buy the meme stocks without any restrictions.

I hope that I’ll make some profits, but if not, at least I was a part of this history.

Let’s see if we go to the moon.

#diamondhands