Come on skinny love just last a year

I’m just hoping I could finish out this year without any big problems. I can’t wait for the year to be over.

It’s been rough.

Work.

I need to stop caring. I need to let things go. The control freak in me won’t allow me to do that, but it has to learn.

Stop caring.

I don’t care about many things, but for some reason, with work, it’s a little bit different. I guess it affects me and I’m the one that is facilitating the big transition and I just want it done right.

I guess that’s my thing, because I’m taking care of it, I have a need to make sure everything goes right.

I can’t blame anyone but me if things don’t.

Hence, I care.

I need to have faith on the others on the team. A new PM came on board and I think we’ll be in safer hands.

I think I can start letting things go and have faith that she’ll steer us in a good direction, to see things through, and be on top of things.

I need to have faith.

I have to trust it.

Let it go.

I have to, for my own sanity.

Until this is over over and we find a new balance of work, I’m going to find ways to help me relax.

I need to get back into living a healthier lifestyle.

Meditation.

Yoga.

Exercise.

Sensory deprivation.

I need to focus on my health.

Let’s do it.

* * *

My stomach issues are back again.

I thought it was the magnesium that I was taking, but I stopped and now the cramps are back again.

I now have to figure out what I ate that is causing the problem.

What’s the trigger?

It’ll be a long process but it’ll be something that I have to get serious about. I don’t think I can fucking survive if this is a constant thing.

All my tests results have returned negative, so it has to be my diet.

Maybe after the holidays, when I have more control over my diet, I’ll get back on another cleanse to get my stomach back into shape. I’ll be more diligent on logging everything I’m eating and figuring out what it is that is fucking me up.

Seriously, fuck my life. Fuck it.

I need to control my stress eating too. It doesn’t help, but I guess stress eating is better than stress drinking? Win?

In my book, that’s kind of a win.

* * *

Can’t explain all the feelings you’re making me feel / My heart’s in overdrive and you’re behind the steering wheel

The Darkness just came on and of course Ms. Goodbar pops in my head.

It’s her jam. It’s her singing in the shower song.

It’s interesting to see how our relationship and our interactions have blossomed after that little going away happy hour.

Before, it’ll just little smiles here and there with our passing glances and now, there’s some flirtation going on.

It’s nice. It’s a little playful, and it’s definitely much needed distraction from most everything else at work.

* * *

Motivation.

I don’t have much motivation to watch any of my shows anymore.

It’s not that they are boring, though, some are, I think it’s just that there is so much content out there that I just don’t want to watch anything anymore. There’s a sense of FOMO if I miss something, so I just say fuck it and not watch anything.

All I want is to surf the web, look at memes, read the news and possibly read a book.

I don’t know. Maybe, hopefully, it’s just a phase because of all the stress that I’ve been going through and I need some different kind of mind numbing stimulation.

I know that the above statement is along the lines of an oxymoron, “mind numbing stimulation”, but it works.

C’est la vie.

I think I’m just going to go home, throw on a show, movie or even some stand up and just cook and forget the world.

Ahhh, to forget the world.

Sounds great.

Sounds awesome.

Bliss.

Forget.

The world.