It’s been a while.

I’m back.

Here I am.

I took a few weeks away to focus on some work and classes.

Here I am, now.

A break. A break from the chaos.

I much needed break from everything. Most likely I’ll get back to the struggle tomorrow, but that’s another day and today is the day.

A break.

Life.

What has been happening in the past month or so?

Life.

May was a blur. Work. Just work.

Projects and projects and projects.

Blur.

There was some fun that happened during the month, like the Media Awards, but there were some disasters too.

The Shit Show that was the All Agency Meeting.

It was an outdoor meeting that was named after the Fyre Festival.

Shit Show.

It rained. It poured. Thunder and lightning.

Very very frightening.

So, what happened?

Chaos.

We called it quits and moved everything inside and had a party.

Drinks flowed.

Body flowed.

Craziness.

I got shit faced, but eventually near the end, I sobered up enough to get to Sonny McClanes.

Surprisingly, I didn’t drink much there.

I think I had a great time. I chatted with GiNardi for a bit and I played darts with Sam.

That was totally unexpected, and I enjoyed it. We didn’t really talk or anything, just played darts.

She’s cute. She’s cool and we’ll just leave it at that.

By 10, I was gone. I left and walked back to the office and drove home.

The morning was no fun, but at least I didn’t go overboard.

That’s a blessing.

It was a great reprieve from work and the stress that I’m under.

I’m managing it better than I thought, but still. But still.

Work.

That’s my life now.

Work.

May.

I hate that month.

Haven’t been a fan of it since dad passed away and the Universe knows it.

Work.

What a shitty month and it’s encroaching through June.

What a shitty time, indeed.

May.

It was the Asian Pacific American Heritage Month.

The Asians of the RPA Represent committee that was managing the Heritage Month asked me to participate in the panel and I did.

The theme was finding “One’s Voice”.

I did my best. I hope they enjoyed it and felt that I had some value and insight to add, which I don’t know if I did.

The biggest thing that I kept hearing about the panel and about my contribution was that I was very honest about everything and it was refreshing.

I was also the comic relief.

Overall, I had a good time participating.

They recorded the panel and was hoping to post it on the Agency’s Social Media, but I haven’t seen it.

Maybe they won’t.

Who knows?

A break.

A Mental Break.

Away from the madness. Away from the stress.

Away….from people.

I decided to take a long weekend away and didn’t really decide on a place. Finally decided on Las Vegas.

Vegas.

I know. Definitley not my usual, but it was more about it being so close to the Grand Canyon Skywalk more than anything else. It’s only an hour-and-a-half away.

Easy breezy.

Seems that there are quite a few good places to hike around there too. It’ll be hot and dry, so I’m unsure how far and how much hiking I can handle, but it’s worth exploring.

Worse comes to worse, I can just chill on the strip and watch shows.

Who knows?

I just need to get away from work and not think.

Me, thinking, is a problem.

I need a break.

I need a break from everyone.

From everything.

I know that my #specialweek was a little over a month or so ago, but man, I feel like I’m on the verge of losing everything.

Control, slips.

I need it.

A break.

A mental break.

Gone.

Done.

Away.

It’ll be something to look forward to in the next few weeks.

It’ll push me to finish up whatever is outstanding and come back fresh and pick up where I left off.

It’ll be something.

A light.

Getaways.

I need more.

Sigh.

Done and done.

Sedona.

Arizona.

For my last trip #specialweekend trip in my 30s, I decided to make it a full week and to go to Sedona.

I always try to incorporate a trip around my birthday and thought it’ll be a great place to go.

These trips of mine are to explore and to celebrate myself. It started a few years ago when I went to Chicago by myself back in 2010.

The years prior, I don’t remember what I did or if I did anything.

But now, it’s a thing I try to do every year.

Now it has grown to be something that includes nature and hiking. I don’t get enough of that in my life in this concrete jungle where I live.

Nature helps me relax. It’s my meditation. It’s my Zen.

Sedona.

Arizona.

Nature.

Instead of driving to Sedona, which is about 7-8 hours, I decided to fly instead.

It’s a reasonable trip to drive. I’ve driven further, to Flagstaff for example before, but opted to fly and rent a car to finish the last two hours instead.

I’m trying to get out of the mindset of needing to drive everywhere for these types of trips. it started a few years ago when I flew into El Paso to go to Carlsbad Caverns National Park.

It’s a way to break out of the mold and to find different means of travel.

In hindsight, I could have driven, and it would have been okay, but it was fine that I flew.

Sedona.

Arizona.

Overall, I enjoyed it.

It was a much-needed break from work.

It was a much-needed meditation break to recenter myself and destress from everything that is going on at the agency.

It was the perfect getaway.

I think I did everything that I had planned to do.

I hit up all the vortexes to get my spiritual energy on.

I hit up some of the most popular hikes in the area.

I had some good food.

I even did things that I wasn’t expecting, like drive through a snow and hailstorm.

I did some wine tasting and did many touristy things.

I did everything.

I had an amazing time.

I slept well and most importantly, I feel relaxed, which was the point of the trip.

Day 1:

The flight to Phoenix and drive to Sedona was uneventful.

I checked into the Hotel & Resort and right away made my way to the first Vortex, Bell Rock.

The trail head was just a quick 1/4 mile away and I could see it from my hotel.

The weather was great, not too hot and not too cold. The sun, blazing.

I started the hike close to 4pm. I walked the mile to Bell Rock and then started the climb. It was kind fun to climb on Bell Rock and explore. It wasn’t too steep or dangerous. It wasn’t like Angel’s Landing in Zion. Manageable. Easy.

It seems like that’s the theme of Sedona, climb the attraction.

Vortex Map

According to the map, Bell Rock strengthens both the masculine and feminine energy, and the balance. I know that I felt calmer and relaxed while I was there. I’m not sure if it was because I’m on vacation, relaxing, or the energy.

But it felt great.

After the climb, I decided to extend my hike to the Courthouse Butte trail. It’s right there and I wanted more miles. It was an easy and long trail back to the trailhead. One giant loop.

There, I turned my ankle a bit, but thankfully it wasn’t too bad. I had to ice my ankle that night after dinner, knowing that I had almost a full week of hiking to do. I didn’t want to fuck it up anymore.

After the hike, I took a quick shower and went to dinner. Elote was my plan, but it was closed, so I opted for a recommendation by the hotel. It didn’t look good when I got to downtown Sedona, so I went to another restaurant, Saltrock.

That was much better. They had a great street corn dish. Very similar to the elote street corn dish I made a few times. The pork shank was good but needed more salt and that tres leches cake was good. Very interesting. The fruit was a great addition, but the fruit jam or sauce needed to be presented in a different way.

Overall, it was a great start to the trip.

Day 2:

This was the first full day in Sedona. This was the day that I planned to do the most, in terms of doing the most things, hiking the most places.

I had planned to do the following:

Chapel of the Holy Cross
Airport Mesa
Devil’s Bridge
Boyton Vortex
Cathedral Rock
Red Rock Crossing Vortex
Red Rock State Park*

I already knew it was too ambitious and I was right. I had to remove a few of these.

I got to Cathedral Rock at around 7 in the morning. It was an interesting hike.

This one followed the theme of çlimb the attraction. Overall it was an easy climb, but there were a few spots that were a little tricky if you were carrying a lot or don’t have good grip on your shoes.

I packed my camera in my bag when I was climbing up, since I didn’t want to bang it against the rocks while I was climbing.

I got to the top and chilled. I enjoyed the views, snapped my pictures, and just relaxed. I tried not to rush myself and just enjoy the hike and to soak in the Vortex vibes.

Cathedral Rock and Red Rock Crossing are both filled with Feminine energy. It’s all things good. I need good things in my life. I need good vibes in my life.

Soak it up.

Soak it up.

I started down the rock and got to the main trail and followed it down to the creek. Apparently on my google maps, that’s where the Red Rock Crossing Vortex is.

It’s an easy hike with a slight descent down to the valley. Wasn’t too strenuous. I was alone for most of the hike while hiking down. I got to “spot” and just rested. I got on a giant rock on the creek and sat and ate my breakfast. I chilled.

I felt energized. I felt calm.

I felt great.

It’s amazing what a little nature can do for you. It’s amazing what getting out of the city and enjoying the lush greens and the outdoors can re-energize your body and soul.

Peace.

Tranquil.

Solitude.

Zen.

It was time to go. I had so much to do. I enjoyed my hike back to Cathedral Rock and that’s when it got busy.

People were littered all over the rock, waiting for their turn to climb up or down. I was glad that I got there early.

Next stop, Devil’s Bridge.

This is one of the more popular hikes in Sedona, because of the picturesque views and, you are standing on top of a “bridge” and everyone wants to get their photo taken.

The hike was easy. It’s a quick 3.6-4 miles round trip from the overflow parking lot that is close to the main road. The main parking lot is about a mile in, but you’ll need a high clearance vehicle to drive up the dirt road. Everyone just walked it instead.

The interesting part of the trail was the ascent. You’ll need to climb up these makeshift stairs to get to the top of the ridge. Not too hard, but you’ll need to watch your step and be careful. It’s narrow and if you slip, it could be bad.

The top was crowded. That’s where many people are waiting in line to get on top of the bridge to get their picture taken. Many who are afraid just sit and watch, relaxing and resting up for the hike back down. I asked a couple to take my picture for me when the line was short.

Overall, it was a good hike with a great view of the area.

Instead of going back to my car, I decided to go to the info center at the main parking area. There I met a few older ladies who were interested in the hike. I told them that the trail to the bridge, the one I took wasn’t very picturesque. It wasn’t. You’ll get better views taking the longer trail. It turned out to be strenuous. Not sure if they took my advice or not. I felt bad after I realized that, but I was already gone.

Next stop, Boyton Canyon Vortex.

The area was down the road a few miles. That’s where the main spa resort is. I missed the turn and went in a different direction but managed to find my way back to area. The whole hike through Boyton Canyon was 2.8 one way. I decided just to go do the vista instead. That was a closer 3/4 of a mile hike. Maybe even that round trip.

The hike was easy. A small include up to the vortex and from the top you can see the whole spa resort. It kind of ruins the view, but that’s all right. It was a quick and easy and I got another Vortex under my belt. One more to go.

At this time, it was around 11:30. I did all of this well before the afternoon. My next hike will be Airport Mesa.

I got back to the parking lot and that’s when my car issue started. The damn fucking rental won’t start. I don’t know what the problem was. Was it too hot inside? Brake issue? Starter? Batter?

I had no idea. After about 10 minutes of trying, the car finally started. I’d been paranoid of my car ever since.

I stopped in for lunch at a restaurant on Hwy 89A before I headed to my last hike. At that moment, according to my Fitbit, I was at 12 miles already. A rest, a burger, and a beer were warranted. I fucking earned it.

Airport Mesa.

Airport Mesa. It was probably the messed-up hike of the day and probably my trip.

Overall, the hike wasn’t hard. The views of the valley were amazing. It was just the hot sun pounding down on you and the fact that I lost the trail.

The trail at one part was just badly marked. You come to a T and you can go left or right. The path both look well maintained. I went right. Wrong. I think I wandered around for 30 minutes trying to find my way and then I backtracked and took the other route and there was the fucking trail sign. Should have put it at the T.

By the time I finished, I was drained. I was done hiking. 16 miles. Done and done.

I went back to the hotel. It was about 4pm or so. I showered, put up my pictures and took a fucking nap.

For dinner, I went to the Italian restaurant down the street from the hotel. Overall it was good, not great. The meatballs were good. I pasta, was all right. It was interesting, something that I wasn’t expecting. Tiramisu, good, not great. Standard.

But what I really enjoyed about the place was the service. It was good service. But I don’t know whether it was because I was so fucking relaxed and so Zen about everything, but I thought the situation was great.

I haven’t been that relaxed or felt that rested and not stressed in so long. It was amazing.

Even my experience with the hostess was different. Maybe it’s her or maybe it’s the trained service, but she was very very hospitable. I thought that she may be flirting with me, but I wasn’t sure.

I walked in and she stopped me at the front door. She may have finished showing someone to the door and I told her I would like a table for one. She said sure and she’ll show me to my table in a bit. I sat and there were other hostesses at the front podium inside the restaurant. I think my hostess went to the back to take off her coat or something. She came back and showed me to my table outside.

As I was sitting down, she asked if I’ve been to Sedona before and all that jazz and then she went and asked for my name. That was a first for me. No hostess has ever asked for my name for a walk-in and she shook my hand. She told me it was her favorite restaurant in Sedona before she started to work for it.

She was cute. Blonde. Maybe that helped set me relax and set my mood for the night. But again, man, I haven’t been that relaxed in a long time.

Maybe it was the vortexes.

Maybe it was the long hike.

Maybe it was me being on vacation.

I don’t know, but fuck, it was an amazing feeling.

Day 3:

The last day of hiking in Sedona.

I planned to do the West Fork Trail that day and moved the things that I couldn’t finish from the day before to it too.

Red Rock State Park and the Chapel of the Holy Cross.

I did some research of the Chapel of the Holy Cross the night before and to my ignorance, I thought it was like a rock, but it was an actual Chapel. There’s a short hike to it from some parking lot or I could have taken a longer trail. I haven’t decided what to do but knew that it was on my list of things to do that day. It came at the end.

West Fork Trail.

I know that this is one of the popular hikes of Sedona. It’s a hike where you follow the Oak Creek and have to cross it 13 times before you come to the end.

The trail was about 6-8 miles round trip, depending how far you go. I went as far as I could have gone. I woke up and left early in the morning, hoping to beat the crowd. Unfortunately, it doesn’t open until 8AM.

There was another car ahead of me and then another showed up later. I decided to wait, since I got nothing going on and then they decided to let us park near the entrance and to just pay the fee and put it in an envelope. I was fine.

I got in and started my hike. For me, the hike was about 4+ miles one way. It was easy. Pretty flat and the water crossing was fun.

The sights were beautiful. It was a very very beautiful hike and I was glad that I managed to do it.

But holy fucking hell, it was fucking cold. I had to hike with my hoodie on the whole time. Cold.

When I got to the end, I rested. I chilled by the little creek eating my breakfast. Relaxed. Zen.

Solitude is bliss.

Tranquil.

Quiet.

On the hike out, I passed by so many people. There were so many groups on the trail. It is a very very popular hike. I’m glad I got there early in the morning and was the first in. I can’t imagine waiting in line during the crossings.

Red Rock State Park.

It wasn’t until I did some research about the park that I realized how small the park is. There’s only a combined 5-6 miles of total trails in the park.

Small.

Very small, but there were some good and easy hikes here.

I love combining trails and doing a giant loop and that’s what I did.

I finished my first hike by combining three trails together and then I decided to finish the other trails that I bypassed. I think I got close to finishing all 5-6 miles of trails in the park.

Again, small.

But worth the trip.

The hike was all in the sun. No shade. Very little shade.

Off and gone, my last thing of the day, Chapel of the Holy Cross.

I decided not to hike it but instead just drive up to it.

I was pleasantly surprised by it. It was interesting to see the church built on the cliffs of the red rocks. Beautiful. Just beautiful.

The chapel is small. The first level is where the service is held, and underneath is the gift shop.

Just down the hill from the Chapel is a giant mansion. Not sure who’s mansion it is. I wonder if it is the pastor’s? I guess we know where all the donations are going, if it is the pastor’s.

I lit a candle and said a prayer. I’m not religious, but it doesn’t hurt, right?

It was back to the hotel, shower, and nap.

Elote was for dinner.

No reservations and it opens at 5pm.

I got there at 5 and the line was out the door already. Apparently, people arrive at 4:30 and wait in line to get in at 5pm. Should have known.

It was about an hour wait for me, which worked out great because it meant I was eating closer to my normal time of eating.

Overall, the food was pretty damn good. I got the Elote corn dip and the deep-fried goat cheese balls. I do have to say that the Elote I had at Saltrock had a little more flavor and spice than here, but still good. The fried goat balls were great and then I got the pork cheeks for dinner. That was damn good. One doesn’t normally see pork cheeks on a menu. You must order it.

For dessert, tres leches ice cream over a corn cake. It was good. Not great.

Overall, a good experience.

I then went back to the ice cream shop near my hotel for another dessert.

It was my last night in my 30s. Fuck it.

Fuck it was right.

Fuck it.

Day 4:

My #specialday.

Petrified Forest National Park.

It’s my last day of nature adventure.

It’s about a two-and-a-half-hour drive from Sedona to the National Park and it was an eventful drive.

I got out of the door like on most days, like a quarter after 6:30 in the morning. Instead of following Google Maps, I took what I knew, 89A north. Might as well finish the Oak Creek Drive to get where I needed to go.

What I wasn’t expecting was the weather taking a turn for worse from what it was the day before.

It was beautiful the day before. That day? Not so much.

About 20 minutes into my drive, I got to patch where it was snowing. It was fucking snowing.

That patch was about 10 minutes of my drive. I honestly thought about turning around and say, fuck it. But I was on the road and I remembered the weather at the park and it was okay.

I soldiered on.

The snow wasn’t bad. I was more worried about the visibility than anything else. It was dry snow and not sticking to the ground. Soon, I broke through and the drive was smooth sailing from there, until I exited early.

Again, I didn’t follow the instructions but followed the signs instead. In hindsight, it turned out to be a blessing.

I didn’t know what to expect at the park. I thought it would be a National Park like Yosemite, where you go, park and do your thing. Nope, not much.

It’s a drive through park, something similar to Canyonlands, Capital Reef, and Crater Lake National Park.

You can enter through one entrance and then out the other side without having to backtrack.

I entered through the back entrance. I stopped by the Visitor Center and spoke to the guides on what to do.

Easy.

Drive through. There are many stops along the way and then leave.

Easy.

The park was cold. The fucking wind really killed it. Strong winds. Cold. There were times when it had hail and the dry snow.

Not a good day, weather wise to go to the park. It made me not want to really explore, but since I’m here, I soldiered on.

Soldier away.

Overall, weather aside, it was pretty good day.

The park was interesting.

I don’t know why they called the whole thing Petrified Forest National Park though. There weren’t too many petrified forests.

There were, but not forest like. They were scattered throughout the park.

The petrified wood was pretty cool, all petrified into many different crystals and colors.

The rest of the park were views of Painted Hills. It would have been a better name.

The east half of the park, the painted hills were purple. The west was more red.

The best part of the park was being able to walk through the purple painted hills. That was awesome.

Of course, I ran across some Asian tourists and they went off trail.

Ugh.

But overall, it was a good day.

I left the park around 1:30 and got back to the hotel close to 4pm.

Of course, the weather was the same on the drive back. There were some hail and snow.

For dinner, on my #specialday, I decided to go to the Steakhouse instead. I thought about Mariposa, but it was just too crowded. The couple from Seattle that I sat next to at Elote said it was good, but expensive. They were seated at the bar since 4:30 and they couldn’t order dinner food until 5:30.

So, The Steak House 89 it was. Overall, it was okay. The food was okay. The steak was just okay. It was chewy. Like really chewy.

I wasn’t expecting it to be chewy, but it was.

After dinner, dessert. Gelato. It was great.

It was a great caper for my birthday.

Day 5:

Playing tourist.

On my full day in Sedona I decided to play tourist. No hiking. No nature.

Be a tourist in the city and do whatever touristy things you do while in Sedona.

It was my first day of sleeping in also.

My first stop, Jerome. I took my time driving up to the city. I really didn’t have anything planned so I played it by ear.

I drove up, parked, and then went to get breakfast. I knew I was going to do some wine tasting that day, so I needed something to fill my stomach.

After, I went to the Jerome Historic State Park. It was a small little house museum type thing that showed the history of the city. Jerome, the biggest little ghost town of the states. I watched the little video about the city, and it was interesting.

It’s an old mining town and when the mining boom slowed, the town slowly died. Now it’s just a kitschy touristy area.

Overall, it was pretty chill. After, I went back to the city and just walked. I explored like I normally do and then I tried some wineries.

I tried two while I was there. Arizona wine is really really different from California wine. Smoother, lighter, it seems.

Very different. Not many bold notes or flavor that I’m used to.

Just different.

Then I drove back to Sedona. The city was packed with tourists. Finding parking in their many limited free parking lots was time consuming.

I didn’t know what I was going to do either, so I just explored. I walked the small strip, finding stores, and things that interested me.

I knew I was going to get some crystals for Naga and possibly for myself and get an Aura photo.

I got something that I knew was fitting for me in terms of crystals and what I thought would be fitting for Naga. She said she liked it. She’s into that type of stuff.

I didn’t know what to expect when it came to the aura photo. I thought they’d put me in a dark room with some gadgety camera to pick up whatever lights that they think is necessary to put an aura around me. I’m sure that is some of it, but I wasn’t expecting to put my hand on an electro-ball-sensor thing to feed off my energy.

It turns out my aura is blue. Which is what I thought it was anyway. I think I made a post here a few months back about what I thought my aura was when I went floating.

Speaking of which, I think I need to go again.

I got like a 30-page report that discusses all the different colors and something that is catered more towards my color. It’s pretty much what I expected, knowing me and who I am. Overall, not bad.

Next, a psychic.

I didn’t think I was going to do it. I think it was by happenstance and possibly accident that I did. I wanted to check out what was upstairs at this little strip mall thing. I walked up and an old lady saw me and started to get up. Fuck. She saw me and I was too afraid to turn around.

Turned out she was a psychic, so I said fuck it. I got a 15-minute reading. It was a tarot reading.

Instead of all my other readings that I got, when she asked me what I wanted a reading on, I told her whatever. General. I’m open to anything. I usually would ask for love. But I was going to buck tradition and be like whatever about love.

I didn’t know what I was expecting, but from the first card, she told me that whatever big thing I was working on, the spirits or whatever energy she was tapping into said that it is going to work out okay. The project will be a success.

So, I’m guessing from that reading, my database project where I’m knee deep in will work out okay. Everything will be great. The project will be a success.

I’m fucking ecstatic about that news…if it is true. But, I’m open to any energy that is going through me.

Calm. Relaxed.

So, the rest of the reading was mainly geared toward my life and work and project. The project will be a success. I have an opportunity to be an entrepreneur on whatever it is that I’m working on. I am a “consultant” for the media department, so that is kind of like it.

I need to tap into my artistic abilities so I can relax and meditate and get answers if I’m stuck. I need to get out of my head and stop thinking so much and let whatever flow, flow through me.

I do need to take some breaks and get away into nature to relax and reenergize which I try to do as often as I can get away.

For the last card, I pulled a Giving/Receiving card. She asked me if I’m a giver? and Yes, I seem to be a giver, rather than a receiver. I need to start allowing people to give me stuff and to receive stuff from other people. I need to nurture that side of me, so it doesn’t get blocked. Balance.

Be open.

Touristy stuff. Last day.

Psychic readings, aura photos, and crystals.

Sedona.

Vortexes and energy.

Calm. Tranquil. Solitude.

It was much much needed.

After, I was done. I was done exploring Sedona. I was done playing tourist. There wasn’t much to do afterwards.

I drove back to the hotel and read my little aura profile and took a nap.

For my last dinner, I went cheap. I went simple. I didn’t want to drive or explore, so I went to a Thai place that was within walking distance. Simple pad thai and a duck dinner.

Simple.

Simple.

The next morning, I went home.

Done and done.

Another year down. Another #specialweekend and #specialweek trip in the books. It was my last one in my thirties, welcoming me into my forties. A new decade.

A new number.

It was a great and meditative and calming trip. Something that I hope my forties and my future would be.

Calm.

Balanced.

Me.

Bring it.

Back back.

Here I am, fingers tapping, getting back to the muscle memory of doing this again.

It’s that time again; another year older, another year wiser.

39.

39.

39.

Out with the old, in with the new.

40.

40.

40.

I rolled a new number mid-week and I’m in a new decade.

I wrote a few weeks ago that I think It’ll be a very emotional decade, considering all the feelings I have about my father.

He never lived past his 40s and now I’m in it.

There’s so much to unpack, there’s so much to wonder and ponder, but they are all in the future and nothing is guaranteed except for time.

Time will always march on in that steady drum and I can only wait and see what happens.

So, here we go.

Another year older, another year wiser.

Here’s to 39.

Adulting.

It’s about damn time I become an adult, right?

I made a decision to embrace being an adult when I hit 40.

No more long hair. No more pig tails or man buns.

Besides that, I don’t know what else it means to be an adult.

Technically, I’m an adult, but I don’t feel like an adult.

So, for some reason, I decided to become one when I hit 40.

How will my life change? I have no idea. No clue. I don’t even know how to start to be an adult.

I guess I’ll do what I do best and wing it.

39.

It was the year of transitioning. I gave myself a year to work on being an adult, so when I turn 40, I’ll be ready to go.

I grew my hair out and got a proper haircut and that’s a start.

Looking back at this number, I do have to say it was a great number.

It was a trying number in terms of work and stress, but it was a great number in overcoming those issues and problems and handling my shit.

I didn’t lose my shit and I guess that’s an adult thing to do.

39.

With each year, I grow. I get more comfortable in my own skin.

It finally feels like it belongs to me. I feel at home. It’s not perfect, but it was never meant to be perfect.

It’s flawed. It’s ugly. It’s a work in progress. That’s what it was meant to be.

39 was another great year in that work in progress.

Not going how I thought it would go. Actually, didn’t have any clue on how things should go.

Where to start?

Where to go?

39.

I wrote in this void of mine a few weeks ago that I’ve been on a growing kick for about the last five years. It was brought on by therapy and me shedding the weight and the guilt of my father’s death.

I got my head wrapped about something bad and I had my breakthrough and release that guilt, my life changed. I’ve grown.

I’ve become more optimistic and more confident.

This past number reflected that.

I noticed with how I approach things at work with my projects and I see it in how I interact with my peers and friends at work.

39.

It was the year that I thought about my future and my finances. I thought about investing and retirement.

I upped my 401K contributions and opened a ROTH IRA account to go along with my other funds.

I honestly don’t want to be working anymore. I don’t want to work till I die. Not in this manner.

Maybe my bro got it right, retire and find a small job that you enjoy doing to supplement your retirement money. Him, gardening.

Me, I don’t know.

It’s time.

Adulting.

Think about the future. My future.

Plan ahead.

Adulting.

Times are tough. Times are different.

Better to be prepared for it than dying by it.

Adulting.

39.

It was another year of growth.

It was a year of transitioning to an adult.

It was a year of investing, not just my money, but my skill-sets; going back to school and taking classes to learn new skills that will help my future.

It was a year of thinking about my job and where I see myself or what I see myself doing in the future.

Invest in myself.

Adulting.

39.

I’m making adulting choices that will benefit my future.

These are things that everyone needs to think about and it’s about time that I do.

39.

Adulting.

Day 2.

Here we go.

39.

Growth.

Social growth.

Being around people has gotten easier and easier.

I’m anti-social.

I’m a hermit.

I prefer not to hang out, but I do. Again, as iterated so many times on this little void of mine, I go out on my terms.

Things gotten easier and easier on this front as I gotten older.

It comes with the mysterious optimism and now the self-confidence that came out of nowhere.

People see me in such a different way than I do.

Maybe I should be seeing myself as how they see me?

I think I find myself in a happy medium between my two worlds.

Socializing had become easier.

Sure, I didn’t go to that many happy hours this past number or that many events, but I do when asked.

Me signing Karaoke surprised me.

Growth.

Confidence.

It grows.

39.

With each number, I’m being more ME than the prior year.

That’s how life should be.

That’s how each year should be.

If you aren’t growing every year, you aren’t living.

If you aren’t finding yourself and trimming the excess, you aren’t you.

Work on yourself.

Be a better you.

I think 39 was that.

It was a year of conscious change.

It was a year of planned evolution.

Growth.

39.

A year of transition. A metamorphosis from one stage to another.

Adulting.

My new state.

40.

It’ll be another year of trimming. It’ll be another decade of trimming.

40s.

It’s starting.

What will my future bring?

What will this new decade bring?

I don’t know.

Like every number, like ever new year, it’s a blank slate. Wiped clean or painted over the existing layers of myself for a new masterpiece to be painted.

Adulting.

I know that it means one thing, but I don’t know exactly what it means.

I’ll embrace it, whatever it means.

Another year older, another year wiser.

I have rolled a new number. I have rolled a new decade.

All things come to an end. From endings come new beginnings.

Life is no different.

30s.

You were my favorite decade to date. I’ve grown so much in the past 10 years.

It was transformative. It was enlightening.

I grew into the man that I see in the mirror. I grew into the man that I hope my father would have been proud of.

I officially bid you adieu. I officially want to thank you for everything that you’ve done for me.

30s.

You were the best of times.

I could only hope that my 40s would be no different, continuing this journey that you’ve paved the way for.

I don’t know what my future will hold, but you’ve prepared me to tackle anything.

Again.

THANK YOU.

40s.

Welcome.

Give me what you got.

Holy fuck shit.

That’s all I have to say at the moment.

Holy.

Fuck.

Shit.

Allergies came out of the blue this past week and it hit me hard yesterday afternoon.

Fuck.

Dying.

It’s a little over a week and a half before I turn another number.

It isn’t just another number this time. It’s another decade.

It’s ANOTHER FUCKING DECADE.

My remaining days of my thirties are winding down.

It’s going to be huge. I’m not going to lie.

I do have some reservations as to what the new decade will bring and what it will mean.

It’s a decade that will have a lot of significance for me.

It’ll be the first decade that I’ve come to terms with my father’s passing.

It’ll also be the decade that my father never lived passed.

44.

45.

How will I deal?

What is in store for me?

I don’t know.

I don’t know.

I read over my past another year older, another year wiser posts of the past few years and it seems that there was this trend that started when I was 35.

There was a trend of me coming out of my rut and becoming more of myself than I ever been.

There was a trend of me finally accepting me and not giving a fuck.

I owe a lot of it due to the therapy that I had. I owe a lot of it to me coming to terms with my father’s passing.

These past five years were very transformative.

Sure, I’m still the same but I am very different.

I went back to basics, but I also tested my comfort zones.

There were many many ups and there were definitely many many downs and lows.

Life.

It’s a roller coaster ride, but it’s a fun and thrilling one for this little anti-social hermit.

I’ve grown so much.

I feel that I became more of me in the past five years than I did in the previous 10.

Old.

Age.

Growth.

It’s a constant.

I didn’t know what I was going to do this morning.

I thought that I was going to continue the python class, but my mind isn’t clear.

Tired.

Didn’t sleep well the past few nights after getting better from my cold.

I’ve been waking up around 3AM again and can’t turn my brain off. I start thinking about work. My mind starts wandering, day dreaming instead of night dreaming.

I can’t turn it off.

My brain.

I wish I could just mute the thoughts until morning, but it’s a battle. A constant battle. Always a battle.

The only time that I was able to turn off my brain was when I was drugged.

I don’t want to take pills to go to sleep. I have no problems falling asleep. I have problems staying asleep.

Work doesn’t help.

Stress.

It’s similar to the feeling that I had with the whole SharePoint dev. I don’t want to fuck it up.

It’s the same for the database project. It’s huge. Massive. I’m the only one that is working on it.

It’s stressful.

Unlike the SharePoint project, I’m very optimistic about it. I think when we get all the data squared away, we should be good.

We should be good.

Optimism.

We’re good.

Instead of working, I decided I’m taking a break from all school or classes or learning things until after my little special weekend break.

I’m going to zen the fuck out in nature to recharge my soul and I’ll come back a new number and a new decade.

Fuck I’m old.

I know that age is nothing but a number.

I act old all the time, but there are times when I know for damn sure I don’t act my age. I don’t feel my age.

I don’t feel like a 40-year-old man. I’m still a man-child.

It’s sad I know, but that’s how I feel and, in a way, that’s how I see myself.

Maybe that’s one of the reasons why I haven’t really pursued being in a relationship.

Maybe that’s why I choose to be single.

Many people are right. My relationship status is a choice.

There’s a large part of me doesn’t want to be in a relationship. I just want a fling. Something physical. I don’t want the intimacy.

Maybe I am afraid of commitment because it means certain things.

Change.

I like change on my own terms.

I like control.

Being in relationship takes a lot of that control away.

Listening to some of my coworkers describe their marriage and their relationships, I’m scared.

That’s one thing that holds me back.

The fear of the uncertain.

So many things to consider.

So many.

Vacation mode.

Usually during my last week of work before a trip, I fall into vacation mode.

Let’s see how I roll this time.

I haven’t been able to do that for the past couple trips because of work and all the things that I needed to take care of before I leave.

Maybe if I get my shit together and get all the needed data collected in structured by Thursday, I’d be good to go.

It’ll be a struggle of me sequestering myself away from everyone, but it’s something that I need to do.

Fuck.

Especially knowing that the SharePoint Developer is leaving after this week sucks too.

Fuck.

Eh, I kind of knew he wasn’t going to last.

He knows his shit, but I don’t think his work ethic is there.

Blah.;

Eh, I’m done for the day.

I’m craving tacos.

Brain. Fried.

My brain is fried. Mush. A gooey glob of ectoplasm of nothingness.

That’s how I feel after this past week at work.

The database project is crunching along and then it hits a stop because I can’t work out some logic on how some information should be categorized.

Planning.

I’m such a planner, working on understanding workflows.

I think I may have figured out a workaround after talking to a few people, but I’ll see how things go.

Work.

It’s killing me.

It’s fun, but hot damn if I’m not a hot mess after thinking about it.

Break.

I know I told myself I was going to get back to finishing my python class that is way overdue, but I’m taking another day. Maybe tomorrow and then I’ll continue signing up for classes after my birthday.

I need a break.

I need some time.

I’ll get back to it, but I need time.

I need a little spring break to recharge my brain and my body. Fill it with fresh air and some busy activity and nature and I’ll come back fresh, better minded tackling new information and work.

Break.

I need one.

Cloud reached out to me Tuesday with some bad news. Thien has leukemia.

She was diagnosed with Acute Promyelocytic Leukemia. Doing a quick research online, it seems that it’s one of the better ones to have. Very high survivability rate and easy to cure.

She’ll be taking chemo for the next few weeks and then she’ll be going on a vitamin regiment to keep it from coming back. She’ll be out of the ICU in the next few weeks.

I believe she’s a senior at the UW now and will have to miss Spring Quarter to recover, but her health is more important than her schooling.

I’m sorry and saddened to hear the news, but it’s good news for what she has.

She has a strong support group in all her family. She’s in my thoughts and I hope for a speedy and safe recovery.

People watching.

Things are slow.

Today is slow.

I sit and watch.

I try to put words together, but they don’t come.

I don’t know what to do, so I watch.

I prep myself, thinking about dinner, lunch, and what I need to do at home.

I prep myself for the wedding tomorrow.

I prep myself.

Mercury should be out of retrograde early next week.

No more miscommunication. No more fuck ups.

It’s Aries season.

My season.

The astrological new year.

Apparently, it’ll be good for everyone. Let’s see.

Let’s see.

Who’s love?

I don’t know.

But, I know, at this moment in my life, the most important love is mine of myself.

That’s important and everyone should know that. In the end, that’s all that matters.

So much comes from loving yourself.

Acceptance.

Confidence.

Joy.

High.

So much.

We all should work at loving ourselves.

It’s healthy.

Be healthy.

The sun’s out today.

It feels like summer, finally. Back to SoCal weather that everyone loves.

It’s okay in my book. Glad that we broke out of the cloudiness that was hanging around for the past few weeks.

I was feeling it.

The ickiness.

It’s at bay. It didn’t come at me strong. It was just there, in the back of my mind.

I need to keep it at bay.

I hope to keep it at bay.

I will keep it at bay.

What do I have planned on this lovely and gorgeous day?

Nothing per usual.

Staying in the house. Catching up on my shows and movies.

So many.

So behind.

I did some light cleaning this morning and I have the rest of the afternoon and the weekend to unwind.

No cooking planned, but I’m aching to bake something.

I don’t know why, but I want to bake.

I know I use to associate baking with the ickiness, the lost years of muddled thoughts.

Now, I think I just want to eat something baked.

Scones?

Biscuits?

Cinnamon rolls?

No idea.

Something.

Just something.

I’ll figure something out. I usually do.

I want to be somewhat productive this weekend as I plan to lounge and do nothing.

Something.

Brain.

Writing.

It’s different.

It’s changed so much.

My style.

Can’t connect thoughts. I can’t connect into my consciousness anymore.

It’s not deep. All shallow and superficial.

These aren’t anything like my earlier entries. Honest and open.

It was me baring my soul.

It was my therapy.

With each word, each entry, my anger subsides until it boils again.

It was a few steps forward and leaps back, but slowly, progress.

There was progress.

Look at me now.

Look at my previous entry.

To be liked.

People like me.

They like who I am.

They appreciate me.

To be liked.

Does that fix everything, or did I fix most things so I can be liked?

I’m sure it goes hand-in-hand.

Progress.

Age.

Honesty.

A Whole New World.

It was a whole new world all right. It was a different me.

Touching upon what happened last week at the happy hour, I sang karaoke for the first time in years on a stage.

The Debs Cama put our name down for a duet and that’s the song we sung.

I sang the princess part, of course.

Of course.

I felt fine. I wasn’t shy. I wasn’t afraid.

It was what it was, and it was something old, but new.

Something.

Different.

It’s the new me. It’s a better me.

Enjoying life.

Enjoying my surroundings.

Enjoying whatever it is that I’m doing.

Now I’m in a Whole New World…with me.

Classes are over.

Submitted my Advanced SQL final a few days ago and I’m ready to chill. I’m going to take a week or two off before I get back to the outstanding Python class and then start something new.

The next few classes will be online classes through EDX or some other online school. No UCLA on the agenda for the next few quarters. I need to know when I’m not traveling so I can be available to go into class if needs be. I’m not worried about classes where they are free, but if I’m paying for UCLA Extension classes, I should be available.

I wasn’t too worried for the Intro to SQL because I knew SQL.

These days.

It’s all about being better and learning more. I have a lot riding on this big project. I want it to help the agency. I want to help everyone involved and make their work easier. It’s all about efficiency.

Let’s do this.

Again, if it works, maybe I can pivot into a different role within the agency and change my day to day from SharePoint to more of a data science field. I’m working towards it.

Work.

It’s taking over my life, but it’s a good take over. I feel important. I feel like I’m doing something a little different and learning new things and making an effort to be a better person.

Work.

Work.

2019.

We’re a good 2.5 months in and in a month, it’ll be rolling another number.

It’s a year of change.

I can already see it. I can already feel it.

Change.

Positivity.

Being better.

Change.

There’ll be a lot of change, as I gear up for 40.

It’ll be a new phase in Adulthood.

It’ll be a new phase in live.

A few weeks ago, I had a weird dream that was about the change.

My car was wrecked. Totaled and I don’t know how it got that way.

I don’t remember much of the details of how my car got wrecked. I don’t remember driving. I don’t remember if it was even my fault.

All I remember was me walking around my car looking over the damage. The whole time surveying the car, I kept thinking that I have to have a fucking car payment now.

I kept thinking about money and how it’s going to affect my life. I was worried about money.

Usually when I wreck my car in the dream, I’m usually the one driving. It’s usually me driving a manual transmission, which I know how to drive, but am not a pro at. My life is out of control. The car, my life, is under my guidance, and I couldn’t control it and I flip and damage the car.

I usually wake up or move onto the next dream after the wreck. I don’t see the car. I don’t see the aftermath. All I know is me in my car, upside down. I done fucked up.

This dream was very different. I don’t remember being behind the wheel. I don’t even think I was the one driving.

I survived. I see the aftermath of the damage. I’m surveying it. My life, over.

I need to get a new life and it’ll be expensive. It’ll put me in debt.

My life. It’s over.

I have a new one.

Very interesting.

Change.

Endings.

Beginnings.

2019.

40.

Just around the corner.

A new me.

A better me.

A different me.

Change.

Me.

It’s been a while since I’ve gone to a happy hour. Went to one on Thursday.

It was for Nikki’s going away. I think she was the first one on my shit list. She’s going to some digital agency doing social media for some biotech or something. No idea, but I had an interesting conversation with her.

Confidence.

Intimidating.

I see myself in a different way than how most of my peers see me.

I have two dichotomous personas. One is my normal day to day when I’m by myself and not at work. The other is my work persona.

Everyone knows my work persona. They see me as the angry social butterfly that I tend to be at work.

I see myself as the boring quiet hermit that has no friends.

Many see me as the smart, confident, sometimes intimidating guy who knows his shit.

I’ve been hearing a lot from many people that they like my fuck people philosophy and directness and forwardness.

I do believe, fuck people, ’cause fuck people. They’re the worse.

And honestly, I just don’t like bullshit. Just fuck the bullshit and get to the truth of everything. Don’t beat around the bush, be direct and tell me what you want. I ain’t got no times for games.

I ain’t got no time for social decorum.

I found it a little funny that N-Funka told her boy that she liked me and that I spoke to her soul.

Fascinating.

But, it’s good to see and hear that people like me for who I am.

I guess it’s always nice to be liked.

Here’s to be liked.

Wet.

Still wet.

We had a break there for a few days, but it’s back again.

Wet.

Rain.

Another storm moves through SoCal.

Hopefully it’ll be the last one and we can get back to the California weather that I take for granted.

I just don’t like the cold, but it is warming up.

This past February was the coldest February in over 70 something years. It never reached 70 degrees.

How about that?

Global warming? Fucking damn straight you fucking deniers.

Misting.

Wetness.

It’ll be over soon.

Fucking Dell and its battery issues.

It is what it is. I can deal with it until it is time to get a new laptop.

My life consists of nothing but work and alone time.

There’s a little socializing sprinkled in as I go about my day at work, but overall, it’s a good balance of people and solitude.

I have my little weekend routine of figuring out what to cook, getting groceries, coming out to Volcano to either do school work, online classes, or writing.

Then I’ll head home and be a hermit, continuing with school work or being a potato.

Life.

On my own terms.

Life.

Balance.

Recharge.

That’s all that I can ask for at the moment.

Life.

I go about my life doing what I need to.

It’s a life that I’m comfortable with and I don’t know. There might be change in the future. I’m open to it, if it is right.

If not, then what’s the point?

Sedona.

Finally booked my trip.

All is set and locked. I just need to do research and figure out exactly what I’m going to do.

Special Weekend.

I can’t wait.

Alone.

Nature.

Hiking.

The beautiful red rocks of Arizona.

I’ve always wanted to go back ever since I drove through it back in 2012 with Pickles.

Life just got in the way as did other trips and plans.

Now is the time.

Now is the moment.

No more waiting.

Sedona. It’s on.

It’ll be a trip without Pickles.

We’ll have to take another more dog friendly trip later. It’ll be a road trip of exploring a city that we’ve never been.

Let’s see how that goes.

No Pickles.

The trails and parks aren’t dog friendly.

Pickles is at an age where he can’t really hike that much anymore, even if the trails are friendly.

Getting old sucks.

School.

Classes.

What’s next?

I think I’m going to take a break from UCLA and do online classes next. I’m more concerned about missing class for the vacation than anything else and I think I need a break.

I prefer to go at my own pace at the moment as I try and settle into online classes.

Maybe during summer quarter, I’ll get back on for something.

Also, I’m not sure what classes are available next quarter anyway.

But, yes, I’m not giving up on my education just yet. Just taking a small break from the paid classes.

It’ll help with work.

I know it well.

There are a lot of data initiatives that are going on and I want to help. I want it to be something that I do.

I want to pivot away from some of my current responsibilities.

Let’s see how that goes.

Data Science

It’s where it’s at.

Relaxation.

Zen.

Art.

I haven’t done any.

I’m in the middle of a self-portrait and life just got in the way.

The SQL class is kicking my ass and I’m just lazy at work.

Life.

Maybe it is the weather.

Rain.

Gray.

Too much like home.

Maybe I’ll do it tonight and start my reading tomorrow so I can take the SQL quiz. Let’s do that. I need a break from everything and just Zen out.

I want to finish this portrait. It’s going to be ugly.

It’s going to be bad.

I still need practice and hopefully by next year, I can do another portrait and compare how things are.

Ambitious.

I’m a little too ambitious on how I want my art work to be.

I’m a little too ambitious on how I want my skill set to be.

I need to be a little more patient.

I need to be a little more lenient.

Skill takes time.

Mastery takes time.

I just got back into it for the past couple months after years away from doing anything fine art related.

Patience.

Have better expectations of how things should be.

I’ll take another crack today at my nose and mouth.

I can do better.

Rain.

Mists.

Another wet day.

Another rainy day.

Just checked the forecast for the next week and there’s more rain on the way.

Fun.

Looking forward to it.

I know I miss the rain, but I do miss the sunshine.

Ugh, maybe I am becoming or have become a true Californian.

Probably not.

It’s been a few weeks. Here I am.

I wasn’t gone or procrastinating but wanted was busy with school and sql.

I wanted to do my tests and finish any online classes that I was taking.

Looking over all the classes I’m currently taking, the Power BI class will definitely lapse as I learned as much as I can in terms of the usage of the software. There are limitations of what I want to do in terms of being able to share content with the agency. We need additional licenses for it. I’ll figure something out.

The second Python class is nearing its end. I’m so behind on that, the class closed, but I still have access to all the material and tests and practice. I haven’t put much thought into it yet. I will once I get this SQL class over. It’s more important. It’s tough.

Then, I’ll get on the PowerApps class as I figure out what class to take next at UCLA. I’m into this continuing education thing. It’s good for me.

New skills. New growth.

Let’s continue.

I’m taking a little break from my SQL test as I jot this little note down. It’s been a while and I wanted to get my finger tapping again. I need to. Maybe it’ll help me figure out Question 2.

Fuck Question 2.

Just fuck it.

Fuck work.

Not going to write about work.

Just fuck it.

Apologize.

That came up again today.

Weird. Co-ink-a-dink.

The first song that came on was Apologize by that one group that I’m too lazy to look up and now Rihanna came up with Take A Bow and one of the first lines is Don’t apologize…

Apologies.

I don’t have any to give. I don’t have any one to apologize to. Maybe to myself, but that is an everyday thing.;

Let’s get back to this. Let’s get back to me in a different way.

2019.

The new Phong. The new me.

I decided to be a little more positive this year. Looking at the bright side. It’s a battle.

I’m making an effort to not be grumpy and to not let work things get to me.

It’s a struggle some days.

I had a bad one the other day. Nothing was working. I couldn’t figure out some logic on Flow as things are broken.

Sigh.

Fuck it.

Positivity.

It’s definitely a change in outlook. It’s definitely a change in lifestyle.

Being a realist comes so easy. It is what it is.

Positivity takes some training.

It takes some practice.

Along with the positivity, I’m making an effort to be a little more social and a little nicer.

A new childlike playfulness was a result.

For example, before I would grunt or don’t even acknowledge people that would say hi to me. Now, I’ll over enthusiastically say hi and great them and talk to them.

Sure, a part of it is that I’m fucking with them, like I was fucking with them when I was ignoring them. I’m fucking with them in another way.

I can’t deprive myself of fucking with people, can I? It’s what brings me some sense of joy.

We all should have a little enjoyment and fun every day. This is mine.

I’m not a total dick about it…but I am.

Some find it endearing…for some reason.

Sigh.

It’s almost a month-and-a-half of this positivity. Let’s see how long it’s going to last.

I think it’ll be a permanent thing. Sure, I’ll have some bad days, but overall, it’ll be good.;

It’ll be good.

Life.

It’s going.

Another Chinese Year down and another just started.

It’s the Year of the Pig, the earth Pig, like mom.

It’s usually never a good year for the person with the same Zodiac sign. I hope mom will be okay this year without any major mishaps. I have faith.

For my fellow Rams and Sheeps, it supposed to be a good year this year.

It seems to be shaping up that way. See, positivity.

The positivity helps. The stress level at work is still there but seems to be more manageable. A little bit better.

Things will be better. Definitely will be better.

I spent New Year’s Eve at Great Aunties with Uncle Joe and the family. It was great being there and seeing everyone again. The celebration was subdued of course because of Great Uncle’s passing, but it was much much needed family time.

The day before I went to Whore’s wedding with the new guy. I don’t even remember him. Apparently, I met him for like a few minutes. I had no impression of him. He never left one.

It was a small quiet ceremony.

It was what it was and now, I have Nick’s wedding to go to and then no more?

Yay.

It is February and it is the month of lovey dovey love.

Bah humbug!

Bah humbug indeed.

Positivity!

It’s cold. Wet.

The wind blows its easy breeze.

It’s weeks like these that reminds me of home home. Dark skies and everything is wet.

The wind pierces the body and chills to the bone.

The California artificial cold spell inside blows down on me, chilling me even more. I know I should have learned my lesson and move to a different table as I tell myself time and time again, but I’m stubborn. I like the window.

I like the views.

But this draft kills me every time.

EVERY. DAMN. FUCKING. TIME.

It kills.

Dead.

Another storm moves down on us. More rain in our future. The next few days.

Wet.

Wetter.

Wettest.

If I had to choose, I would choose the snow over this wetness.

There’s a Snowmageddon up in Seattle now. It’s so bad, there’s a state of emergency.

Buses and snow plows slide down the steep hills of Seattle.

Blizzard conditions.

Cold and frozen.

I think I would much prefer that then what we have here.

I wouldn’t be driving. I’d be walking. Metro.

Commuting.

Driving would be limited. Groceries will be limited, but I’d make it work.

I’d make it work.

Cold.

Wet.

Chilled to the bone.

You ain’t no friend of mine.

Tired. Sick.

Still fucking sick.

I can’t believe it.

It started Monday morning and it blossomed into something more.

I took Monday and Tuesday off because I know that I can’t be sick during Uncle’s ceremony and funeral.

Adulting.

It’s about making the big decisions in life.

Adulting.

I had to do it.

It was needed time off, I guess, but I wish I was a little more productive.

But I wasn’t.

I managed to do some work during those two days, but not enough.;

Now, I have a backlog of development to do, but hey, I’m cool as a bird about it.

Cool as a bird.

It was a rainy week.

One of the rainiest weeks in the past few years. It dropped about 5 inches of rain and it happened during the week of Uncle’s funeral.

Overall, the funeral went well. It went smoothly. Nothing out of the norm.

I picked up mom, uncle and auntie from the airport early Wednesday morning and we went directly to the temple, where we stayed for the remainder of the day.

I didn’t get home until 11 at night.

I had to board Pickles because I knew I won’t be home, and I can’t drive home to take him out.

Adulting.

It was a week of adulting.

I had to help 7th Uncle-in-Law run some errands and that was my role at any of these things. I’m on hand to help.

It was a cold day. It was a rainy day.

Cold. Wet.

But it was worth it.

I haven’t seen that side of the family in way too long and it’s unfortunate that this is the reason why I was seeing them again. I was hoping that it would be Chinese New Year’s, but alas, it wasn’t the case.

I’ll be there this year. I made a promise to Great Auntie.

I’ll spend New Year’s Eve with her.

Heartbroken.

Guilty.

More later.

The day of the burial was fine. I had to change my plans because of 14th Uncle and the weather, so we got the cemetery early and didn’t really know where the site was.

Thankfully I found the caravan again.

I did my duty. I was on hand to help.

I passed out the Leisee — the lucky red envelopes.

I had to, not because I was told to, but again, it’s my role. It’s my duty.

It rained hard that morning. It cleared up a bit as Uncle’s casket went down. Then the rain cleared up.

Fitting.

Very fitting.

It was a sad week. The world was crying at his loss and when he was laid to rest, the world rested, as did we all.

Over.

The rest of the afternoon was chauffeuring everyone around after lunch to get their precious dried seafood: sea cucumbers and fish maw.

Then we went back to Great Aunties and chilled.

Man, the guilt I felt when Great Auntie saw me. She missed me so much and thought about me all the time, wondering why I haven’t visited in so long.

Heartbroken.

Pain.

My heart hearts.

I felt so bad.

I’ll try and make more of an effort to go visit this year.

Work should be slowing down and less stressful.

Keeping positive this year.

Keeping things at bay and being handled.

It’ll be good.

It’ll be great.