Yeah.

There are some reasons why I don’t listen to much of today’s music, like at all.

I just can’t relate.

I like the slow music. I like the melodic music. I like the sad music.

We all know that I’m not a prude or against anything offensive, but yeah, today’s hip-hop and rap is just a genre that I couldn’t get into.

Just not my cup of tea.

It’s blaring at the boba shop.

A song blaring with references to pussy juices dripping down thighs is blaring at the boba shop.

C’est la vie.

* * *

I was supposed to be doing more researching and finishing up the Rick Steven’s Best of Italy travel book today, but I opted not to. Too much planning can kind of ruin a trip and too little can be a fucking shit show. Just do the bare minimum to keep it structured and leave it open enough for some impromptu adventures.

That’s how I like to roll. Have an idea of what you are looking forward to do and keep things open and flexible.

Sure there are a few things that we’ll have to plan and book ahead, like attractions and we’ve done that for Florence. There will be other cities like Rome and the Vatican that we’ll need to do too, but I haven’t gotten to that part yet.

I’ll have to get there eventually, but right now, I’m just relaxing.

I felt like writing.

There’s a part of me that wants to get back into writing. Whether it is script writing or even back to my prose, I just want to create and write.

I miss writing and I just have to get back to it.

We’ll see what happens when I lock down the vacation planning and if I can find some inspiration.

My writing has taken a little detour, besides these little ramblings, not much writing have been done this year.

* * *

July is almost over.

The 31st is tomorrow and then we are into August.

This year has gone by fast and the first half was busy, stressful, and a shit show.

Things seemed to have slowed down starting July.

Maybe that little short vacation to The Rockies was a great idea, but the 2nd half of the year, so far, seems more my pace.

The year zipped by.

Another blink of the eye and soon we’ll be October.

Life is constant, following the strong beat and rhythm of my beating heart.

When that stops, I stop.

Move forward with each beat.

Live in the moment, the now. Don’t think about the past and don’t fret about the future. What’s done can’t be change and we can’t do anything about the unknown.

Just live.

It’s been trying and difficult to live by that, but I am working on it and for the most part, I’m able to achieve it.

Living in the moment, being mindful, is difficult.

It’s like life, a work in-progress.

* * *

I feel like I’m PMSing.

Been craving food like nothing and sugar.

Maybe I haven’t been eating clean lately.

Sugar, chips, and other stuff that I usually don’t eat, but I am.

Am I still stress eating?

I don’t think I am stressed at work, but who knows?

Maybe I am and it’s a different kind of stress.

But, I’ve been chomping down on things that I normally wouldn’t eat and not sticking to my one-meal-a-day routine.

I eat when I’m hungry and there are times when I’m not hungry but just want to snack.

No idea.

No fucking clue.

It’s probably why I’ve been feeling so tired lately too.

Maybe I’m just getting fucking old, but yeah, fucking tired by 9:30 or 10 and ready to just fall asleep.

Should definitely go back on a short cleanse and see what happens.

I finally caved and got a new computer.

The old one was about four to five years old and it was slow to begin with. I got sucked into it by the price. It was reasonable for me at that time, about a 1K for a 13″ laptop, i5 with a 500gb fusion drive type of thing, where a part of it was SSD for fast boot and the rest was a regular drive. It came with about 8 gbs of RAM and I upgraded it to 12.

Still slow. No amount of RAM that I threw at it would have done anything to fix it. None. Zero.

I managed to do with with it. It was fine for what I was doing, which was writing and doing my weekly finger taps and just basic surfing. Easy peasy. Nothing too much that needs to be done.

But now, enough is enough. Time to upgrade. Time to just man up and get a better machine. I knew exactly what I wanted in terms of specs and that’s what I got.

My budget was higher than what it was, but technology is getting cheaper and cheaper.

My basic needs are simple, a fast machine, i7, with at most 500gb of storage space, and a very high resolution screen with at least 12gb of RAM.

This Asus Zenbook fit the bill for a reasonable price. It has everything that I needed in the machine at a very very good price.

I have since retired my Samsung. I put it in the closet waiting for me to not be lazy and just completely remove my account and fix it to give it to mom so she can do whatever she wants to do with it.

This new beast should be able to last me for at least another four or five years.

Honestly, my needs aren’t much at all. Just something that works and is fast.

* * *

With something new, there are some learning pains.

The trackpad isn’t as good as I want and it seems that the keyboard is a little slow, but these are things that I can live with.

The motion gestures for the trackpad is what I am use to, but the response at times is wonky and there’s no setting for where I can adjust the sensitivity to it. I’m betting it is a software thing and not a hardware thing. Who knows?

But it works. There’s a lot of screen real estate with the 3200 x 1800 px resolution. I can actually have the full mini player on for Spotiamb.

Another reason why I had to get a new laptop was that I was going to do a lot more work work on it. It’ll give me the mobility to work anywhere in the office and show off things that I developed on SharePoint, instead of having to rely on the mini in the conference rooms.

I usually have my work stuff on my laptop or on my computer. I’d just OneDrive it and call it a day.

Just easier.

The resolution definitely will help me with the web development. It’s a win win.

Win win indeed.

* * *

Today’s entry is mostly a test of the new laptop.

Familiarizing my fingers with the new keys. The pressure it requires to type something. The flow of the trackpad. The speed of the keys and typing.

It’s me, trying to get a good feel of it and see how I can work around and adjust to the new system.

For the most part, it is okay. I can deal and I’m okay with it.

Learning pains.

* * *

Work has been good this week.

There were many wins.

I got Steve what he needed in terms of the tagging site and that cut down that second half workflow that I wasn’t aware it. It will still require a little front end work, but it’s not bad.

Win win.

Things seem to be at a calm and everything seems to be more manageable.

Things are good and I’m happy.

There’s still quite a bit of work left to do and still some issues, but that’s the whole thign about learning and rolling out a new system to the agency. Different groups have different ways of working and this is what happens, we learn about things that doesn’t work out quite well and we’ll have to figure out some workarounds.

It is what it is.

* * *

I don’t have much planned today but my normal of chilling and cooking.

Just chill and cook.

Instant Pot Hainan Chicken and Garlic Eggplant with some baby broccoli.

Nothing too fancy. I’m just curious to see how the IP handles the whole chicken.

I mean, I can get a chicken done in 11 minutes? That’s something that I need to see. It’ll be interesting to see if it really works. I hope it works.

* * *

The Italy trip is fast approaching and I need to focus on doing research and what to do.

Gonna focus on that for the next few weeks and plan this shit out.

I finally caved and got a new computer.

The old one was about four to five years old and it was slow to begin with. I got sucked into it by the price. It was reasonable for me at that time, about a 1K for a 13″ laptop, i5 with a 500gb fusion drive type of thing, where a part of it was SSD for fast boot and the rest was a regular drive. It came with about 8 gb of RAM and I upgraded it to 12.

Still slow. No amount of RAM that I threw at it would have done anything to fix it. None. Zero.

I managed with it. It was fine for what I was doing, which was writing and doing my weekly finger taps and just basic surfing. Easy peasy. Nothing too much that needs to be done.

But now, enough is enough. Time to upgrade. Time to just man up and get a better machine. I knew exactly what I wanted in terms of specs and that’s what I got.

My budget was higher than what it was, but technology is getting cheaper and cheaper.

My basic needs are simple, a fast machine, i7, with at most 500gb of storage space, and a very high resolution screen with at least 12gb of RAM.

This Asus Zenbook fit the bill for a reasonable price. It has everything that I needed in the machine at a very very good price.

I have since retired my Samsung. I put it in the closet waiting for me to not be lazy and just completely remove my account and fix it to give it to mom so she can do whatever she wants to do with it.

This new beast should be able to last me for at least another four or five years.

Honestly, my needs aren’t much at all. Just something that works and is fast.

* * *

With something new, there are some learning pains.

The trackpad isn’t as good as I want and it seems that the keyboard is a little slow, but these are things that I can live with.

The motion gestures for the trackpad is what I am use to, but the response at times is wonky and there’s no setting for where I can adjust the sensitivity to it. I’m betting it is a software thing and not a hardware thing. Who knows?

But it works. There’s a lot of screen real estate with the 3200 x 1800 px resolution. I can actually have the full mini player on for Spotiamb.

Another reason why I had to get a new laptop was that I was going to do a lot more work work on it. It’ll give me the mobility to work anywhere in the office and show off things that I developed on SharePoint, instead of having to rely on the mini in the conference rooms.

I usually have my work stuff on my laptop or on my computer. I’d just OneDrive it and call it a day.

Just easier.

The resolution definitely will help me with the web development. It’s a win win.

Win win indeed.

* * *

Today’s entry is mostly a test of the new laptop.

Familiarizing my fingers with the new keys. The pressure it requires to type something. The flow of the trackpad. The speed of the keys and typing.

It’s me, trying to get a good feel of it and see how I can work around and adjust to the new system.

For the most part, it is okay. I can deal and I’m okay with it.

Learning pains.

* * *

Work has been good this week.

There were many wins.

I got Steve what he needed in terms of the tagging site and that cut down that second half workflow that I wasn’t aware it. It will still require a little front end work, but it’s not bad.

Win win.

Things seem to be at a calm and everything seems to be more manageable.

Things are good and I’m happy.

There’s still quite a bit of work left to do and still some issues, but that’s the whole thing about learning and rolling out a new system to the agency. Different groups have different ways of working and this is what happens, we learn about things that doesn’t work out quite well and we’ll have to figure out some workarounds.

It is what it is.

* * *

I don’t have much planned today but my normal of chilling and cooking.

Just chill and cook.

Instant Pot Hainan Chicken and Garlic Eggplant with some baby broccoli.

Nothing too fancy. I’m just curious to see how the IP handles the whole chicken.

I mean, I can get a chicken done in 11 minutes? That’s something that I need to see. It’ll be interesting to see if it really works. I hope it works.

* * *

The Italy trip is fast approaching and I need to focus on doing research and what to do.

Gonna focus on that for the next few weeks and plan this shit out.

I’m here at the usual, but I’m sitting back where I usually sit, near the window. That’s my spot, or was, before my body got weak and it got too cold with the constant blowing of the AC.

They changed it, they put a little wind shield that blocks the flow from blowing my way, so it’s not as strong.

It’s still there though, but it’s not that bad.

So, I’m here, writing, doing my little thing of just mind purging.

What is there for me to say? Nothing much besides the usual bullshit about work and all the things that I’ve been doing.

I’m trying not to do work on the weekend and for the most part it is happening. I did do some research and little things here and there, but not enough for it to fill my time.

* * *

Relaxing.

Calm.

Sure, there’s still a lot of stress at work, but again, there isn’t as much pressure as there was. I think I’m able to manage it as I turn stuff in.

But, there are a few that are still left up in the air and I just need to figure it out or just forget it.

Work is work.

It’ll always be there.

* * *

I look, but don’t act.

I sit and chat, but don’t ask.

I focus on work.

I focus on my life.

I focus on food, vacation, trips, chores, errands, and my pets.

I focus on everything but that.

I need to.

The thought of it shouldn’t be the only thing in my mind. It should never be.

There are more important things in life than that.

I need to focus on nothing but me and I’m damn good at that, damn fucking good at it.

I come and sit and do my little finger tappings, sipping on my tea and Zen out.

It’s all that I can do. It’s all that I should do.

* * *

Relaxation.

I need to schedule another float session.

I thought that I was going to make it a monthly thing because it was such a revelation to me, but I guess life and general business of work just got in the way.

Surprising because it probably would have helped me deal with the stress that I was going through, but maybe I thought with all the money that I spent on getting Relish back to normal, this wouldn’t be a good idea.

But here I am, dropping money on an Italy trip and now a new laptop when this old laptop still works.

I need better. I need faster. I need something that can last me another five years.

I see the flaw in this laptop since I got it. the i5 processor was slow to my liking even though I have 12gbs of RAM on this thing. It still runs slugging at times.

Disappointing.

With the small size, I need something with better resolution and now there are quite a few laptops that have higher resolution.

Definitely time to upgrade.

Sure, it’s a personal laptop but it’ll be used for work too. Maybe I can now just work wherever I want and not be tied to my desk at times. When I need to get away and focus on other things and not have a distraction.

Who knows? I’ll have to see how things turn out.

Break.

Stress, manageable.

Done and done.

Projects get turned in and my stress level goes down. I let loose, allowing me a drink or two or five and eventually it’s a drunken night of just letting go and being relieved.

The next day is the start of my little vacation.

I’m free.

I’m relaxed.

I can breathe again and it feels magnificent…

Until I drank so much that I would just throw up.

Horrible. I did it myself. I brought it on.

I was so stressed that it was a welcome reprieve from everything that I was doing.

Sure, looking back, I regret it now like I do every drunken night, but what’s done is done. C’est la vie.

C’est la vie, indeed.

* * *

The Rocky Mountains and the Brotherly Bonding.

The trip started off rocky, pun intended, with my little hangover and the night of drinking.

Hung over and dehydrated, I had to go to the airport.

I got there early and got me some Ink Sack and just chilled.

I arrived at the airport earlier than my bro and told him to meet me at Dollar Rent-a-Car. He landed and I waited and waited.

Instead of coming to me to the Rental Center, he waited at the Dollar kiosk at the airport.

Then, when he got there, we chose our car. I originally put my stuff in a car and he said to get a different instead.

I packed up my stuff and we moved cars.

We made our way to our hotel/cabin, a place that I didn’t book, but had to redo because of the original booking fell through.

As we were making our way to Estes Park for dinner and our Ghost Tour at the Stanley Hotel, I realized that I forgot my camera bag in the other car. So, we had to rush back to the rental center and thankfully someone turned it in.

We weren’t going to make it to the tour, so we stopped off at Boulder for dinner instead.

I was so tired with everything, that it was probably a good idea that we didn’t do the tour.

We went back to the hotel and I just passed out, knowing that we have an early day the next day hiking.

* * *

Hiking Day 1.

The Rocky Mountains.

I wasn’t impressed with the views. Maybe I built it up in my head. It’s the Rockies. THE ROCKIES.

It has to be majestic, right?

Before the trip, I looked at pictures to see how it looked and wasn’t impressed with it and when I got there, I had the same reaction.

There was nothing iconic.

If I had to rank the Rocky Mountains that I’ve visited, it’ll be Banff > Glacier National Park > Rocky Mountains National Park in terms of look and beauty and just awesomeness.

Don’t get me wrong, it didn’t mean that I didn’t like it there, I did. The Rockies have great hiking, but in terms of views, not as iconic and impressionable as the others.

Breakfast wasn’t ready at the hotel, so we just went straight to the park. No coffee. Not much snacks.

Hiking.

Our plan was to hike to Odessa Lake and then maybe do a shorter hike afterward. We started our hike and about two or three miles up there was so much snow on the ground that we couldn’t find the trail to the lake anymore.

We had to turn back and find something else.

We met two Rangers on the way down and I asked them where the other trail went.

Flattop Mountain.

It was about 4.4 miles with a 3K’ elevation change.

Let’s do it.

It was one of the toughest hikes I did in my life. It’s not that it is strenuous in terms of hiking or terrain. No. There were long good switchbacks that were manageable. Sure, there were some areas where there were snows that covered the trails, but they were easy. We just had to be careful.

No. It was the elevation. That fucked us up.

So tiring.

The top of Flattop Mountain was about 12.3K’. That’s the highest that I’ve ever hiked.

It was hardcore.

There were some great views up at the top and for the most part, we took our time to get to the top. It was a great hike in terms of exertion and challenge.

We reached the top and debated to do Hallett’s Peak, which was about another 400′ up. The thing about going up, is that we still had to come down. I was tired and was hesitant and my bro was gung ho and then he had to think about coming down the hill with bad knees and opted not to.

Smart move.

The hike back down for me was uneventful. Of course, my bro took his time so I was hiking alone for the most part.

My bro had difficulties, especially with the snow-covered paths. He fell so many times. I don’t know if he just has poor balance or if his boots are shit.

Either way, we made it back down, ending our hike day close to 4pm.

Sitting in the shuttle, waiting for it to get us back to our car, I almost passed out. I have never been so tired after a hike before.

There were many things that affected me. The biggest was the challenge of the high elevation of the hike. I’m sure the poor sleep the night before and the hangover and drinking for Thursday didn’t help either.

Tired, I drove us back to the hotel where I showered and then went straight to bed for a nap.

Tired.

So fucking tired.

Our cabin/hotel is in a very secluded place. Peaceful Valley.

There’s nothing out there. There’s not even cell reception for ATT.

Our choices are limited so we decided to drive back to Boulder for dinner. It’s about a 50-minute drive and that’s what we did, every night that we were there.

We ended up at The Med, a highly rated Mediterranean restaurant on Yelp that focuses on tapas and some entrees.

One of the worst and mediocre dinners that we ever had. I don’t even know what they did to my brother’s duck. Horrible.

Besides hiking, my bro and I bonded over food. We embraced our meals and look forward to what we’ll be eating for dinner.

And yeah, The Med sucked balls.

* * *

Day 2.

Day 2 of this little entry and Day 2 of our little visit to The Rockies.

We or I decided to take it easy on the 2nd day, considering what hell we went through on the first day; something a little less strenuous.

To prepare, we decided to get breakfast before going into the park. One of the reason why we were probably tired was the lack of food/breakfast and for me, definitely was the lack of coffee.

We had our fill in Estes Park, a small mom & pop breakfast restaurant cafe type thing and then we were off. We got to the park a good hour-and-a-half later than we did the morning prior and of course, there was no parking.

We drove around for about 30 minutes to find parking and ended up parking at a turn out in between shuttle stops. We walked about half a mile to Bierstadt Lake stop and looking at the posted trail map I decided that we just do a giant loop instead and that’s what we did.

To say that the second day’s hiking experience was basically night and day compared to the first one was an understatement.

It was a cake walk. Sure, the actual mileage hiked was shorter, but the energy exerted was less too. The max elevation we did was probably 10K and not the 12.2K that we did the day before.

Less energy.

It was a good hiking day.

When we got to Bear Lake, it was packed and the popular hiking trail to Emerald Lake was crazy busy.

That trail is the most scenic at the park and I can understand why so many people do that hike. It’s easy with minimal elevation gain and the views are the best.

The problem with it being so popular is how busy it is. Again, packed and filled with tourists who aren’t natural hikers.

Of course, my curmudgeonly old man came out during the hike. These fucking tourists walking two-abreast on the trail or hiking so slowly that they slow faster people behind them.

FUCKING STOP AND MOVE TO THE FUCKING SIDE, ASSHOLES!

Oh my fucking holy hell. That pissed me the fuck off.

Our last trail back to the car was quiet and empty and I was in hiking heaven.

It was about 3:30 when we got back to the car. I originally had another hike planned for the day, but considering the time it was and the time it takes to get back to the hotel, rest up, and drive back to Boulder for dinner, we decided to not do it. Next time.

Dinner.

The best meal that we had at Boulder. Sforna Trattoria Romano.

We ordered two apps, a pasta, and two entrees. The waiter was impressed with how much we ordered and that we finished it off. Also, we had dessert.

We can eat and we hiked a shit ton over the two days we were there. Plus we wanted to make up for the shitty dinner the night before.

It was a lot of food and we walked around and explored downtown Boulder afterward. It’s a cute area.

One thing that I noticed from the few nights we were there was how white it was. It was very white.

Maybe because it was summer and school’s out, but holy hell. WHITE.

I noticed it the first night while we were at Brasserie Ten Ten. Sure, there were some POC working but in terms of patrons, white. My bro and I were the only ones I saw until another Asian couple showed up.

I don’t know why it struck out at me though. I’ve been to many cities where there aren’t as diverse given the location. Maybe I was expecting it to be more since it is such a progressive place. Who knows?

But in terms of the best dish we had in Boulder, Brasserie’s Tempura Fried Green Beans with a garlic aioli took the cake. It was so simple that I wasn’t expecting it.

I would rather have that over frites any day. It was so good that I’ve added to my cooking challenge.

Bring it.

Overall, it was a good hiking trip to The Rockies and Boulder. I would do it again, exploring more of the surrounding area and finding good hikes.

* * *

Denver.

I’ve only been to Denver once. It was a short work trip, setting up a new server for our satellite office. I had about an afternoon to explore since the server didn’t arrive in time and I couldn’t do my work.

So, I went and walked the city.

I planned a day and a half in Denver on this trip and we did the touristy thing, the Botanical Garden and Museums.

We didn’t try to find anything else. My bro likes these kinds of things and I was whatever.

Our only full day was just chill and it was the pace that I wanted after the rough hiking weekend that we had. The biggest challenge was trying to find a place to eat.

We decided on Rioja and it was fucking delicious.

The chef is a James Beard winner and it shows.

Amazing dinner. Everything was great.

Denver is a foodie town and there are so many tough choices.

There were so many dishes that we had that I just want to copycat and figure out how they made it. Looking forward to trying.

Again, dinner was amazing. Everything that we had. Amazing.

http://www.riojadenver.com

We had a late afternoon flight out of Denver. Originally my flight was at 5pm, but it got canceled and I was now flying out at 7 and my bro still had his 5:30 flight.

So, we had a morning and afternoon to burn and we did the art museum.

Overall, it was all right, but they had a great Western Film exhibit. It was very well curated and had great flow and pieces. We both loved it. Worth checking out.

Then we went to a cheap steak place for dinner and off we went to the airport and went our separate ways.

I had a few hours to burn at the airport and that’s always dangerous. Got me some expensive Ray Bans, but I think they are worth it.

* * *

Overall, I thought the trip was great.

It was a much-needed retreat into nature and a way for me to destress and not think about work and what I have to get back to.

Sure, I finished and turned in many of my projects but there are still so many on the way that it might become overbearing. The break is exactly what I needed to put things into perspective.

I would definitely do Colorado again. The hiking is great. Denver is great for food.

Looking forward to my next trip out there and looking forward to my next vacation.

It’ll be another brotherly bonding trip since our mom dropped out to go back to China and Vietnam with a few aunties.

Italy.

Can’t. Fucking. Wait.

Bring it.

This week has been long.

This week has been busy and in a way, it felt like some of the pressures and stress that I had at work melted away.

Maybe it had to do with me figuring out the whole HRM Tagging color coding issue and that it has gone live. There’s still work left to do with that site and project, but the bulk of the work is done.

Another thing is the trip to Italy is coming to fruition. We just booked our plane ticket and will get our hotel reservations soon.

Things are busy but slowing down. Things are good.

I have a vacation coming up and I’m already on vacation mode. It doesn’t mean much now, since I have so much work to do, but it means something.

* * *

My week started out with the trip to Miami.

It was my first time and I really didn’t know what to expect. Again, everyone said I would hate it.

I can’t really say that I either like it or hate it since it was for work and wasn’t representative of what a normal vacation trip I would have done.

Since this was for the client, they put us all up in a fancy resort hotel, the Fountainebleu on South Miami Beach.

The view was awesome. The location was great, but then again, it was a resort.

Sure, we had a car, but we were so busy with the event and work, I really didn’t get to explore Miami the way that I would have wanted.

So, right off the bat, it had everything going against it.

It was fucking hot. It was fucking hot and muggy. The temperature was already 87 degrees at 6AM.

It was the day of the shoot, going to breakfast, walking outside — WHAM! Fucking heat.

Ugh.

That wasn’t good.

I haven’t sweat that much in a long ass fucking time. It was ridiculous.

Drivers. I don’t like their drivers. They are slow and maybe it’s my LA impatience, but hot damn.

There were toll roads everywhere. Like, a shit ton.

We took the long scenic route to the event and that took forever. On the way back, we took the shorter, faster, toll road. Fuck it. I’ll eat the cost.

The event.

Overall, it was good. We shot the shit out of it.

I had to go to my 18-200 DX lens because I needed the focal length. They’ll be fine with the DX crop. It is what it is, but they got the pictures.

I took over 5,000 pictures for that event and I still haven’t seen the other photographers.

The day was hot. We were outside most of the day, in the sun, in the heat.

Fucking hot.

Sweat.

Everywhere.

Down my face, back, body.

Yuck.

Disgusting.

But that’s our job.

It was an amazing opportunity for me, something fun and interesting that broke up my work year.

Definitely glad that I had the opportunity to shoot it.

I do have to admit, I was a little disappointed that I didn’t get to drive the Type R. I know that I’m not too comfortable with a stick, but I know the basics and can do it.

I would love to have a chance to just drive it on the track.

But, c’est la vie. It wasn’t meant to be.

I stopped by the beach after we got back to the hotel, before dinner.

The Atlantic was warm. The sand was nice. The air was wet. The heat was torching.

Miami.

I don’t know how I feel about you.

It was an experience that I would have never planned for myself, but it was a good first taste.

I know what to expect next time.

There will be a next time.

* * *

I’m fucking burnt. I’m fucking red.

My skin peels.

My face. Fucked.

I have another hiking trip coming up. Another chance to get fucked up some more.

I forgot to wear sunscreen while I was in Miami. That fucked me up. To say I got burnt is an understatement.

Denver, definitely will need some sunscreen.

* * *

Denver.

Right now, Denver is off to a Rocky start, pun intended.

So, it seems that the original Inn that we were going to stay in Estes Park was sold and the new owners didn’t want to honor all the reservations.

No one contacted me about it. My bro told me to check it out and I did.

So, I rushed and frantically called Hotels.com to make other arrangements. They found another hotel about 30 minutes away in Lyons, Co. It wasn’t ideal, but considering we are about a week out from the 4th of July weekend, all hotels/motels/inns/b&bs were sold out everywhere or the prices were just ridiculous.

It is what it is and we’ll just have to deal.

Either way, I’m looking forward to this trip. I’m looking forward to a break and a vacation.

It’ll be good.

I don’t know what I’m going to do besides hiking. I have no solid plans yet, besides the Night Tour at the Stanley Hotel.

I’m just going to wing the hikes that we’ll do and just base it on how busy it is.

Considering it is the 4th of July weekend, it’s going to be fucking crazy. I mean, how can it not be if every fucking hotel in Estes Park is sold out.

It’ll be a ridiculous weekend.

I’m sure I’ll do some more planning throughout the week.

I’m on vacation mode.

* * *

It’s been a while since I wrote about this or have brought it up, but I’m doing another Year of Yes.

This year is like any other year where there will be times when I just forget that I’m doing it, so I would say my typical no and others where I’ll remember and do it.

But, to be fair, it’s not like I have many opportunities to do it. I just go about my day, my life like I normally would and think nothing of it.

I did get invited to do an escape room with the Ad Ops and the Search team this past Wednesday. It was my first escape room and I’ve always wanted to do one, but never did because of the lack of friends and opportunities.

Remembering to say yes and just wanting to hang out anyway with the group, I went and it was pretty cool.

We started late, but we got out in about 52 minutes. It was fun and they were a good group of people to hang out with. It wasn’t awkward because for me because we were all working towards something anyway.

Then we went to get dinner at a local bar/restaurant down the street. I didn’t have a bad time, but their fucking service was horrible. A few of the group wrote 1-star reviews on yelp. Yeah, it was shitty service.

Year of Yes is still trucking along. I don’t get many opportunities, but I’m trying to make it an effort to remember to say yes to things.

Who knows what it’ll bring me and how long I fall back to my old ways?

* * *

I should be a model.

I was told that by the same girl twice and the last time was this past Friday. She’s too kind and nice, but she says she tells it like it is.

Compliments.

I just don’t know how to take compliments and I guess that’s something that I need to learn how to do, or do better.

I laughed of course when I heard her say that I should be a model, again. It’s just too funny. Me, a model. HA!

I don’t think there’s anything that’s very stylish about me. I just wear whatever I wear and for the most part, I simply don’t give a fuck. My hair is a perpetual mess of not knowing what it wants to be for I’m just trying to make it through until it is time for me to cut it.

The other day, I dressed up a little bit, button up shirt tucked in to my chinos and shoes. I received many compliments that day. I looked sharp. I always find it funny and in a way somewhat offensive when I do make the effort of fixing my hair and dressing in something other than my travel jeans, t-shirt, and a hoodie.

It just means that I look like shit any other day. My common response when someone tells me that I look nice today is I look nice every day and they are like, no.

If only I put in the effort, I guess. If only.

A few months ago, the Yam asked why I’m single because she thinks I’m the total package. I’m good looking, smart, cooks, etc etc etc. I don’t remember everything that she listed, but the gist is hey, you’re a good and decent guy, why are you single?

Again, a compliment that I don’t know how to take or answer. But the answer is complicated like it normally is.

I got back to this time and time again, I do wonder what people actually think of me.

I see many girls in the office would smile at me when they walk by, say hi and what not, but how many of them is because we work with each other and they are nice.

A few weeks back I had a conversation with Glymph and we were talking about guys liking her and I made the comment that there are no girls that like me or something in that vein and she just stops talking and smiles, like she almost got caught saying something that she shouldn’t. Of course, she didn’t expand on it and I didn’t press her on it.

Better to leave it. Most of the girls in the office are uber young anyway. Way too young.

* * *

I know that I seem like a broken record as of late, but I’m fucking stressed.

I don’t think the workload is about the workload, I think I just stress out on my lack of knowledge on how to do something, or maybe my frustration of not being able to figure something out.

I know that SharePoint in a sense, is a new system to me, but it’s not. I’m not a SharePoint expert. I would consider myself a power user or developer, but I am definitely not an expert, so I should give myself some slack, but that’s not how I operate.

Stakeholders would ask me to do this or do that and I just try and figure it out and I’ll run into roadblocks because I just don’t have the certain skill set to make it work, like coding. Sure, I would watch how-to videos on how to do certain things, but sometimes they’ll just need other pieces of software to make it work and I’ll just get frustrated again.

I’m limited by my knowledge and my resources and my skills. I have no coding experience and some of the things that I need to build or develop requires coding.

But I try and do and experiment and fail and get frustrated.

I have so many projects on my plate that I started to use OneNote to keep track of everything, from concept, what’s been done, how it works, site issues, etc etc.

Again, fuck 2017.

But, eventually I’ll find a solution to my issue and I’m sure it’s not the most kosher way to do things, but it works and I think at the moment, that is what matters.

I am really pushing Benjo to push to hire a SharePoint expert for the Tech department and maybe have our tech guys downstairs learn more stuff.

I could act like a conduit between the teams and the developer and help figure out what the team wants and let the developers do their fucking job and make things work.

Sure, it’ll take work off me, but hey, it works.

* * *

In a way, I really do hate my work ethic.

It’s good, but it’ll be the fall of me.

I have so many projects piling on me and all I want to do, even in my free time at home is to work and finish it.

It’s my coping mechanism to get this pressure off my shoulders. I just need to finish things.

I’m sure it is an OCD thing, but fuck me, so much shit.

I expect a lot of overtime when I really get to it.

Blah.

* * *

I still haven’t had much time to focus on the fucking Miami shoot.

Maybe tomorrow or tonight, I’ll go over the shot list again. I don’t know what the job number is.

But right now, I can’t even focus on anything because of work and me wanting to get away.

Blah. I have a vacation coming up for 4th of July weekend and I still need to prepare and plan for that.

After I get back from Miami, I’ll start planning on what hikes to do and what not. I’ll just say I’m on vacation mode, which is pretty much true.

I’ve been really lazy as of late, especially with my photography.

It’s not that I’m not taking pictures, it’s more about the processing out the pictures and posting on flickr. They’re not that many pictures either.

It’s just that when the weekend comes around, I don’t want to do anything. When i get home, I don’t want to do anything.

I don’t remember the last time I was diligent in doing things after work besides watching shows and TV. Last year?

Maybe.

Fuck 2017.

It’s been a busy and hectic year and it seems that it’ll only get worse.

C’est la vie.

* * *

My mind wanders, sitting here alone in this empty tea shop.

It goes to work, not able to turn off the constant wondering of finishing the project and figuring out the best approach to present things.

Does the app work? Does it fit their needs? Could it be done better? How do I do this?

The questions go on and on and one. The list grows as I doubt myself, questioning everything that was done. It’s a safety measure, a QA of sorts.

Still stress, but what’s new?

Work is work. I think I’m at a good place with the HRM tagging project to show and have a meeting setup on Tuesday to show what I envisioned for their team and workflow.

It’s not perfect, but it’s something.

Things are moving fast in that more teams are curious and interested in the new tools and what SharePoint has to offer and I’m the person that can help them. That’s a lot of pressure. That’s a lot of responsibility. That’s a lot of work.

But on to other things…Are there any?

* * *

It’s cold today. Not just cold outside, an overcast day, but cold in Volcano. The ac is blasting.

My mind is distracted, torn in so many directions and focused on so many other things that I can’t focus on any one thing. My thoughts to this little post is gone and I’m just writing to write.

Work.

Food.

Vacation.

Relish.

My life is just a jumbled mess being pulled in so many directions.

Stressed.

Stressed eating.

I’m sure things will get better once things will get down or when we get this whole SharePoint thing officially launched, but that’s still months and months away.

I got the work shoot in Miami to think about and then I have an actual fucking vacation.

Rocky Mountains National Park.

I still need to do some research and figure out what hikes to do and what to pack. I’m still coordinating with the flaky travel agency for the Italy trip. Man, they are totally slacking. Horrible.

There are times when I just feel like, let’s just do AirBnB and call it a day.

Let’s see what they turn up.

Money. Money. Money.

Gone. Gone. Gone.

Most of it was for Relish and it is what it is. It’s how it should be.

Now, I have to save up a few grand for the Italy trip, that’s going to be about $4k and then I’m still worried about Jun making her fucking car payments.

Man, this year is turning out to be a really tough and stressful year.

I’ll survive.

I hope.

* * *

Drinks.

Been drinking a lot. Again, it definitely has to do with the stress that I’m going through.

Instead of the whiskey, it’s mostly wine that I’ve been consuming. It goes with the cooking that I’ve been doing and I usually just drink at home. No hard liquor at home, even though I do have some scotch.

I don’t know what I did with my ice cube trays. Do I trust the cold water that is coming out of my tap? Maybe. I don’t know.

Maybe I should just invest in a liquor collection. Who knows?

Maybe.

Maybe.

* * *

Blah, my mind just went to work.

It’s been a while since I’ve been this stressed for so long.

I know I was stressed with Relish and what she’s gone through, and that is winding down. I’m talking about work.

It has been a while that I’ve been so stressed at work.

Before it was the transition from on-prem Exchange to O365 Cloud.

Now, it is SharePoint development and new Microsoft Tools.

I ran my experiments, my own pirate ship, as Benjo would like to call it, with different people and different groups in the agency, introducing this new tool to their work flow and trying to just make it work.

For the most part, I can see and understand what everyone wants and it is just me trying to figure out how to do that with SharePoint.

There’s a lot of development, meetings, questions, trial & error in getting everything up and running.

There’s just a lot of work and I’m the only one doing the development. I’m the only one that has the knowledge that knows how to develop in SharePoint.

So, everything is down to me.

It’s a lot of pressure because it seems that it is the tool that we are going to commit to. It’s the tool that will replace Social Bridge and it makes sense. It’s part of our license agreement. Why pay for something else when we have something that does the same thing.

The setup and the maintenance and the admin isn’t going to be fun, but at least it is robust and can do the job.

That’s what we’re looking at right now.

So, I’m knee deep in multiple projects and multiple roll outs in getting people what they want.

In a way, it is fun. I’m busy and I’m using my brain to figure shit out, but on the other hand I feel like I’m navigating blindly to figure things out.

At least we have a vendor to help with the build out and to make things pretty. I think that is one of our drawbacks, it looks plain and out of the box. It’ll get fixed.

The stress will subside once we go live and make the announcement and start actually building the structure and jump right into the development side of this project.

But yeah, this stress and everything with Relish, and all the onboarding of the new people…it’s been a fucking busy year and it is almost half over.

Almost half over.

Let’s hope the rest of the year goes more smoothly.

* * *

I need a vacation.

Thankfully, I have one coming up at the end of the month. Denver. The Rocky Mountains.

I need to plan that. Figure out what hikes to do. Figure out what to do in Denver. Where to eat? What to explore.

But mostly, I just want to enjoy and not think about work. I just want to get away from people and get back into nature to recharge.

I need nature in my life.

I need mountains in my life.

I need trees in my life.

I need more seclusion in my life.

It’ll be a good trip. It’ll be an interesting trip.

Looking forward to it.

* * *

With all the stress that I’m going through, I’ve been stress eating.

Been craving sugar and sugar and sugar and eating and eating and eating and eating whatever I can.

Meals on meals on meals. Fast food and other horrible foods that I normally don’t eat.

My diet is just trash, but I think I’m slowly getting back into things.

Started to cook again to help manage the stress, to Zen out and I think that helps a little bit.

But, let’s see.