The translation of the above from Google Translate is: contentment, may be able to self-security.

The translation of each couplet from 14th uncle is:

知足常乐: You are content with what you have, you don’t need any more or want anymore. You are not greedy.

能忍自安: You are able to bare and endure humiliation and abuse. You don’t care what other people say about you or what other people think about you.

The whole meaning of the two couplets as translated by Rei from Volcano is: as long as you are happy, everything will be okay.

Why is this important and why am I writing about it today? It’s because I’ve been living with this quote/idiom for about 10 years and I never knew what it said or what it meant.

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I bought the above painting from Chinatown about 10 years ago. It was during a time in my life when I was a little lost in my quarter life crisis and I was very impatient to get out of it and to find some direction. I was wandering aimlessly in this muddled fog not knowing where my life was going to go and I wasn’t too happy about it. Depressed would be a great word to describe it or the Darkness.

Wandering Chinatown one weekend, I went into a gift shop in the Old Chinatown Plaza and I found this scroll painting and thought that I needed a daily reminder that I just need to be patient with my life. Things will come from being patient. So, I bought it and hung it up, only knowing that the big character is patience and nothing more about the couplets beneath it. I always wondered what it was, but I never figured it out and soon it just became one of those mysteries that I would have to live with and be okay with.

It wasn’t until yesterday that the mystery was solved. I had to pick mom and 14th uncle, auntie, and big auntie up from San Pedro from their Mexican cruise. While sitting in the apartment, waiting for everyone to do their business before we head out to do some shopping, they asked if I knew what the characters mean and say. I told them I only know patience.

Then they explained it to me, couplet by couplet and then it blew my mind.

See, for the longest time, and as evidenced in this little void of mine, I have been living my life the way I want it and now how other people think I should live my life. I wanted to reach a level of zen and a happiness that I am totally okay with.

When they broke down each couplet, it just struck so close to home how these sayings describe me so much. I have been living my life according to these couplets and I never knew it. This painting predicted my future of how I will be without me even knowing.

I am very happy with my life. I’m very content with it. I am secure and very happy with what I have in my life. I don’t need an abundance of riches or the latest and greatest things. I have what I need, they work, and it’s the best. I’m happy. I am so sincerely happy in my life and those who know me well, can see that.

Also, when it comes to people and how they think about me, for the most part, I don’t give a flying fuck. Sure, it’s not perfect and there are times when I do feel self-conscious of what some people think, but I think I have gotten better in that part of myself. For the most part, I don’t give a fuck. I do what I want and if people don’t like it and talk shit about it, not my problem. I know for damn sure that those who know me well knows that about me.

It’s just funny and just so fitting that these couplets pretty much define me without me knowing. Or that all I wanted was to remind myself that I need to be patient with life, but it gave me a way to find some happiness and to be the person that I am now without me knowing it. It’s funny how that worked out.

It just makes me a little happier to know that.

* * *

My special weekend.

I like how a lot of people don’t know that when I say my special weekend I meant my birthday.

It was my bday last Sunday and I was out of town. I went to Sequoia National Park for the weekend just to get away from the city and to get away from people. It has somewhat become a tradition of mine that I spend my birthdays by myself. I’ve been doing it for a few years now. Grant it that some years, Scott would hang out and we’ll go watch a movie and keep it simple, but most of the time, I’m alone.

I just don’t want to deal with people. I don’t want to make a celebration of it. Ever.

It happened a few times and I wasn’t a fan of it. Definitely not a fan of it. So, I just tend to disappear and it works for me. I love it.

But, I went on this little road trip by myself to explore and to be one with nature.

For the most part, I loved it. It was just what I needed. But the weather could have been better, but overall, it worked. It added a little more drama to my pictures, even though I didn’t get to see the majestic scenery and views that I know that the park provided, but it just reaffirms the desire for me to go back one day when the weather is better.

I did a few small hikes on Friday, the day that I drove up. By the afternoon, the rain was coming down, so I opted to cut out a little early so I can get to the hotel and check into my cabin. The next day, was my only full day at the Park.

I did a few hikes and then drove to Kings Canyon National Park, so I can at least say I gone there and just to scope out the park and see what I can get into next time. This trip was more a scouting mission than anything else, and I’m okay with that.

On my actual special day, I decided to just stay in the cabin to do some writing. I thought it would be somewhat a good idea, a writer’s retreat in a way, but it kind of didn’t work out the way that I wanted to. I didn’t get that much writing done.

Sure I got my yearly diatribe out of the way, but I only finished one story. Just one, when I so wanted to get more done. I’m so behind on this writing project, it’s not funny anymore. I guess in a way, I am still in this little writer’s block of mine, or I’m just not as motivated as I use to be. I think I just don’t have a clear idea of what to write and that makes things a little more difficult.

With these blogs, for the most part, as long as I have a focused mind and I know what I want to say, it really isn’t a problem. But when I don’t have focus, things tend to not go well. The same thing applies to prose and my creative writing. Never a good thing and I know that I need to get on it.

I need to figure out a good system to help with that. Hopefully I’ll figure it out and just do it. I think I just have too many distractions. Distractions are never a good thing.

But overall, it was a great trip. I think at this point in my life, any trip where I can go and getaway to nature by myself is a great trip.

One thing that came out of this little trip of mine is that for some pictures, I am processing them out a little differently than I normally would. I’m adding and playing a lot more with saturation and vibrancy and luminance to make the colors pop more. I tend to shy away with that, but for some reason, some of the pictures that I took just looks better with it.

Maybe I never taken pictures in that nature with that type of light before and never in a time when there are so many different colors for me to play with. But, I love it. I love quite a few of the pictures that I took.

So, great weekend and I’m looking forward to more.

* * *

It’s been a while since I actually took a little break for my birthday. Since my little trip back in 2010 to Chicago, I decided to do a little trip for myself around my birthday. Now as the years gone by and my ambitions got the best of me in terms of traveling, sometimes, it never lines up with my trips actually being on or around my birthday.

Last year, the trip was in February to Iceland. Finally, I got things back this year, doing a little nature excursion to Sequoia and Kings Canyon National Park in central California.

After two days roaming around in nature in the misty haze of high clouds and rainy drizzle, I am taking a relaxed low key slow-paced day on my actual birthday. From Antoinette’s and probably back in my little cabin, I’ll write my yearly diatribe of another year older, another year wiser.

37. 37. 37. 37.

I am 37.

36 is over.

36 rolled off of me quiet in the night and now I’m 37.

What can I say about my past year?

36 was a great year. It was an excellent year. It was one of the best years in the past couple of years. Why?

I think it has to do with me getting the weight of my father’s death off of my chest and the new me that came from that. It was a brand new me, back to basics.

It’s been over a year that I had this feeling that I had gone back to Phong basics, similar to the first years that I came down to California. I would just do me, be me, and live my alone, but not so lonely, independent life.

All I would do was go watch movies almost on a weekly basis, go to work, and just chill and fill my time with whatever suits my fancy. Life at its simplest. What makes these past two years different from the first few when I first came down to LA? Being comfortable with who I am and being comfortable in my own skin.

It’s that simple.

Why make it any more difficult than you have to?

Life has been good as of late, and a lot of it came from being 36. This past year has been a reaffirming year that I should just do me and be me and damn the consequences.

I know that it rubs a few people the wrong way, many of them are my family who are pressuring me to settle down, meet someone, and get married, but I don’t know, being alone and single is what suits me best now.

Control. My life is in control, in my hands. I control the things that I have control over and I try my best to let other things just fall by the wayside. I’m getting better at that.

36 has taught me to appreciate the smaller things, the little things. The little vacations, or the little pictures or videos that just makes me smile. The little good deeds that you see that just pulls at your heartstrings. There is still some good in the world. The little things.

I wake up and am alive. I am still able to walk and to travel. Pickles is still healthy in his old age and my two furkids both get along with each other. The little things.

* * *

This one has gotten away from me already. Maybe a little change in scenery will help?

* * *

Back at the cabin/hotel after taking a small break and a stroll around the campus, along the river just to get my mind running listening to some little This American Life. Now, I’m back at it.

37.

I am 37 now and looking back it had been a blur.

36 had gone by so quick, that I didn’t even realize that it was over so soon. Looking back, memories just blend into one as they often do as one gets older and when one gets better.

36.

It was a great year. It was a year of me and definitely it was a year of Phong.

Back to basics would be a great way to describe my year. It was definitely a year of riding solo and the #yearofPhong. There’s no shame in that. There’s no shame in celebrating and enjoying one’s independence. It’s your life, live it how you want to live it.

With this ease and with this control in my life, that surprised confidence that sprung up on me quite a few years back is growing and that nagging sense of optimism that came out of nowhere is still riding strong with me.

I think the one thing that I had embraced, at least for the past couple of years and that helped me tremendously is to just take it one day at a time. Life, shouldn’t be rushed. Stop thinking so far ahead in the future. Stop thinking how my life would be a year from now, five years from now, 10, 20. Just stop and think of it one day at a time.

There’s no need to rush it. We all die, and it is best that we die without regrets. I believe that if we live our lives the way we want to live it, by our own rules and our choices, then one should be happy with the life they are living. There would be no regrets if I die tomorrow. I set out what I want to do.

36.

Control.

If I had to pick a thing that I learned about myself in 36, it is control. Sure, the knowledge how much of a control freak I am had been stinging in the back of my mind for a few years now, but it was reaffirmed during my therapy a year back. I think I took it heart and finally embraced it. It’s the thing that I learned most about myself this past year.

Control.

Being in control is a tough balancing act, controlling your life, making your decisions that best suits you, selfish choices, though good for you, have its consequences. You just have to be okay with whatever those consequences are and you have to be responsible with your choices.

36.

Being alone. Being independent. Being me.

36 was definitely a year of me. It was the year that I started to embrace the new me, the one that embraces my independence and my singleness. Most of my choices that I made were strictly about me and my happiness.

Being alone. Traveling. My projects. All about me.

Will 37 be a continuation of that or will I allow for the possibility that there is more to me than me, like a we? Will I finally choose to be okay being with someone? Would 37 be the year of being open to the idea of being in a relationship?

Maybe 36 and the year of independence need to happen so I can finally propel myself to being able to let that go and start sharing some of my experiences with someone? I don’t know, but it’s a possibility.

36.

Confidence.

With each passing year, as I get more comfortable with who I am, I do see how I’m more secure and more confident. There’s still a lot of room for improvement in that side, but there is growth. There is definitely an up trajectory, but is it enough for me to do things that are out of my comfort zone?

I don’t know yet. I still find it funny that when it comes to decisions that affect me and only me no matter how horrible or unsafe they maybe, I’m confident and often times optimistic that things will work out well.

But when it comes to things and decisions that affect or involve other people, not so much. I don’t know why, but maybe it has to do with not wanting to hurt or disappointing the other party involved. Maybe that’s why I only try to do things on my own and not involve other people. I don’t know how to reconcile something like that.

Maybe this year will change that as I try to get more people involved in my life, get more involved in other people’s life and maybe hopefully just go out more.

It is going to start with the whole Year of Yes thing. Saying yes to more things, like happy hours and what not, but it is a start. I hope.

Maybe I’ll start asking people out to do things. I know it is just as simple as asking, but there are times when I just don’t know how to do it. Maybe 37 will be the year that I learn how.

There’s still a lot more learning and growing that I need to do and hopefully 37 doesn’t disappoint me in that area.

* * *

It seems this one had really gotten away from me. I’m not at my usual writing this and maybe that’s a little distracting, who knows. Maybe I’ll come back to this in the next few weeks, an addendum to my another year older, another year wiser. Who knows?

But I think I’ll end this one here.

I’m going to bid a great adieu to 36 and with open arms welcome my new number, 37.

I’m 37. Bring it on.

Tired.

Really tired. I had a very long long weekend before and daylight savings time happened. We all lost an hour. Fuck. Let’s just say that this week sucked.

It wasn’t like I was busy at work. I did what I had to do, but I didn’t go back to my SharePoint project. I put that aside as I let it gestate in the back of my mind some more to try and figure out how I am going to build that damn thing. The current version works. It works well albeit that it is not very cohesive. Flat form. Database somewhere else. Too many mistakes. I want something done one fell swoop. Easy peasy. Let’s hope I figure it out.

But no, I decided not to do much this week because of the stupid time change. That one fucking hour. It’s dark when I get up and I rise with the sun. I still get up around 6 in the morning, but man, it’s tough.

* * *

Tired.

This week had been tiring and it just wasn’t the time change either. The wedding. Not my wedding, thankfully, but a wedding none the less.

A few weeks ago Mom called me up and asked if I wanted to go to Kathy’s wedding in Sacramento. I asked who’s wedding it was and she told me it was Kathy. I don’t remember Kathy. Her Chinese name didn’t ring a bell, but my mom assured me that I know her and talked to her. I know her mom and have a vague recollection of that whole time we visited them a few years back, but yeah, the bride, no recollection.

It wasn’t until I talked with Cloud that I figured out who it was; the girl that participated in my photography project. So, done and done. I agreed. I was going because it is family and that my mom asked and that I get to hang out with my mom, Cloud, and Aunts. Family. They mean a lot to me.

The night before I was to drive up to Sacramento, the bride called me up and asked if I could be their wedding photographer. Very last minute and I was totally surprise that she would ask, out of the blue. Very surprised, but I agreed. #yearofyes.

Year of yes indeed.

So, the plan was that mom, aunts, and Cloud would catch an early flight and get into Sacramento at about 10:30AM or so. I would get in town around 1-2PM, so things would be good. Things would be awesome. When I get there, I would know some people and have my mom to hang out with, but…no. Not the case. When Sinh bought the tickets, he booked it where they come in at 10:30 at night, instead of the morning. So, when I got there, I didn’t really know anyone and just chilled.

Thankfully, First Auntie and Uncle from Philly came shortly after I arrived, so it wasn’t that awkward.

But yeah, it was an interesting Friday. I chilled, had dinner, and then went back to the hotel until they landed and then drove to my aunt’s to meet up with my mom.

For the most part, the wedding went off without a hitch. It was exactly how one would expect a Chinese wedding to go down. Tea ceremony in the morning and the banquet at night. There was some miscommunication with me shooting the wedding party pictures after the tea ceremony, but all in all, done and done.

I took a shit ton of pictures at the wedding. Party after party lining up to have their photos taken with the newlyweds. I would say that I was the second shooter, but it felt more like I was the first shooter. The other shooter seemed like the groom’s uncle or something. An older gentleman with an entry level camera and a kit lens.

So, in the morning, I dropped mom off at aunts and then I just drove straight home. I came back and napped. I needed sleep since I didn’t sleep too well at the hotel. Sleep. I miss sleep. I need sleep.

Sleep is my friend. I miss my friend.

* * *

I took about 2400+ pictures of the whole wedding. Many of them were duplicates. I took on average about 4-6 shots for each picture/pose because I just used my high shutter speed. I wanted to get the most pictures with the least amount of time to get good coverage, just in case someone blinks or it was out of focus or any other thing that could possibly go wrong.

It took me until close to midnight Wednesday night (early Thursday morning) to finish curating and processing out the pictures. I uploaded the pictures and sent them off. Done and done.

So, I really didn’t get to relax until Thursday. With the many late nights, my whole circadian rhythm was out of sync and in a way it is still is. But, I’m glad that that is now over and I can go back to my regularly scheduled program of just being a couch potato. Going to bed at my designated bedtime and just chill and relax.

* * *

Which now brings me to Daredevil, Season 2. Netflix just dropped it yesterday and this weekend is just me binging the show and cooking. I need to relax. I might get some wine with dinner. I just want to not do anything, even though I have laundry to fold and clothes to iron. But all in all, not much planned this weekend and I am so happy because of it.

* * *

Cooking project.

I took a hiatus on it for the past couple of weeks after my flurry of desserts. I needed a break, plus I needed to detox from sugar. I got one more dessert to make and I’m going to just put that aside for now and focus on better things, apps and entrees/sides.

The next thing I’ll make is a Turkish Pide. The closest thing that can be used to describe it is a Turkish pizza or flatbread with a lot of toppings. The plan is to make it tomorrow, so I need to research how to do it. Plus, I need more yeast.

Which brings me to the Netflix show Cooked. It’s a great documentary by Michael Pollan, the man who wrote The Omnivore’s Dilemma. It is a documentary that looks at food, but not in your typical shows like Bourdain or Zimmern, but more from an anthropological, sociological, and scientific side of cooking. It was very very interesting and it just solidifies my ideas and ambitions of just wanting to cook everything from scratch. No chemicals, just whole ingredients to make food.

One line that struck out to me in the documentary was, “You can eat anything you want and as much of it as you want. You just have to cook it.” It is true. If you cook your food from scratch, you know exactly what goes into your body. You have that control. There are very little to no chemicals. Much healthier living, even though I do cheat and eat out or eat some processed food once in a while, but yes, it is healthier.

I’ve had that idea and philosophy for a few years now and it seems that my mom has the same idea. She, like me, wants to make everything from scratch too, just so she knows exactly what she’s eating.

I’m sure I have a lot more fun than her in terms of cooking and experimenting, but it’s all the same.

I would like to think that I’m healthy for living this type of lifestyle. I think I am, compared to most people, but yet, there are a lot of things that I love to eat that isn’t that great for me, particularly my heart. My cholesterol is a little high and the doctor recommends that I cut out red meat and other foods that can increase that. I haven’t. I’ve been eating and cooking the same food that I had always been, but I do understand and see that I need to slightly change my diet and include more vegetables. I need to reduce my intake of red meat, meat, in general.

Slowly, I’m changing that. I’m tweaking my diet left and right and soon, maybe it’ll be better. Maybe. We shall see.

* * *

After watching the Cooked documentary I had the idea of starting my own yeast culture and start baking my own bread. Again, everything from scratch. My boss watched the documentary also and loved it and had the same idea.

I just started my sourdough starter yesterday and hopefully I can make it work.

I love bread. I love a nice crusty and soft airy bread. Sometimes a good crusty and a little dense wheat bread is great. Give me some good butter. Even better. Add in some liver pate, just pure awesomeness.

I made a loaf of no knead bread this morning. I haven’t had it yet, but hopefully it is good. The yeast I used wasn’t the best, but hopefully, my next batch would be better.

Gluten sensitivity.

I’m not gluten sensitive. I don’t have celiac disease. But there are times when I eat bread, it just makes me bloat and gassy.

Now, the idea is that gluten is the issue. Gluten is fucking with our stomachs and it is evil. It the reason why we are having so many digestive issues.

But, I don’t think that is the case. From the documentary, and this make sense, is that the bread we are eating, isn’t bread. Bread is made up of four ingredients: flour, salt, yeast, and water.

People have been eating bread for millenniums and never had any problems. It wasn’t until industrialization started and we started to mass produce bread at the biggest margins that these sensitivities came to be. As bread companies make bread, using cheapest ingredients and chemicals, to make bread; bread is no longer bread.

It is mostly chemicals and maybe, just maybe, these sensitivities are from these chemicals and not gluten.

I’ve had straight-up gluten in stir-fry dishes before and that shit was good.

There are quite a few people who said that when they start to make their own bread from scratch, that they never had any problems that they normally would when they eat gluten. When my boss started to make his no knead bread, he never had any issues.

Maybe it is the chemicals that we are ingesting.

Moral of the story, the moral of this rant, scratch food is great food. Know exactly what’s going into your body.

* * *

Cook more.

That’s what I’ve been focusing on the past couple of years. I’m trying to learn new tricks and learn new recipes and trying to push myself to cook things that I have never cooked before. I’ve learned so much along the way. I’ve built up my repertoire of quick go to dishes.

I love it.

I love food.

* * *

My special day is coming up. It’s just a few days away and then I’ll be another year older, another year wiser. I already decided that I’ll continue my tradition of going on a trip around my birthday. I’ve been on a hiatus with this for the past couple of years because of the bigger trips I planned that took place in lieu of it, but this year, it’ll be back.

I have decided to finally go to Sequoia National Park and Kings Canyon to go hiking. I hope the weather will be good, el Niño and all. Hopefully.

The next weekend, mom, aunts, and uncle will be back from their Mexican cruise and I’ll be hanging out with them and be their chauffeur for the day. I don’t mind. It’s always good to see family again.

But, yes, I think in the next coming weeks, I’ll have to think about my yearly entry and figure out what to write. It’ll come a few weeks late, but there will be one.

I have to find time and fit it in with my short story writing project for this year. I’m so behind on it. I need to get on it.

Today is Chinese New Year’s Eve.

I missed out on the festivities last year as I was stuck in SeaTac airport waiting for my flight back to Los Angeles. I didn’t is because I just came back from Iceland and it was well worth it.

This year, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be going to Great Uncle’s to carry on the tradition of spending it with him and his family. I’ve been doing it for since forever, ever since I had moved down to Los Angeles. I always had a great time doing it and eating and just getting together. It’s nice.

That will be the trek later this afternoon.

I had been lazy the last couple of years in terms of visiting them. For some reason, I just dropped off the map of visiting them and I know it is my fault. There was something that Uncle said years and years ago that rubbed me the wrong way and I had been not going to visit as often because of it. I forget what it is, but I know that it more or less had to do with me dropping off Pickles for them to dog sit while I was away on vacation or work.

So, I didn’t want to bother them anymore. I didn’t want to inconvenience them with it anymore, and I don’t go around there much anymore. It is what it is and maybe I can start going back and doing regular visits again. Maybe.

I do love my lazy Sundays and my do nothing weekends.

* * *

I’m stuck on a short story. I have decided to rewrite and do another draft and maybe go in in another direction for the short story Skinny Love. The main story is there. It is about the dissolution of a relationship that really didn’t work out. Before I was telling it in separate perspectives, but now I wanted to tell it in a different perspective and I’m just having a little trouble starting it.

I’m taking a break from it these short story writing to blog today. I know it’ll push me even further behind on these short stories, but I think I’ll manage and survive. The prompts would just grow and grow and I’ll get to them when I get to them.

I usually take my time to develop the story than Blocks anyway. I would usually be behind.

But today, i think I’m just going to blog and get my fingers tapping and maybe brainstorm and free write and hopefully it’ll give me an idea of what I want to write or how I should structure my story. I just need that little muse. I just need that little oomph so I have a little direction as to how to take the story.

Writing is hard.

* * *

It’s crowded today at Volcano. It’s all new people or people that I’m not familiar with here. Not my regulars and there’s a backup on drinks. It doesn’t seem like they know what they are doing. All drinks are backed up because the boba isn’t ready yet. So slow.

Bring back my regulars. They fucked up my order. Blah and I don’t want to change it because it is so slow. They put sugar in my drink and I asked for no sugar.

Hahhaa, they are weak.

* * *

Can I write at work? I don’t know if I can. I’m always distracted. I’ve done it a few times because I had to, but I don’t think they were any good. I got some things out but they were eh.

We shall see.

Blah, just going to reread some old stories, to get my juices going.

Probably will go back to my original draft of Skinny Love. Who knows.

Last day before I got back to my regularly scheduled program.

Last day of this small temporary routine that I had made for myself whenever I decided to stay home for the holidays.

Last day of my break.

I’ll be spending it doing something a little out of the norm, which is getting my eyes checked out. I usually do it on a weeknight, but I needed new contacts. I’m not even going to my usual optometrist but the other one just because she was available sooner.

I guess in a way, I am glad that the break is over and that we are starting things back up again. I have a little more routine and more direction in my day instead of just being at home vegging out in front of the couch. I’m glad that I kind of won’t have idle hands anymore.

Last day.

* * *

Back to routine.

Back to trying to eat healthier, not that I’m eating horribly now, but I have definitely gained some weight that I lost back during the break.

It was just a lot of time for me to cook and eat and cook and eat while not being as active.

Definitely need to get my step count back up.

Something to look forward to.

Back to routine.

* * *

Hey Jude

Music.

It’s such a big part of my life.

Humming the sweet melodies that are stuck in my head as I walk the halls. Most of them are the last songs or melodies that I heard before I go on these little brisk walks.

They are strong in creating memories.

Different songs bring up different memories and emotions, time traveling to the distant past. So contemplative.

Music.

Such a wonder.

But I don’t think music have that strong of an impression on me anymore. I listen to music differently now.

Before, I would do everything to the sound of music. I burn miles with a soundtrack that was current with that time. My long morning walks with Pickles would be filled with pop tunes or whatever I was interested in.

Now, music is on the back burner, replaced by books and podcasts. From time to time, I’ll take a time out and listen to music on these walks, filling my life with melodies instead of the spoken word, but they are few and far between.

Music is put aside as I try to maximize my time. I get through books easier and faster if I listen to them. I get through interesting podcasts the same way.

But there is a little FOMO going on though. I don’t want to miss out on the interesting podcast or the be so out of the loop in the cultural zeitgeist. I guess I’ll just have to let it go and be okay with that.

That’s why my YouTube feed is so fucking crowded. I don’t need to see everything. Not everything I watch on there on the regular is interesting, but yet, I add them on my queue.

Maybe this something that I’ll need to start doing for the new year, cut down on unnecessary shit.

I love books, so Audible will stay. Interesting podcasts will stay. YouTube is the biggest time suck and I’ll have to whittle it down. I’ve worked down my watch later queue, so I can start to re-curate with only things that are interesting and maybe it is time to unsubscribe from a few feeds.

Let’s do that now. Cleaned. Cut down. Smaller.

Now I only listen to music is when I’m working or writing. Not many impressionable memories being made there.

* * *

De-clutter.

There’s too much junk in my house, in my life.

There’s just a lot of stuff that I horde in which I will rarely ever use. I keep stuff when I really don’t need to.

Throw them out. Toss them away, I say.

Whittle things down to the bar essentials.

It’ll make life simpler.

Maybe.

It makes sense and I don’t see why not.

I’ve already cleaned out my closet and donated clothes that I don’t wear anymore.

I’ve cleaned out my drawers and cabinets last year and it might be time to do it again.

My kitchen drawers are a mess.

Toss everything.

Donate everything.

Clean out.

De-Clutter!

Live simpler.

Live better.

* * *

The little break is winding down.

This is the last weekend before I head back to work on Monday. Will it be different? Will it be the same? Will there be a short slowness as we ramp things up again back to full speed?

I don’t know and I really don’t care.

Soon, the new work year will start and soon, I’ll get my step count up again.

There are so many things that I will need to do come January.

I’ll need to make a doctor’s appointment for my yearly checkup. I totally skipped it last year. Time just flew by.

I’ll have to take Pickles to the vet for his checkup too. So many checkups.

I’m not sure what to do with Relish. Do cats need regular checkups or are they more like, if something is definitely wrong, then you should bring him in.

No fucking clue man. No fucking clue.

* * *

It’s cold in the shop today. The AC blows hard down the window shield which I’m sitting next too. Sure, I can pick up and leave, which I must might do, but hot damn man, hot damn, they need to warm this fucker up. It’s fucking cold.

I moved. No draft. Better.

* * *

As one can see today isn’t as focused as it was yesterday. There was direction and substance in yesterday’s posting, but today, today is just ramblings to rule get things out. Today is junk day.

Free writing.

The day is still early, but it’s lonely here today. It’s quiet today.

Sure, for the most part, the usual crew is here, no Iris, but it’s different.

I don’t know why, but it is very quiet. Not that many people waiting or wanting to get tea today. They come and go, come and go.

Usually I’m a fan of that, but not today. I want some solidarity, someone to come in pick a table and just hunker down and get some work done, like I am doing.

I don’t know why, but that’s how I am today.

* * *

Today will be a slow day as I just sit and ponder what to do today, or the day ahead or just surf and waste time. Who knows?

Blah, switching gears.

Back to creative writing.

I want to finish the prose I’m working on.

2016.

New year.

It’s a brand new day to a brand new year. I actually stayed up just past midnight to ring it in by reading a book.

I’ve been trying to finish the Louis Cha – Jin Yong The Condor Heroes Trilogy for years now.

These series of books consist of The Legend of the Condor Heroes, The Return of the Condor Heroes, and finally The Heaven Sword and Dragon Sabre.

I’ve been wanting to read these books for the longest time as I grew up watching the Hong Kong TVB Series in the early 80s. I loved them.

I have read the second one years ago and a few months ago I started on the first one. These books are fucking long. Each book comprises of four separate books, each totally about 500 pages each. So, yeah, long.

I’m about halfway through the third book of the first series. So, soon, I’ll finish.

After I finish The Legend of the Condor Heroes, I’ll most likely rewatch the series again and then I just have to decide what I want to read next.

I don’t have that many ambitious reading goals for 2016, like I didn’t have one for 2015, so I’m debating as to what to read next.

I had a reading goal a few years back when I just wanted to finish one book during that year, but I never finished it. I didn’t even get a quarter of the way through. That was way too ambitious. That book? David Foster Wallace’s The Infinite Jest.

It’s a hipster book, I know. All hipsters read it and loved it and whatever it, and every raved about it, I know I know, and I just wanted to read it. The movie Liberal Arts with the lovely and beautiful Elizabeth Olsen slyly made reference to the book and Wallace without actually saying it.

It’s still on my TBR list. Maybe one day I’ll finish it. Maybe.

I think I’ll just put off The Heaven Sword and Dragon Sabre and read a few smaller books before I get back to it. I have quite a few books in my TBR and I’m sure I can pick a few to get me by until I want to read HS&DS.

Maybe I should get back to Stephen King. With the whole The Dark Tower series coming together and being filmed as a TV and off shoot movies, that might be what I’ll do next year. I’ll just get back to Stephen King that way, by reading the entire seven book series.

I think that will be good enough. I’ll be rereading a few of the books again, but I’m fine with that. It’s been at least 20 years since I’ve read those books. It’ll be like new again.

* * *

2016.

New Year.

New starts.

Resolutions.

I usually never ever do resolutions and stick to them. I thought I was going to get in shape and be healthy a few years back. Got a Fitbit and new running shoes for it. Never happened. I think I ran for like two days and then gave up. Six months later, I turned my Fitbit in for a refund because the band was getting jacked up.

Now, I do have a new Fitbit which I have for over a year and have been getting my step counts up for most of the year. Am I any healthier, probably not, but it’s something.

I don’t think I’ll do any health related resolutions. Those are tough. I think for the most part; I am relatively healthy. I don’t eat terribly and most of the food I eat are home cooked with whole foods. So, it’s not like I’m consuming things I can’t pronounce or don’t know what’s in it. I’m relatively healthy and that’s a good thing.

So, nothing health related.

One thing that I’ve always wanted to do is to learn music. I’ve always been curious about reading music and being able to play music. I’ve always been a little jealous of musicians and think how they are able to make music is magical.

Maybe it is time for me to actually focus and learn how to read music and pick up my guitar and finally learn it.

Learn the cords. Learn how to strum. Learn how to pick. Learn learn learn.

Maybe I’ll be able to do it.

It won’t be easy and it’ll take a lot of time, but that’s all I have, time. Maybe do something worthwhile with all the spare time that I have and just learn something.

I just need to figure out the best approach on how to do it.

I’ve tried to learn many things on my own and many of them weren’t very successful.

I think it is a matter of focus, a matter of commitment, and just a simple matter of practice.

Do it.

Once I learn, from there, the possibilities are endless!

* * *

2016.

New Year.

Blank canvas.

What I chose today could in turn dictate and shape what will happen for the rest of the year.

There’s a fad or a life choice that had been going around for quite some time now. It comes and goes and recently it came back up into the zeitgeist again, and it is the year of Yes!.

It first came to my attention quite a few years back, 2005, I believe, when Yes Man came out. Recently Shondra Rimes’s new book is about her year of yes.

The concept is simple; say yes to everything. If an opportunity comes up, say yes to it. If someone asks if you want to go out and do something, say yes. Just say yes to everything.

Simple.

Maybe this year can be the year of yes. I don’t see why not.

To be fair, I’ve done something similar a few years ago. It wasn’t a year of yes, but I agreed to do things that I normally wouldn’t do, which got me to get out of my house more and socialize.

It’s not that I haven’t tried it, but it is something that had always been in my mind, to say yes more. To participate more. To do more.

Yes.

Let’s be clear, it’s not like I say no all the time. I don’t. I’m just picky as to what I want to do.

I’ve gone out a few times this year. I’ve always said yes when someone asks me to hangout or go out to dinner and what not. I’ve always said yes in terms of hanging out with Dan and getting drinks from time to time.

I don’t say no to everything. I just know what I want to do and what I would rather not do.

I just think that my friends, and what a limited number of friends that I do have, knows my character and personality that they just don’t ask me to do things anymore.

But, whenever people asks me, maybe this year, I’ll say yes a little more often.

Who knows? Imagine the possibilities.

2016.

The Year of Yes – with caveats.

Fine, I’ll just say yes more. Let’s make it that simple.

* * *

2016.

New Year.

Let’s bring it back to something that I’ve been telling myself, one of my mottos, which is just control, and not sweat the small stuff.

If something bothers you that you have no control about, don’t sweat it. Let it go. Just relax and let it go.

I know a lot of my anger and frustrations this year was all work related and because of a few individuals. I have no control on how they work and who they are.

Just let it go. No point in letting it get to me. No point in being angry about them. Just let it go.

It’ll help me talk less shit about people. I’ll just help me be a better person.

So, practice what you preach and just be a nicer person, a better person, and just let things go.

Be nicer. Stop talking shit.

Just stop talking shit.

This may help cut down on the inner monologue of judgments that come and go about people I see and what they do.

I want that to stop. I don’t feel like a good person when I do things like that.

So, I have the control over what gets me angry, so just take control and not sweat the small stuff.

I am already good at not letting the big things that I have no control about get to me, now it is time for the small stuff.

Let’s do it.

It’ll help me be a better person and a much much nicer person.

Be nice, asshole.

* * *

2016.

New Year.

Leap year.

I have one extra day this year to be even more awesome.

I’m kind of glad that I’m not doing a 365 this year. Man, imagine, one more day of taking pictures. 365 days is already hard enough, but man, 366. Fuck no.

But in all honesty, there are a lot of things that I would like to do. All of these things listed are things that I can do anytime in my life. I really don’t need a new year to start doing them. Not at all.

I’m not sure if I’ll get to finish or even start to do any of the things that I listed here or not, but it gives me a little hint of things to look forward to, I guess.

I’ll most likely do what I normally do and that is just wing it and go with the flow. I’ll do whatever I feel like doing and whether I follow through and finish it or not, I’m not sure.

I’m not going to put that kind of pressure on myself.

No pressure at all. All of these things are life and death things.

They just are things that I would like to do to better myself. These are things that I would like to learn.

All in all, every year, I just try to be a better person, learn something new or interesting or just continue to learn and retain information that I don’t already know and just grow and be a better person.

In all honestly, that’s not a lot to ask for.

2016.

Here we go.

Cold.

Chilly.

Since it is the end of the year and I’m officially on break from work, one would expect me to be at home 2 for it this year, but no, I’m down in sunny SoCal freezing my ass off in the lukewarm 60-degree weather. Man, who would think that 60 degree weather would be this chilly. Something is definitely amiss here.

I guess it’ll just be something that I’ll never understand and I’ll just have to live with it.

Let it be indeed.

It’s Christmas Eve and I am here in my usual spot trying to figure out if I should start my yearly bah humbug today or should I just let it permeate a little more, but I think I’m just going to get it going. I already know that it’ll take a few days, so might as well get an early start on it.

Might as well.

I’ll get a little Help! with The Beatles on Spotify.

So, here I am, starting my usual bah humbug to each and everyone.

2015…Here we go.

* * *

I know that I should have been preparing for this for the past couple weeks if not days, knowing that it is something that I usually do anyway, but I just seem so unprepared for this or maybe it is just my lack of motivation that is preventing me from doing it properly, but I’m just going to wing it.

2015.

What can I say about it?

It seems that this year is me going back to my roots, me going back to the days of yore, days not unlike the first couple of years that I moved down to Los Angeles. It was definitely a year of #partyofone. It was definitely a year of just me, doing my own thing and not caring about anyone or anything else.

It definitely was a year of Phong and a selfish year.

And I don’t have a problem with that.

I think with last year being such a big family year, with the road trips with mom and my aunts around California, then the South East Asia trip, Utah with my bro, and finally being home for Christmas break, that was the most time I had spent with family.

Sure, I didn’t get to see a lot of family last year, even though it was such a family oriented year, but it was still a lot more family than what I was accustomed to.

With that in mind, near the end of last year, I started to plan my solo 2015 journey, with my trip to Iceland and actually doing something for New Year’s, which was spending it along in my favorite city, Chicago.

There’s a thing that I heard quite a few years ago about how you spend your New Years can predict how your year is going to be. It’s something along the lines of whoever you kiss or whoever you spend your New Year’s Eve with is who you’ll spend your year with.

Now, considering I spend all of my New Year’s for the longest time ever by myself, at home with Pickles, and that’s usually how my year goes. I’m usually with my dog, on road trips, hiking and what not. The year I got Relish, I passed it with the two of them and they have encompassed my life.

Now last year, I spent my year alone, somewhat comfortable in a bar full of strangers, in a city that I love but don’t live in. It’s me spending my NYE doing my own #partyofone thing and it pretty much set the tone for 2015.

2015.

#partyofone.

That was/is pretty much the theme of this past year.

And I loved ALL of it.

2015, the year of Riding Solo.

* * *

In a way 2015 was kind of a new start for me. It was a year of the new me.

Last year was a year of therapy, going and getting my head shrunk, coming to terms with the loss of my father and the guilt that I’ve held deep inside for believing that I was responsible for his death.

Near the end of our sessions and during our sessions, I realized a lot about me that explains my actions and basically why I am the way I am…well for the most part. I have come to terms with my father’s death and am starting to believe that it was what it was, an accident. I no longer hold onto the guilt of his passing, but I still do miss him, which is all I can do and should feel.

Our sessions ended early in the year, like in January I believe and I was pretty much on my own since then. I was on my own, with this new found sense of who I am, and freerer than I have ever been in a long long time.

It was a new year for a new me and I started back at basics. I just found things that focus on me.

I started and finished or am on my way of finishing a few personal projects. They were something to keep my mind off of things and to focus on others and for something to do.

* * *

Projects

Feeling that my camera had been neglected last year, I felt that I should do another 365 project.

The only time that I used it is whenever I go on vacation and that was about it. Sure I took quite a few last year on my many vacations and trips, but I believe that I could sure use it more. So, 2015, another 365 and I am coming down to my last couple of days. I can’t wait for it to finish.

The camera isn’t working well. From time to time the camera won’t fully go down, so I’ll need to take it into Nikon to get it fixed after the new year.

A perk of having to carry around my camera all the damn fucking time is that I got to get more People Project pictures. I made it a rule that whenever anyone asks why I have a camera with me all the time, I ask them if I can take their picture. It worked like gang busters.

The other project that I’m doing is a cooking project.

I decided that I will cook 30 things/recipes that I have never made before. They can’t be variations of things that I have made before, but have to be things that I never created.

Things included hand made noodles, poke, cakes and desserts and even some bbq sauce.

It was a fun project. I have surpassed my 30 recipes and will still be making more.

This was one of the funniest things that I did this past year and all in all, it was a success and it just helps me relax and I get to eat great food afterwards.

I think I’m going to be making that an ongoing project where I’ll do something similar from here on out. It’s just fun and very challenging.

Sure, there might be a year when I’ll be over it or I’ll impose other rules or some themes, but right now I’m rolling with it.

Writing.

It kind of happened this year. It seemed that I focused more on my blog than most anything else this year. I did finish my last script. There are some major problems with it and then I took a break from script writing and decided to work on a short story. It’s still unfinished.

Eventually, I’ll get back to it. Maybe. Hopefully 2016 will bring back this writing bug that I had.

It’s fun.

There’s one last project, well, I wouldn’t consider it a project, but it is something is that I decided to donate my hair again. It started from last August and it was just another continuation of it.

If that hair project isn’t a selfish and a Year of Phong thing, I don’t know what else it is. As it got longer and as I got more and more annoyed with the hair, the crazier hairstyles that I’ll tie it up with.

I did not give a fuck. I really didn’t even when people started to laugh or make comments on my hair.

Eventually, as people got used to it, they seem to enjoy it, to like my crazy hair styles and even comment on how beautiful my hair is when I just leave it down. I know I can’t fucking wait to cut it. It seems it’ll reach the desired 10 inches in a few weeks.

I’m just counting down the days.

Will I be done growing and donating my hair after this time? I think it’ll definitely be some considerable amount of time before I will do it again, but who knows, this time wasn’t really planned. One day, I just decided.

Most likely, the next time will be the same. I just decided.

* * *

Travel

This year came and went in a blur.

Memories explode and fade and explode and fade and mixes in with other memories of the past. I cannot place them or see their time stamp. They all clump together in the past without distinction.

This year, a blur.

Most of it has to do with the amount of traveling and little trips that I made this year. Surprisingly there were only two planned vacation trips this year and the rest were either for work or for other obligations. Every two or three months I would take off for a few days or even a week.

But the one trip that ruled all of them was the Iceland trip. It changed my life. It was me, doing me. It was me, riding solo. It was me, not putting my life on hold and just living it the way I have grown to do.

It was spectacular and I would think about that trip and Iceland every few days.

I want to go back. You can find my entry on it somewhere on this blog of mine, but Iceland, awesome.

Technically, it was my first, but not really first trip of the year. I want to count my little Chicago side trip for New Year’s.

To think I went during New Year’s to see how cold it was, to see if I can survive their winters, in case I ever move there. There’s still that possibility.

I do love that city.

Then there was Dat’s wedding the end of March. Looking back, all of my time with family have had to do with these little trips. Even though it was a year of me, there were definitely some family time involved. Saw a lot of family at Dat’s wedding and the same during Uncle’s memorial in July and again, hung out with my bro during my Chicago work trip.

This was a year of connecting with family via trips and not making an effort to see them to see them, but to visit them because of some other reasons.

Those were my family moments.

Surprisingly this was a year of visiting friends too; friends that I haven’t seen in years.

It started with a simple text about Katy getting married. The wedding was during Memorial Day weekend and it was in Watsonville. I made a mini-road trip out of it, driving up the PCH and visiting Hearst Castle. Overall, it was nice to see these old friends again. It definitely was a while.

While at the wedding, I saw Rutledge and then decided that I was going to visit the Carters on Labor Day. I flew out and visited a friend and stayed with them. I never done that before, but it was really really good that I saw them and hung out. It felt right and it felt like the old days. I loved it.

Hopefully it won’t be as long as it was before we see and hang out with each other again.

I was surprised that there was so much traveling for work this year also. I guess it was just time again to do another round of server refreshes to our remaining regional offices. The Dallas and Moorestown were just short trips and was so rushed in terms of landing and going straight to work and working late. I got sick in Dallas just because my body just gave up

Chicago was the last one and that was a nightmare because of forces that were out of our control. But in the end, it was just a great time that, whenever I’m not at work. A lot had to do with meeting up with my brother there and with Cloud. I got to show them why I love the city so much.

Besides Iceland, my other personal trip was a lovely three-day road trip to Crater Lake. It was a solo trip, since my bro didn’t want to join me. There were some hiccups on the trip but overall it was a good solo nature trip. I surely miss those and definitely need more of them in my life. It was just great getting out into nature.

There were some little surprises on the trip and that was the Lava Beds State Monument and I went caving on my own. It was awesome.

At the moment, 2016 is a blank slate with nothing really planned. There’s an inkling of a trip in March to SE Asia again. This time, Thailand and Cambodia. I’ve been dying to go to Angkor Kwat. Maybe I’ll do another solo international trip. Maybe Myanmar/Burma. My bro doesn’t want to go, so it might just be me.

2016, let’s continue this wanderlust streak.

Addendum*: I decided to take a break and decided to reread this year’s Another Year Older, Another Year Wiser entry and skimmed the entries in April. Apparently, I just took a day trip to the Inland Empire that I totally forgot. Salton Sea. Salvation Mountain and then to San Diego to visit 7th Uncle. I remember it now and it was a trip with Pickles.

I needed to get away from work and life and the city because I was going through a lot of stress at work, more on that later.

* * *

People and socializing.

2015 was definitely not a year of people and definitely not a year of socializing.

The Year of Phong was just that, the year of me. Besides my travels and meeting people through my travels, I really didn’t go out much this year.

Sure there is the Lam from time to time with our monthly or so get-togethers and there was a time when I would go out with Dan and get drinks. All in all, that was about it, that I can remember on the socializing front.

There are the small one timers where I’ll get dinner with Favorite or hanging out with the Sub and Tia in Chicago, but that is more that we haven’t seen each other in a long time so it is time to catch up.

Relationships?

0. Zip. None. Nada.

Not even going to try.

2015 followed the trend that I started in 2014 after Milpitas and that’s nothing. Sure I went on a few dates in 2014 with the help of the apps and then the relationship, but after when I came to the conclusion that relationships just aren’t for me, at this current juncture, I have been riding solo.

Never asked anyone out that I was interested in. Never really focused on that many girls, if any.

Don’t think I ever really flirted with anyone.

It’d been a dry year in this front.

I’m not even sure what will 2016 bring? Am I ready for one? Will I meet someone that I am willing to give it a shot? I know that I am open to it. I’m not totally closed off to the idea of being in a relationship, but again, this girl has better be something special.

Maybe. 2016, will I be done of the year of me and become a year of we?

No idea. Who knows. I’m loving it on my own and 2015 just reinforces that.

* * *

Days went by before I came back to this.

Days.

Life got in the way.

Life.

Part of life was a small road trip with Pickles.

I drove south on the 1, PCH, or streets adjacent to the PCH. I took the coastal route all the way down to the end and it was pretty good.

It was beautiful and it was a nice comfortable nice day.

We even spent an hour or so at the Huntington Dog Beach.

Pickles was Pickles with this weird socialization.

That’s one thing I did find fascinating or remember about him. He’s such a pacifist. He’ll see two dogs playing a little too roughly and he’ll just chase them around and bark at them, telling them to stop.

Or maybe I’m just reading him wrong and he just wants no one to have fun.

Very weird dog.

* * *

Brotherly bonding.

This year was another continuation in Brother 2.0.

It’s really good to see him growing and coming out of his shell.

Less shy.

More willing to do things and maybe talk and socialize.

It’s still a little difficult to cull things out of him, but it’s good to see him actually trying things.;

We had two small trips this year.

The first was our Napa/Sonoma trip after our Uncle’s memorial and the next was when he flew out and spent the weekend out in Chicago with me while I was there for work.

It was our usual go eat and relax and enjoy what the city/place has to offer.

It’s great.

Maybe 2016 will be more of it. Small little trips of just doing things or more family vacations.

It’s so wide open, who knows what will happen.

Maybe we’ll actually follow through on the whole Napa every year thing.

Who knows.

* * *

Now that it is a different day, I might just wing it and just go with the flow, no structure and just wing it. Who knows.

* * *

Work.

It actually wasn’t that bad this year. It was busy and I’m in a very project oriented position.

The big thing that happened this year was the migration to Office 365. It was a long long stressful month in April.

It was definitely a large trial by error learning curve. When I think I got one thing fixed, another thing would go wrong and I’ll have to figure it out.

But in the end, everything works and everyone is up and running.

Stressful.

Lots of drinks and alcohol.

Tons, but it is done.

In terms of the company, I think we are okay. Sure we lost some business, but we gained some too.

That’s the name of the game nowadays and it just seems that’s the way it’ll be well into the future.

There’s a ton of new people in the company and I don’t even know or want to know them.

I’m okay with that. I’ll stick with just those that I know and if it comes a point where I met someone and develop a rapport, then I do. If not, I won’t lose any sleep over it.

I wonder what will happen in 2016? What kind of projects are planned?

I don’t know.

I know that we still need to cross train with a few of the other sys admins in case anything happens. I think when we move to the new storage system, that’s when it’ll happen.

Also, we need to figure out a new collaboration and project management tool.

It’ll be an interesting year.

I’m the go-to-guy in my department.

When someone needs answers for some things, they’ll come to me. I have most of the answers, especially when it comes to systems and windows.

When it comes to macs, I’m not the guy.

I think people come to me, besides the answers, is that I get things done. I follow-up and I just take care of things in a timely manner.

Let’s hope that 2016 would be more of the same, in terms of projects and new things to learn and let’s hope that it’ll be less stressful.

* * *

Furkids.

Another year has gone and they were together for another year.

Last year I believed that the two just tolerate each other, both not liking each other, but just have to get along because they both live together.

I think I am going to change my position and say that I think they both like each other. It’s just that they have a very weird way of showing it. They both aren’t very affectionate, especially to me.

They show their affections in a different way, they play and taunt each other.

Pickles would always win, because he’s just much bigger, but Relish is just faster’

They’ll taunt and chase each other.;

Mornings after our walks, Relish would just rub up against Pickles. I would see that whenever I bring him back from boarding also.

So, yes, they do like each other. It’s more than just a regular, you are here, I am here, so let’s just play nice type of thing.

A few weeks ago, I stayed home because I was sick. I went to get some meds and left. The kids probably thought I left for work, like I usually do, but when I came home, they were in the bedroom together.

Relish was on the bed, just chilling and I’m sure Pickles was on the bed also before he knew I came home. I told him to hop on the bed as I got undressed. They were comfy on the bed together.

Fuckers, that’s how they are when I’m not there. They secretly show affection towards the other. Why can’t they do that while I’m there?

But all in all, I’m glad that they do get along and they do like each other.

I love my kids and would do everything for them.

But I do feel bad for Pickles though. I traveled so much and so often this year, he was stuck in a cage for a lot of the year.

Unfortunately, I have no other options.

Hopefully I can figure something out for 2016.

Hopefully.

* * *

2015.

It was a year not unlike any others.

It was a year that I went back to basics, like the first couple of years that I was first down to Los Angeles.

It was just a year of me, working on me, being me and being more comfortable with who I am.

But in a way, it was also a year that was new. It felt like it is a new start.

It was the first year where I started to live with the new me, the guilt free me, the me who finally came to terms with my father’s death.

2015 was the Year of Phong.

It was a very self-centered year and it had to be that. It had to bring me back to square one, starting this new phase in my life. It had to be a year where I get centered with myself and be more comfortable and work on my baseline so I can compare all my future growths.

It was a great year.

It was an awesome year.

I’ve grown as a person. I’ve done most things that I had set out to do, albeit a little more anti-social as of late, but I have no shame in that.

I needed it to re-energize. I needed it to be me.

2015 had a lot of offer and I received it with open arms.

Many people might find that sad and pathetic, but they aren’t me and they don’t understand how important it was for me.

I don’t think many people will understand that about me.

They hope I’ll change and stop being alone, but I don’t know. This is me and I’ll come and grow out of that on my own terms.

Change takes time and can’t be forced. I’ll grow out of it when I grow out of it.

That’s how life is and that’s how I embrace it.

2015, you’ve been great.

I’ve grown a lot this year, even though it doesn’t seem like that, but I have. I’ve matured quite a bit and became a much better person in the process.

I’m still not fixed. I don’t think I’ll ever will be, but I’m definitely heading towards the right direction in becoming a little bit better.

Hopefully 2016 will bring me more of the same.

More travels.

More growth.

More challenges.

More knowledge.

More projects.

Hopefully I’ll focus and rewrite something in the coming year, or pick up that guitar of mine and just fucking learn how to play that thing. Or maybe I just learn how to read music as I put down my camera next year, I’ll pick up music and guitar.

You have a lot of wants and many things you don’t know how to do.

Do it.

Every year is a year of possibilities.

You start out the year with a blank slate and with each day, you paint your strokes onto the canvas, slowly adding onto the masterpiece that is you.

2015.

Thank you for being such a great year for me. I truly mean it. I now bid you a kind adieu.

2016.

Bring it.

I just can’t seem to shake this bug that I have.

I don’t know if it is still the same bug or if I caught another one. I just don’t know.

I’m sitting here, chills and a slight temperature. I’m tired. Fatigued. Just tired.

I have no idea what is going on with my body. Sure, my diet has changed slightly with the holidays and not the low/no carb diet that I was doing for a while, but it shouldn’t affect me this much.

It’s not like I’m eating that much carbs to begin with. I just have no clue.

Well, I’m back to my normal carb intake for the most part, maybe.

I hope things will get back to normal soon. I just want to get to break and just finish off the year and start the new one.

Let’s just start it out healthy.

* * *

I haven’t done much creative writing lately. I tried yesterday but didn’t get really far. I don’t know what is stopping me, but I think there’s a motivation issue.

No shit I have a motivation issue.

I hope I can get through it and finish something.

Fuck, I’m tired. I definitely am getting sick or something.

Something definitely isn’t right.

Definitely, not right.

* * *

The year is definitely winding down. No one wants to do any work.

There aren’t too many help desk calls or even tickets. Things are definitely slowing down and it is definitely a year end thing. This always happens at the end of the year.

Always.

* * *

Cold. It’s getting cold. I’m getting chills. Not sure why I’m so cold. It always happens this way.

Maybe I don’t have enough body fat to keep me warm or maybe it is just the SoCal winters and the dry air that is just killing me. No fucking clue, but I know I’m cold and I tend to be warmer in Chicago and Seattle. No fucking why.

I think I’m just sick. There’s no reason for this.

* * *

Obviously from this post my brain is definitely not working well.

Fucking hell no it isn’t working.

Ugh, no more writing. I can’t focus. Looking at Dan Dan Noodle recipes instead.

Tragedy.

Death.

It is just that time in our family’s where someone would pass. It happened again about a week ago. 5th Uncle passed away.

He’s been in and out of hospitals and hospice for the past few years. His heart was weak and it just couldn’t beat on anymore.

Thankfully I was able to see him a month or so ago while I was out in Moorestown for work. Even then, he looked so weak and frail. So tired, struggling just to talk.

The funeral will be early next week.

It’s just that time where my uncles and aunts are that age where they are just old. It shouldn’t be such a normal occurrence, but it just seems that way. Every year or two, someone in my life will just go. It’s sad. Very sad.

It’s a part of my life. It seems it has been a part of my life ever since my grandpa passed away at the end of the year of 1999. Since then, every year or two, someone will pass.

That had been our family’s life.

Sad.

* * *

So a few weeks ago, there was a minor emergency closer to home.

My brother and appendicitis and had to go to the emergency room. His stomach was in pain the day before and he thought it was just food poisoning. It was still hurting Monday morning, so he went to the doctor and he told him to go to the emergency room.

Instead of calling mom, he texted me what happened. I had to call my mom and break the news to her.

In a way, I can totally see and understand why he would do that. I would probably do the same thing, contact my brother instead of my mom, ’cause mom would be freaking out.

Fortunately for me, I was home that day, sick.

When I first called mom to speak with her, she asked how I was doing. I told her I was home, sick and being dramatic, she was like “what’s wrong?” like it was a life and death matter.

I was just sick. A little cold. I didn’t need to tell her.

So, I told her about my brother and of course she flipped. I told her where he was and what happened and of course she freaked out. She got into the car and started to cry and lecturing me about how we don’t ever tell her anything.

I retorted, I’m sick, just a common cold. I don’t need to tell you that. As for my bro, I was telling her now. She was asleep when my brother left for the doctors. Again, he didn’t think it was serious, just food poisoning.

Any who, I had to contact some cousins to help translate in case the doctor needed to speak with mom.

The interesting thing was when I called Menty, he was in a meeting and couldn’t answer. He texted me later instead. He brought up the thing that is most common and prevalent when it comes to communication in our family. If it is a phone call, it has to be bad news. We don’t call. We don’t talk in that way.

We text.

So, yes, it was a minor bad news, but he trooped up and went to the hospital after the meeting.

All in all, it was an interesting day, as I was trying to manage that situation, while sick, at home and trying to ignore work.

It was just a bad week. Just an annoying week at work with some coworkers.

I’m sure I was more annoyed because I was sick.

But, the good news is the routine surgery went fine and my brother was able to go home that day and rest up.

Yay, family.

We definitely need to work on our communication.

* * *

Tired. Drained. I can feel it coming on, another cold.

I got jury duty next week. Hopefully they don’t call me.

It’s going to be a long long week this coming week with jury duty and favorite is in town and the holiday party.

Hopefully I’m able to rest up and survive.

Hopefully.

* * *

As the year end fast approaches, it is time for some astrology predictions and what the new year brings for the Aries.

Apparently 2016 will be a great year for me on all fronts. If I’m single (which I most definitely am), I be dating a lot more next year and maybe find someone at the end of next year.

I laugh, because I highly doubt it, ’cause c’mon, it’s me.

Not looking.

Not looking.

But, I’m always open for the brand new year and a brand new slate.

It’ll be an interesting year indeed. I’m looking forward to it, with no prejudice or expectations.

Whatever happens, happens and I’ll act accordingly to the situation, taking into account what I want and how I feel.

That’s how it should be. That’s how it will be.

* * *