sigh. tired and weary. delusional…mind wandering in the twing twang of the bling blang.
Numbers of 1s and 0s traveling thousands of miles and through time to come to an end and form sentences with the ones of Middle Earth and The Shire.
What is to become of that? Will I ever be able to get in the Delorian of the old days? Punching it to 88mph and just flash Back to the Future? To be able to go to that distant land, experience the new familiarity that I grew in love with from the first time that I was there.
I want to experience the wonder and the amazement that I fell in love with again and again and again.
What is to become of me in this dreary time of all? How am I supposed to live my Tong Hua life in this not so fairy tale world? It just seems impossible to see things for the better, seeing everything that is just crumbling down left and right down and out around everyone.
Am I safe or am I next. The chopping block and hatchet are ready for the next round of heads to roll and be plattered and I’m not sure where I stand.
Keeping low, ducking out, moving along with my head down, and not making waves hoping that the flow of the flow will not take me with it. I just want to stay in place and be strong and steady, where I’m supposed to be, wherever that place maybe.
Talking twing twang bling blang with the bling bling Favorite of mine through the proverbial “cloud”. I guess it is something…something to have and be grateful for, for some people don’t have it.
Even though it may seem that it will never work, ’cause in all honesty, it may never work, but it is something that I never had before. Safe harboring feelings of tease and be teased.
Writing my mish-mash of words instead of the make-sense of words of fiction…rambling rambling like the homeless crazies that I see around. Lazy lazy in the day as I avoid what I should be doing, but not doing it anyway ’cause of my delusional mind isn’t thinking straight but on a curve.
Curve left, right, right left, hoping that I find The Peace Maker in my life that puts my soul at ease. Some thing that finds me while I am resting and puts my soul at ease.
While you were sleeping once pulled at the familiar heartstrings that once was so active, but not so much anymore as I go about my sojourn in a nonchalant go with the flow flow of the delicate current.
I never once ever thought that I was capable of falling, falling so comfortably into a long gone familiar. I never thought that it would ever happen, as I tried to avoid it. I guess once it is there in front of you, it is difficult to push it away, to stick to your guns, with the quick draw and shoot it dead.
Each and every one of us is an opportunist, greedy malicious bastards, that take what they can get; hoping that it is a win-win instead of the dreaded other combinations.
I never once ever thought that I would be actually okay after falling into it. But after it all is said and done and done and said I do seem okay with it as things go about as usual as if it never happened. A secret between the present and the past, chalked up to a drunken night…the familiarity of everything and everything.
But that is not the …future what I am looking forward to, but the sequel is the flavor or distro that I currently have my eye on even though the original was the far superior one of the trilogy.
Quickly approaching. Soon with the blink blink blink that eyes do to wet themselves I will be a new number in this lifetime as the sequel races before me and the original slowly drifts away.
It is Spring already as I spring along with the time and not think of much but thinking of everything and nothing all at the same time.
My life has become just a series of events that are random, planned, go with the flow of lovely-hood as I just plow along in the Happy Go Lucky flavor of things.
Eventually things will happen as I slowly come to realization that I will never ever ever never catch up to a running future even though I try my damnedest to be The Running Man, trying to be the sole victor in the dreaded game show of life.
I do hope that one day I do Let the Right One In. Actually there aren’t many or any that are paying me a visit or knocking at my door.
Maybe I should take that “Do Not Disturb” sign down and put out a “Welcome” mat instead.
But sometimes I wish I could find that someone so I can actually listen to Romeo & Juliet without feeling so guilty…Let my heart sing a song for you/The lyrics are very sweet/But I am scared and shy/To say that I love you/…..
Ahhh…to have that side of me make a surface again. I’m not sure if I’m relieved or just scared of what actually comes with it. I thought I had squashed the hopeless romantic in me and became the jaded cynical ass-bad instead of bad-ass that I currently am today.
I don’t know what it is or is it what in the sing song lyrics of the difficult language that always gets me. Maybe because it is so foreign and so catchy that it is hard to resist the sugary syrup of the Sugarland that is given to me. The long lost foreverness that would be sweet to my non-tasting lips to the full fledge flavor depot of my tongue and down my throat to quell any butterflies that may be in the tummy.
Ahhh, to wish, to wonder, to desire what that.
But I go about my business, with a newfound confidence that I never had before. Why? I don’t know, as I go about doing my work, talking and talking, building “relations” as someone else puts it. Just chatting and chatting, bullshitting and what not.
There’s no fear. No worries. Nothing is going to happen as nothing is going to happen. No one. No one has made me want to take that extra step to do something. No one. Just chat and chat, flirt and flirt, getting my game on, what little I have.
Going about my business, going on my merry way, doing the things that I need to.
Never understanding why I am where I am at, but just happy to be where I am at. Not thinking too far ahead, looking four steps ahead on many fronts and just living and living, not knowing where I am going, keeping my options open and just taking whatever opportunities that come my way that I may want to take.
Nothing to be afraid of, nothing to fear. The blank slate is something to be welcomed, something to accept with open arms.
Stealing glances. Looking up and down, checking things out. Around the corner and around my thoughts.
I stick to my place, my cube, my section, rarely leaving the floor unless there is an actual reason for me to leave the floor. And there, I just walk and walk, do my thing and head straight up. Any reason for me to leave, I welcome, so I can actually see the people I can see.
The Month. Coming up. So scary, so intimidating even though I’m sure she isn’t.
Everyone has one. Everyone has that one thing that they are intimidated about. I can’t see, I can’t look. I just shut down when that Month comes along. What I wouldn’t mind being Benjamin McKenzie trying to find a tape to record the meerkats for Amy Adams in June Bug for the Month.
Ahhh, a lost dream, a pipe dream. Why I can’t just rap my usual bullshit rap and talk my stupid little talks of dork speak with this one? Everyone else, I can play my little tones and my juegos without any problems or issues, but with this one, I shut down.
My kryptonite. Fear. What is there to fear when I can talk to other people’s Months without any problems or issues? She puts the fear in me, slipping up, not knowing what to say, looking like a dork and I know for damned sure and accept full heartedly that I am a big dork indeed.
Common misconceptions of who I am by other people. My second favorite calls me a player, but where did that come from? I don’t know as I chat my lil’ “love chats” as wifey wifey calls it.
Miss miss, not knowing where I’ll go, when I can go back to Middle Earth…when indeed.
I’ll be a Ranger, wielding my broad sword, taking the vast foreign landscape alone like I am so familiar with. Exploring the long long lost lands on my own, seeing things and experiencing things I have not yet done in The Shire.
Being welcomed by The Hobbit, not Bilbo, but the friend of Frodo, and the others of the Fellowship.
To just be a part of the sojourn…coming back from Mount Doom after the One Ring have been destroyed.
Never waking from that dream. The dream of all dreams. Blissful and ignorant.
Peace.
Tranquility.