Tired.

Drained.

Zen.

Gone.

I’ve been stressed as fuck as of late.

A lot of it has to do with work and the general uncertainty of what the fuck is happening.

Another this is Relish is having some health issues. She’s not eating and I don’t know what is wrong.

I got her some new kibble over a week ago. After she ate some, she started to throw up nightly…multiple times a night and she stopped eating.

I thought it was the new food, so I took it away and just wanted to wait it out and hopefully her stomach settles.

It didn’t. I took her to the vet this past Sunday and did some blood work and a checkup. Everything checks out okay.

She got some fluids and some anti-nausea medicine and she’s not longer throwing up.

She’s still not eating.

Or not eating as much.

I will try to encourage her to eat, rubbing some Churro on her lips and paws. She’ll lick and eat, but not eating much on her own.

She’s drinking a little water.

I have an appointment Friday for a follow-up and maybe an x-ray to see if there’s a blockage.

I don’t know.

Stressed.

I’m scared.

Overall, she’s behaving the same. A little lethargic, but if you haven’t eaten in almost two weeks, yeah, I get it.

Late Monday night, I broke down. I was trying to get her to eat and to pee/shit or just do something that would make me know that she’s getting better.

I held her, looked at her and cried. Pleading with her to eat, to let me know that she’s getting better.

I put her in the litter robot and she took a shit. She was gagging while doing it, but she took a shit. It wasn’t her usual shit, a little wet, but at least it is something. She’s able to pass something, so that’s progress.

But she’s still not eating and I haven’t seen any shit since.

Is she getting better? Fucking no clue.

I hope she is.

I have faith that she’ll recover.

Faith.

I feel like I’m just barely hanging on. I know it’s not doom and gloom the end of the world, but there’s something there that is pushing me to my breaking point.

I know I’ve had this lingering feeling of impending doom that’s just under the surface.

2025.

Fuck.

But I don’t know. It’s been a while since I’ve felt this.

I worry for the world.

I worry for my future.

I know I don’t have control over much, especially about my job situation, but I’m just trying to focus on what I can control and there’s so much.

My security doesn’t feel secure anymore.

Add to this Relish and I don’t know how to help her.

I’m at a loss.

I need a win.

I need some control.

Zen.