Past Lives

It was my favorite movie of 2023.

I remember the first time I saw the trailer and was enraptured by it. I couldn’t wait for the movie to come out.

I kept checking the schedule to see when it’ll play, but there was no definite release date.

Then it happened.

May 2023.

But there’s a problem. I was up Home Home during that time and was scared that I wouldn’t be able to catch it in theaters because it was such a small movie. It was only playing in one theater in the greater Seattle region.

I prepared for disappointment that it’ll come and go.

But it didn’t.

I managed to watch it back home in Los Angeles.

I generally would get dinner before the movie and that night’s dinner was a shit show.

Long story short, it took over 45 minutes to get my food and I was pressed on time. They did comp my food, but I would rather have gotten my food and paid.

That experience left a really horrible taste in my mouth and put me in a shitty mood.

I went into the movie a little distracted but it still floored me, left me broken and shattered.

I told everyone about that movie.

Loved it.

I rewatched the movie again last weekend.

There’s an Instagram influencer that I follow that has a similar obsession with the movie that posted something about the movie that I made me want to rewatch the movie.

In the movie, there’s a Korean concept of Inyeon – providence/fate – that spoke to me. The influence tagged her picture with a Chinese concept that is similar, Yuanfen, and it was a HOLY SHIT! moment for me.

It didn’t hit me that it was the same thing. Sure, I’m familiar with the concept of fate, soul mates, etc. but didn’t realize that these two concepts from two different cultures were similar.

I rewatched the movie in much better sentiments and again it broke me.

I LOVE THIS MOVIE.

LOVE LOVE.

Yuanfen.

The story of my life.

Yuanfen.

I grew up with this concept of fate.

I watched so many Hong Kong Movies and TV Shows that brings it up all the time.

Main characters asking each other if they have Yuan and if they do, they’ll surely meet again.

Sure, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are soul mates and pre-destined loves, but that these characters have such a strong bond and relationship – Yuan – that they are tied together in life and future lives and past lives.

Yuanfen.

It’s such a romantic idea.

I grew up with it.

I asked ChatGPT the other week to help explain it to me in some bullet points and this is what it said.

“Yuanfen” (缘分) is a complex concept deeply rooted in Chinese culture and philosophy. Here’s a summary of its important aspects and meanings, along with its application to contemporary life:

– **Interconnectedness**: Yuanfen emphasizes the idea that all events and relationships are interconnected by fate or destiny.
– **Predestined Relationships**: It suggests that certain relationships are predestined and occur due to fate or cosmic alignment.
– **Meaningful Encounters**: Yuanfen refers to the meaningful encounters or connections between people, often characterized by a sense of inevitability.
– **Spiritual Connection**: It embodies a belief in a spiritual connection or affinity between individuals, beyond mere chance or coincidence.
– **Acceptance of Circumstances**: Yuanfen encourages acceptance of life circumstances and relationships as they unfold, recognizing them as part of one’s destiny.
– **Non-Attachment**: While acknowledging the significance of relationships and encounters, yuanfen also advocates for non-attachment and letting go of expectations.
– **Gratitude and Appreciation**: It promotes gratitude for the people and experiences brought into one’s life by yuanfen, fostering a sense of appreciation.
– **Role in Decision-Making**: In contemporary life, yuanfen may influence decisions regarding relationships, careers, and life paths, guiding individuals towards connections and opportunities aligned with their destiny.
– **Cultural Significance**: Yuanfen remains deeply ingrained in Chinese culture, influencing social interactions, matchmaking, and interpretations of life events.
– **Interpretation in Modern Contexts**: While rooted in tradition, yuanfen can be interpreted and applied in modern contexts, offering insights into the complexity of human relationships and the interconnectedness of the world.

In contemporary life, understanding yuanfen can provide a framework for navigating relationships, accepting life’s uncertainties, and finding meaning in chance encounters and experiences. It encourages individuals to embrace the interconnectedness of all things and cultivate gratitude for the people and opportunities that come their way. Additionally, yuanfen can serve as a reminder to remain open to new connections and experiences, trusting in the unfolding of one’s destiny.

Yuanfen.

I think the idea of it really shaped me and how I lived my life for so long.

Yuanfen.

I am where I am because that’s where I’m supposed to be.

It forced me to accept my fate and realize I’m where I am because that’s where I’m supposed to be.

When I was younger and even in my early to late twenties, I would see signs everywhere or would see things and be open to the idea that they were signs pointing to where my life needs to go.

I’m down in Los Angeles because of these signs.

I used to see them everywhere, but today, now, I don’t know if I believe anymore.

I don’t know if I stopped believing it as I got older or that because I got older and I started to think differently.

If we take a step back, the idea of accepting this fate, this predestination, this whatever will be will be is very hands off and passive.

I guess in a way, I’m very passive and I wait for things to happen to me.

Sure, my life changed quite a bit as I grew up a little and became more proactive in my life and my life choices.

Looking back, I guess I can actually say that I had always been proactive on my life and my life choices and made big choices of where I want to be and what I want to do. I didn’t sit back on my laurels and voila, I’m here.

Changes.

In the previous post, the last post of 2023, I wrote that I needed some changes in my life.

I’ve made all of the superficial and easy changes that I posted about.

I got a new couch, I got a new standing desk, and got rid of a lot of unnecessary clutter.

I feel a little better. That definite urge to change more and more isn’t as prominent anymore.

That feeling of rut isn’t as strong anymore, but there’s still a lingering desire for some other changes.

Maybe I should open up my mind and heart again to Yuanfen.

As I grew up and became the person I am today, I do feel like I’m a good blend of Chinese and American, shaped deeply by both cultures.

My identity is that of both and there’s no stripping one from the other. Sure, I don’t call myself a Chinese American, I call myself Chinese (American) – with the American as a “understood” part of my identity.

I asked ChatGPT on western influences or how Hong Kong people see Yuanfen since they are more Westernized than those of traditional mainland Chinese people.

Western influences have played a significant role in shaping the perspectives of Hong Kong Cantonese people, including their interpretation of concepts like yuanfen (缘分). Here are some ways in which Western influences may have impacted how Hong Kong Cantonese view yuanfen:

1. **Individualism**: Hong Kong has been heavily influenced by Western ideas of individualism, emphasizing personal autonomy, choice, and self-determination. This may lead Cantonese people to balance the concept of yuanfen with a belief in personal agency and the ability to shape one’s own destiny through actions and decisions.

2. **Pragmatism**: Western pragmatism and a focus on practicality may influence how Hong Kong Cantonese approach the concept of yuanfen. While acknowledging the role of fate or destiny, there may be an emphasis on taking proactive steps and seizing opportunities in life, aligning with a pragmatic worldview.

3. **Secularism**: Western secularism and a decline in traditional religious beliefs may impact how Hong Kong Cantonese perceive yuanfen. Rather than viewing it solely through a spiritual or cosmic lens, individuals may interpret yuanfen in a more secular context, focusing on the interconnectedness of events and relationships without necessarily attributing them to divine intervention.

4. **Romanticism**: Western romantic ideals and notions of love may influence how Hong Kong Cantonese people understand yuanfen in the context of romantic relationships. While still acknowledging the concept of fate or destiny in finding a partner, there may be an emphasis on romantic love and compatibility, influenced by Western notions of romance portrayed in literature, film, and media.

5. **Globalization**: Hong Kong’s status as a global city and its exposure to Western culture through media, education, and travel contribute to a more cosmopolitan worldview among Cantonese people. This exposure to diverse perspectives may lead to a more nuanced understanding of yuanfen that incorporates both traditional Chinese beliefs and Western influences.

Overall, Western influences in Hong Kong have contributed to a multifaceted interpretation of yuanfen among Cantonese people, blending traditional Chinese cultural values with elements of individualism, pragmatism, secularism, romanticism, and globalization.

Yuanfen.

I should see it in more of a Western lens.

Maybe I have always seen it in more of Western lens and that’s why I had such internal conflict growing up.

Maybe as I had gotten older and am so sure about myself, my identity, and who I am overall, I have the vocabulary and context to define fate, Yuanfen more broadly to encompass how I live my life.

Maybe I need to come to terms and be open to this fate and see the signs and make more active decisions on them.

Signs.

Fate.

Destiny.

Yuanfen.

I need to see again.

I will see again.

I see.