Lacking.

I’m lacking….everything.

Seems like that’s been the theme for me this year, lacking.

I’m lacking everything and it’s killing me.

I have no motivation for anything. I have no motivation to live, to work, to enjoy life, to travel.

2021.

Lacking.

Sigh.

Looking back, I don’t know which year was worse, 2020 or 2021, but I think 2021 might have to take the title of Worst Year.

I think with 2020 there was a sense of hope that we can come out of this soon or eventually once we have safety measures in place like vaccines and what not.

2021 came and we have these safety measures and COVID still spreads. Omicron.

Fuck.

2021.

Lacking.

I’m tired. So tired.

Drained of everything that is life affirming.

2021.

Are you over yet?

Lacking.

I put this off for so long. I tried to write this for many days now but I couldn’t start.

Procrastinating as usual.

My yearly bah humbug to all…not sure how it’ll go.

Is it even worth looking back over this year? Do I even want to document this?

2021.

Here we go.

Like last year, it was a GROUND HOG DAY OF A NIGHTMARE but there’s more. The glimmer of hope that things might change and get back together dims every day as we stay work from home and keeping up with precautions.

In general, overall 2021 have been fine on my personal life scale.

For the world? It was a continuation to the disaster of last year in all aspects from Anti-Vaxers to QAnon Dumb Fucks and now we get to tack on Seditionists and Traitors.

Yay..’Murica!

We’re living up to the American dream. We should be damn proud that the sanctity of our democracy is on the brink of collapse.

2021.

Such a shit show.

With COVID spreading again with Omicron after Delta and other strains, we are back to rising infections again, even though we have the vaccine and booster shots.

Thankfully Omicron have milder symptoms even though it is more transmissible.

Let’s see what 2022 have in store for us in terms of new variants and numbers.

Fuck. I don’t even want to think about it.

Fuck you 2021.

2021.

Life overall was fine.

Stayed home like we should and worked.

There weren’t many new things that happened in 2021 except for Galette.

Galette changed up my life in 2021 and overall, it has been for the good, but dude, she’s a wild one.

I do have to admit, slowly but surely, she is warming up my heart.

Relish doesn’t feel the same way, but Galette did add some spiciness and unexpectedness in my ho-hum no frills life. She’s filling a giant hole what was left by Pickles.

She’s one of the only good things of 2021.

I’m happy to see how Galette changed and light up my mom and brother too. I never seen my mom laugh and giggle so much from a dog and it’s heartwarming.

I even see my bro spend minutes petting Galette.

Definitely a welcome addition our home.

For that, 2021, thank you.

Thank you very much for this little bright light that cuts through the darkness of this year.

2021

My old friend is back. He probably was here last year, but he’s coming with a vengeance.

I feel it.

The darkness enshrouds me.

It’s not suffocating like it was when I was younger, but it lingers.

When will he leave? I don’t know.

I don’t know.

Relish.

We made it through another year together.

I know she became more affectionate after Pickles crossed the rainbow bridge. I was worried that she would stop once I got Galette, but no, she’s still trying to get on me and give me some love, kneading biscuits all over my lap. She tries whenever she can even though Galette fights her for my attention.

Relish doesn’t give up.

I love her.

I miss her.

2021.

Work.

Fuck work.

I over work.

I feel so unmotivated to do anything.

I know some of it have to do with the current project I’m working on and I don’t know how to do it and it’s just pressure I’m putting on myself.

I’m happy to have a job, but I’ll be happier if I’m rich and retired.

I’ll continue to truck on, working working, but c’mon….let me hit the lottery or something.

2021.

The year of memestocks and MOASS.

Just do it so I can retire.

I believe it will happen and I’m waiting a little impatiently, but I’ll be holding strong until it happens.

Family

Family is striving and doing well.

2021 – The Year of Family Revisited

Here’s another glimmer brightness of 2021, family.

I decided to drive home during the summer this year for my vacation and brought Galette with me. I wanted my family to meet her and I had no idea how they would react or how Galette would react to them.

From my previous posts and from above, they are getting along swimmingly.

Throughout my time here during the summer I saw a lot of family I haven’t seen in years, even pre-pandemic.

Throughout the year as other family visited CA or me visiting Fresno too, I realize I do miss family and it’s been such a soul nourishing thing that I was definitely lacking the last couple of years.

It was one of the reasons why I decided to drive up over Christmas break too. I can work from anywhere, so it’ll be easier to drive up and take Galette with me and have an extended winter break stay.

Family.

They are important and see how much joy Galette brings them, I want them to have that joy as much as they can.

Family. I love you.

The bright spots of this dreary year.

2021. Thank you for that.

During the summer I was able to see my LA family over July 4th weekend. It was for Great Aunties 91st Birthday. That was the first time that I ever went out and saw so many people and I was glad that I was vaccinated and was able to do it. That was the last time that I saw Great Auntie too. She passed away on October 25th.

She’s in a better place, not in pain, and with Great Uncle. I miss her.

Travel.

Like last year, I didn’t get to travel much. I got one real trip this past year and that was an extended weekend in Paso. I was able to go hiking and enjoy some wine and good food.

That was it. Not much else besides the two road trips home.

Next year, if all things go well, I have a trip to Hawaii and Nashville.

I have two weddings also. One in Fresno and the other back home.

2022. Don’t fuck it up.

Projects

Nonexistent.

I gave up on my art project. I was lacking.

No motivation.

I thought I would get some done during this winter break but nope. Nothing.

Nothing at ll.

I didn’t even cook as much this year either.

Things that I do for meditation, I don’t do anymore.

Lacking.

Sigh.

Socializing.

HA.

Well, besides family there was one happy hour for the RAI girls, but that was about it. Didn’t see many people.

I still try and maintain my Movie Mondays (now Tuesdays) but other than that, I really don’t interact with anyone or hardly ever leave the apartment.

Sign.

Health.

I’m fucked.

Had some heart scares earlier this year and it was just irregular heartbeats that I shouldn’t be worried about.

I should still maintain some exercise to get my heart pumping, but that’s about it.

I did have some knee problems but it turns out that my legs are too tight and needed to be stretched so I’m not overcompensating when I’m walking.

I’m managing my health.

I still have stomach issues and it seems I’m having some issues in my nethers…not that, but something else but I’m not too concerned. Everything is working as it should be.

Mentally, as discussed, I’m NOT OKAY. Not even close to being okay.

2021.

It’s been a tough year. Tougher than most and dare I say, tougher than 2020.

I don’t know what 2022 would bring and I’m too afraid to ask.

I’ll take it a day at a time.

That’s all the power I have and hope for the best and make each day the best.

Maybe I’ll try and get out more, meet more people when it is safe.

Maybe I’ll do some art dabbling and more cooking, but not for a project.

2022.

No expectations. None.

Just live.

Just live and do.

2022.

Just be.

So, here’s to the suckiness that was 2021.

An adieu to you.

2022.

Be gentle. Be kind.