Here we are.

Here we go.

2020.

What can I say that I haven’t said or what the world haven’t said already?

What a fucking dumpster fire of a year.

The last few days are upon us and I’m glad to see it end, but that doesn’t mean that everything will magically change by turning a new number.

2021.

What do you have instore for us?

A continuation of this year?

I fucking hope not, but I guess, we shall see.

So, here I am, with a bah humbug to everyone and a fucking good riddance to the end…

2020.

Here we go.

Let’s get the general out of the way.

If the above and any of my rants of this year wasn’t a clear enough sign of what 2020 have been to me and to most everyone in the world, then let me spell it out here.

IT WAS A GROUND HOG DAY OF A NIGHTMARE.

The world finally said fuck it and fucked everyone.

Our nation is on a brink of some racist collapse and more and more people are dying of COVID-19 every day because many of us in the general public and our top government figure can’t get their shit together to and simply WEAR A FUCKING MASK.

It’s been a tough year.

I’m striving because I can and because I’m built for this shelter in place bullshit.

Working from home has been different, but I’ve adjusted and made it work.

There are definite perks to this that I’m grateful for, especially giving me extra time to spend with Pickles.

On many levels, this would be a year no different than many. Nothing really major happened to me – with the exception of Pickles, so I’m okay with that.

But still.

Fuck.

2020.

I’m 41 years old and I never thought I’d be alive during a pandemic and possibly live through one, but here we fucking are.

2020.

Definitely a year that I’ll remember. A year that no one will ever forget. A year that made history.

2020.

Pickles.

He was my biggest challenge this year.

It hurt.

I’m still broken.

Not whole.

Another piece of me is gone forever.

My soulmate is a part of me in another way now.

I’ll always have memories of him.

I still think of him all the time. It’s still so fresh, even though it’s been almost three months.

My heart still aches, and I still break down from time to time.

I am getting better with each day.

I know that he was only a dog, but he meant the world to me.

He changed my life.

He saved my life and for that, I am indebted to him.

I hope he knows how much I love him.

Relish.

She’s what I have now.

Relish is what I’m focusing on now, to keep me alive. She’s my only responsibility.

Relish relies on me and I’m here for her.

We are both keeping each other company and growing together.

Our relationship definitely changed after Pickles went away.

Will I get another dog? Yes. Eventually.

Soon? I don’t know. I don’t know.

Right now, I’m only focused on keeping Relish and me alive. That’s all that I can handle.

2020.

Fuck you.

Family.

No major emergencies and everyone seem to be healthy and staying sane during the pandemic.

Mom retired and my bro had been working from home.

So, some major changes and they seem to be all good.

I haven’t seen them since our trip to Spain.

I had originally planned on going back in April for a week, but of course – PANDEMIC.

Was able to visit 7th Uncle and Auntie this year. They seem to be doing well-ish, or as well as they can considering their age and everything. It was good to see them again. It’s been a while.

7th Auntie didn’t recognize me.

Was able to do a family zoom for Christmas. It’s been a while since I’ve seen or chatted with my cousins that wasn’t through some social media comments and such.

Hopefully 2021 would allow me to actually see them in person, but we’ll see how the vaccines go and how where the plague goes.

2020.

Sigh.

Work.

It’s been a trying year.

I’m thankful to have a job. I’m thankful to be able to work from home and make things work.

There are so many who lost their jobs and their livelihoods because of COVID that I have to count my blessings.

It’s been a busy year for me.

I had to give up on some projects because working from home didn’t help the development of it, especially when I need to ask users questions.

The Media Database project is half done. Data is ingesting, but I’m not doing anything with the data.

Seems that the Tier 2 team is making use of the data, but I wasn’t able to complete the Programmatic Dashboard.

Abandoned.

I kept busy other ways with more SharePoint and PowerApps development.

I still have outstanding projects, like updating all forms to PowerApps, that I need to do, but am unsure when I’ll start on it. Most likely the beginning of the year, but who knows if I’ll have any pushback.

Seems that some users are having problems with the new PowerApp forms, but c’est la vie, it needs to be done.

There are times when I feel that I’m drowning.

I had so much work. So many projects to finish and my mind was broken, especially with Pickles’s declining health the whole year.

Stress.

My mental and physical health sure took a hit this year and work was one of the main reasons.

I’m annoyed by a few people on my team and their lack of effort. I don’t know how busy they really are but come-the-fucking-on. I see how many tickets come in.

Sure, I don’t get to hear how many calls, but I wouldn’t expect that many calls to the help line since we’re all working from home.

Like the whole MFA and Password Policy enrollment project. Most everyone who’s helping is a fucking joke.

Hopefully I’ll find more balance in 2021 with work. Hopefully things aren’t as stressful as this would be the new normal for the foreseeable future.

2020.

Fuck you.

Travel.

Thankfully I did get some trips in this year considering everything.

I was able to take a quick trip down to San Diego to explore and do some hiking and visit 7th Uncle before the whole country locked down.

Not much hiking to do in San Diego, but definitely haven’t explored as much as I wanted to. Would love to go back and explore some more.

My yearly Special Week trip was cancelled due to the virus and the whole country being in lock down. Travel became non-existent for a while.

Planned on going home for a week and then to Chicago for a week for some little vacay and a little MS Conference.

Didn’t happen.

I still have Expedia Credits for cancelling my flights. Not sure if I can even reclaim them at the moment.

During June, the state was able to open up for a few weeks and I took a chance to go on a quick road trip up to Paso Robles and explored Pinnacles National Park.

Another NP checked off my growing list.

By that point, we’ve been sheltering in place for 3 months already and I was about to lose my mind. I needed out. I needed nature.

Glad I was able to get some.

It wasn’t until after Pickles passed that I got another trip. It wasn’t a good time and travel was frowned upon, but I was on the brink of a mental breakdown.

I was stressed with work. I was not okay with Pickles’s passing.

I needed to get out and I only justified it because I was driving by myself.

I wasn’t going to interact with anyone out in the wilderness, hiking.

Only time I’m around people was at the restaurants and passing by in the hotels.

I did all I could to social distance.

I don’t regret it.

I’m not going to apologize for it.

I needed it. It was a great rehabilitating trip for me, closure for Pickles.

Our last A Boy and His Dog.

I miss you boy.

I love you boy.

2021. Open up. I’m due for another trip.

Socializing.

HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAAH.

What socializing?

Projects.

I started the year with only one project in mind, the digital art project.

I am almost finished. I have one more piece left, and that’s the Grand Canal of Venice.

I’ll start it today and hopefully I’ll finish it before the year ends.

It’s been challenging as I restricted myself on doing specific types of paintings and art, but it was also a good learning experience too.

I don’t think I’m going to do another “project” with such restrictions in 2021. Just a set number of pieces.

Maybe an anything goes project. 30.

That’s a good number.

Cooking.

Not a real project for this year either, but I did cook a lot.

Cooked many things that I never cooked before.

Quarantine kind of forced me to.

2021.

I don’t know what it’ll bring, so I’m just going to ease into it with no real projects besides the anything goes art project.

Health.

I’m not OKAY.

I’m going to be honest here. I am not OK.

I’m not even close to being OK.

But I am OK.

I’m on a I’m not OK, but I am OKAY trip.

My mental health had been through some shit this year, with work, with Pickles, with life.

But I’m still here. A little stronger. A little saner.

I’m still breathing. I’m still alive.

So, that’s a win.

My body.

Pain.

I think my right-knee is fucked. The pain gets worse.

After coming back from Pinnacles NP, the pain never went away.

I probably strained my knee or worsen an injury that I suffered a few years ago at Yosemite.

I may have torn something. I’ll get it checked out when I get my physical.

My heart.

I think it is okay. I don’t really know.

Sometimes I feel like I’m missing or skipping some beats, but it seems my resting heart rate have been holding steady at a good pace.

Who the fuck knows?

I’m alive and breathing and at the moment, that’s all that matters.

Let’s hope 2021 bring something better, like a fucking cure for this pandemic so we can get back to some semblance of life.

2020.

Fuck you.

It’s been a fucking year.

Looking over everything, if there wasn’t a pandemic, it would have been a year not different from others.

Life went on.

I grew a little.

There were ups and downs.

There were gains and a major loss.

2020.

Eat shit.

But you had to be you.

Pandemic and fucking racists dumbfucks everywhere.

2020.

Just end already.

2021.

Be gentle.

Be nice.

Be better.

They are near.

The end of the year. Just a few days left before break and then what?

A Christmas break like no other but the same at the same time.

I usually don’t do much during break whenever I’m in town. I’d usually go to Volcano and do my little writeups and my yearly diatribe for the year.

Some days I’d take Pickles with me on a small road trip or something. To get out of the apartment.

But this year?

The fuck I know. What the fuck can I do?

This year is so different. This year is so broken.

No Pickles.

The fucking pandemic and fucktards anti-maskers.

The fucking apocalypse is outside, and people are worried about Christmas being cancelled.

We’re in a very different time than we were a year ago.

So very different.

But for me, possibly the same.

No museums this year.

No Pickles to keep me company.

No Volcano to write out my thoughts.

Home.

Alone.

With Relish.

Usually around this time of the year, or even at the beginning of the month, I would have gone back through my yearly diatribes to reflect on how much I’ve changed and to remember my year and see what I’ve done and how much I’ve grown.

There’s none of that.

This year….as we all know is an ever-growing dumpster fire of a year.

What’s the point?

What is there to reflect on?

Sure, there was growth and determination, but what else?

I mean, the solitude comes naturally for me. I’m a homebody. This WFH and Safer-at-Home lock down shit is second nature to me.

I don’t like it. I don’t enjoy it. I don’t thrive on it, but I’m able to survive.

It’s no different from how I live my life anyway.

I just don’t have control. I can’t go out and do things when I want to go out and do things.

2021.

Just around the corner.

I can only hope that it’ll be better. I can only hope that there’s light at the end of this dark dark year.

The vaccines are approved and over a million people have been vaccinated with their first shot. More vaccines are on the way.

It’ll be months before it becomes widely available to the public and so far, there are very small number of people who had minor allergic reactions.

Time will tell how safe it is, but I think it’ll be safe.

Reading up and getting a better understanding of the mRNA technology and how the vaccines work I feel more confident that the vaccines will be our savior.

I need this. We need this.

It’s the hope that we need during the shit show of this year and the splitting of our country in the last four years.

The end of democracy. The end of civilization.

The End of America and its ideals.

We are better than this.

There’s no choice in this. We have to.

Relish.

I love her.

I had loved her since I got her, but my love for her have been different from the one I have for Pickles.

Pickles was my first pet and we’ve been through so much.

I’m still broken. My soul dismantled with his loss.

But Relish is here.

I love her more because she’s all I have now.

Maybe she knows what happened and maybe she knows that I need help, but she’s been drastically different since I came back from Pickles’s final ride.

Relish has been chattier in the mornings. She’s looking for affection and pets.

She’s not afraid to just lay on me while I’m chilling on the futon.

She’ll gently walk on me during the night, kneading her little paws on me, then settling down in a nice warm crook and lay there. Sometimes it may be hours or sometime only minutes or until I move because I didn’t know she was there or that I had to pee.

She’s changed and maybe Relish is more in tuned with me now, but I love her for the better that she’s doing this.

I need this.

It’s saving my life now.

I have a responsibility, not just for me, but an actual living being. She’ll always be my charge and she’s keeping me here.

Relish is my life now.

She’s my life now.