What is life?

What is it even?

Where are we?

What day is it?

Does it even matter anymore?

Questions.

So many questions.

Sigh.

Life.

Just another day in a series of endless days with no end in sight.

106.

It’s been 106 days since we’ve been in this new normal.

Quarantine.

Safer at home.

We’re all here, just trying to survive.

Another day of just not going crazy and staying sane, finding something else to focus on besides this fucking shit show that is America right now.

Quarantine.

Day 106.

Independence Day 2020.

The ironic thing, as we are trapped in our own isolation because of COVID-19, it’s people’s cry of independence and infringement of mask laws that are keeping us here.

People.

They’re the worst.

We’re the worst.

Sigh.

2020.

The shit show continues, but now, we’re in the 2nd half.

What does it have instore for us?

Who the fuck knows?

 

What happened since the last time I posted her?

Lots but nothing much all at the same time.

Pickles continues to be Pickles as we continue to figure out how bad his health really is.

He continues to get better and then bad again and then I get paranoid and put him back on meds and then I freak out again as he gets worse.

I don’t know what to do.

The sign of a cough or hearing it at night just puts me in a frenzy of not knowing what is the best thing for him.

He hasn’t lost his appetite as he continues to eat and function as her normally does.

His pace slowed.

Only doing the half normal walk that we do, and even then that’s a slow struggle for him.

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know.

One day at a time. That’s all that we can do and that’s all that I can handle.

He’s 15.

In the new dog age calculator, that makes him about 74.3 years old.

He’s an old old man. He’s been an old old man and that comes with old old man complications.

He’s 15.

I got him 14 years ago. So long ago.

He was 8 months.

The funny thing is for some reason I kept thinking he was 5 months instead of 8 and so I always thought his birthday was in August.

June.

He turned 15 in June.

How long does he have left?

I don’t know.

I don’t want to think about it.

Not today.

 

Relish.

She’s fine.

Normal.

Loving and bitchy.

The QUEEN.

 

This particular week has been a little trying for me, especially for the past couple of days.

On Tuesday night I got some bad news.

It was late, past midnight. I got up to take Pickles out for his midnight pee and as I opened my front door I found a police officer and a medical examiner outside my neighbors door.

Malinda.

She passed.

The medical examiner was the coroner and they just removed her body from her apartment.

She passed in her apartment alone and no one knew. She could have been gone for a few days or possibly a few weeks.

No one knew.

The wretched smell wafted from her apartment.

She’s been gone a while and no one knew.

I don’t even remember the last time I saw her. Has it been only last week or has it been longer? Did I see her as she was leaving her apartment to go on her walk to the grocery store? Or did I see her on her struggled walk to the grocery store.

I don’t remember.

Only images and memories float in my mind as I try to recall. No dates. No time. Just images.

I liked Malinda. Sure she had her issues. Anger issues and a little OCD, but she was always nice.

I’m sad to see her go and especially in that way. But I do hope she’s in a better place.

No pain and with the ones she loved.

It was a rough day for me the day after.

I was in my head. Dark stormy thoughts floated in and out.

I haven’t felt that old friend of mine in so long.

It was foreign yet familiar all at the same time.

Darkness – My Old Friend.

What if it had been me? What would happen if I was the one who died alone in my apartment? How long would my body be there before anyone realize, especially in our new normal of Social Distancing.

What would happen to Pickles and Relish? What would they do?

Would I die alone?

Will I always be alone?

Dark thoughts.

Black thoughts.

They came. I acknowledge the feel and allowed myself to feel and experience them. It took its course and went on its way.

I didn’t dwell. I didn’t spiral.

It came and then it went.

Sigh.

Life.

 

The World.

The States.

We’re fucked.

Out of any developing country in the world, the States can’t control Covid. Our numbers are rising. More infected. More dying.

The Orange Tard isn’t doing anything about it. We’ve given up. He’s lost the war and his base still believes he’s done a great job.

The World looks at us as a fucking plague. We can’t travel anywhere since THE OTHER MOTHERFUCKING COUNTRIES ARE DENYING ANY US CITIZEN ACCESS TO THEIR COUNTRY BECAUSE WE CAN’T CONTROL THE FUCKING VIRUS.

I don’t blame them. I would have done the same.

Mexico closed their borders to us.

Holy fuck.

The irony.

The United States of America is fucked and yet, here we are: Mission Accomplished

FUCK YOU Trump.

Just

FUCK

YOU

 

FUCK CHINA.

They passed the National Security Law in Hong Kong, basically remove any autonomy and freedoms of speech that they had.

FUCK CHINA.

I’m sadden, angry, and disheartened that no one is stepping up to fight this.

It’s International Law & Politics and I’m not expert, but can’t wall just agree that China is asshoe and that they are a horrible country with horrible track record of human rights?

Look at the concentration camps and possible ethnic cleaning of the Uyghurs.

FUCK CHINA.

At this point, I don’t care if I get banned and flagged by them.

FUCK CHINA.

Sigh.

 

No one realizes that the Apocalypse is a slow burn instead of the raining fire and brimstone that they see in movies.

The world slowly dies.

And we are here to watch.

I haven’t even mentioned the killing of George Floyd and the nationwide protests of the #BlackLivesMatter movement and the #defundthepolice movement against policy brutality.

It’s a sad time we live in, especially here in America.

We’ve fallen so far.

The Greatest Nation in the World is no different than any other Shit hole country that The Orange Tard hates.

Sigh.

 

Day 106 of quarantine.

Let’s settle in for the long haul since numbers are going up and up again as we reel back our reopening.

We reopened too soon and now here we again.

Yay ‘murica!

Yay indeed.

WEAR A FUCKING MASK! It’s not that fucking hard you bunch of Ken and Karens

Sigh.