Wait for me to come home…

Oh, so the line goes, but there’s no one waiting. No one.

The only ones that wait are the animal kind. They wait because they must. They wait, because they are loyal.

They wait.

I will never abandon them. I will take care of them. They are my kin. They are mine forever.

Forever.

Life.

What is there in life?

Life is this. Just this.

Just what you make of it.

Passing time.

Passing minutes.

Passing seconds.

Just passing.

Life.

This.

What you make of it.

You.

You have control.

Well, under most circumstances, you have all the control on how your life is.

Things that you don’t, go with it.

You have the choice to move on or dwell.

I chose to move on.

I chose to be me.

Loneliness.

Friendless.

“Millennials are the loneliest generation.”

That’s what I keep reading.

They don’t have friends.

Many of them often feel alone.

I don’t have this issue.

It’s not that I have friends. I only have one close friend.

Most of my friends are people that I work with…coworkers would be a better categorization.

I’m often alone.

But I’m rarely lonely.

I guess not many can cope.

I enjoy my alone time. I enjoy my solitude.

It’s like a comfortable blanket, wrapping me up in a warmth. This solitude.

Alone.

Solitude.

It’s a feeling, but it all depends on the word you use.

Loneliness.

Solitude.

They are one in the same. A word. An experience.

But their meaning and their affliction are so different.

So so different.

Solitude.

Bliss.

I’m so in love with you/I hope you know

No one.

No one.

Never been in love and given how stubborn and passive I am, there’s a possibility that I may never.

I have the control over that, but I’m inactive.

Passive.

I am confident that I can ask someone out on a date. I’m confident that if I get rejected, that I won’t be devastated and will be able to bounce back.

But I don’t act.

Why?

I don’t know what I want.

I love my independence.

I love my freedom.

I can’t reconcile how I can live with that while in a relationship.

No idea.

Girls show a passing interest in me.

Yet again, I don’t act.

Passive.

Inactive.

It’s a problem with me. No one else.

Me.

Something I’ve dealt with and lived with a long while now.

Something I’ve resigned myself to.

Self-inflicted.

Me.

Break.

Summer.

We’re in the thick of it.

Work is work.

Projects are projects.

They keep mounting up.

Soon, one phase of the Db project will be over as we settle on the Db creation and move onto the reporting phase.

It’s a good midpoint for celebration.

It’s a good midpoint for a break.

That’s what I’m planning.

It’ll be another hiking trip. This time, Santa Barbara and Santa Ynez.

I wanted to go hiking in a place that I’ve never been, and I’ve always wanted to go wine tasting there.

Each time I went to Santa Ynez, Solvang, and surrounding areas, I had Pickles with me.

This time, it’ll be me.

Hiking.

Wine tasting.

Relaxing.

Solitude.

Treat yo’ self.

I do what I do best.

Me.

I have to a little more research on where to hike, but I have a rough idea.

I drive up on Friday and leave Monday.

Find some hiking on the way up on Friday and all-day hiking on Saturday.

Haven’t decided if I want to hike on Sunday or not or treat it like a fun day with wine tasting and exploring that area.

Maybe hike in the morning and then have some fun in the afternoon.

I still have a few weeks to decide and I’ll leave it open.

It’ll be something to look forward to.

Then in just a few short weeks, Spain.

Living life.

Exploring.

Treat yo’ self.

Live.

Life.

I reward myself for all the hard work that I do.

I do a lot.

A lot.

Dialogue.

Speaking of treating oneself.

I want to go back.

I told myself that once the database project is finished, I’ll go back again for their Summer Menu.

Soon.

Soon.

August seems to be a spendy month with the traveling and such, but I deserve it.

So much overtime. So many weekends spent working.

I need some fun.

This is fun.

For me.

Treat yo’ self.

Do it.

Do. It.

Art.

Finally getting back to the swing of things.

Finally getting back to practice.

Finally had the time to zone out and paint.

My latest piece was a Red Panda.

For some reason I wanted to paint a red panda. I found a pic and went to town.

I did it.

It’s not the best, but I thought it was good, given my skill level.

I plan on doing another one tonight.

I don’t anticipate any work tonight or if I do have any, it’s setting off another sync that will finish in the morning.

I’ve wanted to do a nude.

It’s not going to be good.

I know my skill level.

It’s not going to be photo realistic. Not even close.

But I want to make a nude.

I’m still trying to find my style. I’m still trying to find what I can do.

I have it in my head to do it in as a palette knife painting.

Not sure how well it’ll turn out or if Krita has a palette knife.

But, do it.

Let’s do it.

There’s still so much I don’t know about digital paintings.

I have so many questions.

I have so many assumptions.

I’m googling them to find an answer and am still unclear.

I wouldn’t mind picking someone’s brain about it.

Let’s see how tonight’s paint goes before I do.

What dpi should I set my canvas?

What size?

So many questions.

Blah.

Blah indeed.