Back back.

Here I am, fingers tapping, getting back to the muscle memory of doing this again.

It’s that time again; another year older, another year wiser.

39.

39.

39.

Out with the old, in with the new.

40.

40.

40.

I rolled a new number mid-week and I’m in a new decade.

I wrote a few weeks ago that I think It’ll be a very emotional decade, considering all the feelings I have about my father.

He never lived past his 40s and now I’m in it.

There’s so much to unpack, there’s so much to wonder and ponder, but they are all in the future and nothing is guaranteed except for time.

Time will always march on in that steady drum and I can only wait and see what happens.

So, here we go.

Another year older, another year wiser.

Here’s to 39.

Adulting.

It’s about damn time I become an adult, right?

I made a decision to embrace being an adult when I hit 40.

No more long hair. No more pig tails or man buns.

Besides that, I don’t know what else it means to be an adult.

Technically, I’m an adult, but I don’t feel like an adult.

So, for some reason, I decided to become one when I hit 40.

How will my life change? I have no idea. No clue. I don’t even know how to start to be an adult.

I guess I’ll do what I do best and wing it.

39.

It was the year of transitioning. I gave myself a year to work on being an adult, so when I turn 40, I’ll be ready to go.

I grew my hair out and got a proper haircut and that’s a start.

Looking back at this number, I do have to say it was a great number.

It was a trying number in terms of work and stress, but it was a great number in overcoming those issues and problems and handling my shit.

I didn’t lose my shit and I guess that’s an adult thing to do.

39.

With each year, I grow. I get more comfortable in my own skin.

It finally feels like it belongs to me. I feel at home. It’s not perfect, but it was never meant to be perfect.

It’s flawed. It’s ugly. It’s a work in progress. That’s what it was meant to be.

39 was another great year in that work in progress.

Not going how I thought it would go. Actually, didn’t have any clue on how things should go.

Where to start?

Where to go?

39.

I wrote in this void of mine a few weeks ago that I’ve been on a growing kick for about the last five years. It was brought on by therapy and me shedding the weight and the guilt of my father’s death.

I got my head wrapped about something bad and I had my breakthrough and release that guilt, my life changed. I’ve grown.

I’ve become more optimistic and more confident.

This past number reflected that.

I noticed with how I approach things at work with my projects and I see it in how I interact with my peers and friends at work.

39.

It was the year that I thought about my future and my finances. I thought about investing and retirement.

I upped my 401K contributions and opened a ROTH IRA account to go along with my other funds.

I honestly don’t want to be working anymore. I don’t want to work till I die. Not in this manner.

Maybe my bro got it right, retire and find a small job that you enjoy doing to supplement your retirement money. Him, gardening.

Me, I don’t know.

It’s time.

Adulting.

Think about the future. My future.

Plan ahead.

Adulting.

Times are tough. Times are different.

Better to be prepared for it than dying by it.

Adulting.

39.

It was another year of growth.

It was a year of transitioning to an adult.

It was a year of investing, not just my money, but my skill-sets; going back to school and taking classes to learn new skills that will help my future.

It was a year of thinking about my job and where I see myself or what I see myself doing in the future.

Invest in myself.

Adulting.

39.

I’m making adulting choices that will benefit my future.

These are things that everyone needs to think about and it’s about time that I do.

39.

Adulting.

Day 2.

Here we go.

39.

Growth.

Social growth.

Being around people has gotten easier and easier.

I’m anti-social.

I’m a hermit.

I prefer not to hang out, but I do. Again, as iterated so many times on this little void of mine, I go out on my terms.

Things gotten easier and easier on this front as I gotten older.

It comes with the mysterious optimism and now the self-confidence that came out of nowhere.

People see me in such a different way than I do.

Maybe I should be seeing myself as how they see me?

I think I find myself in a happy medium between my two worlds.

Socializing had become easier.

Sure, I didn’t go to that many happy hours this past number or that many events, but I do when asked.

Me signing Karaoke surprised me.

Growth.

Confidence.

It grows.

39.

With each number, I’m being more ME than the prior year.

That’s how life should be.

That’s how each year should be.

If you aren’t growing every year, you aren’t living.

If you aren’t finding yourself and trimming the excess, you aren’t you.

Work on yourself.

Be a better you.

I think 39 was that.

It was a year of conscious change.

It was a year of planned evolution.

Growth.

39.

A year of transition. A metamorphosis from one stage to another.

Adulting.

My new state.

40.

It’ll be another year of trimming. It’ll be another decade of trimming.

40s.

It’s starting.

What will my future bring?

What will this new decade bring?

I don’t know.

Like every number, like ever new year, it’s a blank slate. Wiped clean or painted over the existing layers of myself for a new masterpiece to be painted.

Adulting.

I know that it means one thing, but I don’t know exactly what it means.

I’ll embrace it, whatever it means.

Another year older, another year wiser.

I have rolled a new number. I have rolled a new decade.

All things come to an end. From endings come new beginnings.

Life is no different.

30s.

You were my favorite decade to date. I’ve grown so much in the past 10 years.

It was transformative. It was enlightening.

I grew into the man that I see in the mirror. I grew into the man that I hope my father would have been proud of.

I officially bid you adieu. I officially want to thank you for everything that you’ve done for me.

30s.

You were the best of times.

I could only hope that my 40s would be no different, continuing this journey that you’ve paved the way for.

I don’t know what my future will hold, but you’ve prepared me to tackle anything.

Again.

THANK YOU.

40s.

Welcome.

Give me what you got.