2019.

Here we are.

The first post.

I originally planned on picking up where I left off on my python class, but I woke up with a headache and decided to just write instead.

It’s so early. What is there to write? What is there to talk about?

Mind flickers.

Dreams.

I know that I wrote about my dreams before and about exactly what I’m going to chat about now, but it’s worth mentioning.

I don’t think much about my dreams anymore. I don’t remember most of them. Some days I do. Others, not so much.

I wake up and pay them no mind.

It’s not like when I was younger when I kept a dream journal and would remember my dreams in great detail.

Now, they’re a fading memory in the morning mind-rush to fight off sleep and wake.

I remember a few dreams I had last night.

Details of one, not so much. The other, some vague details.

I remember I’m driving my car or parked somewhere. I was just chilling. Don’t remember why I’m there, but I’m there.

A group of very young girls decided to just get in my car and now they refuse to leave. I’m being nice and they’re being flirty and they refuse to leave. Not sure why they won’t leave or why they decided to get into my car, but they are there. Not sure why they are flirting with me either.

I got out of the car and I think a teacher, or someone is trying to get them out of my car.

I see some dude on the street who I know, and I catch up with him and am genuinely having a good time catching up.

Nothing special.

Nothing really mind blowing.

Why am I writing about my dreams?

Well, I wouldn’t mind remember my dreams more and maybe get back to interpreting them again Maybe.

No, I just find dreams fascinating, especially how they compare to how my dreams were when I was younger.

I know I wrote about this before, but it bears repeating, man, the dynamics of the dreams changes so much based on what’s going on in your life.

It’s fascinating.

I’ve come so far in my dreams.

Here I am interacting with people. Having conversations, fights, being a presence in their lives.

Before, when I was younger, in high school and college, I was so lost in my life. Never felt that I fit in anywhere or still trying to find who I am and my place in this world.

I would go through my dreams by myself, lost in a sea of people. I would not interact with anyone or I always felt I was lost or being chased.

Not so much anymore.

I know what I’m going.

I know where I’m going.

I have direction.

I have agency.

I am.

I be.

I’ve come so far in my life.

Nearly 40 and comfortable in my skin.

I know who I am down to my core and there’s always definitely more room for growth.

So much has changed in my life.

I’ve grown so much.

Many of my struggles and demons that I fought way back when are no longer. Some are still there.

I have new ones.

Life.

I see.

I look at things with a different eye. Well, not so different, just a familiar eye that I haven’t used in a long time.

I looked at things a little differently when I was actively shooting pictures for my 365 projects.

I’m back at it and now I’m adding digital art to it.

On my walks I look at the trees, buildings, things with an eye for shading, color, composition, and other aspects.

It’s good. It’s been a while since I started to look at things like this.

It brings me back to a calmer time in my life when I felt my creative juices flowing.

It’s great to be back.

Since I’ve gotten the new laptop and started to do digital art, I have finished a few pieces and learned more about the software that I’m using.

I created an Flickr album for it.

I said I was going to post about 10 pieces for 2019. Judging by the rate I’m going, it might be a lot more.

This seems like my new obsession. This is like me baking bread again where it’s all that I do and all that I focus on.

Art.

Making art.

Fine art.

It’s good to be back.

It’s good to see that I am making some progress.

I have such high hopes and ambitions on how good I get.

Let’s see where I end up.

The last one I did of Pickles: Lay Doggy Lay: Sports Night took me three nights to do. I have about 15 minutes on the season 1 finale.

The pieces before were done in one night, one sitting, besides the Majestic Fucking Mountains because I watched the tutorial video while doing the painting.

It’ll take more time with each piece. They’ll finish when they finish.

I have the rest of the year to do 9 pieces.

Time shouldn’t be a constraint.

I want to do pieces that are specific to a different type of art style or different type of discipline.

I did an Impressionism work. I did a Bob Ross type of painting. I’ve done one with “oil painting”.

I want to do some charcoal drawings. I want to do watercolor.

I want to do so much.

So so much.

I’ve started to gather some creative inspiration in a OneNote to give me some ideas to do.

Art.

It’s meditation.

It’s a new way to keep mindfulness.

I’m not thinking about much of anything besides the art work that’s before me.

It’s calming.

My brain turns off and focuses on each stroke, each line.

It’s Zen.

I don’t know why, but I decided to title my pieces along with the movie or show that I was watching at the time when I was doing it.

For example: Fucking Color – Infinity War

It was my first real attempt. I didn’t know what I was doing. I mainly was me fucking around with the software and the tool to learn how the layers work. It was to learn the different brushes and see what it does.

I had Avengers: Infinity War playing in the background while I was doing it.

When I finished, I just added it to the title, and I guess that’s the thing that I’m going to do with it.

Art.

Peaceful.

Zen.

Looking forward to doing more.