Sigh.

That’s right.

That’s the right emotion. At. This. Moment.

At this time.

Sigh.

Out of my control. Out of my hands.

Sigh.

Got news that our SP Developer resigned yesterday. We got a few weeks left with him.

It’ll be a fun trip back to the office next week. Very fun.

This morning, Pickles shat on the floor.

Yay me.

Sigh.

I should have known. I had a feeling. My intuition was telling me he was having issues. I was aware of it, but I didn’t do anything.

Fuck me.

My life.

Sigh.

I should have acted on the signs that I got. I should have acted on my gut feelings, but I didn’t.

My fault.

Live and learn.

That’s life. Live. Learn.

He’s on meds now. Hopefully his stomach gets better.

As for work. It is what it is.

I had a feeling he wasn’t going to last. Just something that tells me that he was looking for something different.

I’m unsure why he’s leaving, but I don’t know.

I’m just going to leave it at that.

It’s times like this I wished I listened to Dad and got my degree or something some IT things when I was younger instead of trying to pick it up now.

I would have been in a different place, I know, but I don’t know….maybe I wouldn’t feel so helpless.

I wouldn’t have this feeling of inadequacy of not being able to do something and relying on people.

Sigh.

Sigh.

Sigh.

It is what it is.

Zen.

Breathe.

It’s the only thing that I can do right now.

Maintain a sense of whateverness.

Breathe.

Zen.

Relax.

Everything will be okay.

All this anxiety that I feel about work is just me being a control freak. It’s not about the work, it’s more about me not being able to do the work to a good standard and being able to deliver it without someone.

We all know that we need someone in house for this.

My boss knows this. We’ll find someone to replace him.

Until then, we’ll make due.

Sigh.

Breathe.

Zen.

In.

Out.

Breathe.

It is what it is.

Let it go.

Sigh.