Welcome to Amsterdam!

Nope. Not really.

Still in Federal Way.

Still in Asensio.

Still doing the writing.

It’s one of their artworks on the wall. A black and white picture of one of their canals and a red rotoscoped bicycle.

I thought it would make a good title and here we are.

I’m explaining.

Well, back at it.

Tired.

My brain is tired.

My body is tired.

My eyes are tired.

Tired.

I guess it’s a little bit of a blessing that it’ll rain at North Cascades National Park next week.

I don’t think my body can handle it.

I plan on doing nothing but resting for the next couple of days anyway, if I do end up going.

Not very likely.

Rain.

Showers.

60% showers in the mountains.

It doesn’t sound like a fun time.

Mui Gwai Fah tried to shame me into going. Wear a jacket. Don’t be a sissy.

She knows me better to know that shaming me isn’t going to work.

I have no problem walking in the rain. I love the rain.

Put on a rain jacket and take a stroll, walking Pickles.

No problem.

But when I have a choice to go out in the rain and hiking? I prefer not to.

It’s not fun.

As much as I miss the rain, hiking in the rain is a different story.

Hiking up a mountain for six miles and then I need to hike down, in the fucking rain?

I think not.

It’s hard to tell the conditions of the trails at that point and I honestly don’t want to risk it.

Also, it’s a good excuse for me to rest my body.

I need it.

Tired.

Hurting.

Tired.

Tired.

Mind flickers.

Tired.

My mind plays tricks on me.

My dream tells me how reckless I am.

It was a fitful night’s sleep.

Maybe my body was tired, but my dreams were telling me something.

I’m reckless.

I go to fast.

I’m crashing and burning because there are a few unexpected bumps in the road and my distraction is work.

I don’t remember most of it, but there are some snippets.

I’m driving along and Pramit is on the passenger side. We’re on a phone meeting or something and the person on the other end is having problems understanding what Pramit was saying. So, Pramit wanted me to translate what he said in Cantonese for some reason and I was like, I can’t. I’ll reiterate what you say, maybe it’s like an accent thing. Not sure.

So, I’m doing this and I’m driving along and then there’s this big gnarly dip in the freeway or road and I hit it at high speed and it sends us flying and then we crash land and my car bursts apart.

I’m okay.

Pramit is okay.

My car?

Not so much.

I don’t remember what happens next, but eventually I end up walking like a dark mall or some dark streets at night with a big back pack on.

Inside this backpack was parts of my car, just the top for some reason.

I’m trying to find someone to fix it for me and no one can.

I have to buy a new car.

What does it mean?

I don’t know.

Maybe it is a recall back to yesterday morning when I was working and answering emails for an hour when I’m on vacation.

I’m working too hard.

Going too fast, not paying attention to my life or the road that I’m on because I’m too busy working.

Eventually, I’m going to make a mistake and crash and burn.

I’m going to burn out and that’s what happened. Or at least, that’s what it feels like.

I’m crashing and burning at work.

It’s too much.

Stress.

Too much.

Anxiety.

Too much.

Relax.

Calm.

Zen.

Breathe.

Zen.

Relax.

Just do it.

I was planning on coming out there today and write about the hiking trip I did a few days ago in Olympic National Park.

I planned on writing about the hike at Hurricane Ridge and then Lake Crescent and Storm King and then Ozette Loop.

No.

I can’t.

I can’t process it.

My brain is dead.

I’m tired.

I can’t think.

My body screams.

Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe tomorrow.

Had dinner with Loretta last night.

Listening to her talk about the curve balls that had been happening in the past couple of months and the outcome of everything was just heart breaking.

It’s tough.

I don’t even know what to do or say.

I just hope she stays strong and tries again.

Be positive.

Be optimistic.

If you first don’t succeed, try again.

You have to.

Sigh.

Be positive.

What else could you be?