Vacation starts this week.

I’m officially off on Friday, but I’m hoping to sneak out a little early on Thursday to make my drive up to Sacramento.

It’ll be a long drive, especially after hours but it’ll cut down the drive home significantly.

I’m hoping I could sneak out around 2 or maybe even 1:30. Here’s to hoping.

I even put that I was busy all day on my calendar, to prevent anyone from scheduling a meeting that day.

Here’s to hoping.

Vacation.

I need it.

Can’t wait.

Getting back into it. Getting back into the groove. Getting back to getting active.

Hiking.

That’s all I’m going to do on break. Hiking.

I’ll try to take Pickles with me for some, but I know that there’ll be places that I can’t. National Parks.

North Cascades. Olympics.

Need to book some hotels and figure some shit out.

I can’t wait.

I think Pickles can go to Snoqualmie Falls. On my list.

I know mom will be working and my bro can’t take any time off, so it’s me and my soulmate doing what we do best.

Wander.

Hiking.

Nature.

Zen.

Relaxing.

I need it because I’ll be coming back to chaos.

Work.

Work is….work, but I’m making it work.

Work.

“I had my doubts, but it works…”

What the fuck?

Seriously?

What the fuck?

Sigh.

Let it go.

Just let it be.

It’s over.

Moviepass.

It’s over.

It’s been dying for a long time now and there’s been chaos and drama.

It’s finally going to die now with the newest change that they pushed out.

They just announced that users on the annual plan will be subjugated to the limitations as the monthly users.

That means for me, 3 movies a month.

HAHHAHAHAHAAHAHA.

Yeah, that’s not going to work out for me, but since I’ve already paid in full, I’ll follow along until it dies I guess and we’ll figure it out.

The only thing that stops me from fully just quitting and getting a prorated refund is the e-ticketing. I can see any movie that the theater is showing.

Thankfully for me, the Landmark is my go to theater and I am no limited in options.

Now, I can only do 3 movies a month.

Fuck it.

Given the how many movies I watch, I’ll let Moviepass play out since it saved me over $240 already and we’ll go from there.

I’ll join AMC A-List also since I can watch any movie regardless of premium showings and formats and limited to 3 movies per week.

I just need to watch 2 AMC movies a month and I’ll be good.

I think I can make it work.

It’ll be a little difficult with my limited time now, since I’m starting classes, but I’ll make it work.

Oh, Moviepass, you were good while you lasted, but you are on your last breath.

It’s been a week.

This week had been one of those weeks that was not very productive but busy at the same time.

I’m not sure how that works out, but it was. It’s these little things that makes me think what the fuck is taking up so much of my time and focus at work and I look back and I don’t know.

I don’t remember much of what happened this week, but I know it felt long and I feel that I wasn’t that productive.

C’est la vie.

That’s live.

It is.

Crazy Rich Asians was release this week. I managed to snag a decent seat early in the morning after a few tries.

Moviepass was a joke. It didn’t show any good seats in its app.

I had to go to the Landmark’s site and purchase the ticket myself. I was surprised to find that there was one decent seat remaining and that’s what I got.

The movie sold out and I think they had to add a second 7:30 showing.

Overall, it was good. I enjoyed it a lot.

It changed a bit from the book. Many stories were streamlined to make it flow a little bit better than the book.

Sure, there would be things that I wished they had fleshed out, like Astrid’s story, especially that of her and Charlie, but they had a slight nod to it at the end. Maybe a sequel?

But all in all. It was good. I’d rate it a 4/5.

I wouldn’t mind seeing it again and I think that’s still in the works with Court, but we’ll see.

There was a great scene in the movie that I loved. The mahjong scene. I understood the gist of it through the dialogue between Rachel and Eleanor. I just didn’t understand the mahjong hand. I don’t play mahjong, so I don’t understand the rules, but it seems that many who watched the movie don’t understand it either.

Thankfully, someone wrote an article about it. Basically, it plays out the same way as the dialogue. I thought it was great. It added another level to the scene.

The other thing about the movie was that it was a good rom-com. I’m glad to see that the rom-com is making a comeback.

Overall, I highly recommend it.

Go watch it.

Finally, a new perspective.

It’s better to have love and lost then to never have loved before.

I know this saying. Everyone knows this saying.

I know deep down inside, I believe it. It’s true, but I play it safe. I think it’s better not to.

It’s a waste.

I have always believed that if I do end up old and alone that I’ll be okay with it. I still stand by that.

No regrets.

I know my choices. I know my life. I know who I am.

Rey taught me to see it in a different light.

She taught me to see it using an analogy with my dad.

The pain and emptiness I felt after my father passed away was unbearable. I was heartbroken. I’m still a little broken. Just a lil’.

Rey taught me a lesson, to finally understand the saying.

Even with all the pain and devastation that happened with my dad’s passing, would my life been better that I had him in my life, having him being there, OR, would it have been better if I never had a father or knew him.

New perspective on this.

Of course, it definitely is better to have a father growing up, even with the pain.

So, yes, it is true. It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved before.

Again, deep down inside, I’m sure I knew this already, but it’s always a good thing to get it slapped in your face from time to time.

Eventually, with time, my psychological bullshit and insecurities should fade, and I’ll be ready. Eventually.

She says I’m not open.

I am.

I’m just can’t get out of my head.

Soon.

One day.

One day.

Night school.

I’m one of those old farts that need to go back to school to learn new things to keep up with the world.

I just signed up for an Intro to SQL and Database Management class at UCLA Extension.

I’m one of those and there’s no shame in it.

Growth. Learning.

If you aren’t learning, you aren’t living.

Personal growth is important, and this will up my game and my desirability in the job market, if I ever decide to do a career change.

Now, this doesn’t mean that I’m looking to quit my job or am looking for a career change.

It’s all about work.

I find myself tasked with more responsibilities on certain projects and there are things that I’m uncomfortable doing because I lack the required skill set to do the job well. I can half ass it, but I don’t want to.

Hence the class.

Depending on how things go, I think I’ll continue to more of the advance stuff, to eventually programming. It just makes sense and something that I was kind of interested in anyway.

Looking back, the root of all of this is the job and the frustration and sometimes inadequacies that I feel of not being able to do something on my own and requiring help from others.

We all know how much I hate asking people for help and relying on other people, especially when it comes to my projects.

Delay delay delay.

Fun times.

I don’t know what to expect, but I think it’s something I’m looking forward to.

It gets me out of the house and it keeps my brain working and I think for me, that’s the important part.

You’re never too old to go back to school.

I hear a lot of people say that all the time and it’s true. You are never too old to go back to school and learn new things, whether it is to keep up with the world or to just exercise your mind.

Learning is a great thing.

I’m looking forward to it.

Can’t wait.

I feel calm.

Tranquil, possibly.

Any anxiety that I had about this data project dissipated.

Why? When?

Maybe it was when I decided that we should house the data instead of trying to force fit all the data back to Prisma and SMI.

There was no easy way for that to happen and I was stressing out trying to figure a solution.

Thankfully I learned about the RAI team taking over all the digital data for their purposes and we can leverage them for help and things just snowballed.

It makes things easier. It just makes sense.

I feel good about this.

I feel calm about this.

I just need to make it happen.

Let’s see.

The Licker.

It’s his name now.

The Licker.

It’s who he is, now.

He’s been licking his paws as a way to pass time for a while now. It’s a nasty habit, but I’m not there to watch him while I’m at work. He does what he does.

The Licker.

Pickles.

He’s 13 now, or will be by the end of the month. His birthday is sometime during August, so I celebrate it at the beginning.

13.

91.

Old Man Pickles.

He’s still good though. He still has his personality and he’s a lot like me. He’s a fucker a lot of the time when he doesn’t listen, but that’s me too.

I can’t blame him. He’s been with me for most of his life, he’s bound to pick up some of my nasty habits too.

It is what it is.

I hope he lives for a long long time.

He’s my copilot, my soulmate.

To lose him, it would be unbearable.

My heart has a limited capacity for love and Pickles takes up a large portion of it.

Pickles.

My love. My soulmate.

My life saver.

Happy birthday.

Thank you for being in my life.

Thank you.

Write.

Thoughts.

I have none.

It’s been a struggle to fall back to the ease of putting these thoughts into this void. It’s been a struggle to come and do my little finger tapping and make it seem worthwhile.

It seems that most of these little entries nowadays are about what’s been happening in my daily life, work, outings, and other musings and not much about who I am.

It’s changed.

It’s changed so much from what it was, just even from a few years ago.

But then again, so much has changed in my life in the past few years.

Slowly, things get better.

Slowly, my life change.

Slowly, I grow.

Slowly, my therapy worked.

So, now, do I have anything much to say?

I don’t know.

I don’t know anymore.

Maybe it is time for me to fall back into my creative endeavors. Maybe it is time for me to get back on that script, or those short stories that I owe.

Maybe.

Maybe this will be the last one of these entries in a while.

I think it just might be.

 

Quiet.

My mind.

Quieter.

My usual thoughts swim around, but they aren’t as active as they once were.

Quiet.

My mind.

There’s a chance that I may get back to that little sense of normal that I once had.

I want the old normal back and there’s a glimmer of hope. It’s there. I have to reach for it.

Ease my mind.

Quiet my desires.

Solitude.

Tranquil.

There’s hope.

There’s a chance.

I experienced that normal last night. I turned off my iPad and did what I normally do, read a book.

Turtles All the Way Down.

My life, there’s no explanation. It’s just turtles all the way down

There once was a time where a million dreams are keeping me awake.

Now, not so much.

I close my eyes and fall asleep, a little bit at first and then all at once.

There aren’t issues like when I was younger, tossing and turning as a million dreams are keeping me awake. I sleep and forget.

I close my eyes and clear my mind. No more dreaming or wishing of better things.

No more.

No more desires.

None.

I close my eyes and it’s blackness.

If I’m lucky, my synapses fires and flickering images fill my vision.

To dream.

To relax.