Calm.

Relaxed.

I love the feeling of just coming out of the chamber, all calm and drained. Mind clear, without the normal weight of thoughts and anxiety.

Today’s session was successful even though I felt that my mind wasn’t as clear as it was last time.

I still feel calm and relaxed; even now, about 30 or so minutes later, sitting here with my tea, chatted with Rei and typing away.

It’s a warm day today, windy too. The world looks a little brighter. A smidge.

I wonder how long this Zen will last. The last time, it lasted for almost a week. This time? We shall see.

I hope it’ll be one of those things where the more sessions you do, the longer the feeling lasts.

It’s all about meditation, clearing the mind.

The sensory deprivation chamber helps. There are no distractions but your thoughts and the realignment and readjustment in the pool from time to time, as you float to the walls of the chamber.

Will this last through my trip up north?

That would be nice.

That would be really nice.

* * *

Relax.

Calm.

Life.

It’s going.

The second half of this year hasn’t been too bad. Any stress was all work related with the big project that I’m in, but that is something that is manageable once I got a clear direction of how the project should go.

It’s all grunt work now.

That’s all within my control.

The first half was a different story and that vacation to the Rockies was a lifesaver.

It was definitely a much-needed reprieve at that time. I turned in all of the projects that I was working on at that time and I felt lighter.

Relish was home and on the mend, being able to cat. My heart lifted.

Funny how a little control helps ease my mind.

I’m such a control freak.

* * *

Funny, how I was thinking about Relish and what happened between her and Chutney (No dubbed Chewy) and that it was such a stressor in my life and the Roswell Animal Control pinged me on FB to ask how he’s doing.

I guess I am fortunate that everything worked out. Sure, it didn’t go as smoothly as I had hoped, with Relish and everything, plus the dead rabbit, but Chutney got a good home. He was saved and has a great life now with Carel.

He’s fortunate. I don’t know where he would be now if I hadn’t rescued him. Would he still be in the kennel? Would he had been adopted or would he had been put down.

Those questions would have killed me and now I know that he’s in good hands.

Bless his lucky ass.

I know I’ll be looking back at that event in the next few weeks, writing about it in my yearly diatribe, but man, what an adventure. What a story to tell.

Here’s to hoping that my next special weekend trip is boring. I don’t need another story to tell, well, at least I don’t need another where something I love gets hurt, even though I was trying to do some good in the Universe.

* * *

Dynamics.

People.

Relationships.

They all change. It’s malleable and ever changing with each interaction.

What starts out as good, fun, and fascinating can just change to something that fizzled out because of one thing or another.

That happens a lot, especially with me.

Much of it has a lot to do with me and my general weirdness and others are just the dynamics of the relationship and other times most likely is me just fucking things up.

It is what it is, I just have to be better at not being a dick, and other times things just need to run its course.

Some of the things are like, hmmmm…how is this going to work out? What do you expect to get out of this? Nothing can happen, so why even?

Just why?

Other times, I’m clueless, ’cause again, it’s me.

I’m very hypersensitive, and I’m sure it’s because of my INFJness. I notice things. I’m an empath and my gut tells me certain things.

It’s usually spot on, I can pick up clues, and there are times when I’m done. It’s not a perfect science…or science.

It just is.

Let things run its course.

Just let things run.

Be free.

Go.

Done.

* * *

I think it is time to go. I have a lot of work to do today.

Lunch, home, work.

Yayer.