Merry Fucking Christmas!!!
I made it home, with a few small bumps here and there.
I had to work at the airport, which is fine, since I got there way way early anyway.
It was just the pickup that was a little annoying. There obviously was traffic, which he should have anticipated. We’ve been doing this for a few years now and yet, he leaves like there wouldn’t be any traffic. When he got close, instead of finding the closest place to me where he can pulls he, he fucking drives all the way to the end of the fucking airport and parks, ’cause there was no one there.
Fuck that. Inconsiderate asshole.
Hahhaa, I guess we all are dicks, and I see that his dickishness is coming out.
I guess it is only fair.
Bah Humbug!
Bah Humbug indeed.
* * *
Here I am at Asensio, my usual stomp whenever I’m up here in the PNW doing my yearly thing. I do love how the owners remember me. I’m sure they see many regulars on a daily basis, but they do remember me, the guy who only comes up to the PNW once or twice a year and will come to the coffee shop every morning for about a week or so.
I love that. There’s a sense of familiarity, friendliness, and community here.
* * *
It’s that time of the year again, my yearly diatribe. It’s here where I reflect and do my bah humbug to all.
2017.
Good riddance.
It’s been a shit show of a year. There were many surprises and adventures and there were many lessons learned and stressors.
It’s a year unlike any other year, but just a smidge towards the extreme.
2017 was a year that will be broken in half and each half was a shit show for different reasons.
The first half was a combination of work pressures and everything that happened with Relish. The second half is the ongoing SharePoint project. I finally got my head around it and have things under control, but there’s just a lot of work.
Right in the middle of these two shit shows was the demarcation line, the trip to the Rockies. It was a great end to the first half and the start of the second half.
I don’t know how this will flow, but I guess I’ll wing it.
So here goes, my bah humbug to all.
* * *
Again, it was unlike any other year. Life went on. Things happened. There were many adventures and made many stories.
It was life. My life was curated by me on my own terms.
Sure, life kind of threw its wretched wrench in there just to make it so things to so easily, but in the end, it was a trying year but a good year.
Maybe I jinxed myself in the past few years complaining that I have nothing to do at work, so they gave me this endless project.
This never-ending project.
I’m managing and we see the light.
Definitely, there’s light.
2017.
It was a year, which I learned to treat my body better. But with ever step forward and any forward momentum in getting healthier, of course there were many steps backwards.
That’s how it goes.
That’s how it goes.
I guess this is a good place to start.
* * *
2017.
It was another Year of Phong.
Sure, that takes on the same connotations that I’ve defined since the whole Year of Phong started, but there’s a little something more to it.
My health.
I tried to focus on my health this year. Not only my mental health, but my physical health too. I’m not talking about the going to the gym and getting swoll type of health, but more of the keeping my body relatively fit and trying to eat a little healthier so it doesn’t give out on me.
I started the year with doing yoga and running, but the running didn’t last as it hurt my knees after two days. The yoga didn’t last either especially when I got sick in February while I was doing the Whole30 diet.
Hopefully I can start again with the yoga come the New Year and maybe just working on weight training too.
I focused on trying to figure out my stomach ailments; especially the stomach cramps and gas pain since I came back from Italy.
IBS.
Doctor’s confirmed it and I now know that I can’t eat raw cabbage and even apples. I’ll have to investigate this more, but I need to stay away from high FODMAPs food.
Not every one of those foods will give me problems, but it’s good to know that I have a resource to refer to if problems happen again. I have control over things.
I wouldn’t say that I’m an unhealthy eater. I wouldn’t say that I’m a crunchy granola healthy eater either, but I do like to believe that I am a healthy eater.
For the most part, I cook all of my meals from scratch, well, let’s say about 80% of the time. I don’t eat much fast food or processed foods. Healthy, whole ingredients.
I’ve been doing this for a while and with the yearly food projects, it helps even more.
I’m trying to be healthy so that my body doesn’t give out on me at 45.
I can feel my bones popping and creaking.
I’m making an effort.
I’m going to the chiropractor to get a massage and get adjusted on a fairly regular schedule.
I walk a shit ton. I get on average about 18K steps a day and there will be days when I’m up to 28K steps.
Just active. Or at least, I’m trying to.
Floating.
Sensory deprivation.
I went floating for the first time earlier this year, in February and it was one of the most transformative things that I had ever done.
That feeling of total calm and Zen was addicting. I went again in November and again a last week and that same calm came over me. The last time left me with a calm anger annoyance, which was weird, but I have decided that I am going to start doing this regularly too.
I’ll focus on calm and meditate. It’s important.
Zen.
It’s important.
With everything that happened this year along with the workload and the pressures of managing the SharePoint project, I needed a way to relax.
Sure, cooking helped, but I turned to the bottle.
Whiskey. My drink of choice now.
I would drink to calm down. I’ll have wine with my dinner or given the opportunity, I’ll go out with some coworkers for happy hours if I’m invited and I would drink.
It’s not a great way to deal with stress. There’s nothing wrong with drinking, unless you have an addiction.
There’s something wrong with it if you use it as a crutch to help you deal with stress or even to help you calm the inner brain and anxieties that spring up.
That’s a lesson I’m learning this year. I know I touch upon the whole drinking thing from time to time in the void of mine, but I’m starting to learn that it’s an issue.
Whiskey blackouts.
That’s what I get. I think what did it for me was when I don’t remember pieces of the Christmas party because I was so shit faced and my belligerent behavior during the Spring Agency Meeting. Blackouts.
It’s a problem when you don’t remember being dismissive to a good coworker of yours, who’s also an SVP of the agency. I feel so bad.
It’s an issue and I guess it’s something I’ll work on in the future.
Don’t overdo it or find something else that works.
2018.
Let’s find another drink, shall we?
* * *
2017
Year of Phong
Riding Solo…yet again.
I’ve mentioned it time and time again on this here void that the past couple of years seem to be a reset to back when I first moved down here.
I continue to do my own thing and be on my own. I’ll go to the movies every week and run any errands I need to run, go to work, and just be home. Unlike then though, I have my furkids to keep me company.
Sure, I’ve come a long way since then; 16 and a half years can do that to a person.
With time, a conscious effort, a desire for growth, and a need to find some inner peace from the depression I had back then, I’ve changed a lot.
I’m in a better mental state and things that were so foreign and caused me anxiety seems so easy now.
2017.
It was another year where I attempted to do a Year of Yes again. Again, it was semi successful.
There were times when I would just forget that I’m doing and other times when I just didn’t want to go out.
Of course, it all depends if I ever get asked to do things in the first place.
Work stuff, in terms of actual things that pertains to my job; I’ll make a decision depending on what it is and what I can or cannot do.
But, I’m talking about things that affect me on a social or a personal level. That’s the point of this, right? To be more social? To interact? To be normal and to experience life outside my comfort zone?
Well, at least that’s what I think this whole exercise means to me.
Thinking back, I’m trying to remember how often that I went out this year or was asked? Sure, I had the work obligations like the agency meetings and Christmas Party, but what else?
There were a lot of going away happy hours and happy hours in general. For the most part, I went to most of them. Some more willingly than others, because of the company and overall, it was a great time.
Things get easier.
I wonder if me being out there more and more gives other people a different kind of impression than what I think I really am.
I am still the self-proclaimed prosolitude antisocial guy. I am.
That’s me to the core.
But, I can socialize. I do socialize….on my terms.
People get this idea that I’m a very social butterfly who has all of these friends and when I tell them that I am very antisocial, they call bullshit. The Iranian for example.
It all depends.
Being antisocial and being nice and decent aren’t mutual exclusive. If people are nice and chatty, I can do the same. That’s decorum.
This year kept that tradition going. People see me in one way and I see myself in another.
It’s another year where I am a mixture of both and that’s not a bad place to be.
Hopefully things get a little easier next year and things change for the better or for worse and which is which, it’s up to you.
Either way, I am making progress. I am being human. I am being me and I don’t care that people get upset at me if they perceive me in a different light than what I think I see myself.
It’s always been a tough battle that I’ve had with myself and with other people. Some people take more offense to it than others do.
It’s all about comfort, right? I’m getting more and more comfortable in situation that I normally wouldn’t be comfortable in.
Sure, sometimes I have liquid courage to calm my nerves…fuck it, most of the time I do, but things are getting better.
I see the upward trend of this. I know it. I see it.
That’s progress. That’s all that matters.
* * *
2017
Relationships and People.
Look above.
When it comes of being in a relationship, it’s been another year of Riding Solo.
I still have the issue of not being able to see a situation where I’m able to get my freedom that I so need and am use to and being in a relationship.
Everyone says that it’ll be different if I meet the right person and I’m sure it’ll be. Compromise. I understand it. Whether I can actually do it, is the more important questions.
Another part of it is that I’m I really don’t want to be in a relationship.
I think I’m like most guys or maybe I’m the exception, I just want the benefits of a relationship without actually having one. I don’t need company, for the sake of company. Sex, kissing, the physical stuff? That’s all I want.
I have a horrible track record of being in a relationships and the reason is listed above.
Every year, I realize this and every year I wish it would change and sometimes I think it is just time to be okay with it.
I know that deep inside I’m okay with this, hence me living my life the way that I am now, but there’s still a part of me that wonders could it be different? Could it be better?
Maybe 2018 will be different.
Who knows?
It seems to be shaping up to be that way. I noticed girls that I normally wouldn’t talk to because I never had to, being chatty with me and there were a few that I developed a flirtatious rapport with.
So strange.
Overall, those come and go, and those happen often enough that I’ll get my little crushes and then I just freeze and not do anything.
Sometimes, the situation is out of my control. They’ll either have a boyfriend or I just can’t fucking read the situation and other times they are young and my coworkers. Do I really want to go there?
Do I?
Sometimes it works. It happens. It’s nature. That’s where many people meet their significant others.
I don’t know. I’m always in my head and I’m sure I’m over thinking a lot of it.
We shall see.
2018, show me what you got.
I think most people who know me or know of me understand the kind of person I am and my abrasive behavior and attitude. It’s just me and my quirk.
I know it rubs many people the wrong way and some may not handle it as well as others and I’m okay with that.
Thankfully, I don’t think I really pissed anyone off or angered anyone. That’s a plus in my book. There were no major falling outs but just normal out-of-sight-out-of-mind type thing.
It happens and I’m horrible with keeping in touch. Relationships and friendships just fade into the ether and I am okay with it. I’m sure occasionally things will realign and I’ll meet with these friends again and the cycle will continue. Fade and gone, then it’ll come back full circle.
It’s the way of life. It’s how I am with most people, including friends.
People in general get on my nerves. Not all people, but most people in general. I just have no patience with them especially stupid people.
I know I need to work on that, but it’s so trying. I have no patience.
Patience is a virtue that I don’t have. It’s my hamartia and something I try to work on on a daily basis and it all has to do with people.
I guess my frustration is that I don’t understand things, that frustrates me, and this year had its many instances.
Something to work on.
For the most part, I’m interacting with more and more people and there were times when my relationship with some would change. When our status quo would just be glares or just basic formalities turn into something of chatty friendliness.
I find it fascinating.
People, they both fascinate and frustrate me at the same time.
I hope that I learn to be better and have more patience for the general public.
I fucking hope I do, ’cause this year has been trying.
* * *
Travel.
Wanderlusting where my feet can take me.
Looking back, I didn’t do as much traveling as I normally would. I would like this to 2015, where I didn’t do much traveling.
Actually, I think I traveled more for work than on personal trips, or they were on par, but each trip that I took was memorable for their own reasons.
I started late in my travels this year. It was during my special weekend, but that was a twofer.
Opted to go to Carlsbad Caverns National Park for a little getaway. It was about a 13-hour drive or so and debated if I should drive or if I should fly. I opted to fly and rent a car.
It was convenient. I didn’t have to take an extra day off for the drive and had enough time to play. The trip was all right up until Roswell and me finding Chutney. The rest as they say was history.
But it was also my first company trip too. NYC.
I know that I’d been asked to do many photoshoots around the agency from time to time for different projects and such. It’s because BHVA was busy with everything that they had to do and so they needed another photographer or since it was internal, the PMs didn’t want to be billed by BHVA for internal projects.
This time was a big one for an official client. The NY Auto show was happening the day after I was supposed to fly back from El Paso and they wanted me there to shoot the Acura TLX launch.
I flew out on the company’s dime, stayed at a hotel a block from Time Square and it was amazing. I was so naive at that time, not knowing exactly what was going to happen later in my life.
I went in, did my work, walked around the city, enjoyed my free extended special weekend vacation and then flew back home the next day. It was pretty amazing.
Because of where the launch happened and how the cars were setup, I didn’t get many of the necessary shots that I needed because of the tight space, no matter how much I looked at the angle studies.
But, it was done and I worked and got it done.
The next trip was another work trip to Baltimore to photograph the first Civic Type R for the auction. It was another quick and easy trip and I got all of the shots that I needed because there was a little more control of where I set up the car.
I do have to say that it was amazing to see my photos on the web with my name for photo credit.
Baltimore was kind of chill in itself. I explored a little, but wouldn’t mind exploring a little more. It was one of those trips where I just chilled by myself and actually met someone at the bar and we chatted.
Life. It’s funny that way. When you least expect it, you actually socialize. Ha, I guess The Iranian was right, I am social. Not really.
The last work trip was for Miami for the Drive event at the Homestead Race Track. Again, it was another work trip because they needed another photographer, so I went out with the main BHVA photographer.
It was pretty cool watching and seeing so many Type Rs racing. I wished I could have driven one of them. Man, but I can’t complain. They sent me out to South Beach, stayed in a fancy resort on the company’s dime.
I can’t complain at all. I think I wrote about all of these trips on this here void of mine.
I don’t know what the New Year will bring. I don’t know if they’ll ask me again to do another shoot. If I do, great. If I don’t, great. I can’t expect too much. I can’t be greedy. I appreciative for the chances that I had.
My next personal trip wasn’t until the Fourth of July weekend. It was the demarcation of the shit show that was the first half of the year and all that stress ending and the shit show that is the second half of the year. Looking back, it was definitely a much-needed meditative excursion to nature.
I flew out to Denver and met my bro and we went to the Rockies for some hiking. It didn’t start out well as I forgot my camera bag in one of the cars we looked at, so we missed the Stanley Hotel Ghost Tour, but I think that was for a good reason. I was so fucking tired anyway with all the drinking I did the night before at an impromptu happy hour with the HRM team.
I turned over my SharePoint list for them and all of my other SharePoint projects that I had at that time. Funny how all of them finished around the same time. Relish seemed to be in a good place and was mending well. I had dropped her off at ASEC for that long weekend for a checkup and when I got back, she came home with me for the last time. No more dropping off. It was great. It was amazing.
Things seemed to be looking up after that at home.
The next and last trip of the year (besides this trip home for Christmas) was the amazing two-week extravaganza to Italy. Simply amazing and it was a good break from everything that I was going through with SharePoint and the frustration of it taking so long.
In the end, amazing trip, and I guess things are in a really good place with the transition and everything.
Travels. Wanderlusting.
I wonder what 2018 have in store for me. I know I’ll have a lot of vacation days and I just need to know where to go. I already know that there’s no big family trip planned, but maybe something smaller like what we did in the Rockies?
I’ll most likely drive home again with Pickles too.
It wasn’t a family friendly year, or I thought it was but didn’t turn out to be.
A thought came to me this morning. It seems that years that I grow out my hair turns out to be non-family-friendly years. Funny how that works out.
I’m already thinking about my special weekend trip and let’s hope that comes to fruition. I’ll keep all my options open, but I need more travels in my life.
Here’s to 2018 and more travel adventures.
Bring it.
* * *
Work. Werk.
Besides the cat, work had been the biggest stressor in my life.
I had frustrations big and small.
Again, 2017 was a shit show, not just in the world, but in my life and mainly it was about work.
I think the biggest one was, is, and forever will be this SharePoint migration. I’ve been living and breathing it for the majority of the year.
But looking back, I do have to say that I had a lot of help in getting a lot of the main components in place with the vendor who’s helping develop the Dash and everything but most of the bones and development is all mine.
It’s all of my work front and center. I made many of the big decisions on how things work, especially in the first half when I was directionless.
As the project ramped up and got bigger, other project managers got involved, but throughout my tenure here at RPA, this was the first real big project that I PMed for.
There’s a sense of accomplishment to see how things are working and people using it and making use of certain things that I’ve developed and that it helps them do their work.
Little success in the mass of madness.
Here’s to the little successes.
Now, the project isn’t over. Far from it, as I have a little more clear direction of how things should be.
I think the biggest sticking point was when it came to the bigger picture; I had anxiety over making the big decisions. I am not a part of the company workflow nor do I have any understanding of how the company works. It was difficult for me to figure out or know what was the best decision on how to build, make, and do things when I have no clear concept to build from.
I hated that power, ’cause ultimately, I didn’t want to fuck up. I didn’t want that responsibility, ’cause it shouldn’t be mine. I’m not a decision maker when it comes to agency workflow.
I’m just a lowly peon, and I’m way OK with that.
But as the year is closing and I’m finishing up the migrations to start the new year and doing some final housekeeping, I see some light at the end of all of this.
The Dash should be launching soon and when everyone gets back to work, most everyone should be using SharePoint and Teams.
The next step is training and maintaining and it’s good to know that I have help in all of that.
2018, be kinder? I don’t want so much responsibility. It doesn’t do my liver good as I drink to de-stress.
Ultimately, joking aside, this was the toughest year at work and in the end, seeing what I built to help the new team that came onboard in February and seeing how that little small project started a snowball was a little rewarding.
My work getting recognize and started this.
It’s not perfect. MS and SharePoint have its flaws and some of it is not entirely their fault and some of them are ours, but sigh, we’ll figure something out.
I’ll figure something out.
Let’s hope.
2018, in a way, I’m afraid to ask what is next. What do you have for me?
Be nice.
* * *
Day 4.
This is my fourth day writing this. I’ve only managed to stay an hour a day to write and jot down my thoughts before I head back home to work on agency stuff.
Hopefully I can wrap this up today or tomorrow. I guess we shall see.
Let’s roll on.
* * *
Projects.
I didn’t have many projects this year. I didn’t set out to do any.
My only project this year was the cooking project, which I finished. Even this year’s project was a little lack luster. I didn’t impose any rules nor did I get creative with it in needing to create things that I never made before.
As long as the food was different from what I normally did, I was golden.
There were no other projects. No photography. No writing.
I did manage to write many many posts on this here void of mine. Random. Listless. Insignificant.
I needed to do something while I’m out-and-about doing my regular routine.
Maybe next year will be a little bit different.
I have rolls and rolls of expired film that I want to shoot and develop. It’ll help me get back to the basics of photography, slow down, take my time with things. Let’s see how that goes.
I want to get back into writing again. I just don’t know what to write. Prose? Short stories? Scripts?
No idea, but I want to work my brain again. Be creative.
Maybe with all the stress that I was dealing with, I didn’t have the capacity to do any of that. Who knows?
Reading.
I didn’t read that much this year. Sure, I listened to many books, but not as much as I normally would.
I think I physically read no more than three or four books this year, whereas other years will be close to ten.
Maybe I’m getting old and when I go to bed, I just want to go to sleep.
Or maybe I need to change my routine, instead of going to bed and reading my tablet, looking at memes and reading up on the daily news, I should go back to reading.
I don’t know.
It’s a process; it’s a thing, something that I’ll touch upon below.
Projects.
Let’s keep me busy the next year. Help me create, get my creative juices going. I sorely miss it.
Bring it.
* * *
FOMO.
The pressure. So much pressure.
I generally don’t have a FOMO (Fear of Missing out), or the regular sense of the word used by millennials today. I don’t care about missing out on what’s happening in the latest party or the latest craze, being bombarded by so many invites to all the things and I have to choose which one to go to all the while constantly thinking the thing that I’m missing out on is better than what I was doing at that moment.
NO. Never had that problem. I don’t get invited to much of anything besides the usual happy hour, so nothing to miss out on.
No, my FOMO is more about all of the media content that is out there. There are just so many things to watch. So many shows and movies to be on top of and they constantly come out.
I remember when I would be on top of everything, watching everything with full attention, and now, I’m like whatever.
I’m at a point where I have so many choices of content that I don’t know what to watch next, so I just don’t watch anything.
First world problems, I know.
I guess that’s probably another reason why I’m not reading much too. The content and also, the pressure of meeting some imaginary number of things to read in the upcoming year, the pressure gets to you.
I don’t have much happening in my life, so I need to create drama somewhere that is outside of work.
Pathetic, I know, but it’s the little things in my life.
I’m so behind on all of the podcasts that I follow. There are just so many hours in the day. I guess I could listen to them during work, but then again, I generally would like to focus on the podcasts and I can’t do while I do work.
So, maybe, here’s hoping, that I remove these pressures from myself in the upcoming year. I’ll get to whatever audiobook I’m listening to when I listen to it. I don’t have to read a certain quota or watch everything to be a part of the media zeitgeist.
I’ll catch up on my podcasts when I need a break from the books. I’ll read books when I need a break from my shows.
I have control over the consumption. If I miss something, then it really isn’t that important to me. Let it go.
Remove the excess.
Focus. Be minimal.
Whittle things down.
I don’t need to watch everything.
I don’t need to read everything.
I find myself bored with the shows that I’m watching, but I watch hoping that it’ll get better. Now, I just throw it on the background while I surf the internet.
Netflix DVDs sit on my coffee table for weeks or months before I get around to watching it.
Maybe I’ll the antsy-ness is more about needing to do something active rather than be passive and watch content.
Create content. Maybe your my life was lacking the creativity that was normally filled with my photography and my creative writing.
Maybe that’s it. I need to get these creative juices going.
Who knows?
But come the New Year, let’s aim to just chill, relax, and find my own schedule. No need to be on top of everything.
Be in control.
Believe me, I won’t be missing out on much of anything.
Not much at all.
2018, let’s relax a little bit more, okay?
Let’s switch things up a little bit. I’m going to take back control, just a little bit.
* * *
Furkids.
They’ve been through a lot this year. Like mine, their year have been pretty shitty too, especially Relish’s.
I made the mistake of taking in a stray into my little small comfortable brood and it turned into a disaster. Relish could have died and it was all my fault.
She’s back to normal and fought like hell to get back to normal. She’s a feisty one and I am grateful to all the vets and ASEC for fixing her.
I try to do a good thing and it backfired, but ultimately, in the grand scheme of things, everything worked out.
Chutney found a good home.
I knew it was a mistake, but I went through with it anyway.
I knew that Pickles wasn’t happy about Chutney either and Pickles is generally cool with most other dogs. Man, I so wished things worked out. I so wished that things worked out, but I guess the Universe had other plans for me or know that it was too much for me to handle.
I do wish it picked a more subtle way of letting me know. I already decided that he wasn’t a good fit, but it’s done.
Things progressed and now we are back to three.
It’ll just be us.
Relish is back to her normal bitchy self and Pickles is older.
I can see it in his face and how he takes his time sitting own. He still loves his walks and I feel that I’ve been neglecting him for the past couple of years. I haven’t taken him on as many adventures as I should.
Hopefully I can rectify that. I’ll make an effort to get the fuck out of the house and just go play with him. Go explore like how we use to do.
He’s getting older and will only get older and things will be tougher for him.
There’s no need for me to keep my usual weekend routine. Shake it up.
I know I’m a creature of comfort, but sometimes comfort and routine change for the better.
I don’t see why it can’t for us.
I know I won’t have many more years left with him and my heart will shatter. We all have a limited time together. Let’s make the best of it before it’s too late.
More A Boy and His Dog trips. Small. Big. I don’t care. Just more.
He’s my kid, my sidekick, and my soul mate.
He’s one of my saviors and I should treat him like one.
2018.
Let’s live it up. The two of us.
Pickles and me.
* * *
2017
It’s been a year.
It’s been a very trying year with work and life at home.
It’s a growing year. I learned a lot about myself this year. It’s usually when you are pushed to your limits you learn, grow, and adapt to keep your sanity.
I see the ugliness of some of my habits and the strength and resolve that I have to overcome some of my obstacles.
2017.
It was a year that pushed me to my emotional limits.
I know I’m a stubborn fucking asshole that has a chip on his shoulder. I’m so independent and I’m so alone so often that I think I have to do everything myself.
It’s one of the biggest lessons that I learned growing up. I have to manage everything on my own. I have to do everything on my own and I know that I don’t. I know and understand that I don’t have to.
I think one of the biggest lessons I learned this year and one of the most humble things I did was to ask for help.
I’m not the type of person that would ask for help, for most of anything. If it is something that I can handle and do on my own, for the most part I will do.
When it comes to work things, I’ll reevaluate and then delegate, but when it comes to my personal life, it’s all me.
It’s my responsibility and I don’t want to burden other people with my problems.
But I guess it pushed me to my limits and I needed help and I asked. I asked the void and my friends to help me find a home for Chutney.
That was big. That was huge.
Growth. Learning.
That’s what life is all about, right? That’s what this little thing of mine is about right? To figure out what I’ve learned about myself this year. To see growth. To reflect and see how far I’ve come and to see how much I’ve changed?
Growth.
If you aren’t learning, you aren’t growing.
I learned to reach out and ask for help.
I know coworkers and friends have reached out and asked for help. Maybe I shouldn’t be so afraid to take them up on their offer. Maybe I shouldn’t be scared to dump my shit on them and have them give me a hand.
I know that if a friend asked me for help, I would drop most everything and do what I can to help. Why do I think that my friends won’t do the same if I need help?
They did. They spread the word and helped the best that they can.
I’m not alone in this world.
There are good people in the world. I see that and hopefully, in the future, I’ll be able to do the same and ask for help when I really need it.
Life lessons.
It’s okay to ask for help.
2018.
* * *
2017.
The Year of Tough Love.
Saying it was a tough year is an understatement.
It was a trying year that tested my mettle. It was a year of unfortunate events, but it was also a year that I felt more comfortable with me being who I am.
It was a year that I notice a need to change things up in my life.
It was a year that I realize that I’m not alone.
It was unlike any other year. I lived on my own terms and stuck to my convictions.
It was a year full of travels and memories and a year of new friends and different experiences.
It was also a year that I saved not one, but two lives. I would like to believe that I saved Chutney’s life, and with the help of the vets at ASEC, I saved Relish’s.
I sure as hell don’t want to have that happen again though, so let’s hope that will be the last of it. It goes to show that when I feel guilty and its someone or something I love, no amount of money matters. Their life is far important.
2017.
It was a year of me, another Year of Phong, but I can see a need for change.
Maybe this whole hair journey will mark a time when the change will come.
This might be the last time that I’ll ever grow my hair out and donate it. I tell myself that I’m almost 40 and that I want to start 40 fresh and give adulting a try.
What does that entail?
I have a little over a year before I hit that big 40. What will happen?
I’ll will most likely go on the same way as I am now, doing my little party of ones and going with the flow, but I think I should have a more open mind and just do things on a whim and not be so strict in my little routine.
Life is about change and a little change isn’t going to kill me.
I’m sure 2018 will be no different from any other year, but I do hope that I learn more about myself and grow a little more.
So, with this, I bid 2017 adieu.
You’ve been a shitty year, but I survived and I’m a lot stronger than when I started out. I learned many important lessons throughout the year and I think I came out better for it.
For that, I thank you 2017, but I definitely won’t miss you. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
2017.
Bye.
2018.
Bring it.
Mumblings of a Hermit 隐者 