Thankful

With this entry, it’ll be one of the more productive years I had on this little blog of mine. It’ll tie the number of entries since the year I first started this little therapy session.

45.

Let’s see how it goes.

* * *

Thanksgiving is over and now we’re onto Black Friday.

What am I doing? Avoiding all stores. No interesting in going out and shopping. None.

I’ve done my shopping this morning in the comfort of my home. Online shopping is where it’s at. Fuck the crowd. Fuck the people.

So now, my day will be like any other day on the weekend, me writing and then going home and figuring shit out like a couch potato.

Simple.

My life.

Simple.

* *

The dishes I cooked last night were successful overall. I had some gripes, like the lamb didn’t have enough flavor. I should have rubbed some salt and pepper on that shit before I put it in the over. It was good though.

The mac and cheese thickened up way too much. I think the next time I’m going to remove the egg. I think that’s what I did last time too and it was just creamy. No egg.

I loved the eggplant with the miso glaze and the green beans were all right. I wonder what it would be like if I used the traditional green beans. It’ll be more hearty and beefy for sure.

The creamed corned turned out really well. I enjoyed that one too and I didn’t put that much cream in it. So, I’m happy for that. Not bad.

Overall, a success, but man, did I hit a fucking food coma afterward.

Too much food. Too much wine.

Wine headache.

Blah, but I feel rested today.

That’s all that matters.

Rested.

* *

Considering it is Thanksgiving time, I’ve been thinking about what I’m thankful for.

In all honesty, I don’t know. I usually don’t think about shit like this, but tis the time, so why not.

Thankful.

What the fuck am I thankful for? In no particular order, here we go.

Being alive

Pickles

Relish

Family

My feet. I love walking, I love exploring and they allow me to do that.

Being employed

Being independent. I know I stress this often and I will stress it until the day I die. My independence is important to me. Without it, I wouldn’t know what I would do.

Scott. The Carters. They saved my life when I really needed it some genuine people in in my life. They will forever be family.

People. I know, me saying, I’m thankful for people. What has gotten into me? I meant it in the way that I’m thankful for all of the different people that I interact with during my day to day, my coworkers, and sometimes, total strangers. They are all right. They give me the socializing that any human needs. People.

To be able to travel. I love traveling and I’m glad that I’m able to do it.

For being a citizen. I know currently, being an American in this state of affairs isn’t great and I’m not happy with how America is now, but this too will pass. Being an American gives me privileges that many aren’t afforded around the world. I’m grateful that I have that.

Writing. It has been my therapy for a long time. This little void of mine, this personal space, helped me heal.

So, that really didn’t go as planned. I’m sure I wrote many other things (not so much different), but that draft never saved.

I winged it and hopefully one day I can come back and edit this list or make a new one.

We shall see.

* * *

Day 2.

Well, I’m already well into day 2. Many of the items up top have been part of day 2, but let’s proceed.

Where to go? What to write?

I woke up to a younger cousin of mine sending me a picture of a saying on Instagram, asking me what does it mean.

Too often the things you want the most are the things you can’t have

Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out

But as tough as wanting something can be, the ones who suffer the most

are those who don’t know what they want.

I went on trying to explain to him what I think it means, that having desire, dreams gives people motivation to live life and that not knowing what they want is the worse. They are so lost in life; they are like zombies going from meal to meal.

Everyone should have dreams that they should work towards and if they fail, then at least they tried.

It’s okay to fail and experience that heartbreak. It gives your life meaning, something to look forward to.

I’ve been lost. I’ve been through my quarter life crisis and that was one of the worst times of my life. Being lost. Fuck, I sure don’t want to experience that again.

I tried to break it down some more with other idioms that he may have heard of.

It’s better to have loved and lost, then to have not love at all.

You miss all the shots you don’t have.

I think he got the gist of the sentiment.

It seems that he has some friends that are just pissing their life away, not living up to their potential and they come up with excuses why they fail, etc etc, or that they are insecure and are afraid of failure and he’s trying to help them, but they don’t listen.

Negative people. We all have that side of in us, those insecurities. It’s only human.

You can’t save everyone. Only they can save themselves, you can only help, when they need it. Otherwise, it’s their life; let them make their own decisions. You have no control over that.

You only have control over your life, live it the way you want.

It’s selfish, but hey, it’s okay to be selfish.

I think I’m one of the most selfish people that I know. I only look out for myself and my self-interest.

He’s seen what selfishness can do and was told not to be selfish, but I told him, I’m fucking selfish.

I worry about my happiness and that’s how it should be. Nothing wrong with that. Just don’t be a dick about it.

Just don’t be a dick.

Lesson. Don’t be a dick.

Just don’t.

* * *

Photography.

The last time that I did a photography project was the 365 in 2015. But, I’ve been using my camera almost consistently since then.

2016. I’ve had all of the vacation trips.

2017. I’ve had all of the work shoots and some vacations along with the food projects that I’ve been doing for the past few years.

I’m itching to get back into it. The Iranian helped get my interest back because she’s trying to get into it, but it’s always something to keep me busy.

I know that I have a lot of film left and I think I’m going to finish shooting those and hope for the best. Why waste the film? Shoot it and process it out and hope for the best.

Let’s go analog.

I think it’ll be fun and interesting and maybe it’ll help me with my photography again. I think it’ll help me get better at the mechanics of photography instead of just pointing and shooting.

I have to slowly think about what I’m shooting, not wanting to waste film. Each snap of the shutter counts.

Let’s see how it goes. I guess I don’t have to wait until next year to start. I already have a camera locked and loaded and it’s been sitting on my bookshelf for the past couple of years. It’s probably all fucking shit and faded now, but we’ll see.

Man, it must have been at least four or five years old.

Should I start new?

Maybe.

Who knows?

* * *