I miss it.

I miss it dearly. I miss the soft pitter-patter of rain on cement or my car windows, roof, and on my head.

I miss walking in the rain, even though Pickles hates it. I just miss rain.

It’s another sunny day in sunny SoCal. I know I shouldn’t be bitching, but eh. Whatever. We need rain and it’s fucking fall and it’s fucking 80s.

Blah.

* * *

Even though I’m trying to add another entry into this little void of mine, my mind is elsewhere.

It’s on my cooking project for today, gumbo.

I read a few recipes, watched a few videos, and got the basic idea of it, but I think I should read up on more.

Talking with Benjo about how he makes his helped a little bit and he recommended a website I should check out.

I guess I’m trying to figure out if I can add shrimp to a chicken and andouille gumbo.

Let me search for it.

Back and I think I’m in the clear. Makes me want to add fucking crab to it now. Ugh. Another trip to Trader Joe’s, plus I need vegetable oil. Eh. Might just wing it and get some canola.

I’ve been slacking on my cooking project as of late. I was on a roll, knocking about half of it out in the first couple of months and then I hit a wall.

I blame Chutney and everything that happened with Relish and then vacations and life just got in the way. Or that I didn’t have any cravings. I’m unsure, but I trying to get back to it.

Swing big. It’ll be an interesting one for sure.

Benjo also recommended that I make my roux in the oven. It’ll be easier and I probably won’t fuck it up. Just looked it up and it’s an Alton Brown recipe. Seems simple enough, but for the first time, I think I want to go old school. Fucking stir that shit and keep my eye on it.

Excited.

Now, I just need to figure out what my next few projects will be. I already know that I’ll most likely make Shiao Leung Bao next, but after that, who knows?

* * *

I think the end of the year will ramp up to be shitty like the beginning of the year. There’s going to be a lot of development that I’ll have to get hands on for even though the new guy will take a bulk of it. There will be a lot of training and a lot of gripes from the general population.

Fuck them.

New shit.

Get with the program.

We can’t make everyone happy and it isn’t my job to make everyone happy.

Fuck’em.

Blah.

I’m just bracing myself for it. This year has been a trying year and to think that most of the horoscopes said I should have a decent year.

Bring it on….just be gentle.

* * *

Honest. Finding yourself. Just being true.

Those that know me know that I’m not a fan of going out, socializing. I’m a self-proclaimed misanthrope and proclaim how antisocial to anyone that would listen.

I’m the quintessential introvert. Going out and getting so much stimulus is tiring.

Socializing is tiring.

Small talk is the worst.

But there are moments that I strive for whenever I’m out and that’s just an honest connection. I love having conversations with people that gives me some insight into who they are, being open and honest, ugly and naked.

We are people and we aren’t perfect.

As I stated many times in this little void of mine, every year should be a growing year. Every year should be a learning year; learning about yourself, who you are, your faults, your strengths.

It’s always about understanding yourself down to the essence of your soul and understanding why you are the way you are.

Being that self-aware helps with fixing yourself.

We’re all damaged. Some more so than others.

We can’t get better until we accept our self, faults and all, embrace it and then burn it down in a pit of flaming napalm and emerge from the flames like a rising phoenix.

Then, do it all over again.

We are phoenixes rising from the ashes of our former selves, stronger and more beautiful than ever.

I will love you unconditionally….