Been tired of late.

The heat and humidity lower to a more bearable level, but it’s still there.

My body tells me that I need to rest. I need to relax since I’ll be traveling at a break neck pace during my Italy trip.

It tells me to slow down, sleep, and rest.

I need to.

I don’t want to get sick while I’m on vacation. That would be the shittiest thing to ever happen.

It happened before and it put a small damper on the trip. Hopefully, I’ll recover before I leave.

Here’s hoping.

* * *

Work.

Work is busy as usual with the training classes that I’ve been doing all week and the project manager of the new SharePoint rollout.

People.

People get on my nerves. They annoy the fuck out of me.

I understand their frustration on certain aspect, especially when we are talking about Skype for Business not working well with some of our clients, but then again, there are certain things that we have no control over.

We have no control over their network speed. We have no control over the hardware that they are using. We have no control over their firewall.

I don’t understand what the issue is and I’ll have to test things out and see what would be the best solution to the problem.

They want a new platform while we already have one that works.

Money.

It’s not my money, so why do I care?

Just breathe.

Breathe.

* * *

Microsoft.

I need to stop getting so angry with them when I’m on a call with their IT.

But they frustrate me so much.

So so much.

They’re frustrating.

* * *

I’ve been in a pissy mood as of late.

A lot of it has to be me recovering from the cold and my body being tired.

Some of it has to do with Microsoft Help Desk and some of it is that I’m just tired of people

I’m moody. I’m PMSing.

I just want to get away from people. Get away from the city.

Going to Italy will help, but I’ll still be around people.

The state of affairs in the US isn’t helping things either.

Fuck people man.

Just fuck people.

Like, I told Elizabeth yesterday, “I’ve been busy…hating people.”

So fucking true.

Fuck people.

* * *

Weekends.

They are my days to myself.

They are my days to reenergize so I can face the week.

They are my sanctuary days.

Leave me alone.

Let me be.

Peace.

Solitude.

* * *

Hard to focus.

The Nyquil hangover is no joke.

Body is in a faux fatigue, drunk on Nyquil.

It’s telling me, what the fuck dude?

What the fuck?

Blah.

Getting a slow start today punching these buttons of mine.

Getting a slow start, getting out of bed today, even though it was at my normal time on the weekends.

Getting a slow start today because I’m still a little under the weather.

I guess it’s a good thing that I’m sick now and recovering than getting sick on my Italy trip.

Let’s rest up and chill and try not to get sick again.

Let’s eat up all the home cooked meals and put aside all the nasty shit that I’ve been eating that probably contributed to this little bug that I have.

Let’s cut out the sugar and the processed food like Papa John’s and other things.

Let’s get back to simplicity. Let’s get back to cooking.

Let’s get back to life.

* * *

The heat wave cools and the humidity lowers. Life becomes more bearable with each passing day. Nights are good to sleep in now.

Back to normal. Back to life.

* * *

The trip is about two weeks away and I still have so much to do.

I need to get more t-shirts and figure out exactly what to pack. How many pairs of pants, shorts, shoes? I know my bag is going to be heavy with the laptop and the camera, but they are essential for my travel.

I’m a photographer. I document my trips through my camera.

When’s the next time I’ll be going to Italy again? No idea.

I’ve carried heavier bags on hikes. Thankfully, the bag will only be on me for traveling days and will be sitting in the hotel room on venture days.

So much to do. So much to plan. So much to coordinate.

I’ll have time at work to do things.

What trains to take? How to take them? How to validate the tickets?

So much to take in. So much to prepare.

But I’ll enjoy it. I’m sure.

I’m traveling with my bro and he’s easy.

#2HosDoItaly

* * *

It’s a quiet Sunday.

A weird melodic piano music plays over the speakers in Volcano.

I don’t know what it is, but it’s loud and a little weird.

Distracting too.

Man, my writing gets shittier and shittier as the year goes by. I can’t focus on anything at all.

I miss the days where I’m able to just sit down and start typing away and have something that is worth something.

My mind wanders in so many places. Lack of focus.

Lack of something.

Lack of lacking.

Maybe I can’t write like this anymore as I get more comfortable in my own skin. Dramaless. Fixed or at least comfortable.

Who knows?

Maybe I need to get back into my prose or something creative. Something creative and open but structured and focus.

When I get back from my trip, I’ll start again.

I’ll look over what I have written and what I have left and come up with something.

Maybe.

Who knows?

I need to.

Blah.

Over.

Rey opens today.

She likes to keep the shop locked while she preps and today after letting me in, she decided to lock the door instead of leaving it unlocked.

She doesn’t like random people coming in thinking that it is open and wanting their tea.

I know that I put a damper on that because I’m in here, getting my special treatment, so I’m not complaining. I like the quiet. I like the solitude.

I’m locked in the shop and I’m okay with that.

The regular Saturday worker, the Viet girl behind the counter got dropped off early to start her shift. She couldn’t get in and I couldn’t help.

The dude from Tatsu couldn’t get in to get ice.

Different people work differently.

Rey’s not so open.

* * *

From time to time for the fuck of it, I’ll give people attitude.

It’s playful and I don’t mean it to be taken in a bad way that I don’t like that. It’s just my usual playground flirting or me being an asshole.

I was called out on it recently and I couldn’t stop laughing.

I gave her an empty promise to be nicer and I have. No shade was thrown.

I asked her how her day is and how she’s doing.

Of course one can sense the mocking tone of it, but that’s just me.

It’s all in jest and she takes it as that.

Later, while helping her out on another issue, she threw some sass my way for some particular reason. I wasn’t expecting it, but I was loving it.

It wasn’t directly at me, but she was sassy about the problem that came up.

Now, she’s become another little micro crush.

C’est la vie.

My life.

Micro crushes all around.

* * *

Peace.

Quiet.

Solitude.

Birthdays.

I want to hide mine and I did.

An interesting conversation came up when I told HR that I would like to hide my birthday. It was about the new cafe buildout and the birthday section. I wanted to see how they handle the list and where it comes from.

I heard rumors that we could hide our birthdays, but wasn’t sure and while I was there, they just did it.

I don’t like making a big deal out of it. I recalled a story about how when I was dating a Cat a few years back I told her that we’re not seeing each other on my birthday.

It’s something that I chose.

It’s what I wanted.

And that’s probably why I’m still single now as I tell them that I’m what millennials say, “Single as fuck”.

Of course there are many other reasons why I’m single.

Baggage. Fear. The lack of game, and of course, me wanting to be single.

I’m 38 and it seems that the older I get the less I try to rush myself or stress myself out about being in a relationship.

I have a lot to work on and I know I’m open to the idea and when I meet someone, who knows what will happen.

* * *

I know that how we see ourselves is completely different from how others see us.

I think I’m a very socially awkward person that’s very antisocial and doesn’t like to go out much.

Benjo doesn’t think I’m socially awkward at all.

I have my moments.

Rey believes that I’m mis-typing myself as antisocial and brought up funny examples as to how I’m not antisocial.

But there are times when I think how I’m at work in a way is different from how I am in my day-to-day.

I have my moments.

I’m okay depending on many variables. How many people do I know? What are we doing? How long have I’ve being doing something?

I just have a somewhat low tolerance for certain “social” things.

Me, on my own, I’m easy. I’m good. I’m in my element.

Me, around people, not so much.

I’m aware of all of these things, obviously.

It’s a constant work in progress.

Always.

* * *

Relaxing.

I’m slowly trying to get back into it.

All I’ve been doing on weekends is being lazy, watching Netflix or whatever shows or streaming platform, and cook.

The past weekend has been rough since I made a dessert last weekend and sugar somehow triggers a craving for more sugar and bad eating habits.

I’m trying to get back to more my usual food.

The sugar detox started and continues and I’m just a few days in. I think it’ll take at least another week before I’m totally clean of sugar from my diet, or at least added sugar or sweets.

It’s a process.

Then I need to go back into stretching and eventually back to yoga.

My back feels stiff again. My neck, another problem and I just had an adjustment a couple of weeks ago.

I won’t have another until I get back from Chicago.

I am still unsure exactly what I’m going to be doing out there.

Sohail is setting up the new virtual server or new server and I guess I’ll troubleshoot any workstation issues.

While I’m there I would love to upgrade everyone from Windows 7 to Windows 10 and fix any other issues that I can foresee coming up.

I’ll send out an email tomorrow letting the users know what is going to happen and to figure out a list of things to do.

Maybe they can push to get Janet to get the printer moved while I’m there and get their new filing cabinets, but I’m not holding my breath.

She’s something particular in terms of doing her job.

It just angers me.

Blah.

* * *