Some light broke through last week and now everything is bright.

Sometime early last week I decided to let Relish out of her crate and roam the living room under supervision. She seemed so much happier now that she has some freedom and out of her crate.

She’s able to cat again. She’ll groom herself and explore the limited space that she has access to.

Light.

Sunshine.

The darkness lifted.

Relish will have surgery on Tuesday to close her wound. They’ll have to take skin from somewhere else and graft it on to the open wound. She’s on the mend.

She’s eating on her own. She’s moving around on her own. I was directed to stop her pain medication.

Progress.

Light.

Relish.

* * *

Mother’s Day was Sunday.

I called mom and the first thing she asked was about Relish. I told her she’s doing fine and how it happened with me rescuing Chutney and everything.

She then asked how much money I spent on her.

I told her I didn’t want to talk about it. I know what her response would be. She started from thousands to tens-of-thousands and believe me, she wasn’t happy.

I knew her response.

She would have just let her died. Why would I spend that much money of a fucking cat?

Typical.

It is what it is.

Money isn’t that important to me. My conscience and my heart matters more. Money is money. It doesn’t buy me my happiness.

My clear conscience that I did everything to protect this cat and to save this cat makes me feel better about myself. That’s what’s important.

My responsibility as a pet owner and as a fur-parent.

That matters.

But, overall, it was a good call after we moved on from Relish.

Even though I knew her response, it still pissed me off.

* * *

As people find out what happened to Relish and see pictures of the damage, they all feel bad.

Those who were encouraging me to get Chutney feel guilty about it.

It’s not their fault and it’s not something that they should apologize for. I’ve pretty much had it in my mind and heart that I needed to rescue Chutney anyway.

It is what it is.

No one could have foreseen what happened. I certainly didn’t when I met him and rescued him. I thought that he would just fit in based on Chutney’s personality when I met him.

He’s sweet and just wants attention.

It is what it is.

Time to move on.

We all can’t change the past, we just have to come to terms with it.

* * *

My life is unbalanced and I’m slowly trying to find that balance again. I trying to find the status quo that I had before everything that happened in the past month or so.

It is staking its time.

Slowly.

Slowly getting back to cooking again.

Slowly getting back to baking bread.

Slowly finding my routine.

Work is busy and that’s not helping. I’m in the thick of a big company project for my department and I’m pulled in so many directions while trying to manage and project manage things on my side.

For the most part, I have things all under control, but it’s a lot.

It’s the new normal.

It’s the new status quo.

I just have to adapt.

Adapt or die.

Evolution, right?

Adapt.

Live.

* * *

Quiet.

Silence.

I keep my weekends quiet and alone.

It’s how I recharge.

I stay home and take care of my charges and that’s all that matters. It’s their time. I make it up to them for being at work during the week and they get to be home with me.

I don’t like to go out.

I don’t like to do things.

I just like to chill.

I like to Zen out and unwind.

Cooking helps.

Bread making helps.

Sometimes, not always, cleaning helps.

Alcohol helps.

I’ve been drinking a lot recently and it’s mostly because of the upheaval in my life. Things are slowing down as stated above. There’s light, but things are still unbalanced.

It’ll take some time to adjust, but I’m getting there.

The pressure is off.

I’m adapting.

* * *

Carbs.

I’ve been eating a lot of carbs…like, a shit ton of carbs.

Pizza. Pizza. Pasta. Pasta.

Now, bread bread.

Experimenting with bread.

I started to venture out from the regular sourdough boules that I’ve been making and adding other things to it.

My first experiment? Sundried tomatoes and basil sourdough.

How do I think it’ll come out? Like shit. It’s way too hydrated.

I fucked it up. There probably wouldn’t be any oven spring.

It’s just a wet mess.

I’ll cook the fucked up one tonight and leave the other three for tomorrow.

Hopefully at least one of those loaves will turnout okay. I just want something to turn out okay.