What is the lesson in all of this?

What am I supposed to learn in all of this? How to deal with this stress better? How to not think about things that I don’t have control over or mull over how things could have turned out differently if I did one thing differently?

What is it?

2017, what are you trying to teach me? 38, what are you trying to teach me?

You know, I was fine with most of the things that happened in 2017 prior to turning 38, but everything after, fuck that shit.

What am I supposed to learn?

Is it that I am not alone and that I can’t do everything myself? That I need to learn how to reach out and ask for help? Is that it?

I do ask for help. I know there are parts of me that don’t ask, out of pride and responsibility, but when push comes to shove, I know that I can and will need to ask for help and that I do.

So, what the fuck am I supposed to learn from this? What?

* * *

My girl is back. Relish is back home.

I picked her up and my heart skipped a beat when I saw her. It was rough. Her wounds are bad and I can’t stop from feeling so guilty that that horror happened to her.

It’s going to be a long recovery at home and we are hoping that everything will go smoothly. She’ll have her daily bandage changes and checkups to see if the medication that she’s on kills the infection.

It’s a long and arduous process in feeding her medication and food. Once I get a routine down in terms of waking up early, getting everything ready and getting her food ready, it should be better.

Everything is new right now and seems so daunting. There was a lot to take in during discharge and I hope that I remembered everything.

I hope.

But, Ms. Relish is back. My girl is back and that is a relief but seeing how much of a mess she is, I wonder if I made the right decision.

Is she suffering? How much is she suffering? Would it have been better if I didn’t try to save her?

I don’t know, but she’s home, she’s alive and being feisty.

She’s a strong woman who takes no bullshit and that’s how I like them.

Relish…fight on.