Here I am, back from my recent travels of work and my #specialweekend.

I am back to the daily grind, back to my normal at Volcano punching the keys and this life of mine away.

I rolled another number last week.

I’m 38. 38. 38. 38.

38.

I am officially another year older, another year wiser.

Looking back at 37 and thinking of all the things that I’ve done this past year, I must say that it was just a great year.

It was a great year of me doing what I wanted to do, living my life, with the confidence of someone who is happy in his life.

It was the best things ever.

I lived.

I lived a life based on my own rules and I really didn’t care much about anything else.

I hope that this new number would be no different.

It seems that’s how I am, with my I don’t give a fuck attitude.

38.

Bring it.

* * *

With every year, time goes by faster.

I know it isn’t true since time beats to a constant drumming, but it feels that way.

Time, such a psychological mind fuck.

But 37 came and went in a blur. I guess that is what happens when you have fun living and stop worrying about life.

As I always say, if you aren’t learning, you aren’t growing and I think this past number was no different.

Learning about life, learning more about myself, and just learning about work and things in general.

Though the knowledge might be limited, but there will always be something new to learn.

Where to start?

Confidence.

It soars.

I soar.

With each year, I’m more and more confident with who I am, my actions, and my interactions with people, especially girls.

Sure, I still am single. Part of it is by choice and another is from fear, but in a way, just socializing and meeting new people and being around people is getting easier.

One can see from how I am with all the new people that we’ve on-boarded. We are cool, clicking and just working together well.

I have no problems chatting up Lizzy Borden or any others on that team or that side of the building.

Maybe it is because I’m old and too old to give a fuck about image and certain things. That’s how I present myself and I think I do present myself in a very genuine way.

I do hope that people see that and appreciate it.

One thing that I’ve always been good with is being true to myself and being genuine on how I present myself.

I might come back to this whole confidence later, I’m not sure.

I’ve barely started this little yearly diatribe and I’ve already lost my way.

Moving on.

* * *

37.

It was a great number. It was a number that I noticed marked a particular change in me, in terms of actually wanting to go out and socializing.

I still don’t want to go out and socialize in a superficial be cool way, but just want to hang out and have company.

Is that me growing up and finally starting a step of just wanting to be like a normal person? I don’t know. Maybe.

But I know with my bro, it’s a little different and especially with family that I would make considerations for them. I think ever since our Glacier National Park trip, I do make a considerate effort to include him in my adventures. A lot of it has to do with me looking out for him and a lot of it has to do with trying to fit in some bonding time and figure him out and figure out what’s going on in his life.

It’s tough. Very tough, but I make the effort.

Even at work, I do find myself gravitating towards the WW Receptionist and just chilling and hanging out with her just to get some interaction.

Then it comes with the girls that I interact with from time to time and it just seems easier to do it, even saying hi to pvo.

Growth. Becoming a better person. Just reaching a stage in my life that grew organically.

If last year was a very independent year of me doing my thing, it seems that slowly and gradually it had morphed into something different, something more grownup and more human, seeking out social interaction.

We are all social animals. Some need it more so than others, and then you have me that tend to go to extremes of avoiding them.

Things are changing. I am changing.

I even out of the blue invited coworkers to Yamakase. Sure, I know them, but I don’t know much about them besides our interactions, and yet, I invited them to a very expensive dinner.

Exposing myself to social situations in which I am comfortable, plus alcohol, make me do things that I normally wouldn’t do.

That’s new.

That’s a grown-up thing.

37, a year that helped me grow up a little bit more.

Let’s keep that up with 38. Let’s keep it going.

* * *

Back. It’s about a week later.

Yesterday’s post pretty much sums up what’s been happening and why this post has been a little late, but here I am, back again, trying to get back into the flow of things.

The AC in Volcano today isn’t helping either.

So, here we go. Here we go.

38.

Another number. Another year older, another year wiser.

37.

It was another year when I took the reins on a few projects and took the initiative to get people up and running and to learn a few new things at work.

With the new tools that are offered by Microsoft, I learned and incorporated them into the agency and make it work for a few of the different teams that we have.

I took it upon myself to learn and then train other people on these tools and as the point person to get things one.

It’s a responsibility that I have to the agency and the people that I work with. Sure, I could have half-assed it, but no, that wouldn’t be like me.

I need to see things done and have it done properly. Sure there are learning curves, but it’s something that I felt that I excelled at last year.

In terms of responsibility, I think there was a moment when I felt that I should be okay with giving up some of the responsibilities that came my way. It’s not that I’m shirking responsibility, it’s more that I realize what my skills and knowledge is and that sometimes, it’s not my responsibility to take care of it and pass it on to someone that can help or is better suited to help. I don’t need to be responsible for everything.

I can always point people in the right direction.

This mindset might be shaping up with the new dog situation at home. I did the right thing and am responsible for Chutney, but I know what I can take and what I can handle and given everything at home, maybe it being a foster situation while I work with people to find him a more suitable home would be best.

I’m doing all I can to get him up to speed, with the neutering and getting him back to health and training so he’s a better dog to adopt.

Sometimes I do wish that he can get along with everyone, but I don’t have faith that that is the case.

Sometimes the responsible thing to do is to give up responsibility and pass it on to someone else.

It’s okay.

Learning to do that, to be able to let go, it was an important skill to know.

* * *

37.

It’s been brewing for a while, like a rolling rock gathering steam downhill, ever since 36, but 37 was a continuation of that just living life and enjoying it.

It can’t stress that enough. I’m just living.

That’s the point of life, right? To live it?

Live it on your terms and enjoy it?

That’s the case.

Sure, there are some stressful moments and ever since this new year started, it’s been busy and stressful and it seems to keep going, but it’s nothing that I can’t handle or manage.

37.

It was another time of figuring out and learning what I’m capable of as a person. Having that knowledge is very valuable and that’s something that I try to do every year. Pare down the essence of who I am. Learn and grow and take care of that, because in the end, who you are as a person is the thing that matters most.

How did you live your life? How do you treat people? It’s your character that makes you who you are.

Own it.

I try to be a good person and do my due diligence to give back the Universe. I just hope that I’m doing enough.

Is it enough?

* * *

This entry went off the rails.

It’s too fucking cold.

Fuck you AC.

* * *

37.

It was a great number.

It was a continuation of an upward trajectory that started when I was 36 and it soared.

38 just started and it’s already testing my character and my patience, but it’s just something that will make me a better person and a stronger person.

38, bring it.