for our lives to be over

I haven’t heard that song in forever. Just came on Spotify, listening to the music of my time and just enjoying my time here.

I don’t want to wait, but then again, all I do is wait.

It’s a song about not wasting time or waiting and just act and do.

I’ve never been one of those that just do. My blog has documented that for years now and that’s one thing that I haven’t changed.

I guess in a way, it’s not a matter of not acting, but it’s not acting on certain things because I honestly don’t know what it is that I want in terms of a relationship.

I’ve written about this over and over and over again. It’s one of the sticking points in my mind and in my life, that I haven’t completely figured out yet.

It’s one of those things that I’ll just let happen organically without any prompt or action, which never really works.

But c’est la vie, that is how I roll.

* * *

It’s a quiet day today. It’s been a quiet weekend actually.

Most of my weekends have been like this as of late. It isn’t like I’m doing anything different on my weekends.

Nothing different at all. I wake up, shower, and take Pickles for a walk. I’ll grab groceries for whatever I plan on cooking that weekend and then just chill watching TV or YouTube or Hulu until it is time for me to go to Volcano.

I’d chill at Volcano for my usual time and then pack up and go home, walk Pickles and pick up lunch if I feel hungry and then chill for the rest of the day.

That’s my standard weekend and each weekend is no different, but it feels different. Maybe it is because I’m still a little sick and I’m getting a little better and back on.

Or maybe there’s something in the air or a weird vibe is around or maybe it is just because it is fucking cold outside and the weather is truly Winter weather.

Who knows?

It’s just different and I think different isn’t a bad thing.

It’s just different.

* * *

Health.

I know that my health is all right and for the most part in the grand scheme of things, I am perfectly healthy.

My cholesterol is at a good level. Pain is limited.

I eat healthy enough with pretty much very minimally processed food and it’s mostly slow cooked food using whole ingredients.

On the scale, I’m ahead of the curve in terms of how healthy I am and I should happy.

Then again, there’s the stomach issue that I’m working on. There’s a lot of things connected to the stomach issue that I should be concerned about.

The discomfort from it is causing some kind of stress and anxiety in my life. There’s also the bladder issue that seems to go hand in hand with the stomach issue.

It’s like with the inflamed colon from the irritants that caused my stomach issue is pressing on my bladder to make me go frequently and incomplete.

The frequency I go disrupts the amount and quality of sleep that I’m getting.

Everything is so tied into food and what I’m eating. It’s weird that it is just now that I’m starting to work on my health, watching documentaries about food and how it affects my system and what is good for you and what isn’t.

There’s so much conflicting information out there about what is the best thing to do, that it’s hard to decide what to actually believe.

I say, be simple, continue what I’m doing. Eat food that you cook using whole ingredients and that is minimally processed. I am the one that is in control of what goes into my body. I’m causing the pain and discomfort that I am experiencing.

I just know exactly what it is that is making me feel this way and then I can figure out the solution to that problem.

* * *

Health.

Finding Zen.

Maybe I’m getting old in years but my health and wellbeing have been on the forefront of my mind as of late.

I know that I relax through cooking. I don’t think about anything but just cooking the dish that I have to do. It is relaxing, that’s why I enjoy doing it and in the end, I get the satisfaction of a good dish at the end of it.

The same could be said about making bread.

Now, I’m trying to find other things to help me Zen out.

I’m doing yoga again after a long break.

I tried to start adding meditation to my routine too, but that one is not sticking. I just should make it a habit.

I think I’ll start adding regular chiropractic maintenance and sensory deprivation to that growing list of things that I should do to keep up with being healthy.

I know that it took me a long time to get to where I am today and I should value it more and make an effort to maintain this sense of Zen and tranquility.

It’s important.

Very important.

Along with everything, I will continue to try to do more nature and hiking trips to get me out of the city and walking and hiking and breathing fresh air.

It’s important.

Zen.

Nature.

Peace.

All very important things in my life.

I have only one life and it took me a long time to find this happiness that I am experiencing and I want to prolong it for the rest of my life.

It’s been an upward trajectory for a long time now and I don’t want to buck the trend.

It can only get better right, especially if I am ever fortunate enough to find someone that I would love to share my life with.

It can only get better.

Health. Happiness. It’s a lot of work, but in the end, it’s worth it.

Make and effort.

Do.