I’ve been coming to Volcano Tea House for years. Maybe it had been over ten years, but it’s a long time.

Throughout these years, I’ve seen so many boba girls come and gone. Some I will develop relationships with, in terms of being friendly and chatty and with one, became a girlfriend and then an ex.

So many have come and gone as I would come in here during my usual weekend ritual to do some writing. Some I knew their names and many they were just friendly faces that make my tea.

But that’s the thing with this service industry where most of your workers are young college students. It’s a fickle business.

Speaking with Rei this morning, she being one of those that is uber friendly and that I speak with, I learned that Iris, a very young cute boba girl that I was friendly with, got married and quit.

The crazy thing is how young she is. 21. Her husband, a tall white Irish man, who is a year younger.

Holy fucking hell.

Maybe I’m just an old grumpy ass fart, but holy hell shit, that is just way too young to get married.

But I do hope that everything is okay with her and that she’s fine and happy.

I’m sure I’ve wrote about my stances of marrying young in this little platform before, but I just can’t understand why.

* * *

It is me.

I’m not a relationship person, even though I totally thought I would be.

I was the young hopeless romantic. Am I still one?

Young, no.

Hopeless romantic? Doubt it.

That naivete is gone, replaced by an old grizzled harden shell that looks at things in a realistic tinged light. It’s who I became and I’m sure 100% the reason why I am still single right now, trying to figure out if I want a relationship or not or if I’m just scared to be in one.

I just don’t know who to make compromises, but then again, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone that I’m willing to make compromises for. Maybe that’s the rub?

Will I ever meet that someone that I am willing to make compromises for? Who knows? I just need to allow someone to get in first and many say that I’m very difficult to let people in.

Maybe I am guarded. Losing my father made me that, not wanting to get hurt anymore. Not believing that I am strong enough to suffer another heartbreak, but no, I don’t think so.

I went in on these relationships with my now exes, not with these tainted eyes, but with maybe a hint of optimism to see where things go.

Again, I am the type of person that don’t know how things are until I actually go through it and experience it. I make my judgment off my experiences for the most part.

If at any time during the relationship I don’t feel it, I don’t feel it.

It’s that simple.

That’s what happened with my last ex, but I just felt bad and dragged it on too long or maybe I got into it thinking that I was just broken and that I needed to push through it because there is something inherently wrong with me and by being in it longer my feelings will change.

It didn’t.

Maybe I can see that in the future and just end things when I know that it should end.

Maybe.

Who knows?

* * *

2017.

What does it have instore for me?

Looking at the horoscopes, it doesn’t seem like it’ll be a good year for me. Just mediocre.

Who knows, right?

Just found this horoscope and it seems like I’m in for an interesting year of growth and change: http://astrologyclub.org/horoscope-2017/aries-horoscope/#overview

That’s a good thing since that’s the point of life, growing up, admitting your faults and working on them to make you a better person.

I know myself. I’m aware of myself and self-worth and know the type of person I am. I know my flaws and definitely know I am not fucking perfect.

But, I do know that I’m in a good place in my life. I love the life I’m living and am constantly trying to feel better about myself and my life. That’ll never change.

It’ll be an interesting year next year if the horoscope proves true.

But, I think I’m ready. I kind of have to be, right?

* * *

Changes.

I know that I need to work on my health next year.

I need to figure out my stomach issues. I don’t think it is as extreme as I am making it out to be. I’m a hypochondriac, but it is not normal.

I’m suspecting IBS and I need to figure out what is the trigger food and try to avoid it.

I need to be more diligent and have more self-control in that front. I need to work out and be healthier.

Whether that means joining a gym or just working out more at home, I don’t know, but it is something that I do need to do.

Be more active.

2017.

There’s a lot of things I need to do and just change, like I do every year, but maybe I should stick to these little resolutions. Even if they are baby steps. Change takes time. It starts slow and then eventually they just are.

* * *

Holiday break.

No idea what I’ll be doing over the break. I’m sure it’ll be my typical trying to stay fucking warm during the day while I just chill with mom or just being upstairs watching movies or shows while mom is downstairs.

I don’t even know what I’m going to cook for Christmas. Probably nothing too fancy and just the regular things I normally cook. Pasta, vegetables, and who knows what else.

I don’t even know if I’ll venture out on my own or I’ll just be cooped up in the house the whole time.

Everything is up in the air. That’s what I get for not having a car.

I know for sure I won’t be winning any step contests over the break.

* * *

My writing has been very distracted and slow today.

That’s usually how it is when I don’t have a clear idea of what I want to write about and am just purging.

I’m just looking at my reflection in the mirror and man, do I look fucking old.

It’s been a rough year for me health wise. Wasn’t my strongest year.

To next year.

Starting next week, I’ll start writing my yearly bah humbug.

I got four more days of work to get through and then the year will be over.

Just a few more days.

I can survive.

I can do this.

Let’s go.