It’s a light gray outside. The sky a little darken from the hanging clouds.

There is no sun today. No bright light. There’s just the hazy gray of natural shade. Clouds.

It fits the tired mood that I am in. It fits the listlessness that I am feeling.

It fits me.

It is around that time of the year where I’m thinking of home. Home home. I’ll be flying up in about a week and a half for my usual winter break.

It’ll be spending cold days in the house with mom and watching movies and shows upstairs while mom chills downstairs.

It’ll be seeing some family and relaxing for the most part.

It’ll be no different than all of the other winter breaks.

* * *

Sleeping.

I haven’t been sleeping well since the time change. I’m not sure why, but my body isn’t adjust too well.

I seem to be getting up earlier and earlier. 4AM. Fuck. Just kill me.

I need a nap.

* * *

Now here comes the big question when I go home over the break, how am I going to get away and write?

They sold the truck. I don’t have a ride and I don’t want to take mom’s car because she might need to go somewhere.

Since I wake up so early anyway, maybe I’ll just get up early and go and come back before she wakes up. I’ll ask the night before to see what her schedule is. That’ll be the only way. We’ll make it work.

I’ll make it work.

* * *

Enjoy the Silence

I love the silence. Solitude, but I’m not alone.

There’s always a furkid at home to keep me company.

It’s quiet today at Volcano. Besides the three girls behind the counter, I’m the only one here.

The world outside seems quiet. Maybe everyone feels like staying in, being cozy in their bed with a book or with a loved one. Who knows?

It is quiet.

Is this the calm before the storm?

It sure feels that way. The end of the year. New politics. The world heads toward a new unknown.

* * *

My mind wanders as I search for movies and things to pass the time today; something to pass my life away.

Maybe I’m just getting into a moody funk after what happened on Friday, but I don’t know.

I actually had a good time at the going away happy hour. I didn’t think about anything but spending time there and having whatever conversations that I had.

Whether it was about the hipsters and the stupid Anti-Social Social Club or even talking about cooking with Jessica. It had a good time.

* * *

The company holiday party approaches. It’s this Thursday night.

These parties have been a mixed bag. Some would be a good fun filled night of enjoying the moment and others would be a drunken dilemma of social anxiety.

What would this year’s party be?

Will I be able to control my libations to just have enough to let loose and not be so fucking anxious and just have a fucking great time, or would it be one of those sloppy drunken nights where I’ll need to be baby sat?

I don’t know, but I’m going to make a conscious effort to make it the former. I’ll make an effort to just not get drunk or maybe I just won’t drink. Stay away from shots and just slowly sip.

No gulping.

Socializing? That’s a whole different thing.

I usually don’t at these things. I find my little corner away from people and just people watch, as I sip my juice.

Some years would be good as I would bounce around different groups, but with all the new faces in the agency, that haven’t been the reaction for the past few years.

Social anxiety.

That’s always been me.

Let’s just hope things don’t spiral down this year.

Let’s just hope.

Maybe it’ll be fun. Maybe it won’t.

I’m not expecting anything.

I’ll just show up and see what happens.

We’ll see.