Well, my two-week vacation is about half over and I haven’t really done shit this trip.

Why?

I’ve been sick.

I’m still a little sick.

My body is still tired. My nose is still sniffly.

I hate being sick.

Being sick as an adult takes forever to get over. You are fucking knocked out for days on out. I don’t have youth on my side anymore, able to bounce back after a day or two.

It’s now a week long affair.

Ahhh, something to get use to, I guess.

But yes, vacation is about half over and I haven’t done anything.

I think in a way, it is a good thing because that means I’m resting, or resting as best as I can because the biggest part of my trip is coming up tomorrow.

Banff.

That’ll be the next four days and I guess I’ll need to rest up for the drive and the hikes.

I sure don’t want to be sick for that. I can be sick and dead after, because I don’t want to miss it.

So, what have I been doing with my downtime up here?

Well, for the most part, the beginning of it was mostly family. I had the wedding and then aunts over at the house, so I just chilled with them and my mom for a bit.

I went out a little bit with my bro for a food truck festival in downtown Tacoma. But then, on Monday, I got sick.

I was fighting it. My throat was hurting. My eyes were tired. My body ache. Classic signs of a cold.

I had to rest. I needed sleep.

I think I got it from 5th Auntie. She was sick the first night that I got here. Booo.

But all in all, it was great seeing family again.

As always with any trip I do up here, it’ll always be a family affair.

Besides being with family, the rest of the time was just sleeping. I needed it.

I napped. Woke up and walked Pickles and then napped again and just laid on the couch and watch tv.

I kept it simple.

* * *

On Wednesday night I hung out with the kids, Cloud and Sinh. We went to a local dive bar in Downtown Tacoma. Zodiac Supper Club.

I didn’t know what to expect. Going by the pictures, I thought it was like a restaurant type thing, because they do a weird thing where you cook your own protein. Whether it is a steak or a burger or whatever, they give you all the fixings and your raw protein and you cook it on the grill at the front of the bar.

So, when I went in, it was half empty, but just like six people at the bar and a group of early twenties outside the bar and it was a no frills whatever bar. Divey. My kind of bar. Music was blasting on the jukebox and it wasn’t bad.

I got my Jameson neat, found a table and just chilled, going through the news feed on my phone and waited for the kids. I showed up about 40 minutes early because I just wanted some alone time to unwind and build myself for socializing and to just people watch and just to have a peaceful time alone, not with Pickles and not with my bro.

Overall, it was nice.

It was just good getting drinks with the kids, my second time with Cloud and first time with Sinh. It was just great catching up on their lives and just getting to know them better and just talk.

We talked about life, about Cloud’s QLC and millennial entitlement and paying your dues.

Sinh seems to get it, but let’s see how it goes when he gets out of college. I’m very curious.

We’ll probably going to do it again before I leave, once Sinh gets back from Cali. Gonna go to a brewery and do some beer tasting. I think it is more of a time to get Sinh use to beer and other types of alcohol. He’s still young. He likes the light lagers, the blondes.

I do have to say, I was good with my alcohol this time. I took my time, sipping and I had water with it too. I was proud of myself. It’s really time to adult when it comes to certain things.

Adulting is life.

I’m looking forward to it, hanging out with the kids again. It’s funny that out of everyone in my family, especially with all my cousins that I grew up with, it’s these new kids that I grow to have a good relationship with.

Maybe in a way, I’m a little envious of them, having that type of freedom at such a young age. I never had that type of freedom at that age. Maybe it’s because they are able to embrace their American freedom at such a young age and I was too tied into my Chineseness. Who knows, but just a little envious.

Just a little.

* * *

Yesterday was the first day that I felt well enough to leave the house and to venture out and explore. I didn’t do much of anything new. I went down to Ruston Way and just walked the waterfront with Pickles, hitting pokestops along the way, loading up on pokeballs. I’m out.

I got a lot of different Pokémons though, that’s a good thing, but it was great getting out of the house. Get some fresh air and I’m sure Pickles appreciated it also, but man, does he look old and tired.

Ahhh, such an old dog. I love him so much.

He still tests my patience though, but he’s such a great dog none the less.

Then we just drove around Tacoma and got lost. I had no fucking idea where I was going. I thought I remember, but seriously, 15 years is a long time to be away from the city you grew up with. So much has changed in these years, that it is tough to remember much of anything when so much has changed and developed.

Tacoma gets more and more unrecognizable each time I visit and explore.

Time.

Time’s a bitch, constant change with each ticking second.

That’s growth and I guess it applies to destruction too.

I guess it all depends, but things sure look different.

Very different.

Here I am again.

After a long year and a half absence, I’m back at home – home home.

I’m back at my usual writing spot, the Asensio, putting my thoughts onto page like I haven’t been away for such a long time.

I still can’t believe that the last time I was home was back during Christmas break 2014.

It definitely was a much needed break since last year was just a wave of traveling for work, flying across the country and no real vacation for myself.

Again, just two trips last year. Just two trips, that I remember.

Well, there were smaller trips between those trips, wedding trips, so they don’t really count.

And also, I guess, besides visiting family there really wasn’t a reason for me to be back. This year, I came back because I had a wedding to go to, Michael’s, and since I had to come back, might as well make a trip out of it.

I’ve always talked about how I wanted to do Banff, and so fuck it, I’m doing Banff.

But, overall, it was great seeing family again, especially some family I haven’t seen in years. Definitely a great time to see them all and catch up, for the most part.

* * *

This is my second full day here. Got into town Friday afternoon after a long drive from Sacramento and it was pretty much nonstop since then.

I had a small reprieve yesterday afternoon as I came back after dropping Sister and Fu off at Uncle’s and my bro wasn’t home, so I just chilled, surf the net, watched some trailers and took a much needed nap.

I didn’t sleep well the night before. Maybe I was still wired in a sense from the drive, or maybe it was cold and not comfortable on that damn air bed at all, but I didn’t sleep well.

Slept on the couch last night. So much fucking better.

Had an interesting dream last night. HH was in it and it seemed like we were on a date. Not really sure, but overall, pleasant dream.

But, I have a long long couple of weeks ahead of me and I’m just going to take my time and relax and just chill. Family will still be in town for the next day or two and I’m just going to go with the flow before I start going solo.

I still don’t know what my mom’s schedule is like, so playing it by ear is the best approach.

* * *

So, pretty much everyone is still sleeping. Lo and behold, the sun came up and starting around 5 in the morning, I couldn’t get back to sleep and Pickles was getting antsy. I’m sure he was pretty hungry or his ass needed to pee, but when he saw me stirring, he was like..yessss the asshole is waking up.

But, up-and-at-em at around 6 in the morning, out for a long 4 mile walk with Pickles, catching some Pokémon and came back they were all still asleep around 7:30 or 8 in the morning.

So, here I am.

As one can see, I don’t have the usual vibe in my writing anymore. Still have no idea why, but it’s something.

Maybe I can’t focus? Maybe I’m getting old? Maybe it’s just something else and I’m over this whole writing thing.

No idea. I don’t know. I know there’s still love in writing and creating in me. There is.

I love stories. I love narrative.

I’m just in a creative rut or I’m just in something that is preventing me from focusing and what not.

A break is good. Focus on something else.

Maybe something will come out of this whole Sorkin Master Class thing.

Maybe. Just maybe.

We shall see.

My mantra.

* * *

Slow day.

My last weekend in town before I drive up to my home home winds down and it’s been quite slow. Slow days.

I had to run some errands for mom yesterday, buying logan meat for mom and so I decided to just take the Expo Line down to DTLA and explore Grand Central Market and then go to Chinatown and get what mom wanted.

I did just that.

I spent a few hours at GCM, having a nose-to-tail breakfast and then just sitting at the hipster coffee bar sipping on some espresso and sparkling tea and then a nice frothy cappuccino.

It was nice. It was serene. I wasn’t really rushing to get anywhere, enjoying my time sipping the coffee, reading whatever news that came up on my phone and reading some pages on the book I’m currently reading.

Slow down.

Slow day.

That’s one of the things I’m trying to get better at in my life, to just slow down. I tend to rush everywhere, in terms of how fast I walk and wanting to get to my destination.

I usually just go with the flow for the most part, but yeah, rush rush rush.

Slow down.

Slow day.

I walked over to Chinatown, exploring, walking, with no time constraints, re-treading on familiar ground that grown unfamiliar from the not having been to Chinatown in years. It was just great getting reacquainted with it again, but it was also sad. Many stores are being priced out of the location and either moved or just flat out closed.

Very sad indeed as we see the tell-tale signs of gentrification with new condos and new western/hipster restaurants popping up around the area.

Sad. Sad indeed.

Chinatown was on its slow death years ago and I’m assuming it will finally meet its end soon as more and more businesses are moving east towards the new Chinatown of San Gabriel Valley and Monterey Park; the 626.

Plazas emptied. Stores closed and shuttered. It’s a sad state of affairs in Chinatown.

The big Wing Hop Fung shut down and moved to Alameda and San Gabriel.

I found another herb shop across the street and had short convo in Canto with the Auntie that ran the shop. She called me good looking. Liang jay. Hahhaa. Too funny.

She’s one of us – a Vietnamese – Chinese Immigrant.

There are a lot of us in the world. A lot.

I ended up getting a roast duck and some pork for dinner and hiked it on the train and went home.

I do have to say, even though it would have taken me less time if I drove down to dtla and Chinatown, it was worth it taking the train, even though I stood the whole time on the way back.

It was just easier. Don’t have to worry about traffic and slow ass people and crazy LA drivers.

Plus, it was cheaper, even if I did have to pay my own way. It’ll just be about $3.50 and if I drove, I would have to pay for parking at both Grand Central Market and Chinatown.

Worth it worth it.

Today, would be a slow day.

Relaxing and getting my brain in shape as I mull over what I need to do for Leslie and her Loaner Tap card history page.

I think I may have gotten it down, but I just have to think about it some more.

Slow day.

I hurt.

I ache.

I’m tired.

I don’t know if that last one is just related to being old or the health issues I think I’m going through or I’m just tired from my lack of sleep and just have no energy, but fuck man, all in all, getting old sucks.

In the grand scale of things, I’m not too old. 37. I’m just 37. Not really that old at all, but fuck man, I’m like falling apart.

I slept late on Saturday night, like an hour or two past my bedtime finishing up the bread making and then woke up around my usual time that my circadian rhythm thinks is right for me to wake up and that was about it. 5 hours. Just about five hours of sleep and that just fucked me up all day yesterday and I’m still feeling it today even though I went to bed close to my bedtime.

Getting old sucks.

I’m damn sure I can get out of this little physical rut if I just treat my body a little better. Eat better and more often. Fuck, maybe even just eating a little more. Eating more calories so I have more energy to burn.

Exercise! Nah, who am I kidding, exerting that much force, though good for me, is just too much to ask for.

Eventually, I know when push comes to shove, it’ll happen. Maybe.

Who knows?

Who knows indeed.

But yeah, at the bbq yesterday at uncle’s, my knee just started to hurt. It was aching and it was just sore.

I didn’t understand why. I didn’t know why. I just know that it was fucking with me pretty bad and I was tired and I wanted to go home.

Thankfully, but not really, someone was setting off massive m80s around the neighborhood and Pickles fucking flipped out. He got scared and just wanted to get the fuck out of there, wanted to get back home, to safety.

He kept going inside the house and wanted to find a nice quiet place to hide when I didn’t want him to go upstairs, afraid that he might just relieve himself somewhere. That’s the last thing I want to happen at uncle’s place, Pickles peeing and shitting himself INSIDE THE FUCKING HOUSE.

Nope. Nope indeed.

With him outside with everyone, his tail tucked between his hind legs, I knew it was just time for him to go home.

So, we left and I came back, did my business, wind down for bed and fell asleep around 10: 30 and I feel good, but still tired.

I don’t want to do anything today, and I don’t plan on doing much. Just walking Pickles and relaxing in front of the tv. I’m not even going to do any photos, which I should.

I say fuck it.

Just chill, relax, watch movies, youtube, and shows, and maybe surf the web and just cook dinner. I’ll do laundry and call it a fucking day.

Simple.

I just want simple. I love simple.

Simple is great. No headaches. No drama.

Simplicity is key.

Simple.

* * *

Obsessive.

Obsessing.

I know I have some OCD tendencies, like the whole knocking at doors/cubes/workspaces before entry and sometimes like stepping on cracks. It’s like a game almost and then it just builds to a compulsion from there.

I always obsess and think about a particular person even I know I fucking shouldn’t. She’s always on my mind and I don’t fucking understand why.

Actually a lot of girls are on my mind.

Actually, relationships, or the idea or thought of being in a relationship is on my mind when I know it really shouldn’t.

Blah.

I’m so over it. I’m so tired of my brain wasting so much time on it.

Blah indeed.

Just blah.

* * *

I’m scaring a little kid.

Well, more actually, I’m just sitting here doing my thing while this little boy is just checking me out, curious and we locked eyes and I’m staring him down.

He goes hide behind his mom.

I’m great.

Hahahaha. He just putz around doing whatever he’s doing to busy himself while the boba girls make their order and he looks over at my direction again. Eye contact. He stops what he’s doing and hides behind his mom.

I’m fucking great.

* * *

Patience.

I know I know, it’s the one thing I know I definitely have to work on.

I wrote about this in an earlier entry about how I need to be more patient in life and with people and things and time and all that fucking jazz.

Shit, I even wrote about that Chinese scroll that I have in my apartment.

But here’s something that I tell most people about why I hate people.

Patience. They just try my patience.

Many people don’t understand why I want kids or have pets when I just want to be alone, not wanting to be in a relationship etc etc.

It’s just because I have a lot more patience with kids, pets and animals, than I do with adults.

Kids and pets can’t fucking help it. They aren’t testing my patience because they are trying to piss me off. They just do it because they don’t understand or can’t communicate what they want. It’s in their nature to be that way. It’s how they learn.;

Adults. C’mon man. Fucking people. I have no patience for adults because they are fucking adults and should just fucking know better.

That’s basically the gist of why I have no patience for adults and most people. When I say I hate people, I mean fucking adults. They lack basic fundamental common sense and that generally pisses me off.

I mean, c’mon asshole/bitch/cunt, YOU SHOULD FUCKING KNOW BETTER.

Rant over.

* * *

It seems I’m just doing whatever I can to get away from writing or my more important creative writing.

I’m horrible. I need a better schedule. I just need to fucking do it and not treat it like a chore.

Remember that you actually enjoy creative writing? Don’t you remember?

You grew to love it.

What happened?

* * *

Maybe this would be a totally different rant on a totally different day of procrastination, but I’m just going to drop it here.

The world is fucking shit.

Every fucking day, something horrible happened in the world.

Another mass shooting. Another suicide bombing. Another hate crime.

The world is fucked. Our future is fucked.

Religion is fucked.

People is fucked.

No. I’m not becoming a Scientologist.

It’s just what came to mind when I needed a title or a subject to today’s post.

I’m still procrastinating on my weekly writing project, but to be fair, I opened up the latest story and reread what I wrote. I’m trying to familiarize myself with the narrative that I started.

I have it pictured in my head. What I want to do and what I want to say.

It’s a connected world.

I have decided that, these little prompts would all be within the same universe. Why not?

It should be interesting. It should be fun seeing other characters from other stories pop in and out of other narratives. We live in a busy and crowded world with many people in it. Why should everyone be so silo-ed (I had to look it up and the actual verb for the word is Isolate, but I wanted to say silo-ed) off from everyone else. We are all leads in our own story and supporting characters in others.

The world is a stage and we are all players goes the saying.

* * *

Things seem to be flowing a lot better. This brain fog fades away slowly brining clarity and focus in my mind. But unfortunately, I have to suffer some of the side-effects to my remedy.

Life. That’s how it goes. It’s never simple.

Never.

But I digress as I continue on with my finger tapping, working its strength up to par to my future writings, if I ever decide to get back on it. Focus. Focus.

FOCUS.

Things definitely seem easier. Reading is easier. Writing is easier. More flowy.

I like the flow. I need the flow. Mind to fingers without missing a beat. Mind to fingers without hesitation. Mind to fingers.

Tap tap tap tap.

Fingers tapping on keys. Keys makes words, sentences, paragraphs, thoughts.

Fingers. Keys.

Tap tap tap tap.

Things are definitely going clear. It’s just that I am a master procrastinator.

Procrastination is my life.

All I do is put off and wait.

I need a muse. I need motivation.