It’s been a while since I actually took a little break for my birthday. Since my little trip back in 2010 to Chicago, I decided to do a little trip for myself around my birthday. Now as the years gone by and my ambitions got the best of me in terms of traveling, sometimes, it never lines up with my trips actually being on or around my birthday.

Last year, the trip was in February to Iceland. Finally, I got things back this year, doing a little nature excursion to Sequoia and Kings Canyon National Park in central California.

After two days roaming around in nature in the misty haze of high clouds and rainy drizzle, I am taking a relaxed low key slow-paced day on my actual birthday. From Antoinette’s and probably back in my little cabin, I’ll write my yearly diatribe of another year older, another year wiser.

37. 37. 37. 37.

I am 37.

36 is over.

36 rolled off of me quiet in the night and now I’m 37.

What can I say about my past year?

36 was a great year. It was an excellent year. It was one of the best years in the past couple of years. Why?

I think it has to do with me getting the weight of my father’s death off of my chest and the new me that came from that. It was a brand new me, back to basics.

It’s been over a year that I had this feeling that I had gone back to Phong basics, similar to the first years that I came down to California. I would just do me, be me, and live my alone, but not so lonely, independent life.

All I would do was go watch movies almost on a weekly basis, go to work, and just chill and fill my time with whatever suits my fancy. Life at its simplest. What makes these past two years different from the first few when I first came down to LA? Being comfortable with who I am and being comfortable in my own skin.

It’s that simple.

Why make it any more difficult than you have to?

Life has been good as of late, and a lot of it came from being 36. This past year has been a reaffirming year that I should just do me and be me and damn the consequences.

I know that it rubs a few people the wrong way, many of them are my family who are pressuring me to settle down, meet someone, and get married, but I don’t know, being alone and single is what suits me best now.

Control. My life is in control, in my hands. I control the things that I have control over and I try my best to let other things just fall by the wayside. I’m getting better at that.

36 has taught me to appreciate the smaller things, the little things. The little vacations, or the little pictures or videos that just makes me smile. The little good deeds that you see that just pulls at your heartstrings. There is still some good in the world. The little things.

I wake up and am alive. I am still able to walk and to travel. Pickles is still healthy in his old age and my two furkids both get along with each other. The little things.

* * *

This one has gotten away from me already. Maybe a little change in scenery will help?

* * *

Back at the cabin/hotel after taking a small break and a stroll around the campus, along the river just to get my mind running listening to some little This American Life. Now, I’m back at it.

37.

I am 37 now and looking back it had been a blur.

36 had gone by so quick, that I didn’t even realize that it was over so soon. Looking back, memories just blend into one as they often do as one gets older and when one gets better.

36.

It was a great year. It was a year of me and definitely it was a year of Phong.

Back to basics would be a great way to describe my year. It was definitely a year of riding solo and the #yearofPhong. There’s no shame in that. There’s no shame in celebrating and enjoying one’s independence. It’s your life, live it how you want to live it.

With this ease and with this control in my life, that surprised confidence that sprung up on me quite a few years back is growing and that nagging sense of optimism that came out of nowhere is still riding strong with me.

I think the one thing that I had embraced, at least for the past couple of years and that helped me tremendously is to just take it one day at a time. Life, shouldn’t be rushed. Stop thinking so far ahead in the future. Stop thinking how my life would be a year from now, five years from now, 10, 20. Just stop and think of it one day at a time.

There’s no need to rush it. We all die, and it is best that we die without regrets. I believe that if we live our lives the way we want to live it, by our own rules and our choices, then one should be happy with the life they are living. There would be no regrets if I die tomorrow. I set out what I want to do.

36.

Control.

If I had to pick a thing that I learned about myself in 36, it is control. Sure, the knowledge how much of a control freak I am had been stinging in the back of my mind for a few years now, but it was reaffirmed during my therapy a year back. I think I took it heart and finally embraced it. It’s the thing that I learned most about myself this past year.

Control.

Being in control is a tough balancing act, controlling your life, making your decisions that best suits you, selfish choices, though good for you, have its consequences. You just have to be okay with whatever those consequences are and you have to be responsible with your choices.

36.

Being alone. Being independent. Being me.

36 was definitely a year of me. It was the year that I started to embrace the new me, the one that embraces my independence and my singleness. Most of my choices that I made were strictly about me and my happiness.

Being alone. Traveling. My projects. All about me.

Will 37 be a continuation of that or will I allow for the possibility that there is more to me than me, like a we? Will I finally choose to be okay being with someone? Would 37 be the year of being open to the idea of being in a relationship?

Maybe 36 and the year of independence need to happen so I can finally propel myself to being able to let that go and start sharing some of my experiences with someone? I don’t know, but it’s a possibility.

36.

Confidence.

With each passing year, as I get more comfortable with who I am, I do see how I’m more secure and more confident. There’s still a lot of room for improvement in that side, but there is growth. There is definitely an up trajectory, but is it enough for me to do things that are out of my comfort zone?

I don’t know yet. I still find it funny that when it comes to decisions that affect me and only me no matter how horrible or unsafe they maybe, I’m confident and often times optimistic that things will work out well.

But when it comes to things and decisions that affect or involve other people, not so much. I don’t know why, but maybe it has to do with not wanting to hurt or disappointing the other party involved. Maybe that’s why I only try to do things on my own and not involve other people. I don’t know how to reconcile something like that.

Maybe this year will change that as I try to get more people involved in my life, get more involved in other people’s life and maybe hopefully just go out more.

It is going to start with the whole Year of Yes thing. Saying yes to more things, like happy hours and what not, but it is a start. I hope.

Maybe I’ll start asking people out to do things. I know it is just as simple as asking, but there are times when I just don’t know how to do it. Maybe 37 will be the year that I learn how.

There’s still a lot more learning and growing that I need to do and hopefully 37 doesn’t disappoint me in that area.

* * *

It seems this one had really gotten away from me. I’m not at my usual writing this and maybe that’s a little distracting, who knows. Maybe I’ll come back to this in the next few weeks, an addendum to my another year older, another year wiser. Who knows?

But I think I’ll end this one here.

I’m going to bid a great adieu to 36 and with open arms welcome my new number, 37.

I’m 37. Bring it on.