Cold.
Chilly.
Since it is the end of the year and I’m officially on break from work, one would expect me to be at home 2 for it this year, but no, I’m down in sunny SoCal freezing my ass off in the lukewarm 60-degree weather. Man, who would think that 60 degree weather would be this chilly. Something is definitely amiss here.
I guess it’ll just be something that I’ll never understand and I’ll just have to live with it.
Let it be indeed.
It’s Christmas Eve and I am here in my usual spot trying to figure out if I should start my yearly bah humbug today or should I just let it permeate a little more, but I think I’m just going to get it going. I already know that it’ll take a few days, so might as well get an early start on it.
Might as well.
I’ll get a little Help! with The Beatles on Spotify.
So, here I am, starting my usual bah humbug to each and everyone.
2015…Here we go.
* * *
I know that I should have been preparing for this for the past couple weeks if not days, knowing that it is something that I usually do anyway, but I just seem so unprepared for this or maybe it is just my lack of motivation that is preventing me from doing it properly, but I’m just going to wing it.
2015.
What can I say about it?
It seems that this year is me going back to my roots, me going back to the days of yore, days not unlike the first couple of years that I moved down to Los Angeles. It was definitely a year of #partyofone. It was definitely a year of just me, doing my own thing and not caring about anyone or anything else.
It definitely was a year of Phong and a selfish year.
And I don’t have a problem with that.
I think with last year being such a big family year, with the road trips with mom and my aunts around California, then the South East Asia trip, Utah with my bro, and finally being home for Christmas break, that was the most time I had spent with family.
Sure, I didn’t get to see a lot of family last year, even though it was such a family oriented year, but it was still a lot more family than what I was accustomed to.
With that in mind, near the end of last year, I started to plan my solo 2015 journey, with my trip to Iceland and actually doing something for New Year’s, which was spending it along in my favorite city, Chicago.
There’s a thing that I heard quite a few years ago about how you spend your New Years can predict how your year is going to be. It’s something along the lines of whoever you kiss or whoever you spend your New Year’s Eve with is who you’ll spend your year with.
Now, considering I spend all of my New Year’s for the longest time ever by myself, at home with Pickles, and that’s usually how my year goes. I’m usually with my dog, on road trips, hiking and what not. The year I got Relish, I passed it with the two of them and they have encompassed my life.
Now last year, I spent my year alone, somewhat comfortable in a bar full of strangers, in a city that I love but don’t live in. It’s me spending my NYE doing my own #partyofone thing and it pretty much set the tone for 2015.
2015.
#partyofone.
That was/is pretty much the theme of this past year.
And I loved ALL of it.
2015, the year of Riding Solo.
* * *
In a way 2015 was kind of a new start for me. It was a year of the new me.
Last year was a year of therapy, going and getting my head shrunk, coming to terms with the loss of my father and the guilt that I’ve held deep inside for believing that I was responsible for his death.
Near the end of our sessions and during our sessions, I realized a lot about me that explains my actions and basically why I am the way I am…well for the most part. I have come to terms with my father’s death and am starting to believe that it was what it was, an accident. I no longer hold onto the guilt of his passing, but I still do miss him, which is all I can do and should feel.
Our sessions ended early in the year, like in January I believe and I was pretty much on my own since then. I was on my own, with this new found sense of who I am, and freerer than I have ever been in a long long time.
It was a new year for a new me and I started back at basics. I just found things that focus on me.
I started and finished or am on my way of finishing a few personal projects. They were something to keep my mind off of things and to focus on others and for something to do.
* * *
Projects
Feeling that my camera had been neglected last year, I felt that I should do another 365 project.
The only time that I used it is whenever I go on vacation and that was about it. Sure I took quite a few last year on my many vacations and trips, but I believe that I could sure use it more. So, 2015, another 365 and I am coming down to my last couple of days. I can’t wait for it to finish.
The camera isn’t working well. From time to time the camera won’t fully go down, so I’ll need to take it into Nikon to get it fixed after the new year.
A perk of having to carry around my camera all the damn fucking time is that I got to get more People Project pictures. I made it a rule that whenever anyone asks why I have a camera with me all the time, I ask them if I can take their picture. It worked like gang busters.
The other project that I’m doing is a cooking project.
I decided that I will cook 30 things/recipes that I have never made before. They can’t be variations of things that I have made before, but have to be things that I never created.
Things included hand made noodles, poke, cakes and desserts and even some bbq sauce.
It was a fun project. I have surpassed my 30 recipes and will still be making more.
This was one of the funniest things that I did this past year and all in all, it was a success and it just helps me relax and I get to eat great food afterwards.
I think I’m going to be making that an ongoing project where I’ll do something similar from here on out. It’s just fun and very challenging.
Sure, there might be a year when I’ll be over it or I’ll impose other rules or some themes, but right now I’m rolling with it.
Writing.
It kind of happened this year. It seemed that I focused more on my blog than most anything else this year. I did finish my last script. There are some major problems with it and then I took a break from script writing and decided to work on a short story. It’s still unfinished.
Eventually, I’ll get back to it. Maybe. Hopefully 2016 will bring back this writing bug that I had.
It’s fun.
There’s one last project, well, I wouldn’t consider it a project, but it is something is that I decided to donate my hair again. It started from last August and it was just another continuation of it.
If that hair project isn’t a selfish and a Year of Phong thing, I don’t know what else it is. As it got longer and as I got more and more annoyed with the hair, the crazier hairstyles that I’ll tie it up with.
I did not give a fuck. I really didn’t even when people started to laugh or make comments on my hair.
Eventually, as people got used to it, they seem to enjoy it, to like my crazy hair styles and even comment on how beautiful my hair is when I just leave it down. I know I can’t fucking wait to cut it. It seems it’ll reach the desired 10 inches in a few weeks.
I’m just counting down the days.
Will I be done growing and donating my hair after this time? I think it’ll definitely be some considerable amount of time before I will do it again, but who knows, this time wasn’t really planned. One day, I just decided.
Most likely, the next time will be the same. I just decided.
* * *
Travel
This year came and went in a blur.
Memories explode and fade and explode and fade and mixes in with other memories of the past. I cannot place them or see their time stamp. They all clump together in the past without distinction.
This year, a blur.
Most of it has to do with the amount of traveling and little trips that I made this year. Surprisingly there were only two planned vacation trips this year and the rest were either for work or for other obligations. Every two or three months I would take off for a few days or even a week.
But the one trip that ruled all of them was the Iceland trip. It changed my life. It was me, doing me. It was me, riding solo. It was me, not putting my life on hold and just living it the way I have grown to do.
It was spectacular and I would think about that trip and Iceland every few days.
I want to go back. You can find my entry on it somewhere on this blog of mine, but Iceland, awesome.
Technically, it was my first, but not really first trip of the year. I want to count my little Chicago side trip for New Year’s.
To think I went during New Year’s to see how cold it was, to see if I can survive their winters, in case I ever move there. There’s still that possibility.
I do love that city.
Then there was Dat’s wedding the end of March. Looking back, all of my time with family have had to do with these little trips. Even though it was a year of me, there were definitely some family time involved. Saw a lot of family at Dat’s wedding and the same during Uncle’s memorial in July and again, hung out with my bro during my Chicago work trip.
This was a year of connecting with family via trips and not making an effort to see them to see them, but to visit them because of some other reasons.
Those were my family moments.
Surprisingly this was a year of visiting friends too; friends that I haven’t seen in years.
It started with a simple text about Katy getting married. The wedding was during Memorial Day weekend and it was in Watsonville. I made a mini-road trip out of it, driving up the PCH and visiting Hearst Castle. Overall, it was nice to see these old friends again. It definitely was a while.
While at the wedding, I saw Rutledge and then decided that I was going to visit the Carters on Labor Day. I flew out and visited a friend and stayed with them. I never done that before, but it was really really good that I saw them and hung out. It felt right and it felt like the old days. I loved it.
Hopefully it won’t be as long as it was before we see and hang out with each other again.
I was surprised that there was so much traveling for work this year also. I guess it was just time again to do another round of server refreshes to our remaining regional offices. The Dallas and Moorestown were just short trips and was so rushed in terms of landing and going straight to work and working late. I got sick in Dallas just because my body just gave up
Chicago was the last one and that was a nightmare because of forces that were out of our control. But in the end, it was just a great time that, whenever I’m not at work. A lot had to do with meeting up with my brother there and with Cloud. I got to show them why I love the city so much.
Besides Iceland, my other personal trip was a lovely three-day road trip to Crater Lake. It was a solo trip, since my bro didn’t want to join me. There were some hiccups on the trip but overall it was a good solo nature trip. I surely miss those and definitely need more of them in my life. It was just great getting out into nature.
There were some little surprises on the trip and that was the Lava Beds State Monument and I went caving on my own. It was awesome.
At the moment, 2016 is a blank slate with nothing really planned. There’s an inkling of a trip in March to SE Asia again. This time, Thailand and Cambodia. I’ve been dying to go to Angkor Kwat. Maybe I’ll do another solo international trip. Maybe Myanmar/Burma. My bro doesn’t want to go, so it might just be me.
2016, let’s continue this wanderlust streak.
Addendum*: I decided to take a break and decided to reread this year’s Another Year Older, Another Year Wiser entry and skimmed the entries in April. Apparently, I just took a day trip to the Inland Empire that I totally forgot. Salton Sea. Salvation Mountain and then to San Diego to visit 7th Uncle. I remember it now and it was a trip with Pickles.
I needed to get away from work and life and the city because I was going through a lot of stress at work, more on that later.
* * *
People and socializing.
2015 was definitely not a year of people and definitely not a year of socializing.
The Year of Phong was just that, the year of me. Besides my travels and meeting people through my travels, I really didn’t go out much this year.
Sure there is the Lam from time to time with our monthly or so get-togethers and there was a time when I would go out with Dan and get drinks. All in all, that was about it, that I can remember on the socializing front.
There are the small one timers where I’ll get dinner with Favorite or hanging out with the Sub and Tia in Chicago, but that is more that we haven’t seen each other in a long time so it is time to catch up.
Relationships?
0. Zip. None. Nada.
Not even going to try.
2015 followed the trend that I started in 2014 after Milpitas and that’s nothing. Sure I went on a few dates in 2014 with the help of the apps and then the relationship, but after when I came to the conclusion that relationships just aren’t for me, at this current juncture, I have been riding solo.
Never asked anyone out that I was interested in. Never really focused on that many girls, if any.
Don’t think I ever really flirted with anyone.
It’d been a dry year in this front.
I’m not even sure what will 2016 bring? Am I ready for one? Will I meet someone that I am willing to give it a shot? I know that I am open to it. I’m not totally closed off to the idea of being in a relationship, but again, this girl has better be something special.
Maybe. 2016, will I be done of the year of me and become a year of we?
No idea. Who knows. I’m loving it on my own and 2015 just reinforces that.
* * *
Days went by before I came back to this.
Days.
Life got in the way.
Life.
Part of life was a small road trip with Pickles.
I drove south on the 1, PCH, or streets adjacent to the PCH. I took the coastal route all the way down to the end and it was pretty good.
It was beautiful and it was a nice comfortable nice day.
We even spent an hour or so at the Huntington Dog Beach.
Pickles was Pickles with this weird socialization.
That’s one thing I did find fascinating or remember about him. He’s such a pacifist. He’ll see two dogs playing a little too roughly and he’ll just chase them around and bark at them, telling them to stop.
Or maybe I’m just reading him wrong and he just wants no one to have fun.
Very weird dog.
* * *
Brotherly bonding.
This year was another continuation in Brother 2.0.
It’s really good to see him growing and coming out of his shell.
Less shy.
More willing to do things and maybe talk and socialize.
It’s still a little difficult to cull things out of him, but it’s good to see him actually trying things.;
We had two small trips this year.
The first was our Napa/Sonoma trip after our Uncle’s memorial and the next was when he flew out and spent the weekend out in Chicago with me while I was there for work.
It was our usual go eat and relax and enjoy what the city/place has to offer.
It’s great.
Maybe 2016 will be more of it. Small little trips of just doing things or more family vacations.
It’s so wide open, who knows what will happen.
Maybe we’ll actually follow through on the whole Napa every year thing.
Who knows.
* * *
Now that it is a different day, I might just wing it and just go with the flow, no structure and just wing it. Who knows.
* * *
Work.
It actually wasn’t that bad this year. It was busy and I’m in a very project oriented position.
The big thing that happened this year was the migration to Office 365. It was a long long stressful month in April.
It was definitely a large trial by error learning curve. When I think I got one thing fixed, another thing would go wrong and I’ll have to figure it out.
But in the end, everything works and everyone is up and running.
Stressful.
Lots of drinks and alcohol.
Tons, but it is done.
In terms of the company, I think we are okay. Sure we lost some business, but we gained some too.
That’s the name of the game nowadays and it just seems that’s the way it’ll be well into the future.
There’s a ton of new people in the company and I don’t even know or want to know them.
I’m okay with that. I’ll stick with just those that I know and if it comes a point where I met someone and develop a rapport, then I do. If not, I won’t lose any sleep over it.
I wonder what will happen in 2016? What kind of projects are planned?
I don’t know.
I know that we still need to cross train with a few of the other sys admins in case anything happens. I think when we move to the new storage system, that’s when it’ll happen.
Also, we need to figure out a new collaboration and project management tool.
It’ll be an interesting year.
I’m the go-to-guy in my department.
When someone needs answers for some things, they’ll come to me. I have most of the answers, especially when it comes to systems and windows.
When it comes to macs, I’m not the guy.
I think people come to me, besides the answers, is that I get things done. I follow-up and I just take care of things in a timely manner.
Let’s hope that 2016 would be more of the same, in terms of projects and new things to learn and let’s hope that it’ll be less stressful.
* * *
Furkids.
Another year has gone and they were together for another year.
Last year I believed that the two just tolerate each other, both not liking each other, but just have to get along because they both live together.
I think I am going to change my position and say that I think they both like each other. It’s just that they have a very weird way of showing it. They both aren’t very affectionate, especially to me.
They show their affections in a different way, they play and taunt each other.
Pickles would always win, because he’s just much bigger, but Relish is just faster’
They’ll taunt and chase each other.;
Mornings after our walks, Relish would just rub up against Pickles. I would see that whenever I bring him back from boarding also.
So, yes, they do like each other. It’s more than just a regular, you are here, I am here, so let’s just play nice type of thing.
A few weeks ago, I stayed home because I was sick. I went to get some meds and left. The kids probably thought I left for work, like I usually do, but when I came home, they were in the bedroom together.
Relish was on the bed, just chilling and I’m sure Pickles was on the bed also before he knew I came home. I told him to hop on the bed as I got undressed. They were comfy on the bed together.
Fuckers, that’s how they are when I’m not there. They secretly show affection towards the other. Why can’t they do that while I’m there?
But all in all, I’m glad that they do get along and they do like each other.
I love my kids and would do everything for them.
But I do feel bad for Pickles though. I traveled so much and so often this year, he was stuck in a cage for a lot of the year.
Unfortunately, I have no other options.
Hopefully I can figure something out for 2016.
Hopefully.
* * *
2015.
It was a year not unlike any others.
It was a year that I went back to basics, like the first couple of years that I was first down to Los Angeles.
It was just a year of me, working on me, being me and being more comfortable with who I am.
But in a way, it was also a year that was new. It felt like it is a new start.
It was the first year where I started to live with the new me, the guilt free me, the me who finally came to terms with my father’s death.
2015 was the Year of Phong.
It was a very self-centered year and it had to be that. It had to bring me back to square one, starting this new phase in my life. It had to be a year where I get centered with myself and be more comfortable and work on my baseline so I can compare all my future growths.
It was a great year.
It was an awesome year.
I’ve grown as a person. I’ve done most things that I had set out to do, albeit a little more anti-social as of late, but I have no shame in that.
I needed it to re-energize. I needed it to be me.
2015 had a lot of offer and I received it with open arms.
Many people might find that sad and pathetic, but they aren’t me and they don’t understand how important it was for me.
I don’t think many people will understand that about me.
They hope I’ll change and stop being alone, but I don’t know. This is me and I’ll come and grow out of that on my own terms.
Change takes time and can’t be forced. I’ll grow out of it when I grow out of it.
That’s how life is and that’s how I embrace it.
2015, you’ve been great.
I’ve grown a lot this year, even though it doesn’t seem like that, but I have. I’ve matured quite a bit and became a much better person in the process.
I’m still not fixed. I don’t think I’ll ever will be, but I’m definitely heading towards the right direction in becoming a little bit better.
Hopefully 2016 will bring me more of the same.
More travels.
More growth.
More challenges.
More knowledge.
More projects.
Hopefully I’ll focus and rewrite something in the coming year, or pick up that guitar of mine and just fucking learn how to play that thing. Or maybe I just learn how to read music as I put down my camera next year, I’ll pick up music and guitar.
You have a lot of wants and many things you don’t know how to do.
Do it.
Every year is a year of possibilities.
You start out the year with a blank slate and with each day, you paint your strokes onto the canvas, slowly adding onto the masterpiece that is you.
2015.
Thank you for being such a great year for me. I truly mean it. I now bid you a kind adieu.
2016.
Bring it.
Mumblings of a Hermit 隐者 