Unfinished projects.

My writing folder is just filled with them. Stories, scripts, ideas that are half realized, half written, and half developed.

All of them unfinished.

I still have remnants of their essence in my mind somewhere. I have some iteration of what they could be swimming around in my conscience somewhere trying to get out, trying to gel together, trying to find an ending.

But I’m stuck. Unmotivated. Crippled by my laziness and my self-doubt of it ever being good or if it is even worth my time.

I write to waste time, to give me an excuse to make me feel like I’m doing something with my life rather than just sitting and typing away, wasting it away and not doing much of anything with it.

I’m really sure that it doesn’t mean anything and that when it comes down to it, they all matter. Every single word I put into this blog, each and every single word and draft that I have started and not finished and everything that I have finished or having even come to fruition yet; they all matter. Every single one of them.

All of them matter.

They are a part of me and they are unfinished because I’m unfinished. I know that I’ll finish them all one day, hopefully it’ll be soon. I have nothing but time.

If I sit and really think about it, I’m single and I am not putting much of an effort into this whole writing them. What happens if I ever meet a girl or if I ever have children? What would be my excuse then?

Scott, even though he has it much worse than I do make the time and effort to write and I applaud him for it. I wish I was as dedicated and focus. Maybe it is his outlet from his day-in-and-day-out? Good for him.

I need it. I need a kick in the butt to get me back to writing again.

The Gentle Listener sits almost finished. I totally forgot that I was working on that, that it was my most recent project that I was working on. I didn’t remember it until a few minutes ago, trying to figure out what I was working on.

Something is definitely up with me about the whole writing thing. Hopefully I can get back to it come the new year. Fuck it. Why wait for the new year? Let’s get back to it now. Soon.

Soon.

* * *

Writing.

I wrote time and time again that I don’t have that lyricism that my earlier entries in this endless void had. None of it. The rhythm changed in the past few years.

I find it difficult to get back to that type of writing. I find it hard to find the connection of words. It seems that my writing tends to be more succinct and more direct.

Is that a sign as my maturity as a writer, it being more economical or is it a sign that my writing is sucking ’cause it isn’t as fun as it used to be?

I’m thinking and hoping that it is the later, that it is becoming more economical, more direct, more succinct, with everything coming to a point faster. Each sentence has a purpose as opposed to just the fast loose senseless writing that I use to do.

Maybe it has to do with my writing background of screenwriting where we have to be economical with each description and dialogue? I think that is it and that I’m reading more and notice that, yes, economical writing is better writing and doesn’t need to be boring.

I should focus on that. Write more economically. Broaden my vocabulary and my prose. Strengthen my writing and my works. Redo, rewrite.

Just do it.

No more waiting. Write.

Write.

* * *

Maybe after finishing this short story I’m writing, I’ll get back to rewriting. I have to do it. No one likes it, but I have to do it.

Let the Kids Eat Some Fries. Project next year. Page one rewrite.

Plan, outline, rewrite. Make it more exciting. Make it more accessible. Rework it. Make it better.

You wrote this first draft and now you know that it doesn’t quite work, so you have to find another way to make it work. Should be easy. Should just do it.

Do it.

* * *

Writing.

Do I still love it?

Do I still crave it? The written word?

I still do. I still do love the writing process, the thought process behind it. Sure, it’s very solitary and boring at times, but I still do love writing. Being able to put thought onto “paper” so to speak, able to turn a phrase and change its intended meaning. I love it. I love it so much, but I don’t know why I have been so distracted and can’t focus on it.

Maybe it’s because there’s so much going on in my head. It’s like a pinball action of ideas and thoughts, some having to do with what I’m working on and other things that doesn’t have anything to do with writing or anything else at all. My mind is a mess and that is one of the biggest reasons why I can’t finish a project.

Another is the self-doubt if it’ll ever be good and that is just something that I need to get over with.

Others are just general big distractions. There are just too many things to watch, to consume, so much content to catch up on. It’s the FOMO that I generally don’t have on regular cool things, but just so many articles to read and what not.

I have gotten better with my Feedly and just ignoring a bunch of stuff, but it is still occupying my time. I have to be more decisive on what I need or want or should watch and just let the others go away.

I need to change the way I consume media. Definitely need to change.

I don’t need to be in on the cultural zeitgeist and what is going on in the world in terms of pop culture and the latest cool hip thing. You never thought of yourself as the coolest and hippest and keeping-up-with-the-jones anyway. So, let it go.

Just consume what you want to watch. You can’t ever watch everything, so don’t try. Watch what you can. Read what you can. Consume what you can and all the other time, find other things to fill your time.

Just be you and be a better you as you get older.

That’s all that you can ask and do for yourself.