I know in the end, I really don’t care what most people think of me. They’ll come to whatever conclusion and judgement and perception on their own from hearsay or even firsthand experience and interaction. People are people and not everyone will like you. That’s life.

For the most part, it does seem that most everyone seems to like me or treat me friendly and what not. I never really gave any one reason hate me, for the most part. Sure there are quite a few out there I’m sure that actually does, but that’s how the dice roll.

One thing I am really really curious about is how to most people at work generally think of me? What is their perception of me? Besides those in my department, there aren’t many in the company that I talk and chat with on a regular basis. Thinking about it, besides Christa, Lisette, and CC, there really isn’t any.

I don’t make my usual stops and chat like I do when B5 or even when Ms. D was there. No more. No more little stops to re-up with chats. No…no more.

So, curious. What do they all think?

Many people at work are all smiles and hellos when they see me. I’m sure most of them are very nice and they kind of have to be nice because I have to help them. Many others I’ve helped before and we’ve chatted our little small talks to pass the time, so, there’s a report, but what about the others that I haven’t helped?

There are a few that I’ve never helped or I have never interacted with that would just see me and say hi. What is that about?

I guess what I’m trying to say is when did girls start noticing me? When? It seems that they’ve been blind to me for so long, that I’ve lost hope and got comfortable with being on my own, living my life in a trajectory that doesn’t allow for them. I think even before my last relationship, I felt the same way, that relationships and me just don’t mix.

I’m not a relationship guy. I don’t function that way. I’m an independent, be on my own guy. That’s me. That’s what I’ve finally become because after so long with trying to find someone, dating people, and dating in general and having it all suck, I’ve moved past it. But now, it just seems girls are just noticing me.

But then, I’m stupid with girls. I never know what they are thinking and I always mistaken friendliness with attention and that’s always bad. In a way, it is a double-edge sword for me. Sure they are nice and since I’ve made so many mistakes in confusing the two, believing that they were attention when in fact that they were just nice, I now on auto put all girl’s attention to the friendly category and not the attention category.

It’s unfair, but I’m just playing shit safe. really safe.

But again, most of these girls don’t know me. Our interactions are very limited, whether it is me just saying hi and then proceeding to help them with their problem or some get a little chit-chat here and there, but that is it. Nothing more.

I’m trying to imagine what they see, get into their POV and their perspective. What do they really know or can tell about me?

Not much.

* * *

Here’s what I imagine their perception of me is.

They will automatically think I’m kind of smart since I work in IT and I’m able to fix and figure out to fix their computer. So, with that, comes a little nerdiness.

Next, I’m just the guy who walks around the office always humming a song. I’m always humming something that they can’t make out. They wonder if it is a song that I made up or of it is something else, and they don’t know why. They just know that I always do.

For the most part, they think I’m nice and friendly whenever I work with them or try to fix their issue.

I’m the guy that carries a camera with him at all times and they don’t know why.

Some may see me just skipping around the office.

Others will see me with my resting asshole face. I wonder how many people think I’m highly unapproachable?

Many will think I’m a total hipster because of my man bun and many will probably think I don’t give a fuck what other people think of who I am or how I dress because of what I do with my long hair, putting it in a man bun or even double buns or just doing fuck crazy shit with my hair.

Many might find me awkward at happy hours or generally just wandering alone.

Some might think I’m loud.

I’m sure many think I’m weird or creepy. I’m not sure why, but I think a handful might. Just putting that out there.

I’m sure there are a few other superficial things or just external behavioral things that I’m missing.

* * *

Sure, a lot of it is spot on. I’m sure a I am close to what they see me, but that’s it. How can one come to a conclusion as to what type of person one can be if it is only presented like that with minimal interaction and no talking?

I wonder what they think?

Again, not many in the office know how I am like or know me really that well, besides what I present or what they see.

Like, I’m sure with everyone I interacted with, there’s a whole other side of them that I know absolutely nothing about. Absolutely nothing.

All in all, what I’ve been noticing is very interesting.

They are all smiles and wandering eyes. They are all friendly with their hi’s and their heys.

When did it all start to happen?