’cause you are the piece of me/i wish i didn’t need

You are. You are constantly in my mind. It fantasizes, wondering what happened. Where is he? What is going on in your life? It wonders and wonders all about you when it should have forgotten you years ago. But you are still there, like a virus of the mind, eating away in my thoughts.

All that I can hope for is that one day, you will not be in my thoughts anymore. Your likes would mean nothing to me instead of me falling for it all the time, validating my existence.

I don’t need you. I don’t need this.

Leave me be.

Free my thoughts.

Shake them out.

Go.

* * *

Let’s start again. Let’s start anew.

My wandering mind can’t focus on anything as of late. It had become another weekend where my story goes unfinished. All that I have to show for were two sentences and a little diatribe for today.

Maybe it is the heat that is getting to me or maybe I just feel really tired on the weekend. I’m not sure, but it definitely is something.

It’s been unusually hot here this past summer. I don’t remember the last time that I had to use the ceiling fan so much. My electric bill will be astronomical. It’s crazy. Damn global warming. Damn it all.

* * *

Creep.

Stop it. Just stop it. Go about your day as you normally would. Just stop it.

Get your steps in. Don’t go out of your way. Don’t make excuses.

Just don’t.

Stop it.

Stop.

* * *

Tired. Yawny yawn.

So much yawning today. So tired today and I don’t understand it.

I slept at a reasonable time last night and woke up possibly no more than 30 minutes after I normally do. So, I don’t understand why I am so tired this morning.

It’s the heat. Maybe it is the heat. I have no idea, but it definitely is something.

It’s the weekend. I’m usually tired on the weekends for some reason.

I have become more active; taking the longer walks in the morning. It also has to do with the low/no carb diet that I am currently on. It could be, but I have cheated this weekend, so I still don’t understand why I am so tired.

Maybe it is mental.

I’m mental.

Procrastination.

I don’t know where it is coming from but I definitely do put stuff off, not wanting to take care of it or do it. These aren’t big rush rush projects, but things that can be taken care of at my own pace and I think that’s where the danger is, my own pace.

I need deadlines. I need to be proactive and make deadlines. I’m horrible at it.

Soon, I’ll get back to it. Soon, I’ll get back to the SharePoint project and move things over.

No more excuses.

Just do it.

* * *

It’s already mid-September.

Zoom zoom, this year had gone by so fast.

Sure I had many trips and vacations and little travels throughout the year and it helped in speeding up the year, but man, it’s crazy that it is already mid-September.

Soon, it’ll be December and we’ll be on break.

After October, our fiscal year, things will start to get slower for us and with the losses that we suffered recently, things will definitely be very slow.

It’s another uncertain time for us. It’s another one of times for us again. We thought things were looking up, but it seems status quo for us is two steps forward, one step back.

Welcome to our new agency life.

* * *

Travel.

I have a few business trips coming up in the next month or two and then my last vacation of the year is to South Carolina to visit the Carters and then I’ll be done.

Around this time last year, I had already bought my tickets home for the holiday break, but not this year. Also, I had been thinking of going to Iceland and finally finalized it in November when I bought my ticket.

What will happen this year? I am not sure yet. I am not sure what I’m going to do or where to go for Christmas break or even for any trips in the coming year. It’s wide open.

I want to go to Myanmar/Burma. It’s not a trip that my brother want to do, so that’ll be a solo trip. I need more solo trips. Maybe it’ll be that. I’m not sure yet.

Haven’t decided yet, but I really do want to do Europe or somewhere non-Asian. Who know what is for me next year. It’s so far away, but it really isn’t.

Everything is up in the air and I probably won’t act until I need to or when I have fully committed to it. Whenever that is.

* * *