One of us is down, all packed up and getting on a plane to fly home. She’s leaving the life that she lived the past 10 years behind to go back to a new life that mixes parts of the two old worlds that she had built for herself.

Yen leaves today for Philly. She’ll still be employed out here, but works remotely. It’s not a bad gig and it’s good that her bosses and job allow her to do that. If my job lets me work remotely, I’ll most likely make a new start in my beloved, Chicago.

But that’s just a dream and reality is that I’m set in my old man ways and I’m content with my life here in scorching SoCal. It works for me and I don’t mind it. Tis the life I had made for myself.

It was one final night, meeting up with Jun and Robert also, saying our good byes at the OC Westminster night market. I had some good Viet food that wrecked my diet and I’m okay with that.

It was a long long day of being hungry, but at the end it was worth it. Now, today, I’m hungover with fatigue and a tiredness that I haven’t felt in a while. It happens when I miss my bedtime.

Now, I have to somehow take the time and get back to a normal sleeping schedule again, with naps and early nights. It happens.

* * *

Tired. Just tired today.

It is another perfect weekend of not really doing anything. Just relax, iron some clothes, do some cooking and rest up as I will have to drive out to the valley tomorrow to do some IT work for an old coworker. Seems like my name is making the rounds with a few old coworkers and they need IT help. It works and I’m okay with it. I make a little extra money on the side and I get to socialize a little bit.

Tired.

I need rest.

* * *

Another way to look at the situation, instead of losing someone to hang out with, it is one less person I should hang out with.

Anything to promote my hermit lifestyle. I’m okay with.

* * *

For some reason, Ms. D has been on my mind as of late. Well, for the past couple of days. I believe that it’s because I’ve seen pictures of her and for some reason, I just can’t shake her. I can’t get her out of my mind.

I should have let her go a long time ago and in a way, I have, but she keeps coming back.

It’ll never work out and I know that and yet, I don’t know. My mind gets wonky sometimes and I just can’t shake it.

C’est la vie. Time to move on.

I wonder how many times I have to say time to move on before I finally do?

Maybe when someone else comes along?

Keeping my eyes and options open while I go on living this independent antisocial life of mine.

That’s the way it has to be.

I just need to be open.

* * *

I don’t know whether that I’m getting older or I’m just so use to being alone, but damn, some kids are just fucking annoying.

I mean, I love kids. I love kids and I know I want kids, but man, some kids are just annoying. I know that they are just full of energy and sometimes there are some ADHD off the wall bonkers shit that they have zero control over, but holy hell, some fucking kids man.

No control and just let it go.

I’m just an old jaded bitter grumpy pants who’s very judgmental. It comes with my age. It’s bad and I know I need to change that.

Time to fix this as it is time to fix my diet as it is time to better myself again.

Time.

It is limited but it seems like we have forever.

* * *

I’m in control and I make my happiness.

I understand that. The choice is in my hands and mine to make and believe me, it tugs at me equally and it’s so difficult to come to a decision.

I guess what everyone says is right, that it’ll come when I’m ready for it and I honestly don’t think I am ready for it.

* * *

Heat heat heat.

It’s been a hot summer, or at least the last couple of days. The scorching heat offers now air and solace. It takes and drains my energy. I have nothing left.

I have no motivation to even go into work because I couldn’t get out of bed. Tired. Fatigued. It isn’t like the lack of iron, but more of the sick ilk. Seems like the next logical feeling would be the body sores.

Am I coming down with something or is it just the heat that is fucking me over? I don’t know.

It could also be the new diet I started. No carbs.

There were some slight cheats here and there, the KFC biscuit, but I’ve been carb free for two weeks now, going into my third. The last carb I had was July 31st.

In a way, this new diet is good. It forces me to think of other more interesting ways to cook and to eat after work. Otherwise, it’ll just be pasta or rice bowls or some stir fry. This forces me to think of alternatives that are not carb friendly.

The downside, I’m fucking hungry all the fucking time. All the fucking time. Hungry. Hangry.

It could also be a reason why I don’t have energy, but I don’t think so. It is most likely because of the heat. I’m betting that it is the heat and once it goes down, like it should in the next few days, I should be back to form on this new diet.

Now, it isn’t a full on change my life diet and this will be how I eat for the rest of my life kind of diet. No. It’s just a temporary one to get my body back to form, to not rely on carbs so much. I’ll imbibe and consume carbs when I start traveling again.

Hopefully I’ll learn from it and just eat less carbs. That’s the ultimate goal, to cut down on my carb intake. It’ll be difficult, ’cause I love to eat so much.

Carbs.

Bread. Pizza. Rice. Pasta. Sushi. Noodles. Carbs.

Oh man, I’m a carb eating machine.

Beer!

I miss carbs and I’ll be reunited again, soon.

* * *

The changing of the guards. The high turnaround of the customer service industry.

I’ve been coming to Volcano since ’04 or ’05 to write and I’ve seen so many boba girls and people come and go. Some stick around for a while and I’ve developed a rapport with some of them, but with the new changing of the guard, it’s hard to keep up.

There’s just so many people here that I don’t see that often because they come in at night or the afternoon or even work the weekday shifts. So different.

Gone are the Cathys, Kats, Cindies, and Irises and here are faces that are vaguely familiar. The usuals that work the random weekends that we’ll chat and say hi to, the formalities, but never really got their names.

I’m sure to them, I’m just the hoodie guy on the weekends with his unsweetened jasmine green tea.

But whatever may change, this is a habit of mine and it doesn’t seem like I’ll be quitting it any time soon. So bring on the new faces.

* * *

Hungry.

Food.

That’s all that I can think about as I eat on avg less than 2000 calories a day. I don’t know how much I eat on the regular, but maybe a little more than what I’m eating now, or maybe it is the same except that there are just no carbs.

Fucking carbs. Why are you so good, but so complicated?

Horrible.

I wake up and think about dinner. What should I make? How should I prepare the protein that I had taken out?

So many options. Craving Asian. Craving Chinese.

It’ll be something simple I’ll make tonight. I’ll cook for the rest of the week. It’ll be easy, since I don’t need to cook dinner on Friday, since I’m going out.

Easy peasy.

* * *

Iris is here! Haven’t seen her in a long ass time.

* * *