Back at my normal spot today. I thought about continuing on my cow story, but I just feel off.

I have been feeling a little bit off since I finished my po’ boy yesterday. It was good, but yeah, I felt sick afterwards, not the typical food poisoning sick, but the sick sick of being sick.

Plus I’ve been craving sugar. That’s never a good thing.

Time to detox again. Let’s see how long that will last.

Let’s just see.

But yes, I feel tired today for some reason and I’m sure a little bit has to do with what I have been eating lately. I’m trying to go back to a better and healthier diet, but again, let’s see how long that will last before I verge back to eating shit again. I’m sure it’ll be in no time that I’ll be eating shitty again.

* * *

So honey go.

Today is an Aimee Mann kind of day.

I haven’t listened to her in a while, so it’ll just be her today.

* * *

I sit in my usual today, just typing away hoping that I’ll come up with something of substance, something other than my normal rants, but it seems no different.

It is what it is.

My brain is too tired to come up with anything, to focus on anything more serious and difficult as my prose.

I don’t know why I’m so afraid to finish it. Unfortunately I didn’t jot down the notes that I thought I would write about. I locked it up in my head and I’m sure it’ll resurface when it comes time for me to write, but right now, I’m just finger tapping away.

I’m doing a brain purge of the things in my head, getting the cobwebs out of my system.

I’m thinking of the day ahead and how simple it is. I already done much of the hard work and cooking either last night or this morning. It’ll just be a day of watching movies and vegging out.

It’ll be a typical weekend of being alone and recharging for me.

It’ll be back to routine and that is something that I welcome for now.

* * *

Summer.

My summer is slowly shaping up. Plans are changing as travel plans are being formulated at work.

Atlanta is already on the table. What about the others?

Moorestown. Dallas. Chicago?

I don’t know and I guess whatever happens happens. I’m not going to think too much of it.

I would love to do Chicago, but it is what it is?

How about my personal vacations?

One is already in the books. Crater Lake. That has been booked. Dates reserved. Hotel paid for. I just have to just go.

Driving home this summer? Right now, that seems so up in the air. If it doesn’t happen, then I’ll think of something else that I can do in a short time. South Carolina for a few days maybe? Visit the Carters and explore the south east.

That’ll be nice.

Maybe.

It just seems like my life is so unplanned most of the time. I have some idea, but it’s always loose and I adapt for any changes that might happen, like all the traveling that may happen with work.

* * *

Life is just randomness.

My dreams seem so random too.

Had a dream a few nights ago about Ms. D. It was just weird. I haven’t seen or talk to her in months, but I was very surprised that she popped up.

She straddled me in some daisy dukes, leaned in and told me that her guy, Ed, was gay. I didn’t know how to take that information, so I started to nuzzle her neck, and then she pushed me away to reiterate that Ed was gay and from that tone, it was her telling me to stop.

I was just so confused. Very confused about everything. Just so weird and so random.

Life. Randomness.

* * *

It’s almost June already. In about two days, it’ll be June.

This year seems to be flying by so fast. Faster than the last couple of years. Where have all the time gone? Where?

In a blink and Iceland feels so far away, even though that was just 3 months ago. When did 3 months feel like years ago?

Getting old is a funny thing.

It really is.

* * *

The wedding. It was a nice wedding. Very small, full of friends and family of Katy’s and P.R.

It was just good to see old friends again and to catch up with Scott’s better half. Not bad at all.

I might have to reconsider my one rule about weddings. I just might. Who knows? We shall see who will be the next one that sends me an invite that is not family.

I don’t think that I’ll have that many since I’m not that close to anyone that would even invite me. But who knows?

My life is so random and I’m just going with the flow. No idea where I’ll end up and what will happen.

Life is funny.

Tired after a long drive, I woke up this morning in a strange small city. A city I kind of explored last night while looking for a place to eat.

I only small a few blocks of it, but I’m assuming that the rest of the city would be no different.

It’s a far reaching suburb with little strip malls scattered here and there.

Looking at the population breakdown, it makes sense, considering where we are, NorCal, or just south of NorCal, where most of the population had been or are farmers.

Gilroy is just a stone’s throw away.

I rolled around bed for about an hour or so after I got up around 6ish and decided to come out to the Starbucks that I found while I was out last night.

I plopped down here, plugged in typing away as I just people watch. I do what I do best.

I have hours to kill before I have to get back to the hotel and get ready for the wedding today.

Katy’s wedding. I feel bad since I haven’t seen or talked to any of them ever since Scott left, but that’s just.

I’m an asshole. It’s an excuse, but it shouldn’t be an excuse.

I’m just bad at keeping in touch. Out of sight out of mind.

But I’ll see most of them all tonight. It should be fun and interesting.

* * *

I took the PCH all the way up last night and I miss the drive. I miss the views. I miss the Pacific. It’s such a beautiful drive and just makes me want to make the trek up north again via its path, but it’ll take up too much of my vacation time with what I want to do.

I don’t know much about my plans in the next coming few months anymore. It just seems so far away and there are so many things that are pending. Just so many that I can’t really plan.

* * *

The sleepy town stirs and awaken as the sun rises above the horizon.

Cars zoom by outside and people march their way in through the swinging double doors to get their morning cup of joe blend. It is time to start another day.

In between spurts of writing I’m trying to figure out what to do today. What should I do with my limited time here, the limited time before I have to get ready for the wedding?

I don’t know yet. But I’m sure I’ll figure something out. Whether it is to go exploring a new city or if it is to just simply play it close and go watch a movie. I haven’t decided yet.

I think I’m just going to cut this short, grab some food and head out somewhere. The boardwalk?

Just maybe.

I’m tired today. On this day of all days, I’m feeling particularly withdrawn and tired.

I’m sure that me remembering what today is had something to do with why I’m so withdrawn. I thought it would be a little different this time around with me coming to terms with my father’s death, but I still miss the guy and there’s no healing with that.

It is what it is and there’s no way around. It had been a part of my life for quite some time now and today should be no different.

I’m tired.

I stayed up late last night fixing pictures, things that I could have totally put off today, but for some reason, I decided to stick it through, even though I didn’t finish it until this morning.

* * *

It’s mother’s day today.

I usually don’t do anything special on mother’s day, not even calling mom. It’s just another day and being it that it is this date, it’s not a particularly good day.

I’m sure Uncle Joe will call me and ask me over for a bbq, but I don’t think I’m going. Withdrawn.

Alone.

Solitude.

That all sounds good to me.

I’ll just stay at home and just do what I normally do. It’ll be no different than any other weekend.

I’m tired.

Just so tired.

I shouldn’t stay up past midnight. I get ugly whenever I do.

* * *

Work is winding down as most of the migration is finished. All users are up in the cloud and I have found workarounds with some things, like conference room management.

There are some things that aren’t working particularly well, but I’m sure I’ll come to fix it when I have a chance.

* * *

I need a vacation. I want to just go away and to explore. I need to, for my sanity. I need to just to feel refreshed again.

I need a break and summer isn’t coming fast enough.

Plans are still up in the air with so many things in terms of work and travel.

I’m sure plans will solidify eventually.

They must.

* * *

I think it is time for me to go back to my story.

I’m afraid to write it. Afraid to finish it.

I’m just afraid to do anything with it, overanalyzing everything to death.

I just have to do it.

Write.

Stop thinking and write.

It was an interesting and fun night last night.

I was locked in my apartment. I knew that something like that would happen and thankfully I was on the inside instead of outside.

The doorknob just wouldn’t turn. I couldn’t open the door.

I didn’t want to break the lock, which I could have done, but eventually it ended up being broken anyway.

Zack helped me and I am thankful for him.

Bob came and gave me a new door knob, but now I have to have two keys. Not ideal, but hey, whatever.

I am out, I can go on about my life again.

* * *

I’ve been dreaming about work lately. I haven’t had a dream about work in a long time, but it is fitting with everything that is happening with the migration and the little hiccups along the way.

I seriously have been stressed and I’ve been stress eating sugar and drinking a lot.

I’m not good with stress, but I am managing it. It seems like things are going smoother now and that is a good thing.

Hopefully there are no surprises along the way.

I have roughly 100 users left to do and I just need more licenses.

* * *

I read an article this morning about US workers not taking their vacation days, like at all. About 41% of US workers don’t utilize their vacation days and it is eye opening weird that they don’t.

I understand that they are scared about their work and their job and the pile up that they’ll have to sort through when they get back, but man, you need a break.

We all need a break away from work, away from everything to recharge and relax from time to time.

I need to take multiple trips throughout the year just to get away and energize myself. I need a break. If I don’t, stress and just fatigue will eat me up.

I feel so relaxed and rejuvenated after my trips, especially nature trips where I go to nature and hike. It’s amazing.

Just amazing.

Point is, people should take their vacations. It is why they have them.

* * *

What kind of story do I want to tell about this dear black dairy cow?

What do I want to say?

Or should I just write what comes to mind?

There has to be some planning. There has to be some structure.

I know that it’ll be a short story, but what to write about.

I would love to get into more prose, but I don’t know. I definitely need to read more.

I should just write, but I constantly doubt myself.

Just write it dammit. Just right.

* * *