Touch me like you do / What are you waiting for?

What am I waiting for? What is it?

The perfect one? The right one?

They don’t exist. Not what I’m looking for. I’m looking for an independent relationship that we’ll see each other when we see each other. Or basically when we want company.

Two independent souls that never need to be around anyone.

It’s hard.

Very difficult.

But it is out there, so they say. They are out there.

I need someone like me.

As frightening as that sounds, it is true. I need someone like me.

So, there’s a dog version of me, cats are pretty much independent. I just need a girl version of me.

That shouldn’t be too hard.

I’m quite peculiar, and I don’t know that many people who are like me.

Shit, I don’t know that many people, at all.

* * *

Wandering. Relaxing on the road.

It was a shitty week. A stressful week of email issues during our transition.

It was a week of putting out fires and investigating how they got started.

We make head way, and then it turns out it is something else. In the end, we got things managed, but still stressful none the less.

On Friday, things seem to be more under control, more manageable and thankfully, I feel a lot better. I treated myself to dinner.

Then yesterday, I went on a road trip and it was exactly what I needed.

It calmed me so much. It was just so relaxing driving to your particular location, exploring and then it is onto the next one, even though you are only there for minutes and it took you hours to get there.

There’s something about the open road, the journey that just relaxes me.

It felt good.

I feel good.

Relaxed.

Content.

* * *

I totally didn’t remember not being able to bring dogs to Salton Sea, but then again, I went on Christmas Day, when the park was “closed”.

We wandered a little bit on the beach before the ranger called us back. It was all right. It wasn’t that interesting this time around.

There wasn’t many dead fishes unlike the last time I was there. They were scattered everywhere. Yesterday, there were only a handful spread out on the whole beach.

Disappointing.

Salvation Mountain.

I’m not a religious person. It’s just not a thing for me, especially that of the western religion and Christianity.

But, Salvation Mountain was pretty awesome. It was just a very very interesting place and I gladly donated to keep it going.

Even though I’m not a religious person, I can actually appreciate what is going on. Everyone needs a little faith. Everyone needs a little art.

It was awesome and I’m glad whoever is managing the site now is keeping it up after the original person passed away. Kudos.

Kudos indeed.

Desert cities and the Inland Empire.

I wonder what life is out there.

What is there?

Small town, communities that are run down with what seems to me, nothing.

Abandoned homes and buildings, but there’s life out there.

How do they live their life?

What is life like for them?

So many questions.

I wonder how my life would be different if I am the same way as I am now, but grew up in a town like that?

Would I still be alive? Would I still be there? If I am, there has to be a reason why I am stuck there.

I can’t imagine anyone ever wanting to stay there after they grow up. There has to be a reason to keep them there. There has to be.

What would keep me there?

Or, what if, I decided to move there. It’s a little Rudderless, but what would bring me to a place like that.

Would I chose some place like that?

What would have had happened to me?

So many questions?

Intriguing drama.

Interesting story.

Prose. Script?

I see a coming of age story, of a girl who grew up knowing nothing but the small world that is her desolate dilapidated town. Crumbling buildings, ghosts of something that wasn’t great to begin with.

She dreams of bigger, of leaving, but things keep her at home.

She wants a change, something different from the dry sandy dessert life day in and day out.

Maybe she meets a guy, a little bit older, a little bit independent and they start something. He instills her to dream and to follow that dream. Maybe she falls in love with him, they make plans to travel.

Iceland.

To her, it’s foreign. To her, it’s the opposite of the dry dessert. Ice.

They plan to go together, but something happens, things fall apart. She fears that she’ll be stuck there again. Her way out is no longer there.

But she overcomes her odds and books a ticket to Iceland.

She goes alone and understands that all she needs to fulfill her dreams, all she needs in her life, is herself.

I’m a sucker for those type of movies.

It speaks to me.

* * *

I don’t know where my writing is going to go.

I don’t know where my writing is going to take me.

I just want to tell stories and sometimes I feel that I’m not a good story teller.

I’m not the best writer. I’m not a good writer, but I just want to tell stories.

I’ll just write for me.

Write for yourself.

Just write.

I need to figure out my last script.

I need to figure out my prose idea.

I just need to figure my writing out.