Here I am, back at it again, not doing what I’m supposed to do.

There’s just a lot on my mind, and most of it has to do with Pickles. Lately he’s been having some incontinence issues, more so than usual so I wanted to get him checked out. I took him to the vet again and again for more and more tests and finally, today should be the last test.

The vet suspects that he might have Addison’s disease, which basically boils down to low testosterone ’cause one of his glands aren’t working properly. Reading the symptoms, he doesn’t have many of the symptoms, besides the incontinence.

Pickles isn’t lethargic, doesn’t vomit or have diarrhea, unless there’s a specific reason for it, like getting into food he shouldn’t be getting into.

So, as of right now, the final tally of vet bill is about $800+ and my pet insurance won’t cover for any of it because I have changed it down to accident coverage only because the premiums are outrageous. I’m going to have to cancel his policy tomorrow, ’cause there’s really no point in continuing it since most of the things that he’ll go in for wont’ be covered and I’m already paying a lot out of pocket.

So, policy will be gone.

All this time, I’m mad at Pickles because he’s costing me so much money even though he’s not at fault. He didn’t do anything. He just might have this disease and it is beyond his control, but I’m still mad at him, ’cause it is getting expensive.

Selfish. I’m just selfish. I just need to focus on Pickles and hope that he’ll be okay after everything and that he’ll be fine, whether he does have Addison’s or not.

I won’t get the test results back until tomorrow or Tuesday and Pickles is still at the vet. He was so scared and not having any of it when they took him away.

If he does have Addison’s care should be simple. He’ll have to take steroid supplements daily, I believe, and he’ll need to get monthly shots.

He’s getting old and this is what happens. I just need to allow for it.

It is beyond my control and I just have to deal with it and to just let it go.

Just let it go.

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For some reason, it seems I’m just having more and more judgmental thoughts and I don’t for the life of me understand why. It is definitely bothering me and I just need to stop it.

Just stop it.

I don’t like this, so I just need to stop it.

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I’m supposed to be working on my script today, working it out with Scott that my 10 pages aren’t due next week but in two weeks instead ’cause I do want to update the pages that I have because of what was discussed at the writer’s group yesterday.

The group was good. I had a good time discussing Scott’s script and dissecting Danya’s idea for her script and then just listening to the critique and taking notes for my script. They were good notes and I do see the problems that they had and I’ll make changes accordingly, but there are some that I will still want to keep.

I’ll just see what happens when I do it and I still need to focus on the last half of the script, working out the logistics and everything.

But, I think I can manage and finish it at the pace that I am currently going. I don’t see why I wouldn’t finish it.

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Addison’s is something that humans can’t get also. I’m a hypochondriac and now I’m wondering if I have it since I feel so lethargic, but I don’t vomit or have diarrhea or be dehydrated.

I think I just need to not think about that.

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