Perhaps.

Just perhaps, this isn’t it.

Perhaps, this is just what it was, a friends with benefits thing. Perhaps this just two lonely people getting together to try things out.

Maybe my feelings for you isn’t as strong as I thought it was and that yours for me is a lot stronger than I thought.

Maybe.

Just perhaps, that it isn’t meant to be.

Just perhaps.

* * *

Friends.

Is it more or am I just incapable of not feeling anymore?

Am I just self-sabotaging myself to be able to be in something? I don’t think I want to believe that I am.

Maybe I am just incapable or maybe it is just that I don’t feel anything special.

I don’t know.

Are the lack of similar interests that important to me? Our different taste in movies and that I love to read and she doesn’t, are these reasons getting in the way of it becoming something more, something stronger?

Or is it just that I’m difficult and I just don’t know what I want.

From an outside perspective, it seems like things aren’t going to work in the long run.

Am I sticking it out in hopes that things would get better or it may be out of convenience?

It’s not like things aren’t bad.

Things are good. I like her and I do enjoy my company.

But there are times when I feel that I need my space and I need some alone time.

I’m going to hurt her.

I really don’t know what to do.

* * *

Decisions.

I have some decisions to make and a lot of thing to think over.

Relationships.

Maybe I’m just not meant for them. Maybe I am just not equipped to be in one.

I am a living contradiction, a man that is of two minds and two hearts, pulled in separate ways — never being able to be one.

A lot to mull over.

* * *

Guilty.

Going on a date and she doesn’t know. I felt guilty.

* * *

What to do?

Talk it out. Talk it out with a third party that knows us.

Talk it out.

* * *

Time.

Time will tell what will happen.

She’s not the only one on my mind as my heart still hasn’t moved on yet.

Ms. D is still there, lingering.

I’m just waiting on something that will never happen.

I’m waiting because it is safe.