Not sure what it means actually, but it is the literal translation of a song by Twins – the Hong Kong pop duo that I have grown apart from.

I think it is the song that is playing, but I am not so sure anymore. They have so many that sounds the same, but I’m going to keep it that way.

Today will be a day of exercise. It will just be a day of a finger tapping and nonsense shenanigans because I don’t really know what I want to write today.

I’m avoiding the script. I’m avoiding my short stories. I’m avoiding thinking about ideas for a new script. I’m avoiding editing and rewriting.

I’m avoiding many things.

As discussed, it just seems that I have a lot of things in my mind, which I will categorize as my midlife crisis. It’s an ugly one of listless loss.

But there is light. There’s always a light, no matter how dim.

There’s always a way out. It is just a matter of time. How long?

No idea.

* * *

Eyes up.

Long and inviting, daring me to stare. Taunting me, questioning my masculinity if I didn’t.

It teases with each move, a little longer a little deeper. The deep crevice of two opposing mounds tempts even the most pious man.

I fight the urge, but I give in like any man would.

It’s a well fought battle, but I lost before it even started.

* * *

The cold air blasts from high above.

So dense it falls quick, chilling everything below and deep.

I feel it in my bones. I feel it in my soul. The cold ice enshrouds my soul and my heart.

Iced up cold heartedness, that’s what I have become. Unable to feel anything but this deep chill. Unable to move to keep warm for I am frozen in this tundra of feelings.

The chill blasts. The ice hardens.

* * *

The air warms.

The air around me becomes comfortable, livable, melting me from this frost that I was before.

It warms the blood, keeping it flowing and me living. It keeps me alive, urging me to keep this warmth, to live and be.

But I can’t rely on others or my environment. I need to rely on me and my own resourcefulness. I need to keep myself warm, to keep myself alive with whatever methods that I can.

I need to keep moving. I need to keep trying to stay alive. I need to keep living and going on and eventually there will come a natural time when all things stop. I wait patiently for that, not rushing the inevitable, letting whatever life clock tick away at its own standard pace. Eventually will come, but now, life is demands a player to play its little games.

Can I survive?

I believe so.

* * *

Our love was destined. The moon represents my heart.

* * *