Clear. Things are clearer now. Things aren’t so foggy where I can’t see what the truth is anymore.

There are no more miscommunications that shroud my frustrations.

Things are clear.

There is nothing more.

That is all I need to know. Things are clear and there is nothing more.

I just have to move on now; to keep my distance and move on.

Hopefully one day we’ll be able to hang out again, to enjoy each other’s company in a different setting, a different heart. Here’s to hoping, but knowing me, I don’t know.

I never really hung out or kept in touch with many people that leave my life, especially those that I am interested in. They come. They go. Out of sight. Out of mind.

Whatever friendship that we have just fizzle into the ether of history only to resurface when one is forgotten.

I’ll miss this one. I’ll miss her.

* * *

Should I stop asking you out?

And that was all that was needed to get our dialogue done.

Uncomfortable. Nothing more than just hanging out as friends.

Nothing more.

I am uncomfortable with that. It’s not that it is making me uncomfortable, which you don’t. It is just that I’m confused and frustrated. But now I know.

It’s not a matter of being comfortable here on out. It isn’t. You never made me uncomfortable. Ever.

I just can’t hang out with you or see you anymore. I need my distance. I need my space. Time.

I need to get over you and that is the best remedy.

* * *

You knew that I liked you, more than a friend. You knew, and yet you still agreed to hang out. I know it was an assumption on your part, and a mistake on mine, and a general miscommunication across the board, so I forgive and forget.

It happens. Tis is life. Tis is the way that things like this happen.

I like how you did notice that I stopped talking to you for a while. I liked how you made reference to it, and I’m sure you know why I stopped; that Christmas break.

I guess my gut was right. It was a cop out. A way to hang out with me without hanging out with me.

But, tis is the way it is.

Time to move on.

Time to look forward and be open to someone else to fill that void that is slowly depleting not out of want but of necessity. I have to ’cause I’m going crazy.

I’m going crazy.

In a way my heart feels lighter. My brain feels freer, not having to figure out what it is that is happening, fighting the feelings in my heart or my gut.

I’m free.

* * *

Wednesday.

Last day.

Things will have to go on as usual. Us. Usual.

It shouldn’t be strained or awkward. It should be just us.

Let us end things on a good note.

* * *

Lesson learned: Stop fighting my gut feeling.

It tells me that it wasn’t what I hoped for, but I wanted to know for sure. The truth is I already knew, I was just in denial.

Maybe it is that I am too nice. Or maybe it is that I just wasn’t her type. Or maybe it is that she just doesn’t see me that way.

I don’t think I need to know. I don’t think I want to know, because I think maybe knowing the truth why, it’ll just upset me more.

I’ve been through this numerous times. I’ve been through this time and time again. It happens. It’s a broken record, skipping back and forth in different times in my life.

I always manage to get better. I always manage move on.

This one should be no different.

* * *